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Abandoning my more cautious instincts, I glanced over my shoulder. The penguin, trying to conceal itself from my sight, immediately shoved its body in a particularly ungainly fashion into a doorway. Its beak and protruding stomach were still clearly visible. There was no way that this was going to end up being the elusive Endor. I turned my head to the front again, as if to continue my amble, and took a few steps. Then I pivoted around, just in time to see the penguin suddenly waddling in an alarmed fashion to the side of the pavement and ungracefully falling over onto its back.
I stalked over to it, and kicked its large soft stomach. “What’s the fucking deal? Who are you and why are you following me?”
“Mmmmph,” it said.
I kicked it again. The penguin rolled left and then right, in an apparent bid to try to get back up again. Its webbed orange feet flapped helplessly in the air.
“Mmmmph,” it repeated.
I rolled my eyes and moved over to the thing’s head, pulling it by the beak until the head came off and the face underneath was revealed. When I saw who it was, I stared down in exasperation.
“What the fuck are you doing, Aubrey?”
“Hi, Mack. ” The ex-vampire grinned up at me weakly.
I shook my head, placing my hands on my hips and watching him continue to twist around to try and get back onto his feet. Eventually I got bored of his attempts and stuck out a hand, pulling him up.
“Thanks,” he chirped out.
“I’ll say it again. What the fuck are you doing?”
He appeared momentarily nonplussed. “Well, following you, of course. ”
I frowned in annoyance. “That much I worked out. Why?”
“Because you’re big and strong and can protect me. Well, you’re not big, but you’re strong. I thought that maybe if I just stuck close to you then no-one would attack me because they’d be too worried about you. I didn’t think you’d notice me. ”
“You’re a bloody idiot,” I hissed. “You’re dressed like a giant furry cartoon character who’d be better handing out leaflets in the street. How the fuck could I not notice you?”
A hurt look crossed his face. “It protects me from the sun. ”
“The sun’s not going to hurt you, Aubrey. Newsflash: you’re not a vampire anymore. ”
“I needed a disguise,” he whined. “They’re trying to track me down, Mack. ” He clutched at my hand with his large fluffy wings. “You can’t let them take me. You can’t!” Clearly the past few days of alone time hadn’t done much to rid him of his self-induced petulance.
I yanked my hand away. “You mean the vamps,” I said flatly.
“Of course, the vamps! Who else?”
“I’ve got other things to worry about than a bunch of bloodsuckers, Aubrey. Besides, if you go to them then maybe you’ll get your heart’s desire and they’ll change you back. ” I smiled at him predatorily. “That way I’ll no longer have any compunction about staking you. ”
His bottom lip stuck out. “That’s mean, Mack. If I go back to them, they’ll probably take advantage of the fact that I’m now a human and just bleed me dry. They won’t change me back, they’ll leave me as some kind of dried out husk. Or,” he shuddered, “they’ll lock me away and feed on me whenever it suits them. ”
The tone in his voice made me suspect that this was something that had happened before to some poor unsuspecting victims. Probably on his orders. My eyes narrowed. “Perhaps they’ll welcome you back with open arms. The prodigal vampire returns to the bosom of his loving family. ”
Aubrey wrapped his wings around himself. “I don’t think they’ll see it like that. ”
“Why not?” I was only vaguely curious.
He looked slightly embarrassed. “I wasn’t always very nice. ”
I snorted. That was hardly headline material.
“Besides,” he continued, “I thought you wanted me to be human. You know, new life, start afresh, that kind of thing. ”
“And I thought you couldn’t think of anything worse and you were desperate to get some of your old buddies to bite you and turn you back. ”
“I’m not sure they’re my buddies anymore,” he said in a small voice. He shrugged. “Maybe being human isn’t so bad either. ” A glint entered his eyes. “This morning, I had a burger. For breakfast! You wouldn’t believe the taste! The gherkins were sharp but tasty. The patty was full of meaty goodness. The tomatoes were red and juicy…” A dreamy look came over his face. “Red and juicy…”
Okay, that was quite enough of that. Feeling faintly nauseated, I leaned into his face. “Why me, Aubrey? Why do you have to bother me?”
“I thought we were friends! I helped you. At Haughmond Hill. We kicked butt together. ”
“Actually, no, we didn’t. Nobody kicked butt. ”
“I’m under oath to do whatever you say! I can’t refuse, remember? I can’t even leave your side. ”
“Except you’ve been away from my side for the last three days so clearly that particular side-effect has worn off,” I pointed out.
He bounced around. “I got you pizza!”
“You are indispensable,” I said sarcastically.
Aubrey’s head drooped.
I watched him for a moment then, like a mug, I gave in. “Fine,” I said. “But you have to take off that ridiculous outfit. ”
“I’ll be recognised! They’ll come and take me away!”
I was really going to regret this. Especially considering the offer I’d had from his old mate back in Alcazon. I imagined myself walking up to the nearest wall and slamming my head into it several times. I sighed deeply.
“Aubrey, if you don’t want to go with them, then I won’t let them take you. All right?”
He peeked up at me, a grin blossoming across his face. “Really?”
“Really. ” I cursed myself for being an idiot. I was going to have to make damn sure that nobody else discovered that the vamps would give us info about Endor’s location in return for Aubrey or I’d be laughed out of the council. Sooner or later, his undead ex-friends would find out where he was - and what he was - and there would be shit to pay. It just didn’t seem right though, cold-heartedly handing him over to them, no matter what he’d done to me and mine in the past. Yes, I was a total fuckwit.
“Come on then. ”
He jumped up in the air, penguin belly flopping up and down as he did so. “Yay!”
“Where did you get that costume from?”
“Do you really want to know?”
I considered. Actually… “No. ”
He bent over and picked the bird head up, and shoved it back on again. Then he hooked his wing around my shoulder and we began walking, very slowly, heading out onto the main street. A man in a penguin suit and a woman who looked as if she’d gone for five rounds with Mike Tyson. What could be less inconspicuous?
*
The tiny bell hanging above the door of Clava Books signaled our entry. Or rather it signaled my entry, anyway. Aubrey, still clad in full penguin gear as he was, managed to get stuck within the door frame. I had to grab both of his wings in order to squeeze him through and, when I finally did manage to yank him hard enough, he propelled through with such force that he knocked me off my feet and landed sprawled on top of me.
“Feck,” cackled Slim from somewhere above, “and I thought that penguins were flightless. ”
My answering remark was lost within the soft downy fur of the costume. It was probably just as well.
“Goodness me!” I heard Mrs. Alcoon exclaim. “Is that you, Mackenzie dear?”
I lifted my knees up, managing to push the rather voluminous shape of Aubrey off, and clambered to my feet.
“Hi there,” I said, somewhat anticlimactically.
“That’s not your young man trying to go incognito, is it?”
I was pretty sure Aubrey wasn’t the ‘young man’ Mrs. Alcoon meant when sh
e said that. Not that the idea of Corrigan in a penguin suit didn’t hold a certain kind of odd appeal, however.
“It’s Aubrey,” I answered shortly.
“Aubrey! How wonderful! Where have you been? Are you going to a fancy dress party?”
There was some kind of muffled response from within the confines of Aubrey’s penguin head. I shook my head at the ridiculousness of the entire situation. “He’s trying to hide out from the vampires who have decided that they want him back. ”
“Oh dear. They don’t want him back in a good way, do they?”
I snorted. “No. I don’t think they do. ”
“What the feck happened to your face then? Lose your temper and attack someone?”
I scowled at the little gargoyle. “I walked into a door. ”
He stared at me for a moment, eyes widening, and then his mouth opened in some kind of bizarre wheeze that just seemed to get louder and louder, until I was starting to think that he was choking to death.
“Walked into a door? Walked into a fecking door? The big scary Mack Smith is wandering around with a bruise the size of an elephant on her face because she walked into a door?” He wheezed again.
“Mr. Slim, you are not helping matters. ” Mrs. Alcoon peered at me. “Are you alright, dear? Does it hurt?” She reached out to pat me on the arm, and then noticed the cotton wool swab still attached to my skin. “Mackenzie, what is that?” Her voice sounded rather strange.
I raised my eyebrows. “What happened to your concern with my face?”
She jerked her hand in the air. “I was just being nice. Clearly it’s a superficial mark that’s a mere result of your clumsiness. ”
I opened my mouth to complain, but she continued on before I could speak. “That thing on your arm is something entirely different. ”
“Not really. I just stopped off at the hospital to donate some blood, that’s all. ”