“I won’t pretend to understand why you chose him,” Knox whispered. “But that choice . . . these years . . . all of it, Harlow, it doesn’t matter. I said it and I mean it: I’m here. Say the word and I’ll take you away.”
If only he knew how much I wanted to scream for him to do exactly that—and how I would never get the chance.
He brushed his lips against mine one last time on his way into the bathroom, and I took a minute to collect myself and breathe before unlocking the door to go back to the fund-raiser.
Whoever had been trying the door thankfully hadn’t waited around, and I quickly made my way through the room. My eyes darted around as I looked for Collin or his parents . . . or anyone who might have figured out what I’d just been doing.
I found Collin on the other side of the room talking with a few people, and as soon as he saw me, he quickly excused himself and walked over to me.
“You’re red; you don’t look like you feel good at all. Let me take you home.”
It was selfish, but I wanted him to. I didn’t want Knox to have to see us together anymore. I glanced around and tried to keep a straight face. “But all these people . . .”
“It’s fine, Harlow, they’ll understand. Come on, let’s go.”
He placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me out of the building. After a few steps, I turned my head to see Knox coming out of the hall where the bathrooms were. His eyes moved quickly around the room until they landed on me. A worried expression instantly covered his face, so I sent him a small smile, hoping he understood I was safe . . . for now. He nodded once, and I faced forward again as we left the fund-raiser, and I left my heart behind.
Chapter 8
Harlow
Summer 2010—Seattle
“ARE YOU SURE you want to go all the way to Walla Walla for college, Low? What’s wrong with University of Washington?” my friend Zoe asked as she messed with her hair in her bathroom mirror. “I mean, you already live in Seattle, and I just got this amazing apartment and need a roommate, so it’s perfect.”
“And I’ve never left Seattle, which makes it not so perfect,” I countered. “Besides, it’s only four hours away. I could’ve been like Hayley and gone to the East Coast.”
Zoe turned to give me a horrified stare. “And I would’ve hated you. Come on, I already have two years at UDub under me. I know everything so you don’t have to learn it the hard way.”
I laughed and looked back up at the ceiling from where I was lying on her bed. “I love you, and I’m going to miss you, but I need some space from Seattle for a while. Besides, it’s already official. I got my packet today with my dorm and all that.”
If I was being honest¸ it was the farthest my parents could get me to go. I wanted to stay in Seattle, but my mom had seen right through that. Knox. For how hard a time they’d had with letting Hayley go away, they sure as hell wanted me to get away from here because of him.
My parents didn’t have a problem with Knox; they just thought I was going to miss out on life because all I wanted was to make it to my eighteenth birthday so I could be with him. And since that birthday was a few short months away, they thought I wouldn’t be focused on academics and all that came with being independent.
I wasn’t about to say they were right.
“Hey, does this look okay?” Zoe asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I turned my head and lifted an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah? You’ve been wearing it for the past couple of hours.”
“I know, but I want to look comfy without looking gross, because I don’t want to look like a skank.”
A short laugh burst past my lips. “Wow, I didn’t know all this thought went into what you wore around me for sleepovers, Zoe. I’m touched. Really.”
“Hush your face. Okay, so don’t be mad . . .” She trailed off, and my face fell.
“Zo!”
“He just texted me—it’s not like I’m gonna say no to him!”
“Who is he? And what is it you’re not saying no to?” I asked as I sat up. “I thought we were gonna veg and watch movies.”
She held up her hands to stop me. “We totally will . . . after. And he is—” She cut herself off and her eyes widened when there was a knock on her door. “Here. He’s here. But don’t worry, he knows that I have a friend here, so he brought a friend.”
“Oh nice, so now I won’t be a third wheel. I’ll just be the pity double date.”
Zoe scoffed. “It’s not like that; trust me. He’s just a guy I hooked up with a week ago.”
“Oh my God, wait! How do I look?” I hissed as we walked into her living room.
She stopped walking long enough to give me a once-over and a thumbs-up, and then continued to the door. I barely had time to glance in the mirror near the door before she was opening it, and my breath came out in a hard rush.
Knox.
I wasn’t sure if time had stopped or if we were just experiencing the most awkward silence as we stared at each other. Because even though I’d talked to him the previous day and seen him the week before, and he was now standing feet from me . . . he was standing there because Zoe had a guy coming over that she’d hooked up with.
My stomach dropped and my chest felt hollow. I hated our situation now more than I ever had. I hated even more that Zoe, my slutty friend, had had a taste of the man I loved.
Graham stepped up behind Knox and, the second his eyes landed on me, breathed a low “Shit.”
That one word fit this situation so well, and I suddenly wanted to laugh, and cry, and throw up. Hopefully not the latter in front of everyone.
“Low,” Knox whispered. There was a hint of a smile on his lips, but I didn’t understand what could be amusing about this.
All I could manage was a nod, which was probably a good thing since I wanted to yell at Zoe that he was mine.
Graham groaned then looked over to Zoe. “You didn’t say your friend was a minor.”
“Wait, you guys know her?” Zoe asked.
“Something like that,” Graham said with a sigh at the same time Knox tilted his head to glare at Graham and accused, “You said we were going to a party.”
“Because you needed to get over this,” Graham said back, and gestured to me.
“Wow, thanks,” I mumbled lamely.
“And look how well that worked out for you,” Knox taunted.
“Someone tell me what is going on!” Zoe said louder, and Graham finally spoke up.
“Nothing. Let’s go.” With another worried look between Knox and me, he grabbed for Zoe’s hand and towed her back to her room. As he did, he warned, “She’s still a minor, Knox.”
Zoe gasped, and yelled, “Oh my God! Like, Knox Knox? You’re the Knox?” just before the bedroom door slammed shut. Her next words were muffled through the walls, but I could still hear the excitement in them. “Don’t have too much fun, Low!”
“Don’t!” Graham yelled. “Don’t have fun.”
Knox and I stood there staring at each other for long moments after Graham’s clear warning faded, and the tension in the room slowly changed from anger to something that always accompanied us.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” I finally whispered, breaking the silence, and within seconds I was in his arms.
“God I’ve missed you,” he mumbled against the top of my head.
“It’s been a week,” I said laughing.
“Still missed you.”
“When Zoe opened the door, I thought . . . I thought you were here for her,” I admitted hesitantly.
“Are you serious?” Knox released me enough to look into my eyes, and his dark ones danced. “Low, I haven’t been with anyone since I met you.”
My eyes fell to his chest, and my cheeks heated in embarrassment. “Yeah, but—”
“No buts. Harlow Evans, I have waited for you for over two years, and I have loved you every day of that time. And in a few months, you are finally going to be mine.”
I couldn’t
help but smile even as I said, “And you’ve wasted your—”
He cut me off with a searing kiss—one I hadn’t been expecting for another few months, and one I’d been craving since our first. His mouth never left mine as he backed me up against the wall, and I pulled him as close as our bodies would allow.
My breathing was ragged as he made a trail of openmouthed kisses and teasing bites down my neck and across my collarbone, and I had to place a hand against the wall adjacent to us in order to steady myself when he pulled my knee up around his hip. It felt like I was going to fall—but it felt like I was going to fall into Knox in a way I’d only dreamed of.
I’d never dreamed kissing could be like this, but then again, I’d only had a glimpse of kissing Knox before.
Grabbing behind my other knee, he pulled that leg up so it was wrapped around his waist too, and soon we were walking toward the couch. I had no thoughts as he sat us down, other than how much I loved him and my need to have him. After years of keeping ourselves from each other, I didn’t want to stop.
I pulled back enough to look into his dark eyes and whispered, “I want to finally be yours, Knox.”
A deep groan sounded in his chest, and his fingers flexed against my hips. Indecision played out on his face for countless seconds as he tried to catch his breath; and when he didn’t respond, I reached for the bottom of my shirt.
“You will,” he vowed, and gripped my hands to stop me. “You will be mine. But I’m trying to do this the right way, Low, and I’ve already done more than I should have. So please help me out tonight. Just let me kiss you.”
Heat flooded my cheeks, and I suddenly couldn’t make myself move.
Knox tried to kiss me again, but when he realized I was just sitting there, he sat back and looked at me with worried eyes. “What? Harlow, what just happened?”
“I want you,” I whispered timidly.
He laughed huskily. “And you think I don’t want you?”
I shook my head. “No, I-I do. But what if things change? I want you now, I want to be with you in that way, and what if I finally turn eighteen and something happens so that we don’t want to be together anymore? What if after all this, I still never get you?”
“Babe,” he said, “after how long we’ve waited for each other, nothing is going to happen in three months.”
“You promise?”
His lips twitched into a smile. “I promise. I love you.”
“To the stars?”
“Always to the stars.” Knox stared at me with his dark eyes as he absentmindedly pushed loose strands of hair behind my ears. After a handful of seconds passed, he asked, “Why would anyone waste their time only loving someone to the moon when they could love them to the stars?”
My heart pounded at his question. For someone who said he wasn’t a romantic, he liked to say things that suggested otherwise. “Maybe some people aren’t lucky enough to know our kind of love.”
Cupping his hands around my cheeks, he pulled me in for a slow kiss, then turned me so I was sitting across his lap instead of straddling him. With his mouth still pressed to mine, he laid us down on the couch and pulled my body close to his.
“You are insane to think that there would ever be a time where I wouldn’t want you,” he whispered against my neck. His teeth grazed against the soft flesh there before he murmured, “I’m going to marry you, Harlow Evans.”
I’m pretty sure my heart stopped for a few beats before it took off faster than I’d ever felt it.
“I’m going to give you my last name,” he continued, then trailed his lips back up my throat.
My fingers fisted in his hair, and my eyelids slipped shut as I pictured it. The wedding, the dress . . . the way Knox would look as I walked toward him.
“I will spend whole days making up for time we missed.” His meaning wasn’t lost, and my blood heated with the promise. Knox spoke his next words against my lips, making each word feel like a teasing kiss. “You’ll look so beautiful with a round stomach when we decide to have kids.”
My mouth curved up against his next kiss. “How many?”
“Two?”
I thought for a second then nodded. “I’m okay with two.” Opening my eyes, I found him watching me with intense eyes, and I wondered if he could see it all just as clearly as I had. Placing a hand against his cheek, I asked, “Then what?”
For the next half hour, we kissed and planned out our future. For that time, everything was perfect in my world.
“CHRIST, KNOX! SHE’S still a damn minor!” Graham yelled later, waking us up.
I tried jumping off the couch, but Knox just tightened his arms around me. Ignoring Graham, he cupped my cheek and stared into my eyes for long seconds before slowly crawling over me to get off the couch.
“Do you know what her parents can do to you if she ends up pregnant?”
“Fuck, Graham, I didn’t touch her!” Knox yelled at the same time I said, “My parents love him.”
“Oh, so that just makes all this fine then, doesn’t it?” Graham mocked my same assured tone.
“Well, we didn’t do anything!” I said defensively and crossed my arms over my chest.
Graham stepped close to me and clapped slowly as he sneered, “Good for you, do you want a gold star? Whether or not you do anything, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been stringing him on long enough with this wait-for-you bullshit, and now with you going away, you’re just guaranteeing another four years of the same. He deserves a life!”
“Enough,” Knox growled, and pushed Graham back.
“That’s what I want for him!” I yelled. “That’s all I’ve wanted!”
“Bullshit!” Graham yelled back. “You’re like a goddamn drug. He can’t go three days without you, Harlow, and he can’t even touch you without risking getting arrested! If you wanted him to have an actual life, you would’ve left in the beginning, and you would’ve stayed gone.”
Present Day—Richland
“HARLOW,” COLLIN SAID in a worried tone.
I jerked away from where I was washing dishes, and tore my eyes from the window just above the sink. “Hmm?” As soon as I made the noise I cringed. Collin hated it when I didn’t actually answer him. Normally I wouldn’t have made such a careless mistake, but I was having trouble leaving my daydream . . . something that happened more and more often since seeing Knox Alexander. Shaking my head to clear my mind, I asked, “Yes?”
He’d been walking toward me and now pulled me into his arms. “Are you feeling okay? I called your name four times before you responded to me.”
My stomach twisted in fear, and I quickly tried to think of any reason why I would have made him call for me more than once. “I-I-I I’m so—”
“Baby, baby. Shh,” he hushed me, and rubbed a hand gently up and down my arm. “You don’t have to explain yourself; I know you haven’t been feeling well.” The hand that had been rubbing my arm moved down so his knuckles could brush against my stomach. The reminder of my lie made me breathe easier but I felt like I was choking at the same time.
I was still buying myself time, but that time was about to run out, and who knew what would happen then.
One more day.
“Still,” I began, and cleared my throat, “I should have heard you, I’m sorry. Did you want more coffee to go this morning?”
“No. I was just letting you know I was leaving for work.” Collin smiled and pressed his mouth softly to mine. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
“Of course.”
With a careful look, he finally released me, then took a few steps away before turning and walking out of the kitchen. “Don’t overwork yourself today, Harlow!” he called out just before I heard the door open and shut behind him.
Which, of course, meant do everything I normally do; just don’t do anything that might be harmful to the “pregnancy.”
I took a deep breath and slowly released it as I tried to calm my stomach. The more I thought about the imp
ending test, the more nauseous I felt. I needed to try to keep my mind off it like I had been doing. But you can only deep-clean your house so many times in one week.
Seven hours later, the doorbell rang twice, followed quickly by a knock. My heart stopped and my head snapped up to look at the door from where I was on my hands and knees, looking for scuff marks that I could fix on the hardwood floor.
Our doorbell never rang.
I didn’t have girlfriends that I spent time with. I knew the wives and girlfriends of Collin and his father’s colleagues, but Collin made sure I didn’t get so close to them that we would ever do anything together, and he’d forced me to sever ties with every friend I’d had from growing up. Friends were too risky for him, and too dangerous for me to keep around. He was worried I would tell them about our life, and I was worried Collin would think I’d told them. The only reason he let me see my family was that he knew they would get suspicious otherwise. But Hadley would have called if she were coming.
That left Knox.
Well, it didn’t leave only Knox, but he was all I thought about and I’d dreamed of him coming to take me away so many times that in my mind at that moment . . . that left only him.
I scrambled up from the floor and hurried to the door, not bothering to stop to see what I looked like. A dozen scenarios danced through my mind of what would happen when I opened the door, and every single one of them died when I finally did and found only a man in a uniform, holding a box.
“Package for Doherty?”
“Oh. Uh, yeah. Yes, that’s us.” I was so disappointed that I didn’t remember until after I’d signed for the package and the man was walking back to his truck that we also never got packages.
My parents never sent anything. If they wanted me to have something, they used that as an excuse to come see their “favorite son-in-law.” If Collin ever ordered anything, it was sent to his office. And I’d never been allowed to order things; Collin just had me go to the store to get it. I always figured it was because he didn’t trust me with strange men showing up at our home to drop it off.
My eyebrows rose in surprise when I saw it was addressed to me, then pinched in confusion when I looked at the sender.