Panic flooded me. Nightmares slammed into me. My mind threatened to go dark just at the memory of that taste on my tongue . . . of what always followed.
No. No, no, no!
Not again. Never again.
I yelled against AJ’s hand as he dragged me off the sidewalk in rough jerks toward the car now idling in the street, doors open wide.
He pushed me against the side of it, pressing against me and groaning in my ear. “Dream about this body.”
I whipped my head back and forth and bit his hand when I couldn’t get free.
He snarled in my ear and jerked his hand away, flexing it and slamming it on the hood of the car as he hissed a curse.
A wild laugh ripped from my chest and I peeked over my shoulder to look at him. “Funny. I only dream about killing you.”
“Baby, I told you. The fantasy of fucking you and killing you usually go hand in hand. One day I’m gonna follow the first up with the second. But, tonight, you owe me,” he reminded me, his tone eager. He forced his hand between the car and me, his fingers searching along the top of my pants. “And I’m taking what I’m owed.”
I thrashed and screamed, “I still have time, AJ.”
He pulled me back and slammed me against the car, knocking the air from my lungs. “Scream again,” he growled, his hand curling around the back of my neck in warning. “See what happens.”
“I still have time,” I repeated, the words scraping up my throat. I tried to think of how long it had been, but it’d felt like weeks since Mickey had forced me into that house. “I have one—two days at least.”
“That right?” he asked in my ear, nipping it and laughing when I flinched away. “It’s cute the way you think I give a shit.”
He stepped away from me, his hand tight on my neck. “Put her in the back,” he ordered roughly.
No, no, no. We have a plan. I need to do my part to get Momma back.
But seconds passed and no one came to do AJ’s bidding.
From the way his hand jerked on my neck, I could tell he was looking around for his band of assholes.
It was then I noticed what was missing. What I wasn’t hearing.
The night’s symphony that had seemed so loud earlier was now eerily silent and still.
A crazed laugh started in my chest and tumbled from my mouth.
“Shut up,” he ground out, his fingers digging into the sides of my neck.
“You’re so fucked,” I rasped, my laugh piercing the stillness surrounding us when AJ jerked me away from the car.
He took careful steps with me in his grasp, his other hand lifting to press his gun to my cheek.
“You better have one in the chamber if you’re gonna have a hope of making it out of this alive.” I didn’t bother telling him there wasn’t a chance he would.
“Pray Nightshade doesn’t find you.”
Relief pounded through me when AJ turned, his arm swinging to where that deep, menacing voice had come from.
Before he had the chance to aim or even shoot blindly, his guttural roar tore through the night air when a knife sunk into his wrist. His hand flexed instinctively, the gun slowly falling from his fingers.
AJ was biting out clipped curses, his hand on my neck so tight I was sure he was trying to snap it. But I’d never felt safer or more eager to be met with evil.
Because the demon emerging from the shadows was mine.
Kieran walked toward us with deliberate steps, his gaze never leaving AJ.
“He’ll slit your throat and bleed you dry,” he mumbled, his voice excited in a way that sent a chill racing up my spine.
When he was only a few steps from us, I could see the bloodied knives in his hands. His eyes were lifeless and his grin was so, so cruel.
I’d never seen anything so terrifying or fascinating.
“That girl you’re touching is mine.”
“She’s a whore,” AJ spat. “She belongs to everyone. And tonight, she’s mine.”
Kieran moved so fast I didn’t know anything had happened until AJ cried out again and staggered back, taking me with him.
When he caught his footing and I slammed into his chest, I felt the hilt of another knife pressing against my shoulder before he could shove me away.
I stumbled, the ability to catch myself seeming to escape me until Kieran grabbed my arm and steadied me, and then I turned to face the man who’d created every one of my nightmares.
He wrenched the knife from his shoulder, his seething stare on Kieran as he gripped it in his good hand like he was preparing for war.
He wouldn’t win.
“Make it go away,” I said on a breath.
“She owes me money,” AJ seethed, swiping the knife in my direction when Kieran began advancing on him.
Kieran’s head tilted and a harsh laugh left him. “I know what you think she owes you.” He moved one of the knives into his right hand so there was one in each as he stalked forward. “You like drugging and raping girls to control them? Tell me . . . does it make you feel invincible?”
A knife hit AJ’s chest. He swayed, his mouth falling open in silent agony.
“Does it make you feel like a man?” Kieran demanded.
When AJ sluggishly reached for the knife sticking from his chest, Kieran snapped his wrist, letting his last blade fly into AJ’s throat.
“Answer me.”
A choking noise came from AJ, looking stunned and panicked before he dropped to his knees.
I’d waited a lifetime for this.
I’d dreamed of watching him be crushed by the evil he’d inflicted on me.
As much as I wanted his life to end, I wanted this moment to last.
There was no mercy for men who aspired to be monsters.
Kieran took his time closing the distance between them, snatching the knife AJ still held loosely in his hand as he dropped to a crouch in front of him.
“I want to kill you for every time you ever touched her,” he said in a dangerously low tone as he gripped AJ’s hair and tilted his head back. “Once will have to do.”
As soon as the words reached my ears, Kieran tore the knife from AJ’s throat in a slashing motion and let him fall to the ground.
“Every demon, Chaos,” he whispered, his voice rough. “I’ll kill every one.” When I didn’t respond, he stood and turned to look at me. “Chaos?”
I think I lifted my eyebrows.
“Jessica?” he asked cautiously. His eyes were full of concern and his chest was heaving as he sucked in ragged breaths.
Kieran . . .
“I’m okay.” My gaze slowly moved to where AJ lay, blood pooling from his neck. I couldn’t think of anything I’d ever wanted so much.
Except Kieran. I wanted Kieran.
And he was standing so far away, watching me with a guarded expression.
My head felt light and my stomach twisted uncomfortably.
“It’s different when you see it firsthand,” he said knowingly. “When it’s real instead of an idea.”
“See what?”
“The monster you fell in love with.”
I looked at him—every part of him. The blood-covered knives in his hands. His spotless clothes and body despite killing multiple men. The worry and love that poured from him as he watched me.
Kieran hated what he was.
AJ had embraced it.
“You’re not a monster.”
He closed the distance between us, switching his knives to one hand so he could curl a hand around my cheek. “Tell me you’re okay.”
“I am.”
For a moment, it felt like I was experiencing everything differently. Like I was me, but I wasn’t. Like we were in a dream.
This was a dream.
AJ wasn’t really dead, and when I woke, he would still be waiting for me somewhere.
And then the feeling was gone.
AJ drugged me, and the drugs were working too fast on my empty stomach. I needed more time.
“I’
m taking you home,” Kieran said quickly. “We’ll find the ghost another way.”
“No, we have to get my mom,” I said on a rush.
His eyes searched mine, the concern in them obvious.
“I’m fine. I’m fine, we have to do this.” I started to pull away from him, but he slid his hand into my hair and pressed his forehead to mine.
I had to leave now. I had to get to a place where the ghost would find me before it was too late. Before I wasn’t in control of my body and everything went black.
“I’ll be right behind you,” he promised before pulling away. “I’m going to move the car and bodies out of the way and call someone to come clean up, then I’ll be right behind you.”
My shoulders sagged with relief just as a wave of dizziness crashed through me.
I tried to ground myself, my eyes fluttering shut as I begged the world to stay still.
When the moment passed, I leaned into Kieran for support. “You don’t know what it means to me . . . what you’ve already done tonight. Thank you for fighting for me.” Forcing myself away, I walked backward toward downtown, keeping my eyes on the man I loved. “Nightshade.”
He dipped his head, a devastating smirk played on his lips. “Chaos.”
I turned and stepped over AJ’s body before hurrying to the streets waiting in the distance, my stomach twisting and sweat beading on my skin as I did.
I just needed to make it.
I needed to—
Shit.
I was already a couple streets away, just blocks from downtown, when I realized I could’ve asked Kieran for money . . . or taken it off AJ.
And as one block came and went . . . and then another . . . I was cursing myself more and more for not doing exactly that.
My fingers were the first to start tingling. But within minutes, my arms and legs felt heavy. When I finally made it to the main street, my entire body felt relaxed in a way that terrified me and had memories taunting me.
I’d been walking with purpose . . . I think.
Now I wasn’t sure if I was moving at all.
I jolted back when two guys were suddenly in front of me, their eyes raking over my body as their steps slowed.
My stomach rolled and bile rose in my throat as the earth shifted beneath my feet.
I’m gonna throw up.
The guys faltered, their expressions morphing into disgust like they could read my thoughts before they hurried past me.
Or . . . shit, maybe I said that out loud.
My legs buckled. I couldn’t figure out how to lock them again when my body felt so heavy.
I slammed into a wall and fell heavily to the ground, my arms sprawling out to my sides like dead weights.
“You’re mine, whore.”
“Fuck you, you’re dead,” I groaned, clawing at the memories trying to drown me.
Tremors wracked my body and I couldn’t figure out how to make my lungs work. I didn’t know how to move oxygen through my body, or if I was breathing at all.
Was this what it felt like to be Kieran when Nightshade took over?
Because it was painful.
My head fell back roughly against the wall, and I forced my heavy eyelids to open.
I wasn’t sure when they’d closed.
But there, across the street, was a black SUV.
Crouched at the back corner was a man as silent as death, watching me. A war raging in those eyes. Fear and wrath etched on his beautiful face.
How could he ever think he was a monster?
Monsters don’t fear. They don’t protect. They don’t love.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
My head moved in the faintest shaking motion. It was the only plea I could manage now.
Anguish and rage exploded from my assassin. He lurched forward, rocking back when the driver’s door opened.
I blinked and he was gone. And a ghost of a man was stalking toward me.
I tried to smile.
I tried to keep my eyes open.
One moment he was halfway across the street. The next he was lifting my weighted body into his arms.
I dragged open my eyes to look at the ghost and muttered a weak, “Miss me?” before the world went dark.
My head ached.
My entire body felt off. Not right. Too heavy.
I didn’t remember getting in bed, and I couldn’t remember how to open my scratchy eyes.
My heart began racing in my chest when a memory pushed through my fuzzy mind from mornings over the years, waking up exactly like this. After nights I’d prayed were nightmares.
And soon realized weren’t.
I finally forced my eyes open, tears filling them as I stared at the large window that covered most of the far wall. The outside world was full of deep purples and pinks and oranges of the early morning, and it looked far too beautiful for the hatred that sat heavily in my chest.
The disgust and fear that filled my body were nearly overwhelming when I couldn’t remember anything from the night before. There was no nightmare, but I didn’t know if that was better.
Because there was nothing. No hint at what the demon had done in the night.
No hint of what piece of me he’d taken.
There was only him, there, and pressed against me.
“Time’s up, Jess.”
I started to roll onto my back, but stilled. My body locked up and my chest ached from the lack of oxygen filling my lungs when I felt the person behind me.
I stared at that window for an eternity trying to figure out if I wanted to face my nightmares or escape the bedroom without looking.
Wait, bedroom . . . I was in my bedroom in the guesthouse on Holloway.
My mind raced through the pounding, desperately searching for anything from last night.
We’d had a plan to get Momma, but AJ found me. He’d stopped it.
How had I gotten here? What had happened to our plan?
My chest heaved when I could no longer hold my breath, and without making the conscious decision to, I slowly rolled over to see who was behind me.
Time stopped.
The room tilted.
Bile rose in my throat.
No. No, no, no.
I pulled my sluggish body up to rest on my knees and reached a shaky hand out, my trembling fingers hovering less than an inch away when I couldn’t force myself to continue.
“Momma?” I whispered, begging her to respond. “Momma. Momma, wake up.”
A scream tore through the room when the tips of my fingers brushed across her cold skin.
Her name ripped from my throat as I grabbed her frail shoulders and begged her to wake up. Begged her to open her eyes. Begged her to do anything. Say anything. But her body was already stiff.
I was grabbed from behind and pulled away from her and off the bed. I didn’t fight. I couldn’t.
I just kept screaming her name as I was dragged out of the room and down the hall. My vision blurry as I stared in the direction of the woman I’d spent my life trying to keep safe.
I wasn’t sure when I’d been placed on the couch in the living room.
Or when he’d crouched in front of me.
But he was there. His hand roughly gripping my chin so I would look at him. With an evil look on his devilishly handsome face.
“You shouldn’t have run from me,” was all he said before he pushed my head back and stood with his repulsive errand boy looming behind him. When he reached the door of the house, he turned and looked at me. “Who do you belong to, Jessica?”
My jaw clenched as I stared at a spot on the floor.
I didn’t respond.
It was all I could do to fight back another wave of sobs.
“Good enough.”
The bouncing of the car had my eyes flashing open.
The slamming of a door had my grip on my knives tightening.
Panic turned my blood to ice when I noticed the rising sun outside the tinted windows.
I??
?d never fallen asleep on a job. It was how you got yourself killed.
Then again . . . I’d also never left the most crucial part of the job in someone else’s hands the way I had last night.
But I had no other choice.
I’d reached around the side of the SUV’s seat I’d tucked myself behind and held Jessica’s limp hand during the drive to Holloway from downtown Wake Forest last night. Keeping my ear trained to her shallow breaths and one finger on the pulse point in her wrist to keep myself from unleashing devastation on the world.
As soon as we’d pulled onto the estate and the ghost had carried her from the car, I’d forced myself to remain there and called Conor.
“Yeah?”
“Where are you?” I demanded.
“That girl in the guesthouse? Jessica?” he asked uncertainly, still not knowing what she meant to me. “She wanted food. I’m a few minutes out.”
I clenched my jaw and suppressed the urge to tell him to drive faster. “I think she was drugged by someone tonight.”
Conor didn’t respond or question how I knew. He wouldn’t. He knew when to listen and take orders.
“I can’t be there to watch her,” I ground out, my hand clenching the phone so hard I thought it would shatter. “Don’t let anything happen to her.”
“Got it,” he said firmly.
“Conor . . . do not let anything happen to her,” I repeated in a low, desperate tone.
There was a pause before he said, “Yeah, man. I got you.”
I’d hung up and turned off my phone and settled in to wait before I could do something stupid . . . like fuck the plan and kill the ghost and Mickey before finding Jessica’s mom.
I’d always trusted Conor and Beck with Lily’s life, but my entire relationship with her had been a job I’d been consumed by.
Jessica would never be anything less than the chaos that fit perfectly beside my darkness, but her safety while I finished this job was my priority.
And I’d let myself relax, knowing my priority was safe with Conor watching over her.
I felt my heart rate slow when the car began moving and tried to listen for a rustling sound. The sound of bodies moving. The sound of breathing.
There was nothing. And that’s when I realized I’d only heard one door shut.
As the SUV drove off the estate, I wondered if he knew. If he’d seen me.