I can hear the sound of Nathan’s footsteps as he makes his way back down the hall toward our rooms. My heart starts to thud in my chest.
He’s been gone for half an hour and it’s been the longest thirty minutes of my life. My bag was packed and ready to go within five minutes. For the remainder of the time I’ve been sitting here chewing my nails to oblivion, waiting for him to return.
I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. He deserves more than that from me. And I had to see him, just one last time.
I’m not sure if he’ll just go straight to his room, though. He may still be pretty pissed off, so it is quite likely. If he does, I’ll go and see him.
He’s stopped outside my door. I hear his gentle knock. My pulse quickens. Taking a deep breath, I get up, and go and open the door.
He looks at me. His expression is so pained that my insides start to ache and I almost break all of my resolve and change my mind about leaving.
Almost.
Silently I turn away and walk back into my room, leaving the door open with the invitation for him to follow. I lean up against the far wall and watch him as he slowly makes his way toward me.
He stops just past the bathroom door and leans his shoulder up against the wall, leaving the bed between us. My eyes flick to my packed bag. It’s sitting there like a hot potato.
And then I’m all kinds of uncomfortable and everything in-between.
“I’m so sorry,” he starts, lifting apologetic hands, his voice rough. “I shouldn’t have behaved like that, I’ve never in all my life ... ” He fixes his gaze on me. “I would never hurt you, Alex, never.”
I want to laugh, a nervous, slightly hysterical laugh, but I don’t think it would go down well. He’s trying to apologise, and all I can think about is what he’s going to say when he realises I am actually leaving. He’ll probably be relieved.
And all that thought proceeds to do is to drive all the air out of my lungs and to start my head clicking over like a car with a dead battery.
Nathan takes a deep breath. “I need you to know, what I said about Sol, I didn’t mean … ” He cuts off mid-sentence, his eyes finally landing on my bag.
I see it pass over his face, the glimmer of confusion, quickly clicking into understanding.
My body starts to tremble so hard that my knees knock together. I cross one leg over the other, pressing them together, stopping the shake.
“So you were serious.” He hasn’t taken his eyes off my bag yet and I’m getting nothing from his even tone.
“Yes.” My voice cracks. I clear my throat. “This isn’t healthy - the fighting, the animosity. You can’t spend the rest of your life evading the Originals with me, trying to keep me safe.” I rub my face.
He lifts determined eyes to mine. “I disagree.”
I’m half-relieved, half pissed-off. Nathan has this way of tying me up into all kinds of tangled knots, to the point where I barely know my left hand from my right.
“It doesn’t change anything.”
He folds his arms across his broad chest. For a fleeting second I remember what it felt like to be held by them, back when he wanted me. “Where will you go?” he asks, not a trace of emotion in his voice.
I shrug uncomfortably, running a nervous finger down the wall, picking at the paintwork.
I hadn’t gotten that far. I’d got as far as getting myself out of this room, down the hall and into the lift. In my mind, the rest, in comparison to walking away and leaving Nathan behind, is easy.
“Come on, you must have an idea.” His tone is coaxing, bordering on patronising.
“I don’t, yet, but I will ... soon.” My face flushes as he shakes his head disparagingly at me.
Unfolding his arms, he stands up straight. “Well you don’t have any money and it’s not like you can go to anyone you know - family, friends, your ex-boyfriend. You’re supposed to be dead, remember? But then it’s not like you have any family left to go to, is it?”
My body freezes cold.
I know he can be callous but even that has surpassed my expectation of him. He really and truly meant that. He meant to hurt me.
I cast a brief glance at him. “That was a shitty thing to say.” I go over and pick my jacket up and pull it on. “Why do you even want to be here with me?” I challenge. “You can barely stand to look at me for the most part, let alone be around me. I’m doing you a favour here, Nathan. I’m freeing you of me.”
I get nothing back.
Frustrated, I swing my bag over my shoulder and head for the door.
“Wait … ” I can tell how hard it was for him to say that. He’s behind me now. “Stay.”
I hold my resolve. “No.”
“I’m not asking.” He’s closer now, too close. I can’t catch a breath.
I turn to face him. His stare is intense. I feel like he can see inside me, that he knows every single thought possessing me.
“I thought we were done.” I can barely get the words out.
He takes a step closer, putting his boots flush with my ballet pumps. My heart does a nervous flip. “We’ll never be done.”
My bag slides off my shoulder, dropping to the floor with a thud. Then he leans in and puts his mouth on mine and everything else just fades away.
I kiss him back feverishly. Even the strong taste of whiskey on his tongue can’t detract from this moment. If anything, it only makes me want him more.
He runs his impatient hands down my back and, gripping my clothes, he lifts me up off the floor. I wrap my legs around his waist. He presses me hard against the door. All of him is on me.
“I need you,” he says into my mouth. His deep voice vibrates through me, touching me in all the right places, and I have to remind myself just to breathe.
He peels me off the door and carries me over to the bed. He sits me down on the edge of it and kneels between my legs. Taking my face in his hands, his fingers buried deep in my short dark hair, he picks his kissing up from right where he left it.
My pulse is pounding. I feel like I’m on the edge of bursting out of my skin.
Impatient, I yank his T-shirt up. I need his clothes gone. Now. Nathan lifts his arms, allowing me to pull it over his head.
I drop it to the floor and trail my hand down the base of his neck, running my fingers along his dog tags, then slide my hand downwards, feeling over the hard ridges of the muscles on his chest.
His eyes are fixed on mine as he presses his hand to my cheek and runs his thumb over my lips. I part them, letting it slide inside. I run my tongue over it, tasting him. There’s a look in his eyes that’s discernible and I know just exactly what he’s thinking. A bolt of lust shoots through me and I’m sure I’m going to explode from the sheer force alone.
I lean in to kiss him, lips barely touching. He moves in closer, trying to kiss me back harder, but I move away. Grinning, I lick my lips and lean down and kiss his chest, running my tongue over his tattoo, lower and lower, until I reach the waistband of his jeans. Running my fingers inside, I feel him shudder beneath my touch. It sends a huge wave of pleasure rippling through me.
He pushes my jacket off my shoulders, kissing wherever my bare skin is. Then the rest of my clothes are off so quickly I barely register it happening. All the time his eyes never leave mine and I don’t feel as naked as I actually am.
My hands are shaking so badly with desire that I’m struggling to undo his belt buckle. He laughs with a low, certain desire. It’s deep and sexy, and it sets off fires at key locations on my body.
He takes over, releasing his belt in one fluid movement. My face flushes. Then one-by-one, I pull down the buttons on his jeans.
I slip my hand inside, working my way past his boxer shorts. His lips are back on mine but this time he kisses me gently, tenderly. He parts my lips with his, slipping his warm tongue inside my mouth. But now I don’t want gentle. I just want him.
I touch him urgently and he quickly lets go of whatever control he was trying to maintain.
He yanks his jeans and boxer shorts off, and pushes me back onto the bed. He climbs on top of me. And now all that separates us is the flimsy cotton of my knickers.
He kisses my neck, letting his tongue roam my skin, his hands everywhere. He moves lower, kissing his way downwards. When he reaches my stomach, I instinctively put my hand up to my scar, covering it, self-conscious of the permanent reminder of what I really am.
Nathan lifts his head, looking up at me through his long lashes. He takes hold of my hand and moves it away. Pinning one arm to the bed, then the other, he presses his lips to my scar.
Something dances behind my naval then waltzes lower.
He releases my arms. With his eyes fixed on mine, he hooks a finger under my knickers and slides them off.
Not willing to wait any longer, I reach down and take hold of his dog tags, leading him back up to me.
We’re touching at all the strategic points on our bodies but he pauses, hovering his face over mine. I can barely contain myself, and here he is pausing.
“I love you,” he says, deep and sure.
Pleasure and pain shoot simultaneously through me. I lift my mouth up to his and kiss him. “I love you,” I murmur.
He sinks into me, his hard body against mine. And when he moves inside me, and we become an entanglement among the bed sheets, for the first time in a long time the demons in my head are silenced.
Chapter 28
Without You
The hotel room is shrouded in darkness. There’s a faint glow from the street lamp outside that is shimmering its way across the space, lighting Nathan’s perfect form. He’s laid on his stomach, sleeping, shallow breaths emitting from him. He looks so peaceful, so incredibly beautiful.
I’ll never love anyone like I love him, and I’ll always be his whether I’m with him or not.
I reach down and pick up my bag.
I was always leaving. Having sex with Nathan was the only real and good thing that has happened to me in a long time and now I have that memory forever. But it doesn’t change anything. I was only allowing myself to delay the inevitable.
You’re probably wondering why I’m leaving. You think I’m crazy. I’m not. This is actually the sanest thing I’ve done since I was turned into this monster.
And, trust me, if I could, I would climb back into that bed and curl up against his warm, hard body and stay there forever.
But I have to do this, for him. Because I love him. Nathan will never be safe, or truly happy, while he’s with me. He can’t see it now, but he will, soon.
I can’t allow him to continue risking his life for me. If anything ever happened to him, well, I can just about cope with the thought of living without him so long as I know he’s alive and safe. I couldn’t live without him permanently.
I didn’t want to leave like this, slipping away into the night without a word but, as I’ve discovered, Nathan’s not willing to let me go without a fight. He’s left me no other choice.
I pick his jeans up off the floor, snake his wallet out of the pocket, remove a wad of notes and slip it in my own pocket. I don’t like to do it - I feel like a thief - but if I’m going to get far enough away from Nathan so that he can’t find me, I’m going to need a good head start. I know he won’t let me go easily, he’ll look for me, so I need to ensure I’m not easily findable, by him or by the Originals. I will send the money back to him as soon as I’m on my feet.
I resist the urge to touch him one last time, afraid I’ll wake him. Silent tears trickle down my cheeks. I don’t bother to wipe them away.
I take one last look at him, ingraining him onto my memory. Then, using every ounce of strength I have, I turn and move silently through the room.
With a quiet click of the door I let myself out into the well-lit hallway.
And then I run.
Mum, this one’s for you. Thank you, for everything.
Acknowledgements
I’ll try to keep it short... well as short as I can.
Thank you so, so much to every single one of you who read ‘The Bringer’. You’re kind words and reviews have meant the world to me.
I want to say big thank you to Poppet. Thank you for the edits, for loving Nathan as much as I do and for always been there when I go into writer’s meltdown. Also, thank you to all my ‘FB and Night’ writer buddies - Catherine, Drew, Reg, Mike, Jessica, Chris, Hannah, Johanna, Shalini and Suzy. I have the best time chatting with you guys, and it’s so great to know I can always log on and talk to one of you when I’m stuck on a plot line or just need some advice. God bless the Internet!
Thank you to all my friends and family – especially my mum, Carol Towse, and my in-laws, Mally and Sue Towle. Big thanks to Miss Oliver, my friend and cousin in-law. You’re the best friend a girl could ask for.
Thank you to my publisher Tim Roux, what you have done, and continue to do with Night Publishing is amazing. We all love and appreciate all the hard work you put it. And I for one couldn’t do this without you. Now go take a holiday!
And thank you to my gorgeous husband Craig and my two beautiful children, Riley and Isabella. We had quite a 2011 together and I for one can’t wait to see what 2012 has in store for us. I love you all so very much.
Samantha Towle, First Bitten
(Series: Alexandra Jones # 1)
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