expression on his face, it had been more than a few minutes.
“I was thinking about something,” she said. Which might possibly be the lamest statement that had ever been uttered.
“Obviously,” he said, not even trying to hide his amusement.
She almost snapped at him. She had the right to do so, she thought. If you looked at the last few hours, she’d put up with the shock of seeing him, hurting her ankle, getting caned, finding out Lennox was taking a leave of absence, and then being asked to accompany him to his hotel room—hell that was enough for her to be lost in concentration.
But she was tired of snapping at him. She wanted to go back to the easygoing person she was even a few short months ago. So she bit back her sarcastic remark.
If Lennox could do it—and hell, the last time she’d seen him as easygoing as he seemed to be today, had been years ago—then she could, too. Part of her grew giddy as her mind tried to comprehend the possibilities of both of them putting aside the sarcasm and being kind and carefree and maybe even, god forbid, having a laugh every once and awhile.
She flashed a smile at him. “Yes, I was thinking about how nice a hot shower would feel, followed by some whisky.”
“Far be it from me to stand between a woman and her creature comforts.” He hopped out of the car, and before she could unbuckle her seat belt, he’d opened her door to help her out.
Her heart was light as they walked into the hotel, and his hand on the small of her back? It felt like it belonged there.
By the time they’d made it to his room, though, some of the What the hell am I doing? had kicked back in. She shoved that voice to the back of her mind, and told herself the only thing she’d agreed to was a shower and a drink, she held her head high and crossed the threshold into his room.
“Point me to your bathroom,” she said, keeping her focus away from the bed. Look anywhere except the bed. Anywhere at all will be fine. Doesn’t matter where.
“Just to the left of the bed.” He pointed.
She scurried into the room he indicated, but not before her eyes caught sight of the bed. Huge. King-sized. Fluffy pillows. Thick downy comforter. The sort of bed you crawled into when you didn’t have plans to leave for days. The sort of bed you took your lover to when you wanted to keep them there. The sort of bed that you would sink into after hours of two entwined bodies and too many kisses to count to get a bit of sleep before waking up and doing it all again.
She closed the bathroom door behind her and leaned back against it, taking a deep breath. She could do this. Shower and whisky. Shower and whisky. That was all. Shower and whisky.
The more she said it, the less she believed it. Lennox had probably known that from the start. He expected her to just take a shower. She looked through the items that the high-end hotel had left on the counter and giggled. Poor Lennox. He had no idea what he was in for.
She was going to make sure there was no doubt where she wanted his hands.
• • •
MARIE WAS TAKING too damn long in the shower and to Lennox that meant one thing: she was planning something. Probably a seduction scene. But he’d been serious when he’d decided they needed to discuss things before doing anything physical again.
Damn it, though, if she came out the way he expected her to, he couldn’t just turn her down. Heaven knew he’d hurt her enough the last few years and he’d do anything in his power going forward not to cause her emotional pain again.
Which meant he had to revise his plans.
He kicked his shoes off and poured them both a shot of whisky. Then he thought better of it and poured them both a double. He held off drinking any until she could join him.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the bathroom door opened. Marie stepped out in a sweet, lavender-smelling, steam-filled mist. Wearing only a towel. He couldn’t keep his eyes off her.
She saw exactly what she did to him and, judging by the slight grin she wore, she liked it. Because she walked toward him in a manner that focused his attention on the towel wrapped precariously around her petite body. He couldn’t help but think about how little it would take to remove it completely.
“I didn’t have anything clean to put on after my shower,” she said.
She stood close enough to him that he could smell the bath soap and shampoo she’d used. Lavender. It was like the hotel knew exactly how to drive him crazy.
“Here,” he said, spinning around. “I have an extra shirt you can wear.”
He expected her to go back to the bathroom to change. But when she dropped the towel, right there next to the bed, and held out her hand for the shirt, he could have smacked himself. Of course she’d drop the towel in front of him. That had been her plan since deciding to step out of the bathroom in a towel in the first place.
“You act as if you’ve never seen me naked before.” She lifted the shirt over her head and slipped her arms through. “You have, many times.”
Of course he had, but only once before with a bed in such close proximity. And they both knew how that night went.
“I poured us some drinks.” He walked over to the minibar where he’d left the glasses and carried them both to her.
She took hers and headed out to the balcony. He wanted to tell her that it was cold out there and she should stay inside. Before he could, she pushed back the curtains, exposing an outdoor heater.
“Fancy place you’re staying at.” She opened the glass door and stepped outside to turn the heater on.
He joined her, looking over the city. “I haven’t been out on the balcony.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You? Who insisted on a balcony in your apartment on the island?”
He hated repeating what he’d said earlier; it had pained her when he said it, but it was the only explanation he could give. “I think it goes back to the island being a large part of what’s holding me back.”
She didn’t say anything, but turned away and took a sip of her whisky. “God, that’s good.” She took another sip.
“I learned about whisky from the best.”
“I taught you well.”
“You did.” Wanting to change the subject, he asked, “How are you feeling?”
She stretched in what had to be one of the most erotic things he’d ever seen and took another sip. “The shower made me feel better. The whisky makes me feel human.”
“Trust me.” He spoke without thinking. “There’s nothing even vaguely human about you. You’re one hundred ten percent goddess.”
She chuckled and turned back to look out over the balcony. “What are we going to do, Lennox?”
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I’m not sure I want or need to go back to being on the island all the time. I have to see if I can find who I was before . . . before Winnie died.” He felt the familiar ache in his chest at the thought of her, but somehow, maybe because he’d finally voiced exactly what happened, it didn’t feel as intense and didn’t last as long as it normally did.
Marie knew, of course, what those words cost him. She tenderly placed a soft hand over his death grip on the railing. “Then you should go see if you can find him.”
“But I want to be near you. I want to see if what we have can become something and I can’t drag you away from the island.” She wasn’t living at the academy while she was overseeing work on the cottage, but she’d be heading back to the island soon. Besides, he’d spoken with Andie a few times about how Marie was doing, and according to her, the strain of being away seemed to be taking its toll.
“Maybe I need you to be away from the island, so I can tell if it’s the island or something else keeping me there.”
By something else, did she mean him? The faint wetness growing in her eyes seemed to indicate that was the case.
“But,” she continued, “I think no matter what we decide or where either one of us goes after the first of the year, we should both agree to complete honesty between us.”
“I hate that I
’ve acted in such a way that you even have to say that.” How deeply had he hurt her? And yet she still stood steadfast in her feelings for him. The depth of her loyalty and the strength of her character humbled him.
“I think the blame lies with both of us, but truly that’s neither here nor there. Let’s not look to the past.” She lifted her hand from his, only to place it on his upper arm. “I’m looking to the future.”
“I want to be the type of man you deserve,” he whispered.
“You always have been,” she said.
He knew that wasn’t the case, not even close, but he wasn’t about to argue with her. Not when she closed her eyes and leaned toward him. Before, he would have pulled away. Even before they’d walked out onto the balcony, he probably would have stopped her.
But she had asked for honesty from him and he would not have been honest to pull away from her. Her lips and her kiss were gifts he didn’t deserve, but if she was going to offer them to him, he’d be a fool to turn them away. He’d been a fool for years and he refused to go backward.
He lowered his head to meet her halfway. The freedom of being honest filled his soul near to bursting. He eased her lips open with his own and could have kicked himself for letting so many years pass while he denied who she was to him and what she meant.
His fingers tangled in her hair and she moaned, moving even closer.
“God, Marie,” he said against her lips. “I want you so bad, but I can’t allow myself to take you. Not tonight. Not when I’m going to be going away.”
“I don’t care.”
“But I do and it wouldn’t be fair.” It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he took a step back. “When I take you again, and I plan to, there will be nothing to hold us back.”
She yawned and then blushed at his grin. The whisky had already had an effect on her. “Okay,” she said. “But will you hold me while I sleep?”
It would not be a comfortable night if he did. With her nipples evident through the material of his shirt and how its hem barely grazed her upper thigh, he was guaranteed to fight an erection. Yet, he considered it a small price to pay.
“I would be honored.”
CHAPTER
Twelve
Six Weeks Later
It wasn’t raining. Lennox took the nice weather as a sign he was doing the right thing. He made one stop on his way to where he was going and was in and out of the store in five minutes.
It had been six weeks since he’d promised Marie total honesty and held her all night while she’d slept. In those weeks apart, he’d grown stronger. Part of that came from admitting and accepting his Dominant nature would always be an essential part of who he was. Part of that came from carrying a burden that was not meant for him. It wasn’t meant for anyone, actually. Today, he planned to put it down and not pick it back up.
The garden cemetery was located outside of town, by the sea. He’d selected it because Winnie loved the ocean so much. His heart hurt as he remembered having to decide where she’d be buried. At twenty-nine, she hadn’t given death a second thought. And why should she have?
He started walking along the well-maintained stone walkway to the headstone he’d had to pick out that same day so many years ago. He clutched the flowers in his hand, remembering and waiting for the overwhelming grief and guilt to hit him.
It didn’t come. Instead he felt happy at the good memories he had shared with her.
Her headstone was plain. Anything too ornate would have been out of place at the seaside location. He ran his fingers across the engraving of her name.
WINIFRED LOUISE PRICE
BELOVED
He couldn’t hold back the half snort, half laugh because it hit him how much she’d have hated that tombstone.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Hell, it seems like all I ever did was apologize to you for some reason or another. I guess this is just one more. But if you could see this, well, you’d know I had to apologize for it. All I can say is I was in a daze after you died and I wasn’t thinking straight.”
He placed the bouquet of pink and white roses at the base of the tombstone.
“I actually haven’t been thinking straight for a good number of years and I’m going to correct that today. I spent so much time since you’ve been gone blaming myself, but I’ve come to realize that there were two of us in that relationship and I have to share the blame with you. That sounds crazy, doesn’t it? But it’s true, I’ve tried to keep the blame all to myself and I can’t anymore.”
He took a deep breath and looked out over the ocean.
“I won’t say our relationship was wrong, because I loved you and love is never wrong. But you know as well as I do that we were never going to be truly compatible. And if it wasn’t for you, for us, I never would have met the one person I’m most compatible with.
“Part of me was buried with you, but I can see now that it doesn’t have to stay that way. I’m not dead. And I’m sorry you are. I’m so sorry and if there was anything I could do to bring you back, you know I would. Because a part of me will always love you. And I know now that it’s okay for me to love someone else. It doesn’t take anything away from what we had.
“Marie didn’t come with me and that’s okay. I think it’s better this way.” He wrinkled his forehead. He hadn’t seen Marie since the night she’d stayed in his hotel room, and they’d only spoken on the phone a few times. She knew where he was, though, and she’d told him he needed to be here alone. He saw now that she had been right. “She said she told you good-bye in the hospital. I don’t know about all that. But we’ve made your cottage into something you’d be proud of and your legacy lives on. You won’t be forgotten.” He kissed his hand and gently touched the cold stone. “I love you, my Winnie girl.”
As he turned to leave, a soft gust of wind blew gently across his face. Surprising only because of how warm it was.
• • •
MARIELA STOOD AT the doorway of the academy’s ballroom welcoming guests as they arrived. For some reason there was a touch of melancholy in the air. Or at least it felt that way to her. Maybe it was because Lennox hadn’t arrived yet, and without him the academy and, as a result, the Holiday Ball weren’t as lively as they had been in the past.
“I just had a call from Lennox,” Fulton said, walking by her from inside the ballroom.
“Oh.” Mariela gave what she hoped was a why are you telling me grunt.
“You can’t fool me, you know.” Fulton smiled at her less-than-believable performance.
“That obvious?” she asked.
“I’m afraid so.”
Realizing there was no point in trying to fool him, she asked, “How is he? Is he coming? What did he say?”
Fulton laughed and held up a hand. “One at a time.”
A couple from the mainland who knew Lennox and who came to the ball every year picked that time to approach her and make small talk. She did her best to be polite and to act interested in what they were saying, but it was hard. She shot Fulton a look that she hoped conveyed how much she wanted him to stay and continue their conversation.
The couple finally left and she grabbed Fulton by the elbow and dragged him to a less traveled area of the room.
She crossed her arms. “Spill.”
Fulton was known as being one to tease and kid, but he must have picked up on how desperate she was to hear news about Lennox, because he answered her directly. “He’s doing well. Yes, he’s coming. Should probably arrive within the next thirty minutes. He also said he tried to call you, but it went straight to voicemail.”
She gasped and dug in her purse for her phone. It was off. She muttered a few choice words and turned it on. Would he call again? Or would he simply show?
“Mariela?” Fulton put his hand over hers and she saw that her fingers had been trembling. She looked up at him. “It’s going to be okay. I can honestly tell you that he feels the same way you do.”
She nodded, not sure she believed him.
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“Whenever he’s called me in the time he’s been gone, he always asks how you’re doing.”
“Really?” she couldn’t help but ask.
“Yes, really.” Fulton had a huge smile on his face, and she knew if she didn’t change the subject or find someone else to chat with, he’d start to tease her in earnest.
“Excuse me,” she told him. “I think I’m going to hit the ladies room before he gets here.”
Fulton caught sight of Andie across the room. Mariela could’ve probably told him she was going to take her spaceship to provide assistance in repopulating Planet X and he’d only nod and say “okay.” She slipped away while he moved toward Andie.
Inside the bathroom, several people stopped her to comment on the decorations, how great the band sounded, and how awesome the