He stood there, still and quiet as a statue. She stood up and walked in front of him.
“Tell me, Lennox, does it excite you to see me on my knees? Does your mind come up with all the naughty things we could do together, but that you won’t let yourself do?”
“Stop it, Marie.”
But she was too far gone to stop now. She reached out to touch him, but pulled back when he flinched away. “Do you miss fucking a real flesh-and-blood woman or is your fantasy life enough? When you’re jerking off, who do you see? Is it me, Lennox?”
She knew she’d pushed him too far with that last remark. His jaw tightened and he fisted his hands. “You are my employee, Marie. This is a highly inappropriate conversation.”
“We work at a BDSM academy. Answer the question.”
His lips tightened into a thin line and she thought he wouldn’t say anything, but then he spoke and she wished she’d been right.
“No, I don’t see you at all.”
• • •
LENNOX KNEW HE’D hurt her with that remark. He’d seen the pain in her eyes seconds before he turned and walked away. It seemed as if he couldn’t be near her or talk to her lately without being an absolute dick. He didn’t know what his problem was, but he needed to get over it. Marie was too kind and meant too much to him. She deserved better.
He walked into his office and slammed the door. Her words had been too close to the truth. He did like to watch. Oh sure, he told himself he was only following up with the instructors to make sure they all did what they were supposed to. But that was a lie, he’d handpicked his staff and they were top-notch.
All public rooms in the academy were fitted with cameras, a safety feature he’d insisted upon and one that everyone knew about. Without stopping to think, he flipped his laptop on and pulled up the live feed of the camera in the classroom.
Immediately, he saw why Marie wasn’t doing the demo. Fulton had enlisted Andie. He turned the laptop off.
You’re a sick pervert spying on your employees. Winnie was right about you all along.
He picked up a pen, planning to write a few notes about some improvements he’d noticed were needed, but found he couldn’t focus on the task. He tapped the pen against his desk, trying to figure out what was bothering him.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Listening to the sound of his pen, he knew what was off. Marie should be playing some god-awful music that she insisted helped to get her in the proper mind-set to dance. A quick glance at the clock confirmed it, ten minutes until nine. Unless there was something going on, she started the music at eight forty-five and danced from nine until ten.
Because even though there wasn’t a camera in her office, most days he walked past her door in order to catch a glimpse of her.
But she wasn’t playing anything today, which probably meant she wasn’t going to dance and it was all because of him.
Now you’re not only a sick pervert, but you’re also an asshole.
He stood up. He should go apologize. Immediately. He should have done it as soon as he saw what his words did to her. It had been a mistake not to and he had to go correct it.
His phone rang at the same time someone knocked on his door and he mumbled a curse. With a heavy sigh he accepted the fact that apologizing to Marie would have to wait.
• • •
A WEEK LATER, Mariela sat in her office, closely observing the couple sitting in front of her. Watching the hesitant way they interacted with each other, she could tell she had her work cut out for her. “Why don’t we start by one of you telling me why you’re here.”
Dana, the submissive, looked down at her lap while her Dominant partner, Brian, looked bored. Neither one of them answered, but Mariela didn’t repeat the question. She might not be addressed as Master by the students, but they weren’t about to run over her either.
She crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair, ready to wait for however long it took. It felt like forever, but in reality, it was likely only about thirty seconds before Brian sighed and said, “Master Matthews told us to come see you.”
“Yes,” Mariela said. “I am aware of that. I’d like to hear from you why he told you to do so.”
Silence greeted her again. Dana played with her nails, but Mariela could see that she was biting her lower lip.
“We’ll start with you, Dana,” she said, and the student’s head popped up in surprise. “What do you think was Master Matthews’s motivation in having the two of you speak to me?”
“I guess he thought we’d work together better after talking with you,” Dana replied.
“Do you not work well together now?” Mariela asked.
Dana glanced at Brian before answering. “It’s hard to submit to someone you hardly know.”
“True,” Mariela said, deciding not to add that the student should have known what she was getting into when she applied to the academy. “However, you do know you’re safe here, right? Anytime you’re in a scene there’s always an instructor present, and private play isn’t allowed.”
Dana nodded and crossed her arms across her chest. “It’s still odd.”
Mariela stood up. “Let me see how the two of you move together. Stand up and get into position to dance.”
Brian groaned, but stood up. “I knew we were going to have to dance at some point.”
“Yes,” Mariela said. “You’re very smart figuring out that the dance instructor would have you dance.”
They looked awkward standing there with their arms around each other, and awkward just wouldn’t do. Mariela grabbed two blindfolds. Brian shook his head when he saw her walking toward him.
“I’m training to be a Dom,” he said, like she didn’t know.
“Excellent.” Mariela tied the blindfold around Dana’s eyes. “I’m sure you’ve gone over the benefits of experiencing firsthand what a sub feels. However, this lesson isn’t directly about dominance or submission.”
He didn’t protest any further when she tied the blindfold around his head. Once they were sightless and in position again, she put a hand on Dana’s shoulder.
“Dana, a lot of the dancing revolves around you, just like when you’re in a scene. Brian can only lead if you follow. He can only dominate you if you submit to him.”
Dana nodded.
Next, Mariela placed a hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Your main job isn’t just to lead, it’s to be in touch with your partner, to sense how she’s doing. I’ve blindfolded you so you can focus on your other senses for a time.”
Mariela stepped away and turned on some music that was both soft and slow.
“Now I want you to dance,” Mariela said. “Start slowly. It takes some time to grow accustomed to being in the dark. I’m watching you, so I’ll let you know if you’re in danger of running into something.”
They started off just as awkward as when they had first gotten into position together. Brian’s fingers tightened around Dana’s waist as he attempted to lead. Mariela let it continue for a minute before stepping in.
She placed her hand on top of his. “Easy. You can’t force it. You need to focus on what Dana’s body is telling you. Since you can’t see her, you have to rely on touch, and that’s difficult to do when you have a death grip on her hip.”
He relaxed his fingers.
Mariela smiled. There was hope for this guy yet. “Very nice. Now as you step, use your fingers to get a sense of what’s going through Dana’s mind. Is she resisting? Is she relaxed? Can you feel the sway of her hips as she moves with you? Take the information you get from her body and use it to make your next move.”
Mariela stepped back again and let them dance once more. They moved together much better this time. As she watched them dance, she felt the self-satisfaction she always did when she helped someone. True, Dana and Brian were only students and not in a committed relationship. But hopefully the tools she gave them today would stick with them so they would be prepared in the future for a real D/s relationship.
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“Very nice,” Mariela said as the song came to a stop. “Don’t take the blindfolds off yet.” She paused the music so it wouldn’t interrupt her and walked back over to the couple. “Dana, you need to let go and rely on Brian to be the leader. You’re trying, I can tell, but it’s not quite there yet. Picture yourself being cradled in his embrace. Let go and let him take over. His only concern right now is you and his entire attention is focused on you.”
“Okay,” Dana replied in a whisper.
Mariela stepped back and started the music again. “Let’s try it again.”
• • •
LENNOX STOOD TO the side of the open door, watching as Marie worked with the young couple. He’d received his share of questioning looks when he’d told colleagues he was hiring a dance instructor for the academy. But he’d known back then it was an excellent idea and anyone who had doubted the advantages would surely be a believer after watching Marie interact with the students.
He waited while Marie finished with them. They left moments later, walking past him with a “Good afternoon, Sir,” and looking far more relaxed together than they had when he’d seen them the day before.
Then he stepped into Marie’s office, which was much larger than anyone else’s because he’d insisted she have a barre and a small dance space. He remembered her look of surprise the day he’d shown it to her and how it struck him then how much he enjoyed doing it for her.
“Master MacLure,” Marie said. “I didn’t expect you to come by.”
He nodded toward the door. “I wanted to get your thoughts on Dana and Brian.”
She thought about her answer, pushing the hair that had fallen in her face out of her way. “They’re not there yet, but they’ll get there. It’ll just take patience and a little bit of work. I think they made good progress today, but I’d like to get Master Matthews’s opinion the next time he works with them.”
“I’ll see to it that he follows up with you.” He turned to walk out, stopped, and looked back at her. “Excellent work today, by the way. I know I don’t say it enough, but the academy wouldn’t be as successful as it is without you.”
Marie’s jaw dropped for a split second, but she recovered quickly, though her cheeks flushed the slightest hue of pink. “Thank you, Sir.”
He smiled and winked. As he walked away, he tried to put his finger on what exactly it was that happened to make him feel so . . . buoyant, for lack of a better word.
Thinking back, he believed it had to do with what Marie said about a Dom. How their entire attention was focused on the submissive. It wasn’t anything new, or something he hadn’t heard two thousand times. In fact, he’d often said it himself.
No, it was that a part of him realized what he’d been missing. Someone to protect. He’d thought he could channel his Dominant side into the academy and that would be enough, but it wasn’t. He needed that personal connection. That intimacy with another person.
And as much as he could try to deny it, he highly doubted he could ignore that need for much longer.
• • •
WINNIE WAS WAITING for him when he made it to the cabin, but not the way he’d told her to be waiting. He’d left specific instructions. E-mailed them. And he had the confirmation that she’d read them.
It wasn’t that he was surprised she wasn’t naked and kneeling in her art studio. Rather, he was disappointed. For the last six months he’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop. It appeared today was the day.
“Is there a problem?” he asked her.
She had a tiny drop of black paint on her right cheekbone. She’d probably been painting all day. More of those dark and depressing landscapes if he had to guess. All her work had been so dismal lately. He remembered when her paintings reflected her joy.
There was no joy in her work now. He’d asked her recently why that was and what happened to the joy. She’d shrugged and said she couldn’t paint what she didn’t feel. Then she’d sighed heavily and said of course he wouldn’t understand, since he wasn’t an artist.
Frankly, if being an artist meant sitting in a dark room all day painting depressing pictures, he was glad he wasn’t one. Of course, he kept that to himself because being an artist also apparently meant you had fragile emotions and the tiniest thing could crush your creative spirit, leaving you in a funk for days.
“I got your e-mail,” she said, answering his earlier question.
“Then I would have thought to have you waiting for me in a different manner.”
“God, Lennox.” She rolled her eyes. “Does it always have to be about the kink with you?”
That hurt more than he let her know. “No, but it hasn’t been about the kink for a long time.”
“I just don’t have time for that right now.”
“You don’t have to have time,” he said. “Not if it’s a part of who you are.”
Lennox jerked awake. It seemed his subconscious didn’t want to relive that day any more than he did. He rolled over to check the time. Four thirty. He groaned, knowing he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.
He stayed in bed for a few minutes, but eventually got up and stepped outside onto his balcony. It was one of the few luxuries he allowed himself. After Winnie’s death, he’d so often felt fenced in. He viewed adding the balcony to his apartment in the BDSM academy he was building as a necessity.
The fall session had been going on for two weeks and the September air held a chill of the coming winter. He turned to go back inside and put a shirt on, when a movement on the docks caught his attention. Who would be out this early in the morning?
Whoever it was at least had enough sense to carry a flashlight. The movements seemed familiar and he recoiled a bit when it realized it was Marie.
He couldn’t stop his feet from hurrying in her direction even if he’d wanted to. He stopped by his closet long enough to pull on a sweater and a pair of jeans and then he was out the door, headed to the docks. Numerous questions ran through his mind as he made his way across the lawn.
Did Marie suffer from insomnia? Did she walk the docks a lot this early in the morning?
Though he tried to tell himself he was only checking on her because he was her employer and he wanted to ensure she was okay, he knew better. Marie was a beacon of light in his otherwise dark and dour world and he needed that light like plants needed the sun.
And just like the sun, he could bask in her light, but he could not allow himself to get too close or she’d burn him alive.
He’d finally apologized to her, but things remained tense between them. He missed how easy things used to be with her and wondered if they’d ever be like that again.
By the time he made it to the dock, she’d settled into one of the few chairs that were positioned along the water. Her head jerked up at the sound of his approach, but it was too dark and he was too far away to see her reaction to his arrival.
“I couldn’t sleep either,” he said by way of introduction. “I saw you out here and thought you might like some company.”
She turned her head toward him and the ocean breeze ruffled her hair. She brushed it out of her eyes before answering. “I don’t mind,” she said. “But I would have enjoyed your company more if you’d brought coffee.”
“Right. Coffee. I knew I was forgetting something.”
Now that he was by the sea there was a breeze, and he had to admit, coffee would have been a really good idea. But he didn’t want to go back inside to get some for fear she’d leave in his absence.
“Do you come down here often?” he asked. “I mean this early?”
She shook her head. “Only when I have trouble sleeping and, fortunately, that’s only a few times a month. Usually I either walk down here or dance.”
“You didn’t want to dance?”
She didn’t reply, and the silence became a bit uncomfortable. He tried to figure out what about his question could have upset her, but he had no clue. Should he apologize?
“I can’t danc
e,” she said before he could decide.
“What?”
“I haven’t been able to dance lately. It started a few weeks ago, not long before classes started. I thought it was just a thing and I’d get over it in a day. Then I thought maybe a day or two. But now, it’s been so long . . .” She looked away from him and toward the ocean. “Sometimes I fear I’ll never dance again.”
Marie not dancing didn’t make sense. He didn’t think she could be alive and not dance, it was so much a part of her. “But the classes?”
She waved her hand. “That’s different. That’s work. I can do work. What I can’t do is dance for me. Alone.”
“Has this ever happened before?”
He knew her answer as soon as the question left his mouth. He knew, too, that she didn’t want to say.