kept my head on Caleb’s lap and let him touch me. Everything in my world made sense if Caleb kept touching me.
Eventually, Caleb stopped the truck, but he asked me to stay put while he took care of the body in the bed. The final shot I had heard was Caleb shooting the guy in the face. He didn’t want him identified. The guy in question had been Jair’s cousin, Khalid.
I wanted to ask about Rafiq and the others, but then I remembered the way Caleb had come back to the room, shell-shocked and devoid of life. Some things were better left unsaid. Caleb and I were alive. We were together. Everything else? I didn’t need to know.
Caleb got back in the truck faster than I would have expected. “It’s done,” he said.
“You buried him?” I asked doubtfully.
“No need. The animals can have him,” he said. He reached across the seat and pulled my forehead toward his lips. “I killed that man, Livvie. Do you understand?” he whispered.
“What? No.”
“Livvie! Listen to what I’m telling you!” He looked me dead in my eyes. His expression was hard and cold. “I killed him.” He nodded his head until I mimicked him.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Good girl,” he whispered and kissed me. Our agreement was sealed.
***
I should have known what Caleb was planning. There had been plenty of signs. I should have questioned him more about what had traumatized him back at Felipe’s mansion. I should have demanded to know the plan when I kept seeing signs for Texas. At the very least, I should have asked more questions about the piece of paper Caleb demanded I memorize. He said anyone with the pass codes and account information could gain access and it was important only he and I knew the information. I had felt so special. I thought he trusted me. I had felt like a spy when I burned the piece of paper and threw the ashes out the window.
I didn’t ask questions. I didn’t demand answers. Instead, I had been completely blindsided when Caleb stopped the truck and shattered my entire world by saying our time together had come to an end.
We were both silent for a long time. I didn’t want to be the first to speak, I was afraid I couldn’t. Caleb finally cleared his throat and broke the silence, “The border is just a few kilometers up the road. I can’t go any closer.” He gestured to the blood all over him.
“What makes you think I can? I killed –”
“You didn’t kill anyone!” He shouted. “You were kidnapped. You’ve been trying to escape and for months…I’ve…I kept you prisoner. I raped you,” he said.
His words were a knife in my heart and I slapped him. Hard. “Don’t say that! I know how we started out, Caleb. I know! But, please,” I begged. “I love you.”
Caleb’s eyes welled up with tears, but he smiled and rubbed his face, “You slapped me,” he laughed. “Again!”
“Why are you doing this, Caleb?” I asked as calmly as I could, but already, my throat was thick with the sobs I was trying to hold inside.
He looked at me and I could see the faintest trace of something resembling the pain on my own face. “Because…it’s the right thing to do.”
“Why can’t you let me decide for myself what the right thing is? I want to stay with you.” I choked out. My heart raced, and I could no longer hold back my tears. He was giving me my chance to go home, to go back to my life, to go back to everything I said I wanted – but all I could think was none of it mattered if it meant I’d never see him again.
He gripped the steering wheel tightly and pressed his forehead against it, “You don’t know what you want, Livvie, and what you think you want, you’ve been brainwashed into wanting.” I immediately took a breath in order to protest; he held up his hand to stop me.
“I’ve been doing this a long time – manipulating people to get my way. That’s why you think you love me! Because I’ve broken you down and built you back up to believe it. It wasn’t an accident! Once you leave this behind…you’ll see that.”
I could barely see him through the mist of tears clouding my vision. Caleb believed everything he said. I could hear it in his voice – but he was wrong. He hadn’t manipulated me into loving him. He’d tried to do the very opposite.
“So, that’s it? You think I’m just some idiot that fell for your bullshit! Well you’re wrong! I fell in love with you, Caleb. I fell in love with your sick sense of humor. I fell in love with the way you protected me. You saved my life!”
“I went to collect my property, Livvie,” he said solemnly.
“I’m not Livvie anymore! I’m yours! Isn’t that what you said? Isn’t it what you promised? What we swore!” I wept.
“I don’t want to own you. I want you to be free and as long as you’re with me…I’ll always see you as my slave,” he whispered.
I couldn’t stand the sight of Caleb’s head bowed in shame. He was much too proud a person. “I was never your slave, Caleb. You tried, I’ll give you that, but we both know you belong to me, as much as I, belong to you. If you’d really been able to break me down, and build me back up, neither of us would be here. No matter how fucked up the circumstances, I genuinely fell in love with you…and…and believe it or not…you love me too.”
“Kitten,” he said, “monsters can’t love.” He swiped at his eyes, “Now, get out of the truck. Walk toward the border, and don’t ever look back.”
Unable to control myself any longer I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could. “I love you, Caleb. I love you! If you care for me at all…please, don’t do this! Please, don’t leave me. I don’t know how to live without you. Don’t make me go back to trying to be someone I don’t know how to be anymore.”
His arms gently guided me back, and when our eyes met, I finally saw the emotions he tried so hard to keep hidden, and the resolve with which he said, “Live for me, Kitten. Be all those things you’d never be with me. Go to school. Meet a normal boy and fall in love. Forget me. It’s time for you to go, Kitten. Time for us both, to go.”
“Where will you go?”
“It’s best you don’t know.”
My heart sank, but I knew I had lost the argument and there was no stopping this goodbye. I wanted to kiss him then, just one last kiss to remember him by, but I knew kissing him would only be torture. I wanted to remember our last kiss as being one of passion and connection, not one of sadness and regret.
I let him go and opened the door.
“Take this,” he whispered and pushed the gun toward me. “It’s how you escaped.”
I stared at the gun for a long time. I even contemplated taking Caleb hostage with it and forcing him to drive us somewhere else. But he’d hurt me. His rejection stung more than anyone’s and my pride wouldn’t let me beg him anymore.
I picked up the gun and stared at his perfect profile as he stared out the windshield without a glance in my direction. He’d made his choice and it wasn’t me. I stepped out of the truck, slammed the door and started my trek toward the border.
As I walked, I could feel his eyes on me, the way I could always feel his eyes on me. Tears ran down my face unabashed, but I didn’t move to wipe them away. I had earned those tears, and I would wear them as a symbol of everything I had been through. They represented all the pain I had suffered, the love I felt, and the ocean of loss sweeping through my soul. I had finally learned to obey and never looked back.
I was covered in blood and bruised when I arrived at the border. In shock over everything that had happened with Caleb, I didn’t respond well to the border patrol officers screaming at me with raised weapons. I had a weapon of my own and I wasn’t afraid to fucking use it. And if I died? Who the fuck cared?
I put the gun to my head and demanded to be let through.
The fucktards shot me.
I thought I would die, bleed out as they wrestled me to the ground and handcuffed me. I didn’t know they had shot me with rubber bullets.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Day 14:
Matthew sat across from the former Miss Olivia Ruiz. She looked like hell. Her long dark hair was pulled away from her face into a severe bun. She had dark circles under her eyes and she hadn’t been eating much. Her lack of food intake had kept her at the hospital an additional 72 hours, but they couldn’t keep her once she had decided she wanted to leave.
Agent Sloan was also in the room. The revelations of the case had been difficult for her to swallow as well and Matthew wished there were some way to comfort her without leading her on. She had come to his room after visiting Olivia at the hospital and learning about his and Olivia’s last conversation. They spoke about the case for a while, but then she had wanted to talk about the night they’d had sex and he had to let her know in no uncertain terms it had been a one night affair. She’d called him a coward. He’d called her worse.
“Is this the last piece of paper?” Sophia Cole asked.
“Yes,” Matthew said. “Once you walk out of this room, you’ll be Sophia Cole. In exchange for your silence on the events of the last four months, the Bureau has dropped the charges against you and given you a new identity. We will cover your accrued medical expenses and you will be provided with the airline ticket you requested. In addition, your mother will receive the sum of $200,000 to be paid over five years. You understand, should you violate the terms of your agreement with the U.S. Government, you may be treated as a terrorist under the provisions of the Patriot Act and subject to a $250,000 fine and potential imprisonment. As a suspected terrorist, you may not be granted access to a lawyer or formally charged. However, your case will be reviewed every three years to make a determination on whether or not you pose further threat. Do you understand the terms of this agreement?” he asked.
“Yes,” Sophia whispered dully.
“Do you agree to the terms of this agreement?” he asked.
“Yes,” Sophia said. “It’s not like I have much of a choice.”
Matthew sighed heavily and his eyes briefly met Sloan’s. She shook her head slightly, letting him know how much she hated what was happening. Matthew hated it too, but his hands were tied on the issue. “The U.S. Government has given you all the things you’ve asked for, with the exception of returning into your care the S&W Model 29 revolver confiscated when you were first apprehended,” Matthew said.
“And the bad guys go free. Don’t forget that part, Agent Reed,” Sophia said coldly.
Matthew was just as pissed off about that, but he’d done his job and he’d bent as far as he could. “Your assailants were never recovered at the auction in Karachi, Miss Cole.” It felt wrong to call her by that name, but it was the one she had chosen and Matthew would respect it. “The U.S. Government sees no need to damage its relationship with Pakistan based on unsubstantiated allegations. However, it will be mentioned in the report that your statement led the joint task force to the auction and resulted in the freeing of over 127 human trafficking victims and the arrest of 243 potential traffickers.”
“Whatever, Reed. Are we done here? I’d like to go,” Sophia said. Matthew didn’t take her disdain personally. He knew the real reason for her distress and it had little to do with the deal she was making – the deal she’d asked for. She was still grieving over Caleb’s—James’ death.
Matthew suspected he was still alive, but as far as he, or the Bureau, was concerned, James Cole had died in Mexico of gunshot wounds he sustained while aiding in Olivia’s escape. The shooter, Khalid Baloch, was still at large. Matthew had closed James Cole’s kidnapping case as well, but not before he reached out to Demitri Balk’s personal assistant and was told Mr. Balk had ‘no surviving children’. Mr. Balk himself was unavailable.
“Yes, Miss Cole, we’re done,” Matthew said. He could almost feel Sophia’s sorrow from across the table and it seemed to work its way into his own frame of mind. He had wanted things to end differently. Not just for Sophia, but for him as well. He’d been losing his faith in the system for quite some time. He had hoped by solving this case and putting the bad men in jail, he might regain some of the fire he’d once had for his job. Instead, the victory had been bitter sweet. Over a hundred women were free from sexual slavery, but only a fraction of their traffickers would see the inside of a jail cell. Most of them would simply pay fines and go free. ‘Bitter sweet’ was a lackluster description of what had happened in Pakistan.
“Come on, sweetheart,” Sloan said to Sophia, “I’ll walk you out.” She stood and gathered up her papers, putting them into her briefcase.
Matthew watched Sloan intently. Her red hair was gathered in a French braid and her face was scrubbed clean of all make-up. She wore a grey suit that covered up all her sexy curves. She was somewhat of an enigma. Matthew wondered how she was able to change like night and day. As a social worker, she seemed empathetic and somewhat devoid of interesting facets in her personality, but Matthew knew, first hand, what she could be like when she took down the mantle. He almost regretted not taking her up on her offer of more sex. He’d never been with a woman so attuned to his needs. Then again, she terrified him a little.
Matthew stood and offered Sophia his hand, “Goodbye, Miss Cole. Please know…you can contact me if you ever need anything. You have my card and I’d be offended if you didn’t use it.”
Sophia smiled at him, but tears shone in her eyes, “Thanks, Reed. I know you did your best.” She shook his hand.
“Thank you, Miss Cole,” he said. It didn’t feel like enough. It probably never would. Matthew turned toward Sloan and extended his hand, “Thank you for all your help too, Agent Sloan.”
Sloan raised an auburn brow, but took Matthew’s hand and shook it, “No problem, Agent Reed. Let me know if you need any help with the final report. I’m leaving for Virginia tomorrow night, but until then…my phone’s on.” She smiled and Matthew felt his face heat up.
“I should have everything, but thank you,” he said stiffly.
“You two should just fuck and get it over with,” Sophia said without humor.
“Livvie! I mean…. Let’s go,” Sloan said.
Matthew didn’t have a chance to respond before the two women left the room. He smiled to himself and shook his head. He was definitely going to miss Livvie and her crass sense of humor. He hoped she would seek the help she needed and make a full recovery one day. It would be a shame for such a beautiful, intelligent, and brave person to lose faith in the future.
Matthew picked up his recorder and turned it off. It was an archaic contraption and completely unnecessary considering everything in this room was recorded by the surveillance cameras, but he liked to maintain his own evidence. Things had a way of getting lost. He put it in his briefcase along with his files and headed out the door.
As he walked toward the elevator, he glimpsed ‘Sophia’ exchanging a tearful embrace with her mother. Matthew didn’t exactly like the woman after all he’d learned about her, but he was happy she was finally getting the opportunity to see her daughter and perhaps apologize for everything she’d put her through. As part of the agreement, Sophia’s family would be relocated and her mother would be offered her choice of training and employment. It was more than she deserved in Matthew’s estimation.
Matthew would be heading back to an empty apartment in South Carolina until he was assigned to a new case. He hoped it would differ greatly from this one and he was fairly sure it would. In the meantime, he’d decided he wouldn’t give up on getting in touch with Demitri Balk. The guy was dirty and despite all evidence to the contrary, he wasn’t untouchable. Perhaps, in time, he would also lead him to Muhammad Rafiq and the rest of his cohorts.
James Cole deserved justice.
“I don’t want revenge, Caleb. I don’t want to end up like you, letting some fucking vendetta run my life. I just want my freedom.” – Livvie
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Day 287: Kaiserslautern, Germany
He’d learned the hard way that there was no future when all he could see was revenge. The only thing revenge had ever given him was a brief moment of satisfaction, followed by an empty abyss. He was through with revenge. He wanted to feel full instead of empty, loved, instead of feared.
Love, Caleb reminded himself. Love was the purpose of all this. He’d been dreaming of this moment for nearly a year, but now that his moment had arrived, he hesitated. Was it the right thing to do? Should he take his own advice: leave and never look back? He wasn’t sure.
As a slave trainer, he had trained at least a score of girls. Some had been willing, offering themselves as pleasure slaves to escape destitution, sacrificing freedom for security. Others had come to him as the coerced daughters of impoverished farmers looking to off load their burden in exchange for a dowry. Some had been the fourth or fifth wives of sheikhs and bankers sent by their husbands to learn to satisfy their distinct appetites. He had trained so many, he had forgotten their names.
He knew them all by heart now. Ojal Nath had ended up in Turkey; her master had died and passed her off to his son. Caleb had paid a king’s ransom to set her free. She was safe at home with her family now, and she had enough money to support herself and her young daughter.
He’d been too late to save Pia Kumar, she had been dead for nearly five years. She had been beaten to death by her master’s new wife. Caleb had made sure to bury the both of them together. Alive.
Isa Nasser, Naba Mazin, and Jamila Awad, had refused their freedom. They had come to him willing from the first and they lived happily with their respective masters/husbands. They’d been more terrified of Caleb than of remaining in their servitude. He’d wished them well and vowed to keep an eye on them.
His years spent with Rafiq had built him a reputation and Caleb took full advantage of the fear he’d cultivated as Rafiq’s ‘loyal disciple’. A lot of blood had been spilled in the last ten months, some of it even belonged to Caleb, but it didn’t buy redemption. Caleb knew he could never be redeemed and he’d made his peace with it. He couldn’t right the wrongs, but he could offer a better future to those he’d wronged for the sake of his own selfishness.
It wasn’t about revenge. Caleb had had enough revenge to last him several lifetimes. The things he’d done to Rafiq and Jair in Mexico hadn’t given him solace. They’d given him nightmares. For Caleb, it had become about love. He loved Livvie. Through her, he’d learned what love could make a person do and it drove him forward. She had given him a gift and while he didn’t deserve it, he tried to make sure it had not been wasted.
His work was far from over and he remained dedicated to his task, but the road was long and Caleb was only human. There was a hole in his heart and each day it grew, threatening to pull him into a pit of despair.
Caleb, from his vantage point diagonally across the street, glanced at the girl he’d been observing for the last thirty minutes. Her hair was pulled away from her face, a heavy frown played across her mouth as she stared intently at the laptop sitting on the table in front of her. She fidgeted sometimes, alluding to a sense of restlessness she was unable to hide. He wondered why she seemed so anxious. As he eyed her beautiful face, he felt himself bursting with hope and burning with shame.
After Mexico, Caleb had traveled farther and farther south, until he could book passage to Switzerland. He liked Zürich, he liked its diversity and wealth, and he knew no one would notice him there. He’d been putting his investments into commodities and he had enough money now to live as he pleased and travel the world to free the women he had wronged. Still, it wasn’t in his nature to pursue being miserable, and so, he’d looked for Livvie.
At first, there had been plenty of information. He’d simply had to get on his computer and sift through the dozens of news stories from the weeks following her rescue. Things had not been easy for Livvie once she’d crossed the border. She had been the target of a controversy-starved media. They followed her every move, and her reluctance to speak with the press only made her a more attractive target.
Her beautiful face had lit up his computer screen, but all he had learned was that she refused to speak to anyone. She had looked sad, and his heart had ached because he’d known it was his fault. Then, after a few weeks of coverage, Livvie had seemingly disappeared.
Caleb had called the bank in Mexico and was informed the account he had set up was closed several months back. The person who’d closed the account had left no messages with the bank.
His next plan of attack had been to find Livvie through her family. Caleb knew the FBI would be keeping a close eye on Livvie and had decided to hire a private investigator online. Livvie’s family was gone and the private investigator he’d hired couldn’t provide him with any answers. Instead, the investigator had asked to meet in person, and Caleb had severed all communication.
He’d almost given up hope of finding her until he remembered she’d had a friend named Nicole. Caleb didn’t know the girl’s last name and he’d had to go about finding her himself. She was attending university in California. He’d followed her for weeks, but saw no signs of Livvie.
His break didn’t come until Nicole left her laptop unattended while she went off to play a game of Ultimate Frisbee with her friends. Caleb had simply walked past the table filled with belongings and snatched it up, along with other things of value he could grab in a few seconds. He wanted it to look like a general robbery.
Livvie had not been easy to find and at first he had been glad. However, as the months had passed, he’d become obsessed with knowing how she was. Nicole’s laptop stood the best chance of letting him know how Livvie had fared. He’d told himself he only wanted to make sure she was safe and happy, but in the back of his mind, he’d known the real reason he wanted to find her again.