“The time is right,” she informed him breathlessly.
“No.” His voice was oddly thick and strained. “I’ve got a friend down there that loses control when I let him out of the barn.”
Nan thought that was the silliest thing she’d ever heard, until Gabriel began suckling her nipples, and every thought in her head leaked out through her ears. And then she felt his hand over her center. She jerked when he fingered the flange of flesh there that she always avoided during her ablutions because it was so sensitive. Flick, flick. She opened her mouth to protest and all that came out was a shrill bleat. As if with a will of their own, her hips started to undulate and then pushed up to press against his hand.
Not at all sure she liked these powerful surges of sensation, Nan grabbed his wrist. But then her body decided differently, and the next thing she knew, all of her muscles seemed to spasm at once.
“Easy, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Ride it out. Stop fighting it.”
Nan couldn’t fight it. Gabriel had taken control of her person. A tingling urgency mounted within her, and with a final push of her hips, she surrendered and felt as if she were shattering. Bright spots danced before her eyes. In the distance, she heard someone shrieking and panting, which she felt certain could not possibly be her. And then she felt as if she were spinning through star-studded blackness.
Gabriel held her when she returned to reality. Her body jerked and shuddered for nearly a full minute afterward. When she could finally speak, she could think of nothing to say but, “Oh, my.”
He turned his face against her hair, and she felt him smile. “So you liked that, did you?”
Nan felt boneless. “It was rather pleasant in an odd sort of way.”
He chuckled and blew softly in her ear, which Nan found irksome. This marriage-bed business was quite draining, and now her whole body felt limp. She felt certain nothing could revive her at this point. She just wanted to curl against him and sleep.
Just then she felt a throbbing push against her thigh from something long, thick, hard, and silken. She had no idea when he’d done it, but at some point, possibly while she had been in the throes of passion, he had doffed his pants.
He shifted and rose over her, and she felt another nudge, this time close to her most private place, which had barely recovered from the last round of unaccustomed attention. For just an instant, she felt frightened. But then she focused on the man poised over her. In the wash of amber light, even though he looked primal, his black hair falling forward, the muscles of his bronze face taut with urgent need, and his eyes glazed with passion, she knew this was Gabriel, the man she loved and trusted. He clearly needed more from her, and denying him was out of the question.
She opened her legs to welcome him, and he accepted the invitation without ado. Nan gasped as his thick, hard shaft nudged into her wet passage. “Wait!” She braced the heels of her hands against his shoulders. “We’ve a situation.”
He froze and held her gaze with feverish intensity. “A situation?”
“I fear that the fit is all wrong.”
He stared down at her, and then his white teeth flashed in what she believed he meant to be a grin, but was actually more a grimace. “Nan, just hug my neck and let me worry about the fit. Okay? Everything will be fine.”
Nan didn’t think so. She had a small passage, and he had a very big friend that she now wished had been kept in the barn. “Gabriel, I—”
“Just hug my neck,” he urged. “And trust me. Do you trust me?”
Nan trusted him completely, so she looped her arms around the sturdy column of his neck and clung to him for dear life as he pushed slowly inside her. She experienced an extremely unpleasant stab of pain, but it soon gave way to an odd feeling of fullness.
“Well,” she said shakily, “that was simple enough.” She realized that her enthusiasm for engaging in the act had swiftly waned. She’d loved all of what came before, but this part was rather uncomfortable. “Are we finished now?” she asked hopefully.
He grimaced again—another attempt at a smile, she hoped. Only he looked as if he were in severe pain. “Am I hurting you now?” he asked in a thick voice.
“It hurt badly for a bit, but now that has passed.”
He drew his hips back, giving Nan the impression that he meant to depart, but then he thrust forward, impaling her again. And deep within Nan, nerve endings thrilled. “Oh, my!”
“Are you okay?” he asked. “Does it hurt?”
“No, but—”
That was all Nan got a chance to say before he drove into her again, setting off spirals of delight that curled through her belly. Nan felt him grip her hips, and she was glad of the guidance, because her reflexive return thrusts went slightly off center. The sensations that shot through her stole the breath from her lungs. Her head went dizzy with delight. And before she realized quite how it occurred, she was seeing stars again. Gabriel. He drove her upward, and then even higher, until an explosive sensation inside her made her shriek and sent her over the edge.
Later, he held her close for a long while, tenderly stroking her hair. Nan felt as if she’d died, visited heaven, and fallen back to earth with a body as limp and insubstantial as eiderdown. She drifted between wakefulness and slumber, and at some point, between blinks of her lashes, he brought a moist cloth from the water closet to bathe her lower parts. Nan, replete and too exhausted to protest, could only allow him the liberty. She didn’t even care when he tossed the cloth and she heard it make a wet plop on her plank floor. Dimly, she thought that there would be time enough tomorrow to worry about the white splotch it would leave on the wax.
Gabriel rejoined her in bed, drew her snugly into his arms, and Nan fell asleep, feeling utterly content and safe.
• • •
Nan fully expected to sleep like the dead until well after dawn, but Gabriel awakened her sometime later, and when she lifted her lashes, she realized that her body was already thrumming with need of him. They began making love again, but this time Nan wished to be more of a participant. Gabriel had tasted nearly every inch of her body. Now it was her turn.
It was a heady feeling to hear the man she loved moan shakily when she trailed kisses over his belly. She felt empowered when he caught his breath and snapped his body taut at the touch of her hand on his shaft. For a brief instant, she believed that this time she was in control.
Gabriel disabused her of that notion by rolling her onto her back beneath him and proceeding to drive her to the brink of insanity, teasing her nipples and toying with that sensitive place between her legs.
“Gabriel, please!” she cried finally.
He entered her this time with one smooth and powerful thrust that set off explosions of delight. So overcome she couldn’t think, let alone worry about ladylike behavior, Nan locked her legs around his hips and gloried in the journey to the pinnacle.
When they crested and sank to the other side, they lay with their limbs intertwined and slept like two exhausted children who’d played too hard all day. When Nan occasionally stirred awake, she smiled, snuggled closer to his big, hard body, and drifted happily back into the nether realms of slumber again.
• • •
Gabe woke just as dawn streaked the sky with rosy pink. They’d left the lantern burning, and its soft, familiar hiss was the only ordinary thing in a morning that was, to him, extraordinary beyond measure. He kept his face buried in Nan’s golden hair, breathing deeply of its scent, which was flowery yet laced with a feminine smell exclusively her own. He’d smelled numerous heads of hair in his day, and there was something indescribably special and different about hers. Gabe figured he could be blindfolded, turned loose in a room filled with women, and find his wife without fail simply by following his nose. Oh, how he loved her. Recalling her attempt last night to halt their lovemaking, he grinned sleepily. Today he would be sure to remind her that
, in the end, they’d proved to be a perfect fit.
As if she sensed that he was awake, Nan stirred and turned her head to peer at him over her shoulder. “Gabriel?”
“What other man do you lie naked with in bed?” he asked.
She ignored the question, rolling over to smile sleepily at him as she smoothed his hair back from his forehead. “Good morning,” she whispered. Her cheeks turned a comely pink. “Last night was lovely.”
Gabe yearned to repeat the experience, but Nan would want to freshen up before Laney came home from her overnight at Melody’s. There would also be breakfast to prepare and food deliveries to make. And, like it or not, Gabe had a vigil to keep today outside Doc Peterson’s office. He wasn’t sure what time Rose Wilson would take her daughter to see the physician, so Gabe had to be stationed outside the waiting room prior to business hours to be sure to catch Mrs. Wilson before she escorted her child into a death chamber.
“So,” Nan said, finishing with his hair and then pushing at her own, “what shall we do today? Something fun, for sure. Tonight we’ll be decorating the tree, and since—” She broke off, and he glimpsed a flicker of sadness in her eyes before her smile chased it away. “Since we’ve only three days left, I believe I’ll close the shop until after Christmas. I was thinking that we might make cookies and turn our tree trimming into a real party. What do you think?”
Gabe hated to refuse. He loved working with Nan in the kitchen, had a passion for cookies of any kind, and didn’t want to miss out on the fun of making some. Except for the afternoon of their rushed wedding, when Nan had served after-school treats, he’d only ever had restaurant offerings, never homemade cookies. He could almost smell the aromatic waves of heat that would roll from Nan’s oven.
“I’m sorry, honey, but I’ve got some business to take care of today. It may take only a couple of hours, but then again, it could take all day—until business hours are over.”
“Oh.” Her fair brow creased in a slight frown. “What do you have to do?”
Gabe considered keeping his own counsel about the little girl he meant to save, but when he looked deeply into Nan’s beautiful eyes, he decided that there had been enough secrets between them. From this moment forward, he wanted to keep nothing from her.
“No!” Nan cried when he’d told her about the child. “You can’t!” She shot to a sitting position, her expression filled with dismay. “You’re not to intervene, Gabriel. You said the angels were very explicit about that. If you disregard that rule, you’ll—” She gulped and pushed the hair from her face. “You’ll be damned. They made that very clear! I know how you must feel about the little girl. Truly, I do. The thought of her dying breaks my heart, too. But it isn’t your place to prevent it!”
“I’m already damned.” Gabe rolled away from her to sit up in bed. Grabbing his drawers from off the floor, he quickly pulled them on. Then he stood to dress. “I wasn’t supposed to breathe a word of this to you,” he informed her. “When I left here yesterday, refusing to make love to you with a lie between us, I sank my boat. Then I capped it all off last night by telling you everything. It’s over, Nan. At least, that part is. From here on out, how I spend the days left to me is my choice, and I choose to do some good while I’m still here.”
“No!” She sprang from bed, glorious in her nakedness during her brief flight to the armoire to get her wrapper. As she drew the garment on and tied the sash, she spoke in a rush. “You’ve done everything they asked of you. You’ve saved me, Gabriel. You made me fall wildly in love with you. You taught me how to trust again. Now we’ve been intimate. Your presence in my life has wrought every change the angels requested you to make!” She shook a finger at him. “You can still attain salvation, I’m telling you! It’s insane to throw that chance away.”
“Nan,” he tried.
She shook her head and held up her hands to silence him. “I’ve stated my feelings. Nothing you say shall change my mind. You cannot put your own fate at risk to save a little girl who may die later anyway. Her heart is weak. You said so. There’ll be other contagions, Gabriel. Saving her now will mostly likely be only temporary.”
“Will you give me a chance to talk?” Gabe regretted his harsh tone the moment he spoke. Sighing, he finger-combed his hair, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’ve broken the rules, Nan. I was told in no uncertain terms that I couldn’t help the boy or anyone else outside my immediate circle. I tried to pull a fast one, using you and Laney to feed the boy and dog, but the bottom line is, I connived to make it happen. The angels see and hear everything.” Tapping his temple, he continued. “They even know what we think and believe. I knew when I told you and Laney about the dog and kid that it wouldn’t get past them. We’re all supposed to learn lessons while we’re here on earth, valuable ones that make us better people. The first time around, I didn’t learn, Nan. It was always about me. I guarded my own back. If someone tried to kill me, I killed him first, and I felt justified. Sad afterward, yes, but justified in my actions because it was either him or me. I saw bad things, sad things, but I never veered off-track to make any attempt to change them. It wasn’t my problem, or it wasn’t my place to interfere. That’s how I lived my whole life!
“And now the angels have given me a second chance. It sounded to me like a really great chance at first, but after a month, I’m seeing that the rules the angels gave me have put me right back in the same spot. I’m supposed to ignore cold, hungry, homeless boys. I’m supposed to walk past a starving dog and do nothing. It’s still me first. I’m still watching out for Gabe and nobody else.”
“You shouldn’t feel bad about that,” Nan cried. “You are abiding by a heavenly edict!”
Gabe wished he could make her understand, but he knew he probably couldn’t. “Do you believe that life is a journey, and that everybody’s goal should be to learn from experience, correct their mistakes, and try to become better people along the way?”
“Yes, of course.”
“I’m not becoming a better person, honey. I’ve tried to reach the angels, but they aren’t answering. I’m on my own. And none of this seems right to me. Making love to you with a lie between us didn’t seem right to me. Letting that dog starve to death didn’t seem right to me. Ignoring that poor boy didn’t seem right to me. And letting that little girl die when I have the power to stop it sure as hell doesn’t seem right to me.”
“Perhaps it isn’t for you to second-guess,” she said softly. “We truly shouldn’t question heavenly messengers.”
“Yeah?” Gabe stepped around the bed to get his guns. He bent his head and avoided his wife’s gaze as he strapped them around his hips and anchored the holsters to his thighs. When he finally looked up, she stood with her arms clutched at her waist and tears swimming in her eyes. “She’s such a pretty little girl, Nan, with brown hair, blue eyes, and a cute little button nose. I can’t stay home to bake cookies and let her die before she’s had a chance to experience life. I’ll burn in hell first.”
Nan stood frozen as Gabe circled around her to leave the room. At the door, he stopped with his hand on the knob. “I hate making you cry. For whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
She whirled on him, her pale cheeks suddenly slashed with vibrant red, her eyes flashing with anger. “Is it so much for me to ask that my husband do everything within his power during this life to be waiting for me in heaven when my time comes to pass over?”
Standing sideways to the door, Gabe gave her a long look. “That’s just it, Nan. If I let that child die, I won’t be in heaven. I’ll be in a hell of my own making.”
Chapter Sixteen
Gabriel’s parting words hung in Nan’s mind much like a song played on one of those newfangled phonographs, only the tune was hauntingly sad. If I let that child die, I won’t be in heaven. I’ll be in a hell of my own making. And though Nan wanted to cling to her own opinion and stop her husband from doing
something so dreadfully misguided and at such a cost to himself, she also had to admit, deep in her heart, that she understood exactly what he’d been trying to tell her.
All during her morning ablutions, Nan thought about that, asking herself what she would do if she were in Gabriel’s position. What if it was Laney who was about to die? Nan wrestled with that question, wondering if she would still ask Gabriel to stay away from the doctor’s office and not intervene if her little sister’s life were the one at stake. And in the end, Nan couldn’t honestly say one way or the other. She adored Laney, but she also deeply loved her husband. He was a wonderful, caring, intensely thoughtful man who deserved a heavenly reward, not eternal suffering.
He was also far too young to die. Nan left the bedroom with a racing heart. Right now Gabriel was still very much alive. If he could alter events simply because he had foreknowledge of them, why couldn’t Nan try to do the same? No angels had whispered in her ear, but she did have knowledge of what would happen to her husband just before dawn on Christmas morning.
In the kitchen, Nan decided that she and Laney could breakfast on bread and cheese. Nan had more important things to do besides cook. She took a pencil and a piece of stationery from the secretary in the sitting room and then sat at the long table to draft a letter to her sister. According to Gabriel, the angels could see and hear everything, but Nan doubted that they were watching over her just now. And she wanted to keep it that way. No word could be spoken between her and Laney that might draw attention. Not even so much as a whisper could be uttered.
Nan had just finished writing the missive and folding the paper when she heard Laney’s footfalls coming up the stairs. The girl burst into the room, her cheeks as pink as the artificial tulips Nan had on a shelf downstairs. She tossed her satchel on the floor next to the door and beamed a smile at Nan.
“I had the best time, Mama! Melody’s father got the family a phonograph for Christmas! He took the stage clear to Denver to buy it!” Laney spun in a circle, her skirt whirling at midcalf around her white stockings. “We danced, and we sang! It was so much fun!”