“Who…who are you?” she managed to croak, looking up at them. They were wearing the robes of lesser priestesses but she couldn’t see their faces.
“Someone who’s been watching you and who cares about you,” the first voice, called Charlie said firmly. “Just think of me and Becca as your guardian angels.”
“Come on, we’ve got to get her to safety—we should be able to sneak her out and get back to the ship before anyone notices if we hurry,” the second voice, who must be Becca said.
“No, I told you, Becca, she has to make her own choice. We can’t take her until she wants to go.”
“Just look at her, poor thing! Of course she wants to go.”
“No, I don’t,” Trin tried to raise her voice to be heard but her words came out in a dry croak. “I…I can’t,” she added and started coughing. “I’ve been so…so wicked. I deserve to be punished.”
“Oh, sweetie—is that what you think?” Becca’s voice was soft and sympathetic.
“It…it’s what I know,” Trin whispered, wondering why a priestess would ask such an obvious question.
“Were these horses yours?” Charlie asked, pointing at the still bodies of Swift and Silk. “So sad. I love horses but I didn’t think they had them outside of Earth.”
“They were imported for me—I raised them from foals.” Trin felt like she would have cried again if she had any moisture left in her body to cry with. “Betina—the high priestess—s-shot them r-right in fr-fr-front of me. She said I had to sacrifice them as penance for my sins.”
“What a bitch,” Charlie said flatly.
“How awful!” Becca squeezed her arm sympathetically and Trin yelped as the long hrakka welts burned at the contact. “Oh, sorry—your poor arm!”
“Please…” Trin still didn’t know what to make of them. “Please, why are you here?”
“To help you,” the first voice—the one called Charlie said.
“And to get your ass out of here when you’re ready to go,” the second—Becca—added.
They supported Trin under her arms and helped her get up and back into the temple. Once inside they had a brief, whispered consultation about which way to go.
“She needs a bath,” Becca said. “Or at least a shower—something. Just look at the poor thing—she’s covered in dirt and blood.”
“That might make them suspicious,” Charlie pointed out. “We can’t risk it.”
“We have to,” Becca said firmly. “Think of how unsanitary this is—she’s going to get an infection.”
“Please,” Trin croaked. “Water…”
That seemed to decide them.
“We can get her a drink when we get her bathed,” Becca said decisively. “She’s probably completely dehydrated.”
“All right. Good thing Stavros was able to get the schematics of this place,” Charlie muttered. She consulted some kind of hand-held device and pointed. “Look, the bathing area is this way.”
The three of them walked down the long hallway, their bare feet whispering on the stone floor as they went. From time to time they passed other priestesses but not many as it was very late. Charlie and Becca kept their heads low, their faces still cloaked by their gray hoods so that Trin had no idea what her new friends looked like—if they really were friends. She wondered tiredly where they came from and why they were bothering with her. After all, what was she but worthless scum—a woman who had allowed herself to take pleasure in being with a male? Why would anyone want to help her?
Her thoughts were interrupted when Becca said, “Here it is!”
They turned down a long corridor which had a simple white curtain at one end. Past the curtain they found the bathing area which was just a row of shower stalls divided by hanging plasti-cloth sheets with spray nozzles attached to the stone walls.
“Okay, let me get this ready for you,” Charlie said, once she’d checked to see that they were alone. “We need it warm but not too hot since you’re all cut up.”
She stood in one stall and pushed the sheet aside so she could reach the water gauge in the next one without getting her gray robes wet. But when the spray of water came out, she wasn’t pleased.
“What’s wrong?” Becca asked, frowning. “We need to hurry.”
“I know but the water’s freezing cold! Like needles of ice. And no matter which way I twist the knob, it won’t get warm.”
“That is because this is the novices’ bathing area—novice priestesses are not allowed warm water for bathing until they complete their first year and become initiates.”
The new voice made them all turn around quickly.
“Oh, hi. Um, I mean, greetings, fellow priestess,” Charlie said quickly to the lesser priestess standing there behind them with a curious look on her face. Trin noticed that she and Becca kept their hoods on, hiding their faces, though the new girl had thrown hers back, the better to talk to them.
“Who are you?” the girl, who had pale skin and light purple hair asked. “Are you new to our temple?”
“Yes, we are,” Becca said quickly. “We were told by the, uh, head priestess that we needed to clean this girl up.” She nodded at Trin.
“You mean the high priestess?” the girl asked.
“Um, right—the high priestess,” Charlie said quickly. “We call ours the head priestess sometimes back at our home temple.”
“Oh? Where is the temple you come from?” The girl raised a slim purple eyebrow.
“Um…” Charlie and Becca were clearly at a loss.
“Shatterline,” Trin croaked, helping them out. “They come from the Shatterline province.”
This seemed to satisfy the priestess with the purple hair.
“All right—good meeting, sisters.”
“Good meeting…sister,” Becca said, echoing her words. “And thank you for telling us about the water situation.”
“Yes, where can we find some good hot water?” Charlie asked.
“If you have the clearance to go into the initiates’ bathing room, it’s down the corridor and up three flights—by the high priestess’s wing.” The girl shook her head. “But are you certain you’re meant to allow the Defiled One to wash? She is still undergoing the purification ritual, isn’t she?”
“The Defiled One?” Becca sounded incensed. “Is that what you’re calling this poor girl?”
The priestess shrugged. “That’s what she is—she allowed a male to penetrate her and fill her with his seed.” She made a face as though it was the most disgusting thing she’d ever heard of and Trin felt herself wither inside with shame. “Why—do you call such females something else at your home temple in Shatterline?”
“No, we…we haven’t had this situation before. That’s all,” Charlie said quickly. “Well, it’s getting late so we’d better be getting along.”
“As you wish. I bid you good evening.” The girl put her hood back on and made a slow bow before leaving the bathing area.
“Come on,” Becca hissed. “Let’s get out of here and find the other bathroom.”
“Wait.” Charlie put a hand on her arm. “That girl said it was by the high priestess—do you think we should risk it?”
“I think we can’t put poor Trin into a freezing cold shower in the state she’s in,” Becca snapped. “So yes, I think we have to risk it.”
“Becca—”
“It’s all right.” With an effort, Trin shook free of their hands and stepped into one of the stalls. Trying to brace herself, she twisted the controls and held her breath as icy needles of water bit into her skin.
“Trin, honey—no! You don’t have to do that!” Becca protested. “We’ll get you someplace with hot water, I promise.”
“Don’t d-deserve h-hot water,” Trin answered, her teeth chattering. “D-don’t deserve w-water at all.”
But she was so thirsty she couldn’t help taking deep gulps of the stinging spray. And despite the frigid temperature, the water did at least rinse her free of dirt and grime. It also ri
nsed away the stinging acidic solution which had been on the claws of the hrakka. Trin sighed in relief when it sluiced off her skin. She hadn’t realized how much pain she’d been in until it finally eased some. For hours the hrakka venom had felt like millions of tiny stinging insects all over her body—now they were finally gone.
Closing her eyes, she turned around under the cold spray, cleaning her outer self thoroughly. If only it was so easy to clean my inside, she thought but that was impossible. She was dirty and sinful and disgusting and there was nothing she could do about it. Even the sacrifice of her beloved horses had not appeased the Goddess—it seemed no amount of pain could appease her.
Which is why I have to decide if I want to lose a finger or an ear or an eye, Trin thought and shuddered. She tried to push the idea away—she would have to face it soon enough but for now, she just wanted to feel clean. At least on the outside.
At last when her teeth were chattering so hard she couldn’t keep them still, Charlie pulled her out of the tub and found several rough lengths of fabric to dry her welted skin.
“Are you kidding me with these towels?” she muttered under her breath, trying her best to blot Trin dry gently. “What the hell is wrong with this place? Are they all masochists or sadists or what?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Trin took the rough towel from her and wrapped it around her scored and stinging flesh, ignoring the way it scratched her wounded flesh.
“Yes, it does,” Becca insisted. “And what did they do to you, anyway? I couldn’t tell before with all the dirt but girl, you are all scratched up. You’re a mess.” She reached out a hand and for the first time, Trin noticed her skin tones—they were the same creamy brown as her own—maybe just a shade lighter.
“You…you’re…” She compared their hands. “You’re like me! I’ve never seen anyone like me outside the few Earth vids my mother let me watch as a child!”
“That’s because I’m from Earth—Charlie and I both are.” Becca threw back her hood to give Trin a better look and Charlie did the same.
“All the way from Earth?” Trin looked at them blankly. “But…what are you doing here?”
“That’s a long story.” Charlie put her hood back up and Becca did the same. “Come on—let’s find a safe place to talk and we’ll tell you.”
Chapter Thirty-five
“So…you’ve been watching me for weeks?” Trin looked at them uncertainly. The three of them were seated on a hard, uncomfortable cot with a single thin, scratchy gray blanket. Charlie had grumbled more about the sadistic practices of the temple when she saw the sleeping accommodations but Trin was so tired she had to sit down or fall down. So now she was sitting in the middle of the cot with Charlie and Becca on either side of her.
“In a manner of speaking—I and my guy, Stavros, have been getting visions of you and Thrace—little flashes of what’s going on with you. Oh, and Stav had to watch Two also.” Charlie made a face. “Not great. But that’s why I practically feel like I know you already.”
“And it’s also why we came to get you,” Becca said. “The Goddess told Charlie and Stavros it was time to stop watching and start acting.”
Trin frowned. “What Goddess? Not the Goddess of Judgment?”
“No, of course not. In fact…” Charlie hesitated.
“In fact what?” Trin demanded.
“Well…I don’t know how to say this but when the Goddess—the Kindred Goddess, I mean—the Mother of All Life—spoke to me, she said your goddess isn’t really…well, she’s not real.”
“She is real,” Trin said, frowning. “I was raised in her shadow, trained to fear her from my infancy. She has to be real or…”
“Or you’re doing all this for nothing?” Becca asked gently, indicating Trin’s scratched body and shorn head.
Trin looked away. “Even if she wasn’t real, I’ve still broken the laws of my people—still shamed my mother. I…I deserve all that has happened to me and more.”
“My mother cries over me every night,” Becca said softly. “I was all set to be a nun—that’s like a priestess, you know. I thought I had the calling. But then, I met Truth and Far.”
“Who are they?” Trin asked uncertainly.
“My bonded mates—soon to be my husbands, though you can bet my mom and dad won’t be at the wedding. They’re certain I’m going straight to Hell in a hand basket and you know why?”
“Because she’s mated to two guys at the same time,” Charlie said.
Trin sucked in a breath.
“Two? At once?”
“That’s the Twin Kindred for you,” Becca said. “They have to share a woman—it’s physically impossible for them to be with only one at once. And believe me, my guys tried. It took a lot to bring the three of us together.”
“See two guys and one girl—that’s not commonly done in Earth culture. Well, outside of porn, that is,” Charlie said. “Most people call it offensive or wrong.”
“I call it love,” Becca said softly. “A love deeper and truer than anything I’ve ever felt. But it took me a while to come to that conclusion. I couldn’t get over what I’d been taught—couldn’t give in to the love I felt for my guys until it was almost too late. I nearly lost them because I felt so guilty I couldn’t bring myself to be with them.”
“But what if the guilt you feel is deserved?” Trin asked. “What if your actions have made you a shame and disappointment to those you hold close?” She couldn’t help remembering the disgust in her mother’s eyes.
“You can’t live your life for anyone else but you,” Becca said. “I learned that the hard way. Do I regret hurting my mom?” Her eyes grew bright with unshed tears and she blinked rapidly. “Of course I do. But I can’t give up the men I love—the men I’m bonded too—just to please her.” She sniffed. “I hope someday she’ll accept my decision but if she doesn’t, well, there’s not much I can do about it. I just have to let it go.”
“You have to let it go, too, Trin,” Charlie told her earnestly. “It’s not a bad thing that you fell for Thrace and he fell for you. The Goddess put you together—you’re each other’s destiny.”
“He’s a male.” Trin looked down at her hands. “I allowed myself to fall in love with a male and to…to breed with him. It is the most wrong and unnatural thing anyone can do and I did it.”
“Did you ever think that maybe it’s not unnatural for you?” Becca asked. She looked at Charlie. “She’s half Earth-girl, right? Even though she’s been raised here?”
“That’s right.” Charlie nodded.
“Yes, the seed that created me came from your planet,” Trin said, frowning. “My mother chose it because she wanted an exotic baby—one who would look different and stand out from the rest. She always expected me to live up to…” She swallowed hard. “To a very high standard. But what does that have to do with anything?”
“It has to do with the fact that you’re half Earth. And on our planet, a girl and a guy together is the norm,” Becca said. “Of course we also have girls who go with girls and guys who go with guys but the majority of people pair off with the opposite sex.”
“Becca’s right,” Charlie said, sitting up straighter. “Maybe you couldn’t help being attracted to a guy because of your genetic make-up!” She took Trin’s hand and looked at her earnestly. “Wanting to be with Thrace isn’t bad, honey. It’s in your blood—your DNA.”
Trin didn’t know what to say. She had never considered that her genes might have played a roll in her love for the big Havoc. Maybe Charlie and Becca were right. Maybe she couldn’t help falling in love with Thrace. Maybe—
A likely excuse, sneered the judgmental little voice in her head which sounded a lot like the high priestess Betina’s. As if any excuse is good enough for the sins you committed!
“I…” Trin shook her head. “I don’t know if I believe that my blood has anything to do with it.”
“But it must. Look, we need to take you with us,” Becca urged gently. “Thrace
is waiting on the ship with my guys and Charlie’s mate, Stavros. He still loves you—loves you more than ever. Please come.”
“We’ll take you back with us and you can live on the Mother Ship,” Charlie added eagerly. “We’ve got a whole group of friends you’ll love and they’ll welcome you, Trin! And nobody will look down on you for loving a male because it’s the norm for us—not the exception. You’ll finally fit in.”
Trin drew a deep breath and for a moment, she actually allowed herself to consider their proposal. Living in a place where males and females were equal, where she and Thrace could be together without shame or any kind of recrimination…it sounded almost too good to be true.
But as much as she wished for that beautiful dream, she knew she couldn’t have it. She didn’t deserve it.
“I’m sorry but… I can’t go with you.” She shook her head regretfully. “I have to stay here and pay for my sins.”
“What—the sin of making love with the man you care about? The man you’re bonded to?” Charlie demanded.
“Look at yourself,” Becca added. “Look what these people did to you! They stripped you naked and scratched you all up and cut your hair…Honey, they killed your horses.”
“I know.” Trin felt a lump rising in her throat at the memory of Swift and Silk lying dead at her feet. “I know but…but I deserved it.”
“You did not!” Becca said indignantly. “Nobody deserves to be treated the way these people are treating you! This is abuse, pure and simple.”
Charlie leaned closer, her eyes intense.
“Come on, Trin—forget about yourself and think about Thrace. He’s half crazy with worry for you! In fact, Truth and Far had to practically hold him back from storming in here and throwing you over his shoulder like a caveman.”
Trin frowned. “What is a ‘caveman?’”
Charlie shook her head. “Never mind, you wouldn’t get it. The point is, what about Thrace? Don’t you love him?”
“Of course I love him!” Trin spoke softly though she felt like she was shouting the words. They seemed to burn her as they left her mouth. “Of course I love him,” she repeated. “I have allowed myself to love a male. To enjoy the feeling of him touching and taking me. That is the reason I cannot come with you. Because I still love him—it proves…proves the sin is still within me.”