In fact, Mikko and Kennet were actually Linnea’s second cousins, and if I understood correctly, my mom was related to them as well, though more distantly. But that’s what happened in a community that small when you insisted on royals marrying royals, on purebloods with gills marrying other purebloods with gills to ensure the cleanest bloodline possible.
“Yes, we’ll definitely visit as soon as we can,” Mom said, and while I was sure it was convincing to them, I heard the tightness in her voice. She had no intention of visiting in Storvatten.
After we made our good-byes, the footman escorted us to the door. I waited until we were bundled back up in our jackets and walking away in the frigid morning air before I finally asked my mom why she’d lied.
“If you enjoyed the brunch, and you did seem to really enjoy talking about Storvatten, how come you don’t want to go back there?” I asked.
“I never said I enjoyed the brunch,” Mom corrected me, and she looped her arm through mine as we walked next to my dad. “I do like to reminisce sometimes, it’s true. But there are few things I enjoy less than spending time with stuffy royals. I know you took that peasant comment in stride, but let me assure you, it’s much better being raised a peasant than a royal. ”
“I’m very happy with the way you raised me,” I told her. “I think you guys made the right decision giving up your titles. ”
“I know we did. ” She leaned over then, kissing me on the temple. “And besides all that, my life is here with you and your dad. There’s no reason to revisit the past. ”
SIXTEEN
doldastam
While waiting in the entryway of the Berlings’ mansion for Linus to get ready, I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my jeans, checking it for the hundredth time that morning. Ember had been gone for over twenty-four hours, and she hadn’t texted me yet.
Ordinarily, she wouldn’t check in with me when she was on missions. We would occasionally text or call just to chat and see how things were going, so logically it made sense that she wasn’t briefing me and giving me updates on her trip.
But I would feel better if she did.
“So what’s the game plan for today, teach?” Linus asked as he bounded up the curved stairway toward me.
“I’m not your teacher,” I reminded him again, since he’d recently developed a penchant for calling me teach. “I’m your tracker. There’s a difference. ”
“You teach me things. It sounds the same to me. ” He shrugged.
“Anyway. ” I decided to move on, since it was clearly a losing battle. “It’s a nice day out, so I thought I’d give you a tour around town. ”
“That sounds great. ” He grinned. “I haven’t really seen much outside of the walls of my house or the palace. It’ll be good to get out. ”
While it wasn’t exactly balmy outside, it’d warmed up just enough that the snow had begun to melt. When we stepped out of Linus’s house, we were both treated to several huge droplets of water coming down from the roof.
It was the warmest day of the year thus far, and the gray skies had parted enough for the sun to shine through, so everyone seemed to have the same idea. On the south side of town, where Linus lived and the palace and all the royal mansions were, it was usually fairly quiet. But even the Markis and Marksinna were out, going for walks and enjoying the weather.
I showed Linus around his neighborhood, pointing out which mansions belonged to what royals. Astrid Eckwell was standing in front of her expansive house, letting her rabbit roam in the carefully manicured lawn, nibbling at newly exposed grass.
She smiled smugly at me as we passed, and while I told Linus that she lived there, I neglected to explain that her house should’ve belonged to my dad, if he hadn’t married my mom and been disinherited. But he had, so everything that should’ve been his was passed down to the Eckwells.
As we got to the edge of the south side of town, the houses began getting smaller and sitting closer together. In the center of town, they were practically on top of each other.
What little yard the cottages did have usually had a small chicken coop or a couple goats tied up in it. It wasn’t unheard-of to see chickens squawking about on the cobblestone roads or the occasional cow roaming free from its pen.
In the town square, I showed Linus all the major shops. The bakery, the general store, the seamstress, and a few other stores I thought he might find useful. He was surprised and somewhat appalled to learn that we had a taxidermist, but many Markis liked to stuff their trophies when they went hunting.
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“What’s that?” Linus pointed to a brick building overgrown with green vines, untouched by the cold. A small orchard sat to the side of it, with apples and pears growing from the trees. A swing set, a slide, and a teeter-totter were practically hidden below the branches.
“That’s the elementary school,” I said.
“How are the vines still green?” He stopped to admire the building with its vines and white and blue blossoms. “Shouldn’t they die in the winter?”
“Some Kanin have an affinity for plants,” I explained. “It’s a talent that’s much more common in the Trylle, but we have a few special tricks in play, like keeping these alive and bright year-round. ”
The front doors were open, and he stepped forward to see that the greenery continued inside, with the plants twisting up over the walls and on the ceiling. Then he turned back to me. “Can we go inside?”
I shrugged. “If you want. ”
“This is the most unusual school I’ve ever seen,” he said as he walked through the threshold, and I followed a step behind. “Why are the floors dirt?”
“It’s supposed to take us back to our roots and keep our heritage alive. Some trolls even choose to have dirt floors in their homes. ”
He looked back at me. “You mean because we used to live with nature?”
“Exactly. ”
Drawings were posted up on the walls outside the classrooms. In child’s handwriting, the pictures had “My Family” written across the top, and then stick figures of various moms and dads and brothers and sisters and even the family rabbit.
“All the kids go to the same place?” Linus asked, noticing that some pictures were simply signed Ella or James, while others had the title of Markis and Marksinna in front of their names. “The royals and the other town kids all go here?”
“Doldastam is really too small to support two elementary schools, especially when so many Markis and Marksinna are changelings,” I said. “When we get older, we split up, with the royals going to high school, and the others going to specialized vocational training. ”
That was in large part why my childhood experiences hadn’t been the greatest. Standing inside the school brought back all kinds of unpleasant memories, usually involving one Marksinna or another making fun of me for being different than the other kids. Astrid had been the worst, but she was far from the only one.
If it hadn’t been for Tilda, I wasn’t sure how I would’ve made it through. She was the only one I had by my side, through thick and thin.
But I found my thoughts drifting away from school to the King’s Games as I looked down the long hall to the courtyard that lay beyond. Every summer we’d have the King’s Games, which were sort of like a Kanin Olympic event, held out in the courtyard behind the school. Members of the Högdragen as well as elite trackers and occasionally well-trained townsfolk would compete in games of sport, like swordplay, jousting, and hand-to-hand, which was similar to kick boxing.
I remember once when I was ten or eleven, and I’d gone to see Konstantin in the games. Tilda had helped me climb up onto a fence so I could see, and we’d sat together, watching with equal fervor as Konstantin knocked his opponents to the ground. Konstantin held his sword to each young man’s throat until he finally yielded, and the crowd erupted in applause.
“I almost thought that the other guy wouldn’t surrender,” Tilda had admitted brea
thlessly as Konstantin held his hands triumphantly above his head.
“Are you kidding me?” I asked her, with my eyes still locked on Konstantin. “Everyone always surrenders to him. He’s unstoppable. ”
When I was a kid, that idea had filled me with wonder and admiration. Now it only filled me with dread.
“Hey, that lady looks an awful lot like you,” Linus said, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked over to see my mom standing in the doorway to a classroom, ushering children out for a bathroom break.
“That’s because she’s my mom,” I said, and lowered my head, as if that would make it harder for her to spot her adult blond daughter standing in the middle of the elementary school hallway.
“Really? Let’s go say hi,” Linus suggested brightly.
“No, we’ve got a lot to see,” I said, and I turned and darted out of the school without waiting for him. I couldn’t wait any longer if I didn’t want to risk talking to her.
“Are you mad at your mom?” Linus asked, once he caught up with me outside of the school.
“What do you mean?” I asked, and continued our walk toward the north side of town.
“You just seemed to want to avoid her. ”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not that. I just don’t like mixing business with family. ”
“Why not?”
“She isn’t supportive of my job, for one thing,” I said, but that was only a half-truth.
“And what’s the other thing?” Linus pressed.
I glanced over at him, with his earnest eyes and genuine concern, and I decided to tell the truth. “Most Markis and Marksinna don’t exactly approve of her. ”
This seemed to totally baffle him, the way it would most people who saw past Mom’s race to her kindness and strength and wit and beauty. But unfortunately, there were very few Kanin who could do that.
“Why not?” Linus asked in disbelief.
“Because she’s Skojare, and I’m half Skojare. ” I stopped walking and turned to him, since the conversation felt like it required more attention.
He shrugged. “So?”
“So … Kanin tend to look down on anybody that isn’t Kanin, especially the royalty,” I explained.
“That’s dumb. ” He wrinkled his nose.
“Yes, it is,” I agreed. “But it’s the way things are. ”
“Why don’t you change things?” Linus asked me directly, and for a second I had no idea what to answer.
“I … I can’t,” I stumbled. “But you can. You’re part of an influential family. Someday you may even be King. But even if you aren’t, you have the power to lead by example. ”
“You really think I can change things?” Linus asked with wide eyes.
“I do,” I told him with a smile. “Now come on. Let’s see the rest of town. ”
“So when you say people don’t approve of you, what does that mean?” Linus asked, falling in step beside me. “Are they mean to you?”
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I sighed. “I’d rather not get into it, if that’s okay. ”
“All right,” he relented, but only for a second. “But you can tell me stuff. We’re friends now. ”
“Thanks, and I appreciate the sentiment, but … we can’t be friends,” I told him gently.
“What are you talking about? We are friends,” Linus insisted, and this time I didn’t have the heart to argue with him.
SEVENTEEN
confrontations
The fire crackled in my wood-burning stove, and I slipped out of my jeans—muddy and wet from the walk around town with Linus. Wearing only my panties, I pulled on an oversized sweatshirt and went over to my bookshelf. After a long day, the only thing that sounded good to me was curling up in bed with a book.
I’d finally caved and texted Ember a few hours ago, but she hadn’t replied. So I needed a good distraction. Most of the books I owned were old and worn, but I tried to pick up a few new ones every time I went out on a mission. I’d hoped to restock my shelves while I was in Chicago, but that trip had been cut too short.
Since I didn’t have anything new, I decided to reread one of my favorites—a battered hardcover of The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. It was wedged stubbornly between several other books, and I’d just finally managed to pull it free when I heard the creak of my front door opening.
I whirled around, brandishing the book with the intention of bludgeoning an intruder with it, but it was only Ridley, his black jacket hanging open and his hands held palm-up toward me.
“Easy, Bryn. It’s just me. ”
“Why are you sneaking up on me?” I demanded, refusing to lower my book.
“I’m not sneaking. I just step lightly. ” He stayed in my doorway, letting a cold draft in around him. “Can I come in?”
I was acutely aware of the way I was dressed—no pants, with the hem of the sweatshirt hitting my midthigh, and the stretched-out neck left it hanging at an angle, revealing my left shoulder and bra strap, along with the jagged scar that ran below it. But I didn’t want to seem aware of this, tried to act as if it didn’t feel like a big deal to be standing half naked in my small apartment alone with Ridley.
So instead of rushing over to put on pants or hiding underneath a blanket, I shrugged and said, “I guess. ”
“Thanks. ” He came inside and closed the door behind him.
And then we stayed that way for a moment, neither of us saying anything. The only light in the loft came from the dim fire and my bedside lamp, casting most of the room in shadows. His eyes bounced around the room, never lingering on anything, and he licked his lips but didn’t speak.
“Why are you here?” I asked finally, since it appeared he might never say anything. “You never come to my apartment. ”
“I’ve been here before,” he corrected me. He shoved a hand in the back pocket of his jeans and shifted his weight.
I folded my arms over my chest. “You don’t usually come here. Why are you here now?”
“Do you wanna sit down?” He motioned to the couch to the side of me, but I didn’t move toward it.
“Why would I want to sit down? What’s going on?” My blood pressure had been steadily rising since Ridley had opened the door, and my whole body began to tense up. “What happened?”
“It’s nothing bad. ” He exhaled deeply and brushed his dark curls back from his forehead. “I mean, it’s not as bad as it sounds. ”
“Just spit it out, Ridley. ”
“Ember ran into Konstantin Black on her mission. ”
For a moment I couldn’t breathe, and I barely managed to get out the word, “What?”
“There was a small altercation, and she was hurt, but—”
That was all I heard, and all I needed to hear, and then I was scrambling to get out of there. I tossed my book down on the couch and ran over to my dirty jeans in the hamper.
“Bryn. ” Ridley walked over to me, but I ignored him.
“I need to get to her, Ridley,” I said, nearly shouting by then, in a quavering voice.
“No, listen to me, Bryn. ” He put his hands on my arms, and I suppressed the urge to push him off and hit him. His grip felt solid and strangely comforting, so I looked up at him and tried to slow my ragged breaths.
“Ember is okay. ” Ridley spoke slowly, his words clear and calm. “She was injured, but it’s nothing critical, and she managed to get out with the changeling. She’s on her way home, and she’ll be here tomorrow morning. You don’t need to go after her. ”
I breathed deeply, letting his words sink in, and then I nodded. “She’s okay?”
“Yes, I talked to her on the phone, and she sounded good. ” He smiled crookedly, trying to reassure me.
“What about Konstantin?”
Ridley didn’t answer immediately, but he didn’t look away, so I searched his eyes, looking for a glimmer of hope, but found none. His smile fell awa
y, and I knew the answer.
“He got away,” I surmised.
“The important thing is that both Ember and the changeling are safe,” Ridley reminded me.
“I know. ”
I pulled away from him, and at first he tried to hang on, but then he let his hands fall to his sides. I ran a hand through my hair and sat back on the bed behind me. My legs felt weak, and my shoulders ached. The sudden surge of anxiety and adrenaline, followed by the news of Ember’s injury and Konstantin’s escape, left me feeling sore and out of sorts.
“I should’ve been there,” I said softly.
“No. ” Ridley shook his head and came over to sit down next to me.
My legs dangled over the edge of the bed as I stared emptily at the wall in front of me, but Ridley sat so he was facing me. He rested one hand on the bed, supporting himself, and his fingers brushed against the bare skin of my thigh.
“Why did you send her and not me?” I turned to look at him, and he was so close, I could see my own reflection in his eyes.
“I knew she could handle it, and she did,” Ridley said.
“But you didn’t think I could. ”
“I didn’t say that. ”
“Then why didn’t you send me?” I asked thickly.
He swallowed, but his dark eyes never wavered from mine. “You know why. ”
“I could’ve gone with. I could’ve helped her. If I had been there, maybe she wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Konstantin wouldn’t have gotten away. ”
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“Or maybe things could’ve gone much worse,” Ridley countered. “You don’t know what would’ve happened, and everything turned out okay. ”
“No, it didn’t. He got away. Again. ”
“That’s not your fault. ”
“It is my fault! Because I should’ve been there, and not here doing nothing. ” I looked away from him, staring down at my lap. “I should’ve killed him when I had the chance. ”
“Bryn. ” He reached out, putting his hand gently on my face and making me look at him. “It’s not your fault. You did everything you were supposed to do. Konstantin Black isn’t your fault. ”
“Then why does it feel like he is?” I asked in a voice barely above a whisper.
“I don’t know. ” He brushed his thumb along my cheek, and I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch.
His other hand moved, so that his fingers were no longer brushing against my thigh, and he pressed it against the small of my back. I felt the bed shifting, and even though my eyes were closed, I knew he was leaning in toward me.
“You should go,” I whispered, too afraid to open my eyes and see his face hovering next to mine.
“You sure?” Ridley asked, but he lowered his hand, and I felt the weight on the bed change as he moved away from me. I finally dared to open my eyes, and he was still sitting next to me, looking at me with an expression filled with concern.