I looked sharply at her. Her long chestnut hair hung in a braid, and her skin had begun to shift color when everyone looked at her, paling to match the beige of the walls and the tan of the desk, so she could blend in and disappear—a side effect of her embarrassment.
“Opt out?” Evert’s brow furrowed and he crossed his arms again.
“This mission of going after traitors sounds particularly dangerous, and…” She stopped and took a deep breath. “I’m fourteen weeks pregnant. ”
“You’re what?” I asked, unable to contain myself, and she lowered her head.
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Beneath the desk, I saw her hand pressed against her stomach. Tilda had always been so toned, and while lately there had been a very subtle bump to her normally taut stomach, I had barely even registered it, let alone considered that she might be with child.
“Of course, in your condition, you don’t need to be on active duty,” King Evert said.
“When this meeting is over, I’ll have you come into my office to fill out some paperwork,” Ridley added, then gave her a smile. “Congratulations. ”
“Thank you,” Tilda said softly and smiled at him.
The King spoke for a few minutes longer, summarizing what he’d already told us, and saying that we should all be ready to move next week. He ended the meeting by saying that he’d be in contact with Ridley later on, and then reminded us all to keep everything he’d said under wraps.
After King Evert left, Ridley dismissed the rest of us, and while the other trackers left quickly, talking among themselves, Tilda, Ember, and I were slow to get up. Ridley was at the main desk, gathering up some paperwork he’d apparently brought in with him for the meeting. I sat hunched over my desk, trying to absorb the newfound revelations.
“You’re pregnant?” Ember asked Tilda, echoing my own disbelief. She’d gotten up from her desk to walk over to where Tilda still sat at her desk. “You’re one of my best friends. How could you not have told me this?”
“I wanted to tell you,” Tilda said emphatically, and she looked over at me. “Both of you. I was just waiting for the right time. ”
“How could you have let this happen?” I asked. My voice was quiet, but the accusation in my tone was unmistakable, and Tilda sat up straighter, her eyes widening with indignation.
“Let this happen?” Tilda asked incredulously.
“You should’ve been more careful,” I went on, unabashed. “Weren’t you and Kasper using protection?”
“My sex life with Kasper is none of your business,” Tilda snapped.
“I just can’t believe you would do this. ” I shook my head. “Just throw your career away. ”
“Bryn!” Ember admonished me, but I ignored her.
“I’m not throwing away anything,” Tilda said, growing more defensive. “I just don’t want to fight while I’m pregnant. Once I’m done with maternity leave, I’ll go right back to work. ”
“Yeah, that’s what they all say, and then they never come back,” I muttered.
“Things are getting a little heated,” Ridley interjected, attempting to be a voice of reason, but both Tilda and I were staring daggers at each other. “Everyone should calm down, and talk about things later. ”
“They all who? And who gives a damn what other people do?” Tilda was nearly shouting by now. “I’m talking about me. And this is about me and my baby. Not you. It’s not like I did this to you. ”
“I just can’t believe this. ” I stood up, pushing the chair back from my desk so hard it tipped over. “I always thought you were better than this. ”
“Wow, Bryn. ” Tilda’s voice was cold and flat, but hurt flashed in her gray eyes. “I could say the same thing about you. ”
Ember rushed to defend Tilda, but I barely heard her. I just turned and stormed out of the room, dimly aware that Ridley was calling after me. But I just kept going. The muscles in my arms felt tight and electric, and I nearly punched in the door to the girls’ locker room. My breath came in angry, ragged gasps, and it was hard for me to think or focus. I wanted to hit something, and I didn’t even know why.
“Bryn!” Ridley shouted, busting into the locker room without knocking. I stood next to my locker, my fists balled up at my sides, and I cast an annoyed glare at him. “What the hell was that about?”
“You’re in the girls’ locker room,” I pointed out lamely and struggled to get hold of my temper.
“No one is here, and it’s not like they have anything I haven’t seen. ” He put his hands on his hips and stared down at me. “Everything you said in that classroom was totally uncalled-for. You were being a huge asshole. ”
“I’m the asshole?” I rolled my eyes and laughed bitterly. “She’s the one that was negligent and immature! She’s abandoning her job for some stupid boy!”
“No, she’s not,” Ridley corrected me as reasonably as he could. “She’s an adult woman starting a family with someone she loves. That all seems relatively normal and healthy to me. ”
I slumped back on the bench and took a deep breath to calm myself. “Our priority is to this kingdom and these people. We took an oath when we were sworn as trackers, and now there’s something major going on, and she’s going to be off playing house. ”
“We’re allowed to have lives, Bryn. ” His tone softened, like he was sad that he needed to explain this to me, and he sat down on the bench across from me. “We can date and have fun and raise families and fall in love. ”
Running a hand through my hair, I refused to look at him and muttered, “You would say that. ”
“What does that even mean?” Ridley sounded taken aback.
“Because you’re in love with Juni,” I told him pointedly, as if I were accusing him of a crime.
“I never said that. I just started dating her, and that doesn’t even matter. ” He brushed it off. “The point is that you’re acting insane right now. ” I scoffed, so he continued. “Tilda is your friend, and you’re scared and pissed off and you’re taking it out on her for no good reason. ”
I bristled. “I am not scared. ”
“You are,” he insisted. “You’re scared of losing her, that she won’t be able to work with you as much anymore. But what I think is really bothering you right now is that the King wants you to go kill Konstantin, and you’re not sure if you can. ”
“That’s…” I shifted on the bench and shook my head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. ”
“I know exactly what I’m talking about. ” He leaned forward, trying to get me to look at him, but I refused. “I know you, Bryn. ”
My shoulders sagged, and I hung my head low, staring down at the cracked tiles of the locker room floor. I put my head in my hands and let out a long, shaky breath.
“I don’t want to kill him. I should, and I know I should, but I don’t. ”
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“I know,” he said. “I may not understand why, since I’d give anything to kill the man that killed my father, but I know that this is how you feel. ”
I lifted my head to meet his gaze, so he could see that I meant it. “I just want to make sure the right person pays for the right crime, and … I don’t think that’s Konstantin. ” I groaned, realizing how foolish it sounded. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing,” Ridley assured me. “You just have strong convictions, and you want to do the right thing. ”
“Are you going out on the mission?”
He shook his head. “No. The King wants me to stay back. ” He studied me for a minute, then asked, “If you were to see him, would you kill Konstantin?”
Without hesitation, I answered, “The King ordered me to do something. I am a tracker, a member of the King’s court, and I took an oath that I would follow all the orders he gives me. So yes, I will do what’s required of me. ”
TWENTY-FIVE
motives
Konstantin’s gray eyes stared back at me, uny
ielding, unforgiving. It was his first official photo when he’d joined the Högdragen, in full color on the top page of his file. He’d been younger then, clean-shaven, skin smooth, but unsmiling. The Högdragen were never supposed to smile, not when they were working.
It was strange because in the picture he looked harder than he did now. The years on the run had taken their toll on him, definitely, but he’d softened somehow.
I wish I could know what had changed between the time that proud young man had been photographed in his crisp uniform, and the night he’d run my father through with his sword.
After Ridley had confronted me in the locker room, I’d changed and gone back to apologize to Tilda, but she was already gone. But that might be for the best. She could probably use some space before I went to her and owned up to how unfair and cruel I’d been.
Ridley had gone off to take care of some pressing Rektor business with another tracker, so I took the opportunity to sneak in and grab Konstantin Black’s file from the cabinet behind his desk. Technically, anybody was allowed to look at Konstantin’s file, since he was a wanted man, so I had no need to sneak, but I didn’t want to talk to Ridley about it. At least not right now.
I sat cross-legged on my bed with Konstantin’s file spread out before me, hoping that it would give some kind of insight that would help me figure out what happened and what was going on.
But so far there wasn’t anything that I didn’t already know. His father had died when he was very young, and he’d been raised by his mother, who died around the time he joined tracker school. He’d graduated at the top of his tracker class, and he went on to successfully bring in 98 percent of the changelings he was assigned to in the eight years he worked as a tracker.
He joined the Högdragen at the age of twenty-three immediately following his retirement from tracking. He’d transitioned seamlessly into their ranks, rising quickly because of his diligence and charm. Shortly after Mina married the King, she’d appointed Konstantin as her guard, where he’d risen to even greater prominence.
Everything in his file showed him as a loyal, intelligent hard worker, even if he was occasionally noted for his pride. If he was arrogant, it seemed justified. He gave a superior performance at his job, and he was beloved by the people.
In every one of the King’s Games Konstantin had competed in, he’d walked away with top honors. He was a hero to the people, and a loyal servant to the King and Queen.
That was it. That was all that was in his file. Just accolades and praise, up until the night he attempted to kill my father. Then there was a report explaining the incident and that Konstantin had disappeared in the night’s snow.
But there had to be something more. Something I was missing that would make him change so drastically. From a guard full of swagger and promise to a traitor on the run, humbled and worn.
Ember’s footsteps pounding up the stairs to my loft interrupted my thoughts, and I scrambled to put everything back in the file. I’d just shoved it underneath my blankets when Ember threw open the door.
“I know, I know,” I said as soon as I saw her glaring down at me. “I acted like a jackass toward Tilda today. ”
“You certainly did. ” She trudged over to me, her boots leaving snowy prints on the creaking floorboards. “You really hurt her feelings. ”
“I’ll apologize to her later,” I promised Ember. “I just thought I’d give her some space. ”
“Good. ” Ember kicked off her boots, then flopped back on the bed beside me. She wore thick leggings under a skirt that flounced around her. “It will suck not having Tilda to train with or work with around Doldastam. But she says she’s coming back after the baby’s born. ”
“I know,” I said, without much conviction.
“I mean, my mom didn’t go back to tracking after she had my older brother. ” Her eyebrows pinched together and her mouth turned down into disappointment. “And that other tracker Sybilla had her baby two years ago, and she still hasn’t come back. ”
“Maybe Tilda will be different. ” I tried to cheer Ember up. “And even if she doesn’t come back, she’ll still be in town, and we can still see her. ”
“You think she’s wrong, though. ” Ember leaned back on the bed, propping herself up with her elbows and looking at me. “You don’t think she should have a personal life, that any of us should. ”
“I have friends, and I’ve dated, and I thought it was great when Tilda and Kasper started dating. So it’s not that we shouldn’t have personal lives,” I said, trying to explain my position. “I just think we made an oath to make this job our priority, and having strong attachments can interfere with that. ”
“Is that why you and Ridley never hooked up?” Ember asked.
“What? I—we—we never…” I sputtered, and sat back on the bed, moving farther away from her. “We never did anything because neither of us wanted to. I don’t have those feelings for him, and I’m sure he feels the same way. He’s my boss, and both of us could lose our jobs, and now he’s dating Juni, and besides, we didn’t want to. So. I don’t know what you’re talking about. ”
Ember raised her eyebrows and smirked at me. “Whatever you say, Bryn. ”
“Nothing good ever comes from falling in love,” I told her definitively. “You act ridiculous and lose your mind and you forget what really matters to you, and then you end up sidelined and married or heartbroken and destitute, and neither of those are good options, so it’s better if you just avoid relationships altogether. ”
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“Gosh, I really hope you don’t mean that, because that just sounds sad,” Ember said, staring up at me with pity in her dark eyes.
I let out an exasperated sigh. “Just never mind. ” I stood up, grabbing a sweater off my bedpost, and pulled it on over my tank top.
“What are you doing?” Ember sat up straighter, alarmed.
“I should probably head out. I’m supposed to go over to my parents’ for supper. ” If I left now, I’d actually be a little early, but I’d grown tired of talking about romance and Ridley.
“Oh. ” Her face fell. “Okay. ” She slowly pulled on her boots and got to her feet. “Sorry if I said something to offend you. ”
“No, you’re okay. ” I brushed it off. “You’re fine. I just have stuff to do. ”
Ember left, not seeming totally convinced that I wasn’t mad at her, so tomorrow I’d probably have to spend some time making up with both her and Tilda. But for now I had other things on my mind. Once she’d gone, I moved Konstantin’s file, preferring to hide it in the bottom of my nightstand drawer, underneath odds and ends.
The dinner with my parents had actually been my idea. After I’d read the incident report, going over what had happened with Konstantin in black-and-white, I realized that I needed to talk to my dad and find out what had actually happened that night before I came into the room.
The sun had nearly set by the time I reached my parents’ cottage in the town square. It had been a rare day without a cloud in sight, and the sky was darkening from pink to amethyst as the sun dipped below the horizon.
Before I even opened the front door, I could hear my mother, singing an old Skojare seafaring hymn. I paused, peeking through the kitchen window to see her standing in the kitchen, an apron around her waist and flour everywhere. She always sang when she baked, usually Skojare songs in a mixture of heavily accented English and Swedish, or occasionally Barbra Streisand. My mom had always been a sucker for Streisand.
When I came inside, I closed the door quietly behind me, and she didn’t hear me as I took off my boots and hung up my jacket. As a tracker, I’d been trained to tread lightly, to move about without making a sound, and I’d made it all the way into the kitchen before she turned around and saw me.
“Bryn!” Mom gasped and put her hand to her chest. “You scared the daylights out of me!” She smiled and swatted me playfully with an oven mitt. “Don’t
give your mother a heart attack. It’s not very nice. ”
“Sorry,” I said, but couldn’t help laughing. “What are you baking?”
“Just a gooseberry pie for dessert. ”
“I’m sure it’ll be delicious. ” I grinned. “Where’s Dad? I wanted to talk to him before dinner. ”
“He’s in his study,” Mom said, but she stopped me before I turned to go. “Listen, Bryn, I need to talk to you for a second. ”
“About what?” I asked, and even though I was an adult living on my own, I still felt like a little kid about to be grounded for staying out too late.
“Well. ” She took a deep breath and tucked a few errant strands of hair behind her ear, unmindful that she was getting flour in it, and her eyes were grim. “I know that Konstantin Black is the one causing all the trouble. ”
I took half a step back from her and straightened my shoulders, preparing for a fight, but I waited until she’d said her piece before saying anything.
“I know that you have a job to do, but…” She pursed her lips. “He nearly took your father and you away from me already. I don’t want you messing around with him. ”
“Mom, he barely hurt me before,” I tried to deflect her concern. “It was little more than a scratch, and I was just a kid then. I can handle him now. You don’t need to worry. ”
“Bryn, you are my daughter, my only daughter. ” She walked closer to me and put her hands on my shoulders. “I know how brave and strong you are, but I need to know that you’re safe. And I can’t know that if you’re chasing around after this madman. ”
She put her hand to my cheek, forcing me to look up at her, and the aquamarine in her eyes was filled with pleading. “Bryn. Please. Promise you’ll stay away from him. ”
“I’ll stay away from him if I can,” I told her honestly. “But I’m going to protect myself and this kingdom. I’ll do what I need to do, and that’s the best I can give you. ”
Her shoulders slacked, but her hand lingered on my face. “Be safe. Don’t be reckless or brave. If you must go out after him, then come back safe. ”
“I will,” I assured her, and she leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
“Okay. ” She stepped back and smiled at me, trying to erase her earlier seriousness. “I need to finish with the pie. Go ahead and see your father. ”
TWENTY-SIX
remnants
Dad sat at his desk, his head bowed over paperwork and his reading glasses resting precariously on the end of his nose. The only light came from a small lamp next to him, and it made the silver hair at his temples stand out more against the rest of his black hair.
“Can I talk to you for a second, Dad?” I asked, poking my head in his study.
“Bryn. ” He smiled when he saw me, and pulled off his glasses. “Yeah, of course. Come in. ”
I closed the door behind me, and then sat down in the chair across from his desk. The walls of his study were lined with shelves filled with old books and Kanin antiquities. On his desk, he used an old artifact—a rabbit carved out of stone—as a paperweight. I’d always felt that in another life, my dad would’ve made an excellent history professor.