“Sometimes,” he replies and pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight, “two people have to fall apart before they can realize how much they need to fall back together. And now that you know better, you can do better.”
“Thank you, Oprah,” I mumble into his chest.
“I think Maya Angelou originally said that.”
“Who are you?” I ask and pull away. “Since when are you all mushy and touchy-feely? It’s weirding me out.”
He laughs and shrugs. “I’m in touch with my touchy-feely side.”
“Yuck.” He laughs again and crosses his arms over his chest. I love him so much. “You know, Ty, you’re my rock when everything else falls apart. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“How is Zack?” I ask quietly.
“A fucking mess.”
I nod and cringe, suddenly feeling guilty. “I’ll think about what you said.”
“Stop thinking everything to death and just fucking talk to the man.” He shrugs into his coat and hugs me once more then tweaks the end of my nose. “Take a shower. Put on some makeup. And for God’s sake, get out of those yoga pants.”
“Yes, fashion guru.”
He waves and leaves and I run for the bathroom, I have to pee so badly. When I finish and wipe, there is blood on the tissue and I immediately feel light-headed.
Oh Christ Jesus, no.
I mentally count the weeks in my head. I should be roughly six weeks pregnant. Many women miscarry around this time and never know they were pregnant. They just assume their period was late.
No, no, no.
I’m due to have my next appointment and ultrasound with Hannah in two days, but I definitely can’t wait that long.
I wipe again, but there’s no blood this time.
Oh God, what if I’m losing this baby?
I call the doctor’s office and spill my story first to the receptionist, who transfers me to Hannah’s nurse, and I tell it all over again, becoming more hysterical by the minute.
“Was it bright red or brown?” she asks.
“Brownish.”
“Well, it could be normal . . .”
“But it could not be normal. Can I come in or not?” I sound like a complete bitch, but I can’t help it. I’m panicking.
“Yes, Jill, come on in. Hannah will work you in.”
“Thank you,” I sob and end the call, then immediately call Cara.
“Hey, chickie,” she answers with a grin in her voice.
“Cara,” I cry and rush to my bedroom to find a bra. “I have to go to the doctor.”
“What’s happened? Jilly, are you okay?”
I can hear voices in the background but I don’t know, or care, who it is. “No. I’m not okay. I’m spotting.”
“Shit,” she mutters. “Are you going to Hannah’s office now?”
“Yes.”
“You shouldn’t drive yourself. You’re too upset.”
“I can’t wait,” I reply and shove my feet in boots. “But can you come meet me?”
“Of course I can. I’m on my way right now. Jill, drive slow, hear me?”
“I hear you. Oh God, Cara, I can’t lose this baby.” I clutch the phone tightly in my hand and lean against the front door. “I can’t lose it.”
“You’re not gonna lose it, babe. Hannah will take care of it. Just get there in one piece. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”
“Okay.” I wipe my cheeks, grab my purse, and head out to my car. “Thank you.”
I end the call, take a deep breath, then drive the short distance to Hannah’s office.
“Hi, Jill. We’re expecting you.” The receptionist smiles reassuringly. “Have a seat and someone will come get you in a moment.”
“Thank you.”
There’s a woman sitting nearby reading her e-reader, snapping gum. She has to be at least a hundred months pregnant. Her belly is huge.
“Jill?” Hannah’s nurse calls as she steps through the door that leads to the exam rooms.
“Hi.” I stand and follow her back. “I’m sorry I was such a bitch on the phone. I’m just scared.”
“Trust me, you’re fine,” she replies with a laugh. “I’m going to take some vitals and then Hannah will be in to talk with you. It might be a few minutes, she’s on her way back here from the hospital. She just had a delivery.”
“Oh, okay. Thank you.”
She weighs me, takes my temperature and blood pressure, then has me change into the usual gown with paper blanket and I sit and wait.
And wait.
I check my phone every two minutes to look at the time. After ten minutes, there’s commotion in the hallway, and I hear a man say, “Where is she! What room?”
Zack!
The door is flung open and Zack fills the doorway, his eyes wide with fear and chest heaving. When he sees me, he rushes in and pulls me into his arms.
“Did you come from the ranch?” I ask incredulously.
“Yes, I was there when you called Cara.”
“I thought Cara was coming.”
“If you think I’d let you be here, scared and bleeding, by yourself, you have another think coming.”
“Zack, how fast did you drive?”
“Are we seriously talking about this right now?” he asks and leans back to look at me. I ease out of his grasp and his face falls, and my stomach clenches. Just when I’m about to reach for him again, Hannah knocks briskly and opens the door.
“Hi, Jill, thanks for waiting. Oh, hi, Zack.” She shakes both of our hands and then begins making notes in her iPad. “Tell me what happened this morning.”
“There was blood when I went to the bathroom.”
Zack rubs his fingers over his mouth in agitation. God, I can’t take my eyes off him. I haven’t seen him in three weeks. He looks amazing. Tired. His eyes look sad and scared.
But he’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.
“How much blood?” Hannah asks. “Was it enough that you needed a pad in your underwear?”
“No, it was just on the toilet paper.”
“What color?” I glance at Zack and feel my cheeks flush.
“Brown.”
“And did you wipe again?”
“Yes, but there wasn’t anything there.”
She glances up at me and blinks, then back at her iPad.
“Well, this doesn’t sound too daunting. Many women have minor spotting, especially in the early stages of pregnancy.”
“Yes, but many women also miscarry at this stage and never even know they were pregnant. They just assume their period was late.”
“That’s true. We have you scheduled for your viability ultrasound on Friday, but since you’re here, we’ll go ahead and have a look. I think you’re fine, but we’ll do our best to put your mind at ease today.”
“Thank you.” I sigh in relief. Hannah rolls a machine that has a monitor and keyboard on it close to the table and instructs me to lie back, my feet in the stirrups.
“Dad, you can stand by Mom’s head and watch with her,” Hannah instructs Zack, who grins and stands next to me, still not touching me.
She unclips a long wand from the machine, covers it with a condom, and drips clear jelly over it.
“Um, that’s not like any ultrasound thingy I’ve ever seen,” I comment.
“This is a vaginal ultrasound. You’re still too early for us to see anything externally.”
“Oh, goodie,” I reply dryly and curl my toes when she pushes my thighs wide.
“No signs of blood,” she murmurs and grins up at me. “That’s good.”
I nod and then turn my gaze to the monitor as it comes to life. Hannah moves the wand back and forth, takes still photos of what looks like blobs to me.
“Hmm,” she says and clicks the keys some more.
“Hmm what?” Zack asks impatiently.
Hannah grins. “Just a second.”
I glance up at him. He’s squinting, trying to make sense of th
e screen and what it is we’re looking at.
“Well,” Hannah says, “there’s a heartbeat.”
Sure enough, there is a little tiny flutter on the screen. Tears fill my eyes as I watch with awe as she points to the monitor.
“This is the amniotic sac, this is a baby, and the heartbeat.” She moves the wand just a tiny bit and then chuckles as I see the heartbeat again.
“And there is baby B.”
My head whips around to stare at Hannah in shock.
“Excuse me?”
“Baby B,” Hannah repeats as I grab for Zack’s hand. He holds it tightly in his and wraps his arm over my head, gently stroking my hair. “Looks like we have twins. There are two sacs, two babies.”
My gaze finds Zack’s as tears fall down my cheeks. “We’re having two babies,” I whisper.
“Yes, ma’am, we are,” he replies and kisses my forehead.
Holy Mary, mother of God, I’m having twins!
CHAPTER
Twenty
ZACK
Twins.
The whooshing sounds of the heartbeats fill the air, along with Jill’s soft sniffles as she watches the monitor with awe.
When Cara received the call from Jill that she was bleeding and on her way to the doctor, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I had to get to her side to see for myself that she’s okay.
And now we find out we’re having twins.
I can’t stop smiling.
I lean down and kiss Jilly’s forehead again, breathing her in. God, I’ve missed her.
“Okay, guys, I’ll print out copies of the photos for you to take with you and brag to everyone about.” Hannah smiles and cleans up the ultrasound wand that looks like a torture device to me. Jill sits up and wipes her cheeks dry.
“Is everything okay?” she asks shakily.
“Yes, Jill. You’re fine. I didn’t see any signs of blood at all. Take it easy the rest of the day. No hanky-panky.” She winks at us and backs toward the door. “Make an appointment for four weeks from now, but if you have any questions or concerns in the meantime, don’t hesitate to call.”
“Thanks, Hannah,” I reply as she leaves the room. I give Jill space to pull her clothes on and grab her purse, and follow her out of the office to her car. “Jill . . .”
She turns abruptly and wraps her arms around me, holding on with all her might, and for the first time since that horrible night in her kitchen, I feel hope spread through me.
“Come home with me?” she asks softly.
“I’ll be right behind you, sugar.”
I feel her smile against me before she pulls away and gets in her car. When we step inside her house, I help her out of her coat and boots, slip out of my own, and am shocked when she says, “I’m going to take a shower. I need a minute to think.” She bites her lip and looks at me uncertainly. “Do you mind waiting for me?”
“Take all the time you need, Jill. I’ll be here. Have you eaten anything?”
“No.”
“I’ll make you some soup and a sandwich.”
She nods and walks down to her room and I move into her kitchen to make the meal. Thirty minutes later, she comes into the kitchen, all scrubbed clean, her cheeks glowing and hair damp from the shower.
“You are so beautiful,” I whisper, not even realizing I’ve spoken aloud.
“Thank you,” she replies and turns her gaze down to her hands. “Thank you for feeding me.”
“Three very important people need the fuel,” I reply with a grin.
She smiles, and then her eyes fill with tears again.
“Aw, sugar, please don’t cry. It kills me when you cry.” I set her bowl of soup on the breakfast bar and then open my arms to her, and she walks willingly right inside them.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“Hey.” I cup her face in my hands and kiss her gently, reveling in the touch of her lips on mine. “Eat first, then we’ll talk.”
“Okay.” She nods and turns to the food set out for her. “Wow, this smells so good.”
“It is good. I already ate some.”
She smiles and eats her soup and sandwich with enthusiasm.
“I was hungry,” she says. “I’m always hungry these days.”
“That’s a good sign,” I reply. “You’re eating for three.”
“Good God, I’m going to be the size of this house!” she screeches.
“Probably not that big,” I reply and laugh, the knots in my stomach finally loosening.
She drags the last bite of sandwich through the last of the soup and pops it in her mouth, and I take her bowl to the sink to rinse. When I turn back to her, she has her head resting in her hand and she’s watching me quietly.
“Come on.” I take her hand and lead her to the couch in the living room. She sits in the corner, and I sit right next to her, pulling her legs up over mine. “Talk to me, sugar.”
“I don’t know where to start,” she whispers on a long sigh and closes her eyes.
“Well, I need to say this: I don’t just want to be here for moments like today, Jill. I want to be here for every moment.”
“I want that too,” she says and opens her eyes to meet mine. She bites that plump lower lip of hers and takes my hand in her own, lacing our fingers. “What you said before, when I told you I was pregnant, hurt me a lot.”
“I know. I don’t know how much more I can apologize for that.”
“You don’t have to. I’ve already forgiven you for that. I probably forgave you for it the next night when you came here and apologized.”
I frown down at her but wait for her to continue.
“But you also scared me. I mean, what if you’re right, Zack?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if I am a shitty mom like Kensie? Like my own mom,” she whispers.
“You are going to be an awesome mom, sugar.”
“But I have that in me,” she replies with wide blue eyes. “My mom is horrible. More than horrible. She’s a monster. Ty doesn’t even know about some of the things she said to me when I was a kid.”
I reach down and pull her into my lap and she wraps her arms around my neck, buries her face in my neck, and continues her story.
“She didn’t encourage me to hide in the closet from my dad. She put me there because I was in her way. She resented me and never let me forget it. You see, Seth and I have more in common than you’ll ever know.”
My arms tighten around her as anger flows through me. “Why didn’t you tell Ty?”
“Because he couldn’t do anything about it. Dad would have beat him until he should have been in the hospital.”
“Oh, baby.” I kiss her head and stroke my hands soothingly down her back. “How could you ever think that you could be that way with our babies? With Seth? Look at how fiercely you protected him against Kensie. You would die for my boy, Jilly.”
Just remembering the sight of her pushing Seth behind her while she attacked Kensie both humbles and infuriates me. She should never have been in that position in the first place.
“I love him,” she says and swallows hard. “I love you both.”
“Do you still love me?” I whisper and push her back so I can look in her eyes.
“So much,” she replies. “I’ve missed you.”
I cup her face gently and kiss her softly, barely grazing my lips over hers, then nibbling the side of her mouth, the way I do that always makes her grin. I kiss her cheek and pull my nose down her jaw, taking in a deep breath of her fresh scent.
“God, I missed you too, sugar,” I growl. “Last night was the last night we’ll ever spend apart. Understand?”
“Moving in with me?” she asks sassily and brushes happy tears off her cheeks.
“No, you’re moving in with me. You have a kitchen remodel to oversee, and my kid misses you.”
“He likes me.” She shrugs and grins. “What else?”
“What else?” I pretend that I don’t know what s
he’s talking about.
“Yes. What else?”
“Well . . .” I tilt my head from side to side, as though I’m thinking about her question very seriously. “We can live in sin for the next sixty years.”
She smacks my arm and laughs. “I’m not talking about marriage.”
“I am.”
She sobers and blinks, surprised.
“My life has been so much better since the day I found you,” I begin and swallow hard as I think of the words I want to say. “I’ve met many people in my life. I’ve watched some of them die. Lost touch with others. There are few people in my life that I feel permanently connected to, who fit into the puzzle that is my life. My son. My parents. Josh, Ty, and Cara.
“Now these two new babies.” I rub her belly gently and smile up into her eyes. “And you. I want the parts of you that you refuse to give anyone else, Jill. I can’t imagine anything better in this life than sharing it with you. Choosing you, every day.”
I brush a tear off her cheek with my fingertip, then cradle her face in my hand, rubbing my thumb over the apple of her cheek.
“You’re mine. You belong on the ranch with Seth and me, and I’m never letting you go ever again. I’ll screw up.” I cringe and shake my head. “I will make mistakes, but you have to know that of every person that drifts in and out of your life, no one will ever love you the way I do.”
“Did you just ask me to marry you?” she whispers.
“If the answer is yes, then yes, I did.”
She smiles and pulls her fingertips down my cheek.
“My answer is yes. As long as we can do it before I’m too big to fit into a dress.”
“I’ll marry you tomorrow, my love.”
Epilogue
— OCTOBER —
JILLIAN
“Are you ready for visitors?” Hannah asks as she finishes checking me and assuring me that I am good to go. “You have quite a lineup out there.”
“You can send them in,” I reply with a smile. “They’re all family.”
“Big family,” she replies and smiles at Zack. “Congratulations again. They’re beautiful.”
“Can I hold one, please?” I ask and hold my arms out. My handsome husband is holding both of our newborn babies, one in the crook of each arm. “Wait, I need a picture of that.”