“Uh, yeah. Wished I’d thought of it.”
“What?” Another car beeped and the kids inside waved. I waved back, clueless as to who they were.
“You did something that no one else dared to do and then the top jock, the most wanted guy in school, said it was okay when he asked you to the dance.”
I snorted. “Clearly they didn’t understand what was really going on then.”
“I don’t even want to know the details, but even your flat-out rejection of Zeke-Man, created a wave of empathy. Now the girls are hot for him, even Ava.”
“Ava was already interested.”
“Well, now she’s full out, gung ho for the guy.”
And that explained it. Why Ava’s interest in Zeke had turned into a full-blown obsession. Why all of a sudden she wanted the guy that wasn’t the best looking in school, or the top athlete, or on the path to make millions. And it was all my doing. I might as well have pushed her straight into his arms. I’d never forget the flash of betrayal in his eyes when I chose Jasper.
I must’ve scowled or showed my extreme dislike about Ava, because Carter picked up on it right away and called me on it.
“Do you like Zeke?” He opened the door of a shop, the bell jangling at the top. I embraced the sudden rush of warm air.
My heart ached. I didn’t care where we were. I couldn’t hold it inside anymore. All it took was Carter saying the words out loud. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks. My chest heaved and strange hiccup noises escaped my mouth. I blubbered while Carter escorted me back out into the cold air and to the side of the shop.
He hugged me for a minute or so, then pulled away. “Is this about Zeke? Spill it.”
I didn’t even know where to begin. After a few more heaves, I took a few deep breaths. Between hiccups, I told him that I’d made a deal with Jasper to make Michael jealous and that Jasper and I weren’t really dating. That, in exchange, I’d promised to write his papers. Except, after the party I was mad and wrote an essay on the wrong topic. My plan failed. Michael didn’t like me. I’d lost Zeke. And Jasper was still forcing me to write his papers or he’d tell.
Carter pulled me into his arms and gave me another brother/sister hug. “Wow. So I guess you like Zeke.”
“Yes.” I laughed/sobbed. I’d just realized it too late.
“You need cheering up. I know just the thing.” He pulled away and wiped my tears with his sleeve.
Even though my situation hadn’t changed, I felt lighter.
He hooked his arm in mine and led me back into the store. “Watch and learn, sis.”
I wrinkled my nose at the familiar pet store smell—not my favorite. Carter went up to the front desk and immediately got into an in-depth conversation filled with head nods and questions and more head nods and more questions. The clerk scribbled something down on a piece of paper and then we were on our way out the door.
“What was that all about?”
“You’ll see. I’m going to need your help.”
On the car ride to wherever we were going, I thought about Zeke and how he wanted to be my friend through out the Program. He’d always wanted to be my friend. He never seemed to mind the crazy. I let out a little sigh. I’d been too obsessed with Michael and couldn’t let go of goals I’d thought about for far too long.
Carter brought me to a farm on the outskirts of town. The owners had a new litter of puppies and were giving away the golden/lab mix for practically nothing.
“You’re going to use innocent puppies?” I asked, faking shock.
“Yup.”
I totally fell for it. The golden fluffy ball of fur melted my heart, and I finally agreed with Carter that I might be wrong about fish.
Even Mom and Dad, who swore up and down that we’d never have a dog, wavered when the puppy fell on its stomach and pouted as if it knew Mom and Dad held his life in their hands. But when Carter mentioned his name was Hemingway, after Mom’s favorite author, she relented.
I held the little guy and scratched behind his ears. “I know. I know you don’t like the name anymore than I do.” That’s when I realized the small things Carter does to win people over, like naming his dog after a person someone else loves. A strategy I highly doubted would ever work for me.
The very next day, Carter started his new series of YouTube videos, titled Me and My Dog. What no one knows though, is that even after Carter cajoled and offered treats, every night, the puppy sneaked into my room and curled up on the foot of my bed.
From there on out we were like a movie. Hemingway became part of my routine. I talked to him in the early hours of the morning when the sun was barely making a dent on the winter cold and he was making yellow spots in the snow. I told him my problems, my frustrations at Jasper and how his head was getting so big from all the As he was getting on his essays that it was about explode.
Hemingway liked that one. I could tell by the way he jumped up on me—or it could have been cookie crumbs from my midnight snack the night before.
Sometimes, after we came inside to eat breakfast, over hot cocoa, while the house was still, I’d whisper that I’d been crazy to dream of being with Michael and going to prom with him anyway.
Chapter 25
March and April went by pretty fast. I was busy trying to avoid Zeke and Ava and trying not to gag at Michael, who was still gaga over Elena. Even though I was trying to move on, it still bothered me. Plus, I was writing all my essays for English and Jasper’s too. I was in a rut and wished for a little bit of Carter’s magic as far as ideas to change how people perceived me, because, according to my brother, that was my problem.
A breakthrough came when Aunt Lulu showed up at our door one bright, early Saturday morning. I’d already taken Hem for a walk and was on my second mug of hot chocolate.
She didn’t even need to enter the house, but from the doorway, in her booming but ladylike voice, announced she was taking me for breakfast. At least there would be food involved.
Aunt Lulu isn’t much of an animal person and if she’d given me warning, I would’ve made sure Hemingway was up in my room, but he turned the corner of the kitchen island and scampered over to meet her.
She screeched while I pulled Hemingway away to calm him down and tell him not to take it personally and that Aunt Lulu was really just deathly allergic to dogs. Obediently, Hemingway padded back upstairs.
“Is that thing yours?” Aunt Lulu pulled herself straight and asked with much indignation.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to lie. “He’s Carter’s and his name is Hemingway.”
“Hmpf. That boy.”
That’s all that was said. It didn’t take me long to get ready. I threw on a different shirt and applied bubblegum lip gloss. I kept my smile hidden during the car ride to wherever we were going, thinking back on Aunt Lulu’s reaction.
“Where’s Jules?” I asked.
“She’s at home and knows everything. As much as I wanted her here with us, because this concerns her, she made a strong argument about homework, making straight As and college applications.”
I reminded myself to say thanks to Jules later for the heads up. It wouldn’t have been hard to whip out my math book and been knee deep studying for a test.
Aunt Lulu brought me to a fancy breakfast place in the next town over. We spent the first twenty minutes in polite chit chat over topics like the weather and the…weather, while reading over the menu. After our meal arrived and we’d sipped our coffee and tea, she cleared her throat.
I tensed up and could barely choke down my scrambled eggs, waiting for whatever it was Aunt Lulu went through all this trouble for.
“I know several things to be true. One, I am not an easy person.” She looked me right in the eye and dared me to say any differently, but the silence begged to be filled.
“Well, I wouldn’t say you’re not an easy person. I’d say that you’re a strong personality who knows what she wants, and sometimes if people don’t agree wi
th you, then you, um, have a hard time.” Aunt Lulu frowned. “I mean, usually, you find just the right words to bring them over to your side.”
“Thank you.” Doubt flashed across her face as if she wanted to add, “I think.”
“And when you don’t win them over—”
“Enough. You’re rambling again.”
I shrugged. “Sorry.”
“Accepted. That said, I’ve noticed how hard you and Jules have worked over the past few years at school and filling your calendar with extra-curricular activities, which, of course, looked fantastic on all your college applications. I wanted to reward both of you in some measure.”
This is where I should not ask questions, it would be considered impolite, so I finished off my scrambled eggs, laid my napkin in my lap, and quietly sipped the rest of the tea, which I didn’t like. A reward from Aunt Lulu could be anything from a manicure to a cruise in the Bahamas. I was hoping for the cruise.
She puffed out her chest and practically announced to the tables around us, “When you have your date to the senior prom, I’ll take you and Jules shopping for your dresses.”
I should’ve said thank you and kept my big mouth closed. “And what if I don’t have a date?”
Aunt Lulu widened her eyes and blinked rapidly. “Surely that horrifying suggestion won’t be a problem. You wouldn’t want to miss your prom.”
As if it were a fact that anyone who didn’t have a date, couldn’t go to prom.
***
Over the next few days, Aunt Lulu’s words stayed with me, hovering over everything I did, reminding me, telling me that if I didn’t have a date for prom then I wasn’t worthy of going.
The next Saturday morning, I woke up before Hemingway licked my hand and whined to be let out. Carter had given up on bonding with the dog, especially after he received a slew of dates and gained sponsorship for the blog he’d started and was making money.
“What do you think, Hem?” I whispered as we went downstairs. “Is that a good idea?” My plan was to hit the mall early in hopes of finding a prom dress on sale. Maybe a style from last year? I had to have some kind of back up plan in case I didn’t have a date.
Mom and Dad had beat me downstairs. We nodded and said good morning, and I brought Hemingway outside. It was really neat to watch the weeks go by and see the mornings get lighter and lighter and warmer and warmer. But with each dawn, the sense of doom grew inside me, as the senior prom drew closer and closer.
Back inside, I noticed Mom and Dad were still there.
“You want to talk?” I asked.
They nodded. Mom pursed her lips and tugged at her hair until Dad told her to quit it and that he’d just ask me. “Ever since Aunt Lulu stopped by last week and took you for breakfast, you haven’t been the same.”
I sank in my chair. And I thought I’d hidden it so well.
Mom’s voice was shaky when she finally found her words. “I grew up with that woman, and I know how easily her words that are meant for good can bring hurt. I want you to know we’re here if you want to talk.”
In that moment, I saw Mom in a new light. I saw her as the younger sister, growing up in Aunt Lulu’s shadow. If Lulu had always been strong and influential, then I can’t imagine what she was like as an older sister and how many hurtful words she’d probably spoken to my mom over the years without even knowing. If I thought Mom never cared about me, I was wrong. She just didn’t want to be like Aunt Lulu.
I waved my hand. “Everything’s good, but I was wondering—what with the end of the year coming and all sorts of things that might cost money on the calendar—well, I know how hard you both work and that you probably want to go on a vacation like to the Bahamas or Jamaica or something where you can totally forget about life for a while or even forget about Aunt Lulu or forget about me and all the trouble—”
Mom gasped and Dad pounded his fist against the counter. “Now you wait one second, young lady.”
I bit my lip, terrified that I’d said something wrong. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it. You know me. I was just rambling. Forget about it.” I walked toward the stairs. “Carry on!”
“Come back here,” Dad commanded, then his voice softened. “What do you mean we want to forget all about you and any trouble you’ve caused?”
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t really mean anything by it…I just…will we have enough money for a prom dress?” The words came out in one big rush and then I went to drumming the table and playing with my hair—anything not to look at my dad.
“Isn’t it a little early for prom?” he asked, a bit clueless, like most dads.
I laughed, loud and shrilly, like Aunt Lulu on helium. “You’re right. Silly question. Forget I asked.”
“Regardless, I’m sure we’ll have something for you.”
Right. We’ll have something for you. I knew exactly what that meant—Great Aunt Matilda’s old wedding gown with the lace stripped off it or a trip to the thrift store or how about Jules’s prom dress from last year?
***
I arrived right when the mall opened and figured I had at least one full hour of privacy. It didn’t matter that I was dressed in sweats with the word dance on the butt or that my hair was up in a messy bun or that I wore absolutely no makeup. In fact, I was almost in disguise. Maybe no one would recognize me, which was perfect because I was on a reconnaissance mission, scouting out the dress possibilities, because I really didn’t want to wear Great Aunt Matilda’s wedding gown.
Were there dresses in my size and on sale? Could I find one on the racks from last year? I could do that. Definitely. So, my plan was perfect, except maybe I should’ve worn sunglasses and Mom’s large floppy beach hat because toward the end of my time, right when I was about to leave, Zeke and Ava walked into the store.
There are many things to do in this situation. One, stay calm and walk out casually without anyone noticing. Two, grab a bunch of stylish clothes and act obnoxious trying them all on and then buy nothing under pretense that they don’t fit right. Or three, duck behind the rack and hope for the best.
Yup. I chose three. I ducked behind the clearance rack, wondering about the light blue tulle skirt chaffing my cheek and if this dress would fit me and was it strapless or not because I wanted straps. My mistake? Not knowing that the new line of bathing suits was right behind me.
Their voices came closer, Ava’s sugary flirty voice and Zeke’s calm and sexy one. Not that I cared at all that they were together. Zeke is free to date or be friends with anyone he wants to. He hadn’t gone out of his way to talk to me since I “chose” Jasper on Valentine’s Day.
I tried not to think about that day and the look of absolute betrayal and disappointment in Zeke’s eyes when I didn’t have the guts to stand up to Jasper. Zeke didn’t know all the extenuating circumstances like essay papers and deals and trying to make soul mates jealous even if that plan was failing miserably, and I had moved on.
“Cassidy?” Ava trilled, sounding a bit too much like Aunt Lulu. “Is that you? What are you doing on the floor?”
I wanted to say something smart and witty like, “Just bowing down before your grace,” but instead, I said, “A price tag dropped.”
Ava carefully fingered the dresses on the rack and understanding spread across her features. That might not happen very often for her, but it’s a dangerous thing when it happens.
“Are you looking for a prom dress? Here?” She stifled a giggle. Zeke frowned, but looked on as if he wanted to know the answer too.
I shot to my feet, knocking off a few dresses. “Well, it’s all the new trend. Where have you been?”
“What new trend?” Her words were sharp and demanding because if there was a new trend then she’d know about it.
“Oh, you know. The one where you buy a used or on sale prom dress and then give what you didn’t spend to those youths in more unfortunate areas.” I kept rambling on about charities and goodwill and to this day have no clue what I said. Don’t
really want to know either.
Ava cut through all my chatter. “Do you even have a date?”
It only took about three seconds to answer, but in those seconds, the past few months flashed through my head. I thought about Aunt Lulu inferring that I couldn’t go to prom if I didn’t have a date, and I thought about all the pressure senior prom brings to girls and I thought about the big ugly wrist corsages and that if I went by myself I wouldn’t have to deal with that. I opened my mouth to say that I was going by myself and proud of it. But she spoke first.
“Oh, sorry,”—she clapped her hands to her cheeks—“what was I thinking? I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. Of course, you don’t have a date yet.”
I bit my lip and peeked at the slight scowl on Zeke’s face toward Ava. He was too nice of a guy to be with her. At the same time, I didn’t want his pity, and I couldn’t let her have the last word.
“Actually, I’m going with Jasper.” Even I had to hide the noise coming out of my mouth as we both gasped at the same time.
Zeke’s slight scowl turned to surprise then disappointment. I wanted to break down and tell him the whole truth over hot chocolate and a raspberry Danish at the food court. I hadn’t wanted to turn him down on Valentine’s Day.
“You’re going with Jasper?” Her face paled, and I thought she might faint.
“Yup. Now if you don’t mind, I need to make a purchase and get going.” This was where I really needed to stop talking. “Jasper’s expecting me soon.”
I grabbed the light blue tulle dress, which turned out later to be four sizes too small and non-returnable, then I marched up and spent the last of my Christmas money on a dress I probably wouldn’t wear.
On my way out of the store, I caught Zeke looking at me while Ava bored him to death with fashion details, while holding up this cute light blue two-piece. This time I couldn’t read his expression so scurried out of the store, wishing I had something cooler written on my butt, like cool or cute or yes I ramble and I just lied so please forgive me.
Not that he cared, so it totally didn’t matter.
Chapter 26