“If… if we need to wait… for you, I mean… We can.” The words were pulled from his mouth in the most reluctant but thoughtful way.
I smiled up at him. His eyes were so dark, his expression worshipful and reverent. His longish hair fell over his forehead and his strong hands held me with demanding intent.
He had never been more beautiful. Nothing on this earth had.
Not even the ocean could compare to this man, my husband.
“I’m ready,” I told him softly. “I love you, Hendrix Parker. This… you are what I want.”
His expression softened to nothing but pure, raw love. Lust had been a beast inside of him until this moment. Now love drove him, this eternal connection between us.
He dropped his forehead to mine and took several steadying breaths. “I love you too, Reagan. I have for so long. I will for the rest of my life. I swear it to you.” He kissed me again, whispering words I hadn’t heard since before everything fell apart with Kane. “More than all and to the end.”
And then I stopped having to worry about dying a virgin.
The rest of the night passed with gentle, exploring hands, the sweetest kisses and a love that consumed me more than any fire or desire.
We stopped worrying about Vaughan and how we were going to survive the rest of the way to Colombia. We released our guilt and fears and anxiety that had built up inside of us both until we were drowning in them. We forgot that there were Zombies and evil men and a long road ahead of us.
And we lived in a moment, a night, a world where there was only us. Where we were the only people that existed.
The only people that mattered.
Where there was nothing but our love and the promise of an eternal future together.
Chapter Four
The cold breeze stirred over my bare skin. I snuggled closer to the heat source next to me.
That wasn’t enough, so I slapped at the bed, searching for my quilt.
More reality seeped into my sleepy brain and I started to come awake in panicked stages.
I’m naked! That freaked-out thought was accompanied by, There’s a man in my bed!
Then I remembered I wanted that man to be there and that I was naked on purpose.
A wicked grin curled my lips as I stretched leisurely next to Hendrix.
Oh, my god, we fell asleep! That panicked thought jerked me into a sitting position. Hendrix groaned next to me and flopped his arms and half of his chest over my middle.
I couldn’t believe we’d actually fallen asleep. I hadn’t slept that hard in… a really long time. I couldn’t even remember when I’d been so blackout asleep I couldn’t tell how much time had gone by.
Our weapons and clothes were nowhere to be seen. All of our important things had been strewn about in the extra-fun task of undressing each other.
I rubbed sleep out of my eyes- another phenomenon- and blinked at the hazy morning light filtering in our borrowed bungalow. I looked down at Hendrix’s golden body wrapped around the pale skin of my stomach and smiled with our secret.
This man was mine. More so than he had ever been. I couldn’t help but feel like I was glowing. I had never been happier or more in love.
But like all good things in the Zombie Apocalypse, this intimate moment had to come to an end.
A knock at our door caused Hendrix to stir more fully awake.
“What?” he grumbled loudly.
I covered my chest with my arms and mentally willed the intruder to stay outside.
“It’s Vaughan,” Nelson said in a scratchy voice. “He’s awake.”
I sat up straighter and sucked in a deep breath. That was a good thing, right? Vaughan was awake? That had to be a good thing!
But then why did Nelson’s voice sound so distraught?
“We’re coming,” Hendrix answered with more clarity.
The silence from the other side lasted for so long I started to think Nelson had walked away. Finally he said, “Hurry.” His footsteps sounded on the stairs and disappeared along the path.
Hendrix rolled over on his back. His closest arm stayed wrapped around my body, but he threw the other over his head and buried his face in the crook of his elbow.
“I can’t do this,” he whispered.
I immediately lay back and curled up in the crook of his arm. I wrapped my arm around his stomach and threw my leg over his, pressing myself as close to him as I could.
“You can,” I told him.
“Reagan…”
“What would he do if this was reversed?” I asked in a small voice. I hated each word I spoke, but I didn’t have a choice. Hendrix couldn’t let himself stay in denial. And I was afraid that if he waited too long to leave this bungalow, it would be too late.
“He would keep the family together,” Hendrix admitted. His voice broke when he repeated, “He would make sure we were all together.”
“Then do that for him,” I coaxed. The tears slipped down my cheeks and pooled on Hendrix’s bare chest. Neither of us moved to wipe them away. “Let him have his family together.”
A violent sob tore through his chest. It shook his whole body and didn’t want to quit. He turned to face me and pulled me so tightly to his chest I could barely breathe.
I felt hot tears in the crook of his neck where he buried his face. It was like he had to hide, like he couldn’t bear to face the awfulness that this day would bring. If he could just keep from opening his eyes, he wouldn’t have to deal with anything other than this room.
“Hendrix,” I pleaded. “We need to go see him.”
He nodded against the curve of my throat. He placed a kiss against my pulse and then pulled away.
We dressed quickly, but in silence. Neither of us had the stomach to speak or the courage to say anything worth saying.
We held hands as we walked back to the first bungalow. Hendrix’s hand trembled in mine and I tried to stay strong, but I felt myself crumbling… shattering into a million pieces with each step forward.
The bungalow smelled like sickness and death when we walked inside. I knew immediately that something was terribly wrong.
Nelson, King, Harrison and Page sat around their older brother whispering words to him that I couldn’t make out. Emotion rushed through my head and roared in my ears. I wanted to clear the white noise so I could memorize this moment, but I wasn’t strong enough to fight it.
Vaughan looked up at Hendrix as soon as we walked in the room. He tried to smile, but his dry, cracked lips barely moved. His blue eyes were the only sign of life on his worn body. They glittered with the same devilish humor they always had.
They were the only reminder of the greatness that he used to be.
In just a few days his once muscled, corded body had become weak and frail. His skin looked paper thin, translucent and veiny. His cracked lips bled and his full beard seemed to swallow his face.
This was not the Vaughan I would remember. This was only a fleeting moment in the legacy he would leave behind.
“Brother,” he rasped to Hendrix.
Hendrix’s shoulders jerked, but he held back his emotion for the most part.
“Don’t do it,” Hendrix growled. “Stay with us.”
Vaughan nodded, but barely. “I would if I could.” He tried to smile again, but his chin trembled. A lone tear slipped from the corner of his eye. “I’ll get to check up on Mom though. See Dad. Make sure they both kicked ass on the way out, yeah?”
Hendrix shook his head, adamantly opposed to Vaughan’s words. “We need you, Vaughan. I need you.”
“You don’t,” Vaughan argued weakly. “I’m not sure you ever did. But I’m grateful you let me lead anyway.”
Tears fell from Hendrix’s eyes. He couldn’t stop them anymore. “You’re a stubborn asshole. What was I supposed to do?”
This time Vaughan’s smile was genuine and beautiful, even with the ruin of his body. “I’m glad I got to see you happy, Hendrix. You deserve it. Her and so much more.” Hendrix nodded
, but before he could say anything else, Vaughan looked at Nelson. “You, too. A father? I can still hardly believe it. Keep them safe, Nelson. Don’t let them out of your sight.” Nelson leaned forward and pressed a kiss on Vaughan’s temple. Vaughan turned to Harrison next, “Be smart,” he said. “Be thoughtful. It’s not as easy as it sounds.”
Harrison shook his head with a trembling chin. “Vaughan, don’t!”
“Listen,” Vaughan said sternly. “That’s another thing that’s not easy, but you’ve got to learn. It will take you far. Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Harrison rasped, painfully resigned. “Okay.”
To King, Vaughan said, “You’re not done growing up, so don’t think you are. Not yet. Be a kid when you can. But know that you’re a man. You have to act like a man. Always. That means no excuses. Do what you know is right. Without exception.”
“I love you, Vaughan,” King told him.
“I love you too,” Vaughan answered immediately. “I hate that this is happening, but you have to know I love all of you. This was worth it. Every damn second.” His eyes blinked like he wanted to cry, but there was no moisture to leak. “Where’s my Page?”
A hiccupped sob squeaked out of her and she threw herself on his chest. She wept into his neck, clutching his t-shirt with her hands, begging him not to die.
His weak hand landed on the back of her head and he stroked her hair. “I love you the most, little girl. I’m going to miss you the most too.”
“I’m sorry,” she wailed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Pagey, listen to me,” he demanded with a surprisingly strong voice. “This is not your fault. None of this is. You didn’t do this to me, Feeders did. Okay?”
She rocked back and forth, “It’s my fault!”
“It’s not,” he snarled. “This world we live in has become an evil place, infested with all kinds of terrible monsters. This was not your fault. Not even a little bit. But the truth is you can’t do anything about it now. Nobody can. But that doesn’t mean it always has to be like this. Be part of the solution, Page. Get to Colombia. Let them work on your blood and help fix this world. Help get rid of the monsters.”
She pulled back and looked at her big brother with the watery eyes. She didn’t say anything right away, but something changed in her, something significant. Finally she whispered, “I love you.”
Vaughan nodded, drinking in the words like he needed them to push on. “I love you too.” His gaze fell to Haley, “Take care of my nephew, Mama. He needs brothers by the way. At least four of them. And maybe a little sister to teach him how to be gentle.”
Haley held Lennon closer to her chest and sobbed. “You saved our lives, Vaughan. Thank you for being one of the best men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.”
He nodded and turned to me. “You girls saved our lives too,” he said. “It was an honor, Reagan. I am proud to count you as my friend.”
I couldn’t speak through my tears for a long time. “I’m going to miss you, my friend. So very much.”
“Help him keep them together, okay? No matter what.”
My voice was a thick whisper when I swore, “No matter what.”
Miller stepped into his line of sight and Vaughan’s expression grew sober. “You’re a good man, Miller.” Miller shook his head, denying it. “It’s not always easy to be good,” Vaughan continued. “But it’s right. You are good enough to want to do right. No matter what the future holds for you or what happens down the road, choose the good things… the right things. Choose those and you’ll be okay.”
Miller didn’t respond verbally. His shoulders shook with his emotion and tears streamed down his face, but I watched Vaughan’s words settle over him and I hoped they took root.
“Ty,” he groaned. King scooted over so she could sit down next to him. She wrapped her arms around his head and ran her fingers through his matted hair. “Tell me you love me.”
“No,” she refused adamantly.
“Tyler, please,” he asked softly. He had been so strong while he talked to all of us. He had made sure we heard him and looked us in the eyes. But his strength was draining now. He had trouble keeping his eyes open.
“You’re not supposed to leave me,” she whispered against his forehead. “You promised me you wouldn’t.”
“Tyler,” he scolded. “Tell me you love me.”
“I’m too mad at you,” she argued. “I’ll never forgive you for this.”
A rumble vibrated through his chest that I thought was almost a laugh. “I love you,” he rasped. “With everything, Tyler. With all of me. If I could live forever with you, I would. But, Ty… I need you to say it. I need you to tell me I didn’t dream it.”
Her tough demeanor cracked and she broke into heavy sobs. She curled around him, whispering, “I love you,” over and over and over.
Vaughan closed his eyes with a happy, satisfied smile on his lips and when she had finally quieted, he said, “That is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.”
He fell asleep soon after and the day became a marathon of waiting and weeping. I stayed next to Hendrix, as close as I could get and prayed for a miracle.
That’s all I did. I just prayed and prayed and prayed. I begged God to heal Vaughan and make him all right. I pleaded and bargained, I threatened and threw insults. I let loose every single, desperate thought on a God that I wasn’t sure cared anymore.
If He had let Zombies overturn this world and men like Matthias rule, then he couldn’t possibly care about the rest of us. He’d given up on us a long time ago.
Vaughan’s death was not a simple one. Nor was it quiet and easy.
Vaughan fought death like he fought everything, relentlessly and completely. His body suffered more, grew sicker and more agonized. By the end, when his body finally stopped twitching and his heart stilled, it was a relief.
I could be grateful that he was no longer in pain. That he no longer had to suffer through this illness or this world.
Nobody moved for a long time. We stayed in our same spots, trying to comprehend the grief that racked us all. When we did finally move, it was to embrace each other and cry some more.
Afternoon turned to evening and evening turned to night. Nelson eventually went to search for something to eat for Haley. Lennon assured that at least somebody’s needs were met.
He returned with individually packaged pudding and a flat of water from the main office. They were lucky finds and I was grateful that Nelson found them.
But I couldn’t make myself eat. Not even chocolate pudding.
When dawn broke, and the sun started to rise, a collective air of purpose moved through us. Harrison stood up first and stretched. King followed him.
“We’ll build something to send him out to sea,” Hendrix declared. His voice was rough and sandpapery from emotion and hours of silence.
In a soft voice, Haley asked, “Is that what he would have wanted?”
A smile tugged at Hendrix’s lips. “No, he would have hated it. He would have said it was pointless and pretentious.” The smile disappeared and Hendrix continued with ferocity, “But I’ll be damned before I let a Feeder find him and chew him up. We’ll get him out to sea and I’ll have at least felt like I saved him from that.”
I didn’t point out that something would eat him even if we sent him to the middle of the ocean. I didn’t think that was the point. Hendrix wanted to save him from Feeders and I could help him do that. I would do whatever it took to help Hendrix bury his brother.
We spent the entire morning rigging up a raft that could hold Vaughan’s body.
It was not easy.
But the boys worked tirelessly. They needed something to occupy their thoughts, a purpose to busy their trembling hands.
We found knives and big machetes in the office and they used those to cut down brush and branches. They tied them together with the moldy bed sheets and eventually were able to strap Vaughan’s body to it.
Tyler, Haley, Adela, Page and
I made garlands out of brightly colored flowers we found and decorated his body with them. We stood at the edge of the ocean, the tide lapping at our feet and stared at Vaughan’s empty body.
His clothes were tattered and dirty, they smelled like death. His shoes were worn… old. His hair had been tangled into dried knots on his head. His skin was streaked with dirt. He was gaunt from his sickness, his injured arm bloated and black with swollen veins. He was a broken, shadow of the man he used to be. I was thankful that he was free if this body… free of this world.
Part of me started to drown in grief, to sink down with the weight of it. And the other part of me still couldn’t believe that he was gone. He had been our leader, our patriarch.
It wasn’t only that I didn’t think we could go on without him; it was also that I didn’t want to.
I didn’t want to do anything without him.
“When I was seven,” Harrison interrupted our silence. “I got in trouble for lying at school. I don’t even remember what it was about. Something stupid probably. Dad was gone, deployed or something and mom had been furious with me, but busy. She had told me to sit at the table until she could deal with it, but then Page started crying and she never came back. She must have told Vaughan though, because he sat down next to me and asked me what I was afraid of. I wanted to impress him so much, you know? I wanted him to think I was a superhero like him. So I told him I wasn’t afraid of anything. Then he said, ‘Wrong answer. You’re afraid of telling the truth.’ I put up quite the fight, denying that I was afraid of the truth, swearing that nothing scared me. So he said, ‘If you’re not afraid of it, then tell it. Only cowards lie. And if you’re not a coward, then you’ve got no reason to lie.’ I never forgot that,” he finished quietly. “I will never forget that.”
Hendrix rubbed his hand over my back. I felt him gather courage as he prepared to speak. “When we were at college, he would get homesick. Well, I called it that because it annoyed him. He would say, he just needed to check on everybody. He just wanted to make sure everything was okay. So he would arrange a weekend at home. He’d ask off of work and make sure all of his homework was done. He’d pack his bag and get ready to leave; then he’d look at me and say, ‘You coming?’ It always pissed me off because I knew he wouldn’t leave until I packed my bag and went with him. But he never asked if that was what I wanted to do. He just assumed I wanted to go home too, that I had just as much trouble staying away as he did. And maybe he was right. Maybe I did want to go home.” Hendrix’s voice cracked and he took a moment before continuing, “When Dad decided that we had to go and that he would stay back with Mom, he pulled Vaughan and me aside. He looked at Vaughan and said, ‘Stay together. Don’t lose one of them. I’m counting on you.’ He didn’t say that to me. Dad knew better than the rest of us that Vaughan was the only one that could keep us together. Vaughan never questioned Dad. He just accepted that was what he was supposed to do. And Dad… Dad looked at me and said, ‘Do whatever he asks you to do. Vaughan will save you. Vaughan will save all of you.’ It didn’t occur to me to feel offended. I knew Dad was right. I knew that it would have to be Vaughan that kept us together. And… he did.”