Stop crying! What are you even crying about? You’re fine!
But she wasn’t fine. She kept thinking of Keller—imagining what it would be like if she had the same relationship with him that her sister had with Mathis. She’d never had that with any man. For a little while in college she’d thought she had found Mr. Right, but, as she liked to joke, he’d turned out to just be Mr. Right Now. Plus he’d wanted her to quit school to settle down with him. Samantha had refused—she had always known what she wanted and settling down to be someone’s little wifey wasn’t it.
Still, watching Mathis comforting her sister made her weep for what might have been . . . what would never be now, she was sure. She could feel the bond with Keller fading from her mind more every day.
That’s a good thing, she told herself firmly. You want the bond to fade—right? But if that was true, why did it make her feel so sad and alone?
At last Sadie wiped her eyes and looked at Samantha.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered in a choked voice. “Maybe . . . maybe we should get going.”
“We should if we don’t want to miss our plane.” Mathis kissed her again and looked at Samantha. “You sure you’re okay with us leaving? If you feel uncomfortable, we’ll stay.”
Samantha understood that he was offering to stay and protect her, purely because of his love of Sadie, and felt touched.
“Thank you, Mathis, but the two of you have uprooted your lives long enough for me.” She forced a smile for Fiona too. “And I’m sure all the, uh, Shifters in Cougarville are missing their pharmacist.”
“Undoubtedly,” Fiona remarked calmly. “But I go where I’m needed.”
“Well, let me load the bags in the car. And you come get the AC set where you want it,” Mathis said to Sadie. “You know I can never get it just right to suit you.”
“All right.” Sadie gave Samantha one more kiss and whispered in her ear, “Tell me when you know.” Then with a single backward glance, she followed Mathis out to get their bags.
Samantha was about to breathe a sigh of relief about having her house to herself again when she noticed that Fiona was still just standing there, staring at her.
“Um . . .” She shifted uncomfortably. “Can I . . . get you anything before you leave, Fiona? I mean, can I help you?”
“No, but maybe I can help you, child.” Fiona stepped closer, turning the full force of her large, dark eyes on Samantha. There was deep wisdom in them—the knowledge of centuries. It made Samantha wonder how old the wise woman really was. At times Fiona seemed ancient, and at times she seemed ageless. All Samantha knew for sure was that the intense gaze was making her feel incredibly uncomfortable.
“Uh . . .” she began, not knowing what she was going to say, but Fiona held up a hand to stop her.
“No—just listen. I am going to do something I have never done before. I am going to break a confidence and tell you a secret which is not mine to tell.” She took a deep breath. “Some years back, Liam Keller came to me looking for information—he wanted to know if I knew of any way to turn a female who was not a Shifter into one.”
“Why?” Samantha frowned, remembering that Keller had spoken briefly of his research into that area, but that he hadn’t seemed to want to elaborate.
“I asked the same thing. And while he was reluctant to tell me, it soon came out that he had fallen deeply in love with a human. He knew that a long-term relationship with a female who was not a Shifter would be difficult, but that wasn’t the only reason he was so desperately seeking an answer to his problem. You see, they had been careless and the young lady was pregnant. Liam wanted badly to know—”
“If he could turn the mother and baby into Shifters so he could have a proper heir?” Samantha finished for her, frowning.
“No, my dear—he wanted to find a way to make the pregnancy easier. Such matings between a Shifter and a human don’t always go well—especially if the male in question is an Alpha with an extremely strong and active Gene.”
“Oh . . .”Samantha wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I’m sorry. I thought—”
“I know what you thought, and what you still think about Liam. But I need to let you know the truth,” Fiona said softly. “Before he could find an answer to his problem, he—rather unwisely, I think—revealed his true nature to his fiancée.” Fiona sighed. “She, unfortunately, did not take the news well.”
“She didn’t?” Samantha’s mouth felt suddenly dry. “What . . . what happened?”
“She aborted the child and told Liam she never wanted to see him again.” Fiona shook her head sadly. “After that, he withdrew, concentrated on building his business empire and, I believe, swore off matters of the heart forever.”
“That’s so sad.” Samantha felt a lump in her throat which she swallowed with some difficulty.
“It’s doubly sad when you understand that the relationship between a Shifter father and his children is much stronger than it is between humans and their offspring,” Fiona said. “You hear so much in the human world about ‘deadbeat dads’ and the like, but you’ll almost never find that in a Shifter community.”
“Oh? And why is that?” Samantha asked.
“Soon after a Shifter baby quickens in the womb, the Shifter father forms a bond with it, similar to, though not as strong as, the bond he shares with its mother, his mate. It gives him an extra layer of connection to his offspring—he would no sooner cut off his own hand than leave his child.”
Samantha thought of the look of delight on Mathis’s face when he placed his big hand gently over Sadie’s belly and felt the baby move. She’d thought at the time that her sister just had a really strong relationship with her new man. But could it be that all Shifter relationships were that close?
Well, mine with Keller certainly isn’t, she thought, and a little voice in the back of her mind whispered, Because you haven’t let it be, Samantha.
Uneasily, she pushed it away and focused on Fiona.
“That’s . . . a really sad story,” she said. “But he doesn’t actually want me, he just wants the baby that he lost.”
“He does want a child, but not to the exclusion of everything else, my dear.” Fiona patted her hand. “He also wants you to be the mother of that child. It’s my belief that he opened himself to love again when he found you, and that is not an easy thing for a man like Liam Keller to do.”
“I . . .” Samantha shook her head, at a loss for words.
“Give him a chance,” Fiona murmured. “And remember this—no matter how strong a bond is in the beginning, it will fade if you neglect it. My intuition tells me your bond with Liam is fading fast.”
“Oh, um . . .” Samantha thought of the way her connection to the big Shifter felt fainter every day.
“You have been given a gift, Samantha.” Fiona gave her a long, intense look. “I know it’s frightening—any big change is—but it is a gift nonetheless. Don’t throw it away lightly, my dear.”
“I . . .” Samantha swallowed hard. “I’ll think about it,” she said at last. “I can’t promise anything but . . . I’ll think about it.”
“That’s all I ask.” Fiona took her hand and pressed it, then leaned over to brush Samantha’s cheek with a light, feathery kiss. “Good-bye, my dear. I hope to see you in Cougarville sometime soon.”
Then she left, sweeping royally from Samantha’s kitchen in her flowing green caftan, looking for all the world like a queen in exile going back to her court. Samantha shook her head and then followed her slowly out.
As Samantha stood on her front porch and waved while Sadie, Mathis, and Fiona drove away, she couldn’t help thinking about what the older woman had said and what it might mean.
Could it be that Keller wasn’t behind everything that had happened to her? That he really did care for her as a lover and a mate and not just the possible mother of his heir? And should she really give him a chance?
Her cell phone, vibrating in her pocket, broke her train of thought.
Oh no, please don’t be the hospital, she thought. I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to be on call again tonight.
She’d been trying to throw herself into her work these past three weeks to forget all the traumatic things that had happened to her. Her efforts had met mixed results, however.
Due to the Rejuvenation, all her colleagues thought that she’d gotten some kind of exceptionally good plastic surgery or laser resurfacing while she was in Vegas. And with no better explanation, Samantha had to let them believe it, though it galled her to let her fellow doctors think she was that vain
It was a problem Samantha hadn’t had in a number of years—and one of the few perks of looking older, or so she’d thought as she aged. She loved the fact that her eyesight was sharp as a laser again and she didn’t suffer from any back or knee pain when she stood for hours on end at a surgery, but there were drawbacks too. Such as the fact that she was now back to square one, externally at least, with her patients. They were always asking when the “real doctor” was going to show up. It made her professional life awkward.
Her phone vibrated again, and she hit the answer button and put it to her ear.
“Dr. Becker speaking—what have you got?” she asked, automatically falling into surgeon mode.
“Something I think might interest you.”
After so many weeks without any kind of contact, the deep, familiar voice caught her off guard.
“Keller?” She looked at the phone as though she might be able to see him through it. “Is that you? Why did you contact me, uh, this way?”
“You mean as opposed to using our bond?” he asked coolly. “I didn’t contact you mentally because you made it abundantly clear you don’t want me ‘in your head,’ I believe was how you put it. Or something to that effect.”
“All right.” Samantha bit her lip, unsure how to approach this. “So . . . what do you want?”
“To see you one more time before we go our separate ways.” His voice was cold. “I have something for you, but I want to give it to you in person.”
“What—”
“That’s all I’m prepared to say over the phone,” he said, cutting her off. “Will you meet me for dinner tonight, or would you rather I bring it by your home?”
Samantha frowned.
“I’m actually going to be in the hospital later on tonight. It’s a Friday night and the ER will be hopping. I’m on call, so I like to stay near the action.”
“So you won’t see me.” There was a finality in his voice that made her heart clench for some reason.
“I didn’t say that,” she said quickly. “I can meet you in the hospital cafeteria around seven-thirty. It’s not exactly five-star dining but—”
“Fine. I’ll see you then.” He hung up abruptly, not letting her finish.
Samantha looked at her phone, frowning. Why did he want to see her and what was it he thought she might be interested in? Some kind of proposition maybe—asking her to carry the baby to term (if there was a baby)—and promising millions of dollars for it afterward, like she was some kind of surrogate?
“I don’t think so,” she muttered. It wasn’t like she was going to abort the baby (if there was one) like his previous fiancée had. But she wasn’t just going to give it away either. It was her responsibility and her decision.
My body means my baby, she thought, and a surprising wave of possessive protectiveness rolled over her. Then she pushed the thought away. Don’t be silly! There’s no baby—you’ll probably get your period later tonight, and then you’ll know why you’ve been feeling so emotional. As for Keller . . .
“Give him a chance,” Fiona’s words whispered in her memory. Samantha sighed. Whatever Keller had in mind, the least she could do was listen to him. And after she heard what he had to say, she would make up her mind.
She just hoped she’d make the right decision.
Chapter 21
“Hi. Do you want to get anything to eat before we talk?”
Samantha’s soft, feminine voice made Keller’s head jerk up. She was standing there in front of his table, dressed in a pair of blue, baggy scrubs and a white coat. Her hair was twisted into a messy ponytail and there were circles beneath her lovely blue eyes, as though she hadn’t been getting enough sleep.
Keller thought she had never looked more beautiful.
But he knew he couldn’t let the thought show on his face, or the emotions that went with it. Instead, he kept his voice carefully neutral as he spoke.
“Thank you, but hospital cuisine leaves a lot to be desired. Namely flavor, texture, and anything remotely resembling food.”
“It’s not that bad.” She sat down across from him and put down her tray, which held a small salad and a serving of macaroni and cheese.
Comfort food, Keller thought, and couldn’t help remembering their night together in Vegas and the dinner they’d shared at Mama Fu’s. Carrying her through down the Strip in his arms; hearing her light, beautiful laugh; smelling her sweet, feminine scent, which was so intoxicating to him, even before she’d become a Juvie . . .
Stop it, he told himself angrily. You’re here to end things, not begin them all over again. So just stop, damn it!
He’d spent the last three weeks immersed in his work, trying to forget her. But of course, since the work he was doing concerned her, it was damn near impossible. And now he had the fruits of his labor in a small, padded case in his inside pocket.
He took the case out now and slid it across the table to her. No point in prolonging the pain.
“What’s this?” She frowned, picking up the case.
“A formula I’ve been working on these past three weeks,” Keller said stiffly. “It’s a reverse-composite version of the serum you were given by that Hyena bastard.”
Thinking of the male who had attacked and hurt her still made a growl rise in his throat. A growl he couldn’t quite swallow down. Despite the fact that Samantha had made it abundantly clear she wanted nothing to do with him, his Cougar still insisted she was his mate—the female he loved and needed to protect.
Keller knew he couldn’t feel like that anymore. Especially in light of what he was offering Samantha . . . and what he was about to do.
“A reverse-composite formula? What does that mean?” She unsnapped the case and opened it to reveal a single-dose syringe filled with blue liquid.
“It will reverse the process of Rejuvenation,” Keller said, trying to keep his voice cool. “It was, as you pointed out, something your body was forced into against your will. I am giving you the chance to undo it.”
“Undo it?” Her eyebrows shot up. “You think I should undo it?”
“I think you should do what you want to with your body,” Keller emphasized. “While many outsiders would only look at the fact that you have suddenly become twenty years younger, there are drawbacks to becoming a full-fledged Shifter as well. Not the least of which are the need to Shift at the full moon, and the monthly cravings you’ll start to experience very soon.”
“Um . . . like a Shifter sex cycle, right?” She was still studying the liquid-filled syringe intently. “Fiona and Sadie filled me in.”
“Then you know the pain will be intense if you do not have a mate to . . . service you.” Keller coughed. “And since you and I are going our separate ways . . .” He shrugged.
“Right,” Samantha murmured. “They told me about how it has to be your mate who, uh, services you, as you put it. No other male can really satisfy the cravings like the one you’re bonded to—right?”
“Exactly.” Keller folded his hands together on the cheap hospital-cafeteria tabletop. “And since we want nothing more to do with each other—”
“Keller—I . . .” She looked up at him, her blue eyes wide and wounded somehow. “I didn’t expect . . .”
“Didn’t expect for me to offer you a way out?” He gave her a humorless grin. “Why wouldn’t I, Samantha? Do you think I want a female who doesn’t want me? I’m not a masochist you know.”
“I guess I thought . . .”
“You thought I was behind the attack on you—I know. I hope by giving you this antidote to your Rejuvenation I have proved once and for all that I had nothing to do with it,” Keller said.
“I believe you, but that wasn’t what I was going to say.” She looked down at her hands. “I thought you were going to ask about the baby.”
The baby? There’s a baby? The eager words almost came popping out of his mouth, but he clamped down on them grimly. Hadn’t he just told her he wasn’t a masochist?
“If there’s a child, you may do what you please with it,” he said, making his voice as cold as ice. “I will of course send you monetary support if you choose to keep it, but you may have the raising of it entirely.”
“You . . .” She swallowed audibly, and when Keller looked up, he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. “Fiona told me there was no such thing as a ‘deadbeat dad’ in Shifter society. So I didn’t think . . .” She shook her head, clearly unable to go on.
“Oh, did I hurt your feelings, Samantha?” he snarled, feeling his own pain rising to meet hers. The sorrow welling inside him made him savage. “Did you expect me to beg you to come back on bended knee? To be my mate—the mother of my child? So sorry to disappoint you.”
“I’m not disappointed, Keller.” She lifted her chin and dashed the tears from her eyes with two swift, angry moves. “And anyway, it doesn’t matter. There is no baby, and there’s never going to be one.”
Keller was crestfallen. He hadn’t been able to help hoping . . . but no, it had been a foolish wish. Even if she were pregnant, Samantha wouldn’t want to keep his baby any more than Rachel had. It was his fate and his failing to drive away the women he loved the most. So be it—he could live without Samantha and he could live without a child to love and to carry on his name. It wouldn’t kill him to lose her . . . even if it did feel like someone was cutting his heart out with a dull knife.
“I’m glad there’s no child to complicate things,” he said, keeping his voice cool and his face emotionless with considerable effort. “In that case, there’s nothing to keep you from taking the formula I engineered for you.”