Captain walked back to camp with me. He offered one of his little brown cigars. I shook my head and he lit one for himself. ‘How do you feel, Jake?’ ‘I’m getting stronger, but I’m still a bit shaky.’ ‘You’ve been sleeping in Amo’s hut the last few nights?’ I nodded, ‘I suppose I’ll have to go back with Don and Amin now.’ ‘We have an empty hut now,’ Captain said. ‘You might as well have it.’
‘Ben’s?’ Captain nodded, ‘You should have your strength back in a few days. When you do, I want you to come and see me.’
. . .
All Ben had to show for his life was a sleeping mat, a few candles, a wood burning stove, some ragged clothes and a hunting knife. I felt like a grave robber and stood uncertainly in the entrance of the hut, breathing the stink of a man who no longer existed. I picked some of the clothes off the floor. My instinct was to chuck them away, but I only had the clothes I stood up in. So I’d be wearing Ben’s clothes, cutting with his knife and cooking on his stove. It spooked me out: it was like I was his replacement. ‘Hey,’ Beck said. I turned around and saw his grinning face in the entrance. ‘Nice hut,’ Beck said. ‘Can I come in?’ ‘Feels sad,’ I said. ‘I’ll have to wash all his stuff tomorrow.’ ‘There’s room for two,’ Beck said. ‘And it’s getting cramped with Becky growing up. So I was
wondering if you fancied a roommate?’ I didn’t want to spend a night in Ben’s hut on my own. . . .
The next few days I got a routine. Get up with the sun, go down to the stream and wash off the night’s sweat. Fill the water barrel, then start a fire and boil my drinking water for the day. I was determined not to get sick again. Amo usually made our food; it was one of the perks of having Beck as a roommate.
After eating, me and Beck would set off into the trees to go hunting. I had a few goes at shooting birds with the bow and arrow, but they only managed to crack Beck up with laughter; so I stuck at picking fruit and carrying the sack. Once I got over my squeamishness, I started to quite like the taste of grubs and beetles.
Beck was a walking encyclopaedia. He knew all what was safe to eat, what snakes were poisonous, where to avoid scorpions, what times of day you were most likely to find animals drinking at the bank of the stream. I asked him how he always knew where we were. To me, every tree looked the same, but to Beck the shapes of the trunks and the size of the branches were like road signs.
Nobody could cope with the heat in the middle of the day. We’d go back to camp and sit in the shade. Beck and the others usually managed to sleep, but I was too hot to relax. I’d rest against a trunk and see how long I could go without having to wipe the beads of sweat tickling down my face.
When it cooled, I went down to the stream with Beck. Becky tagged along and by the third day she was splashing clumsily from one side of the pool to the other. I offered to teach Beck to swim as well, but he stood on the edge and stubbornly refused to even try.
. . .
I rested up against a trunk with my eyes shut. Captain grabbed my cheek and pinched it. ‘Oww. What was that for?’ ‘Full belly?’ Captain asked angrily.
‘What?’ ‘I asked if you have a full belly.’ ‘Yes I do.’ ‘Feeling healthy?’ I nodded, ‘Yes.’ ‘Would you like to live with Don again? This time I won’t tell him to go easy.’ ‘No… What did I do? Why are you pissed off?’ ‘What did I tell you to do when you got your strength back?’ Captain asked. ‘Come and see you,’ I said. ‘So why didn’t you?’ I’d been putting it off. I knew I had to fight and I knew that’s what Captain wanted to talk about. ‘I forgot,’ I lied. The metal roof over Captain’s office had baked all day in the sun. The windows were closed to keep out the flies. It was the hottest place I’d ever been. The first time I went in the office it was dark. This time I could see the dots of blood soaked into the concrete floor. ‘Sit down.’
The chair creaked as I sank onto the plastic cushion. Captain paced around to his side of the desk, with the conceit of a man who wouldn’t have to answer to anyone if he killed me.
‘Twenty-two,’ Captain said. ‘What?’
‘That’s the number of people who’ve died in that chair. Eighteen men, four women. Three of them were younger than you.’ I took my hand’s off the arms and shuddered. Captain was pleased that he’d had the desired effect. ‘You must think I’m some kind of animal, Jake.’ I shook my head, ‘No.’ ‘Remember what I told you before, about being honest when you speak to me?’
I nodded. ‘So, do you think killing all those people makes me an animal?’
‘I guess.’ ‘And you’d be correct,’ Captain said. ‘If you asked me ten years ago if I could I kill a man, I would have said no. I was a university professor in the capital. I studied in Paris and got my doctorate in politics. Then the war started.
‘I was born in the east. I wrote a letter to a newspaper saying the east should be allowed to break away and become a separate country if the people there wanted it. I was dismissed from my job. Then government soldiers came to my house. They killed my wife and four of my children. Sami and her brother only survived because they were at a piano lesson.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘My Mum always says the worst thing that can happen to a person is if they outlive their child.’
‘I grabbed Sami and Edo and bribed an army truck driver. He sold me a gun and drove us deep into the jungle. I managed to find a rebel group and I became a soldier. Six years later, here I am. I’m not proud of who I am, or the things I’ve done to people. But I’m still angry about my family and I want my people to win this war.’ ‘So, you’re a complicated animal,’ I said. Captain laughed, ‘Exactly. In the heart of every ordinary man lies a killer, and in every killer lies the
heart of an ordinary man.’ ‘Who said that?’ I asked. ‘Someone famous?’ Captain rubbed his cheek, ‘I’m pretty sure I just made it up… The point I’m trying to get across, Jake, is that any person can become a soldier if they are motivated. Do you know there are more than ten government soldiers for every rebel?’ ‘Sami mentioned it.’ ‘But we hold the government at bay. All the government soldiers think about is drinking and sex. They keep their heads down and count the days until they get sent home. The rebels are different. We want to stop the government sending tanks through the jungle, destroying our homes and killing our families. This motivation makes our men worth ten of theirs. Do you understand?’ I nodded. ‘I want you to fight with us, but sticking a gun in your hand doesn’t make you a soldier. I need to motivate you. So I’ll give you a choice. If you don’t fight, you can’t leave here, you’ll work around camp and you’ll only eat what you find for yourself in the jungle. In a few months, when security is compromised and we abandon this camp, I’ll set you free and you’ll have to look after yourself. If you agree to fight, I’ll pass messages on to all the other rebel groups to look out for your brother and I give you my word that when the opportunity comes, I’ll do all I can to get you back home.’ ‘Do you think there’s a chance I’ll find my brother?’ Captain shrugged, ‘I’d be a liar if I said the odds were good, but there is a chance and if you fight with us, I promise to make that chance as big as I can.’
. . .
I said I’d fight to save Adam. It makes me sound like a hero, but the reasons were more complex. There was part of me that was into being a soldier. I was nothing: I ate and slept, people bossed me around and I had no control over my life. By joining the fight, I raised myself off the bottom of the pile. Most important though, it’s human nature to want to fit in and it’s what everyone wanted me to do.
. . .
Sami gave me a big hug. ‘So you’re a man after all, traitor.’ I felt a weird mix of elation and dread. ‘You scared?’ Desi asked. I shrugged, ‘A bit.’ I was terrified, of course. ‘Not to worry,’ Sami said. ‘It’s only men who are fitter and stronger than you, firing chunks of metal at
you at a thousand kilometres an hour.’ ‘Great,’ I said. ‘Unless they get up close and slice you up with their knives,’ Desi said. Sami laughed, ‘Or th
ey catch you and zap your balls with a car battery.’ ‘You look really pale all of a sudden, Jake.’ It was all a big joke to them. ‘I’ll get you some kit,’ Sami said. ‘We’re going out on a mission tonight. Dad said to take you with us.’ ‘Tonight,’ I said, shocked. ‘What about training? I don’t even know how to shoot a gun.’ ‘You’ll pick it up fast enough.’ Desi smiled, ‘Or you’ll get you head blown off.’ Me and Sami went inside a lock up underneath the main building. Sami pried the lid off a wooden
crate. The guns inside were Czech made AK47’s, brand new, sealed in air tight plastic so that they didn’t rust. ‘Merry Christmas,’ Sami said, handing me one. ‘What else should you have?’ She started rummaging through the boxes and handed me a tatty revolver. ‘Needs a good clean, but it’s handy if the AK jams,’ Sami explained. ‘Short range only, but revolvers
never go wrong. You want one?’ I shrugged, ‘Why would I not want one if they’re so useful?’ ‘Weight,’ Sami said. ‘Everything you take, you’ve got to carry twenty or thirty kilometres a day, along
with all the food and water you need. And we don’t hang around… Backpack, essential.’ Sami threw me a lightweight pack. ‘Did you want the revolver?’ ‘Might as well.’ ‘Grenades, take two or three.’ The way the grenades were packed in boxes of a dozen reminded me of my Dad’s golf balls ‘You’ve got Ben’s knife and his spare camouflage haven’t you?’
‘Yeah.’ Take some boots, you’ll see those white trainers a mile off. Water bottle. Last and most important:
ammunition.’ Sami handed me a few clips for the AK and a box of bullets for the revolver. The ammunition weighed
a ton. ‘You think it’s heavy now,’ Sami grinned. ‘Add water and food, and imagine how it feels after a thirty kilometre hike. I wont slow down if you start whining. You’re a security risk, so I’ll have to kill you if you pass out.’ We stepped back into the sun. Sami put the padlock on the storage room. ‘Where do all the weapons come from?’ I asked. ‘There’s never been a shortage of weapons,’ Sami said. ‘It’s people that don’t last long.’
9. SHOPPING
Sami sat beside me on a rock and showed how to fit the magazine and switch the AK47 between safety, single shot and automatic fire. She split it in pieces and showed how to use the cleaning kit to keep the weapon lubricated and rust free. ‘Always fire in short bursts, otherwise the gun gets hot and jams up.’ I nodded, ‘Can I try shooting it?’ ‘We never shoot around camp,’ Sami said. ‘The noise echoes and you never know who might be out
there snooping around.’ I looked like a soldier in the boots and camouflage. Grenades in my jacket pocket, knife and revolver
tucked into my trousers, but I was crapping myself. I felt like a total fraud. ‘What’s the mission?’ I asked. ‘Shopping,’ Sami said. ‘We’re going to a government base about ten kilometres away. Amo needs
medical supplies, we’re short of grenades, rice and some other stuff.’ ‘How will we get it all back?’ ‘By stealing a truck and driving out the front gate.’ ‘Won’t they notice?’ I asked. ‘There’s three hundred armed men in the camp, so we better hope not.’
. . .
The government enforced a curfew on the roads between sunset and sunrise. Me, Sami and Desi ran into the scrub every time we heard a jeep or truck. The army didn’t do prisons or trials. If they caught you, the only question was if you got beaten and tortured before they killed you. It was a full moon, so there was quite a bit of light. The sky was clear and full of stars. Sami and Desi kept a steady pace and didn’t even seem to sweat. The breeze whipped up a layer of dirt that stung my eyes and lined my throat. The pack rubbed my back raw and the mosquitoes were eating me alive. ‘Keep up,’ Sami whispered, looking back at me. ‘You’re like an old man.’ ‘I need some water.’ ‘Well drink some then,’ Sami said. ‘I’ve drunk it already.’ Sami stopped for me to catch up. ‘We’re not even halfway,’ she said angrily. ‘You’ll have to tough it out.’ ‘It’s the dust,’ I said. ‘Can I have a sip of yours?’ ‘Give us your pack, traitor.’ Sami took some of the ammunition out of my pack and put it in hers. She handed me her water bottle. It was unboiled and might make me sick again, but I had grit crunching between my teeth and I could hardly breathe.
There was an army checkpoint about a kilometre outside the base. We cut deep into the jungle, to avoid it. The trees were low and the undergrowth dense. Every step was a battle with a creeper or a barbed branch. My face and hands got all slashed up and I was bleeding in a couple of places.
The jungle ended at the perimeter of the base. Between us and the wire fence was about ten metres of cleared land. There was an observation tower twenty metres away, but it was impossible to tell if anyone was up there. The camp was in darkness and you couldn’t see a soul, but there was plenty of shouting and singing going on. My heart drummed, but at least the fear stopped me thinking about my thirst and my aching legs. Sami looked over at me, ‘Scared?’
I nodded. ‘Take deep breaths and try not to screw up.’ The three of us crouched low and sprinted across the clearing to the fence. Sami rattled the wire,
looking for a gap. ‘Are we in the right place?’ Sami asked. ‘They’ve repaired the hole,’ Desi said. ‘What the hell now?’ ‘Have you got wire cutters?’ Sami asked ‘Nope,’ Desi said. ‘What kind of arse goes on a mission like this without wire cutters?’ Sami asked. Desi sounded angry, ‘You never got any either.’ ‘What about the knife you stole off me?’ I asked. ‘There’s a pair in there.’ ‘Is there?’ Sami asked She pulled the Swiss army knife out of her pocket and started going through the blades. A light came on in the watch tower. We crashed onto our bellies. Some guys leaned over the side of the
tower and started shouting. ‘This army is shit. I want to go home to my wife.’ The soldier threw his metal helmet into the jungle like a Frisbee. ‘Joseph’s wife is sexy,’ another soldier shouted. ‘I want to go home to her as well.’ The soldiers all started laughing. A couple of bottles got thrown off the tower and smashed into the
ground. They weren’t paying any attention to us. Desi whispered to me, ‘Doesn’t look so bad when you see we’re fighting against a bunch of horny drunks.’ I smiled anxiously. They might be horny drunks, but they still had assault rifles slung around their
waists. ‘Where are these bloody wire cutters, traitor?’ I snatched the Swiss army knife out of Sami’s hand and found them straight away. ‘Smartass,’ Sami said. The cutters were a bit on the small side, but Desi managed to snip a few links and tear up a corner of
the mesh. ‘Act casual, traitor,’ Sami whispered, as we crawled through. ‘Only use your gun if you really have to.’ We walked across the camp. Most of the troops were asleep in tents; except a few who were stumbling
around raising all kinds of hell. ‘I’ll find us a truck and fuel it up,’ Desi said. ‘You two deal with the store room.’ Soldiers noticed us, a few even said hello. You couldn’t tell rebels from government soldiers, which
wasn’t surprising when you consider most of our stuff was stolen off them. The store room was about twenty metres long, built out of corrugated metal sheets. Sami opened the door. The inside was lit with fluorescent tubes that had half a dozen moths frantically slamming their bodies against them. A fat soldier sat behind a counter picking his nose. ‘What the heck do you want at this time of night?’ ‘I came for you,’ Sami said, blowing the soldier a kiss. ‘For $200 you can do whatever you want to me.’ The guard laughed, ‘You’re no $200’s worth.’ Sami undid the top buttons of her camouflage and gave the guard a flash of her breasts. ‘How about a nice kiss?’ Sami said. ‘And we’ll see how things go from there.’ The soldier squashed his gut against the counter and leaned over. As Sami pecked his cheek, she slid a twenty centimetre hunting knife out of a sheath behind her back. Time seemed to freeze as I watched it happen. The soldier noticed the light reflecting on the blade and jerked backwards, but he was too late. Sami punched the knife into the side of his neck and ripped out his throat. Blood spew
ed over the counter and dribbled down the sides onto the floor. Sami turned to me, ‘Lock the door.’ She still had the knife in her had. I was so stunned I didn’t move. She walked past me and bolted the
door herself. ‘Anybody in there?’ Sami asked, waving her hand in my face.
‘Uh?’ Sami grabbed my nipple and twisted it really hard. The pain brought me back to planet Earth. ‘It’s only a bit of blood,’ Sami said. ‘Get your head together before you get us killed.’ Sami looked so cool about it. She stepped behind the counter and kicked the soldiers legs away, sending
his corpse crashing onto the floor. ‘Couldn’t you just tie him up?’ I asked. ‘Tying people up is for the movies,’ Sami said. ‘It takes ages.’ She got a shopping list out of her pocket, tore it in half and handed one bit to me. ‘Put everything we need by the door,’ Sami said. ‘Desi shouldn’t be long with the truck.’ The racks of wooden shelving were well stocked. I learned later that Captain had a spy inside the base
who informed him whenever the supply convoy arrived. I scanned the list: bandages, morphine, engine oil, rice, cigarettes, grenades. I couldn’t find any medical supplies, but I got hold of the other stuff and added a few luxuries like a tray of cokes, bottles of vodka and some tins of meat. We trod the soldiers blood everywhere we walked. Ben hammered on the door. ‘What took you so long?’ Sami asked. We each made about ten trips back and forward, piling everything inside the truck. A few soldiers went
by, but we never even got a second glance off them. ‘We need the medical supplies,’ Desi said. ‘Amo’s got almost nothing left.’ Sami looked at me, ‘Stick your face in the blood.’ ‘What?’ I said. Sami pointed at the red puddle on the counter. ‘We need to find the medical hut. Stick your face in the blood so it looks like you’re injured.’ I was too chicken to answer Sami back. I lightly dipped my cheek in the warm blood. ‘More than that,’ Sami said. She dunked my head right in, so the warm blood poured through my hair and down my face. ‘Get in the truck and keep the engine running,’ she said, looking at Desi. Sami put her arm around my shoulder. We ran outside and she started shouting for directions. ‘This might get hairy. Keep one hand on your pistol.’ There was a bunch of guys sitting on wooden crates playing poker. One of them pointed out the medical tent. It was pitch dark inside, but you could hear a couple of patients snoring. It smelled of cigarettes and disinfectant. ‘He’s been shot,’ Sami shouted. ‘Is anyone in here? Can someone help us?’ An electric lamp came on over a wooden desk. A tiny old nun sat there. Sami pointed her AK47. ‘I want drugs and bandages,’ Sami shouted. ‘Fast.’ The nun got a set of keys out of her pocket and crept towards a wooden cabinet. She looked calm. You