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Seth shook his head. “You two and your puppy dog faces… There’s a fucking donut shop around the corner. Go buy a hot cup. ”
Hammer’s hopes dwindled. “Shit. You can’t make decent coffee either?”
“I don’t step foot in the kitchen,” Seth admitted. “How have you been drinking coffee all these years if you don’t know how to make it and aren’t buying it?”
“Raine. ”
“Ah… So she spoils you. ”
“How are you drinking coffee without making it?” Hammer asked. “I don’t remember you being a Starbucks guy. ”
“I eat pussy really well. It gets me coffee and anything else I want. ” Seth flashed a cheesy grin. “It’s a far more important skill than working that thing. ” He pointed to the coffee maker.
“We’re fucked, then,” Liam said.
“Why hasn’t Raine made the coffee? Get her out here. I want to meet the girl who’s got Liam’s balls in a twist. ”
Hammer and Liam exchanged a glance, then Hammer gave his old pal an expansive gesture. “It’s all you. ”
Liam shook his head and blew out a breath. “Let’s go around the corner and buy a hot cup or two. This may take a while. ”
“Actually, we might need something stronger than coffee. ” Hammer sighed. “It’s five o’clock somewhere, isn’t it?”
“In Russia, maybe…” Seth frowned. “What the hell is going on?”
Liam raised a brow. “How many blondes does it take to go around the corner and buy coffee?”
“None, asshole,” Seth shot back. “They delegate. ”
After ten minutes and a bit more teasing, they’d made their way to the donut shop, bought a gallon of coffee, and walked back to Shadows. Hammer poured a mug the second they hit the kitchen and drank half of it down in one swallow. He gave a moan of relief. Liam followed suit. Seth shook his head.
“It’s not bad. ” Liam peered into his cup. “But it’s not as good as Raine’s. ”
No, it wasn’t.
“Oh, you’re both whipped by this girl and her voodoo pussy. Where is she? I want to shake her hand. ” When neither of them said a word, Seth frowned. “Spit it out. I haven’t seen faces this glum in ages. Did you just find out there’s no Santa Claus?”
“There’s no Raine. We discovered yesterday morning that she’d left. ” Liam stared out the window.
Seth whipped his head around. “What?”
Liam and Hammer spilled all the gory details about the last twenty-four hours as Seth poured himself a cup of coffee and stared.
“I’ll be damned. So the plan backfired. ” Seth scratched his head.
“And then some,” Liam confirmed.
“Would Beck let me talk to the girl?” Seth asked.
Hammer exchanged a glance with Liam, then shrugged. “No offense, but she’s closed off right now. She might be talking to Beck, but I don’t know that for sure. And if she’s not talking to any of us, she’s not going to talk to a stranger. I’m going to text Beck for an update. ”
Liam nodded, obviously liking that idea. “Any news about Raine would be welcome. ”
Chapter 10
When Raine woke about noon, Beck was there with some ibuprofen and a bottle of water. “You decide yet whether you want to go home or you’re running away for good?”
“Good morning to you, too. ” She took the tablets and the water, then swallowed both down.
Beck grinned. “Just asking. Hammer has been texting me every hour on the hour since sunup. He and Liam want to know how you’re doing and what you’re thinking. ”
“I don’t know. ” Raine clutched her head. “Did I fall asleep on the couch last night?”
“Yep. You and Cuervo were all cuddled up. ”
Raine had a vague recollection of Beck carrying her to bed, and she was more than a little embarrassed. “Sorry. ”
He shrugged. “I didn’t take you for a Rambo movie marathon sort of girl. ”
“I didn’t want anything romantic. ” It would only have made her sadder.
“What do you want to do today, princess? I’ve already made my rounds at the hospital, so I’m free if you want to talk or head out to the beach…or get a good spanking. ” He leered.
Raine shot him a quelling glare. “Behave. ”
“Why, when being bad is so much fun?”
She took another swallow of water. “I don’t know what to do. I need to stop licking my wounds and come to some decisions. ”
Beck pushed a strand of hair from her face. “Those men want to help you be whole. There’s no way they don’t love you. ”
Liam did for sure. He’d tried so hard to reach her. The more she’d fallen for him, the more afraid she’d become. The more she’d pulled away. All the vows she’d spoken during their collaring ceremony? Raine knew she hadn’t kept up her end of their bargain. She’d given him no choice but to release her.
Hammer? He cared for her in his own way. She hadn’t failed him as badly. Mostly because he’d never set expectations or tried to take her in hand. Still, she knew in her heart that he must be disappointed.
In either case, she was going to have to grow or change or something because neither of them would accept her limitations forever. Liam had already made that clear, and Hammer was sure to follow. If she couldn’t change, maybe she’d be better off moving on. “I don’t know if love is enough. ”
“Bullshit. ” He leaned closer and leveled a contemplative stare her way. “I’ve been thinking about this, and I might have the answer to your problem. Do you realize you could have them both?”
She gaped at him in stunned silence. Had he prescribed himself some wacky pills? He must have because that notion… “You’re insane. ”
He chuckled. “A lot of people think so, and maybe it’s a little true. But I’m right. Deep down, you know it. Even deeper down, you want them both, too. Admit it. ”
Raine felt heat rush to her cheeks. She’d fantasized about that a few forbidden times when she’d let herself. She’d cuddled up to Liam in the middle of the night, thinking how complete it would make her feel to be sandwiched between him and Hammer. She’d always dismissed it as a pipe dream.
“What I want and what I can have aren’t even on the same planet. ”
Beck smirked. “Think positive. ”
“If I can’t even handle Liam’s expectations, how do you expect me to please him and Hammer?”
“They’ll teach you. Stop fighting and pay attention. Figure your shit out. You’re smart, Raine. ” He leveled her a serious stare. “They’ve shared before. For the right woman, I think they’d do it again. ”
And Beck thought that was her? “They shared Hammer’s wife, and in case you weren’t aware, that didn’t end well. Besides, they can’t get along for two minutes. ”
“That’s a temporary pissing match. And it’s not your problem. Your issue now is helping you. If you do that, all your little dreams might come true. You could heal those two by giving them what they both need most. That’s you, Raine. ”
Raine still thought Beck was a little insane, but her head hurt too much to argue. This mythical threesome wasn’t the point of their conversation. “If I go back to Shadows at all, I owe them a whole me. Their feelings are wasted if I can’t give either one of them—much less both—everything in return. ”
“Right. So what’s in your way?”
What wasn’t? All her emotions were a crowded tangle in her head. The fear of being abandoned or hurt had been carved into her soul. Reacting to them was a reflex. How did she stop that?
Raine had to find a way. The last twenty-four hours had proven that living without them made her utterly miserable. She wanted to go home, wanted the familiar shelter of Shadows, of their arms. Despite what he’d said the last few weeks, Hammer would never commit to her. But that was okay; she could love him from afar. She’d been doing it for so long, she was a pro. She loved Liam so very much. He filled
her heart. They could be happy—if she could hurdle her fears and move forward.
The first step was brutal honesty.
“My dad. ” For starters, anyway. “He had all the power in the house when I was a kid. ”
“And he abused it, along with you. ”
Raine resisted the urge to grab the covers up to her chin and protect herself. From what? Beck was only here to help her, and she had to stop hiding from everyone. It only led to self-destruction.
“Yeah. I’ve avoided really thinking about it, but…I know it—he—is a stumbling block. ”
Beck sat back and stared. “Have you talked to anyone professional about it lately? I know Hammer took you to see a counselor right after you came to Shadows. ”
She sighed impatiently. “She asked the dumbest questions. ‘So I guess your dad’s behavior made you mad?’ Um, you think?”
He stifled a laugh. “So she wasn’t the therapist for you. She wasn’t very good in the sack, either. ”
Raine batted Beck’s shoulder. “TMI, dude. ”
“That sounds a lot like back talk, princess. ”
The warning was too obvious to miss. She dialed back on the banter. “Sorry. It wasn’t meant that way. I appreciate everything you’ve done. I know you didn’t have to. ”
Beck waved her away. “You haven’t seen or talked to your dad since you left home, right?”
“No. ” She recoiled. “God, no. ”
For a long time, he said nothing, and Raine sensed that he weighed his words carefully. Finally, he rose from the edge of her bed. “Okay, then. Food? It’s after noon, but I figure you’re hungry. ”
“Are you?” She rose and batted down her self-consciousness about her skimpy tank and boy shorts. Despite his half-hearted flirting, the rapport between them wasn’t sexual. Besides, Beck had seen most everyone at Shadows naked, including her. He was a doctor. She didn’t have any parts different than his patients or the other females walking around the club.
He got a gleam in his eye. “You offering to cook? Bachelor food and hospital cafeteria garbage sucks. ”
She laughed. “I’ll be happy to. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll make something divine. ”
It was the least she could do.
After brushing her teeth and hair, Raine washed her face, then changed into a pair of yoga pants and a faded sweatshirt. Slipping on a pair of socks, she padded into the kitchen. Beck stood on the balcony, looking out toward the ocean.
For years, he’d been a mystery, other than the pain he inflicted on subs at the club. When they’d first met, she’d lumped him in with her father mentally a bit, and it hadn’t been fair. The subs asked for his pain—begged for it. But this personable, compassionate side of him surprised her. Why should he be single when he could tempt just about anyone? Raine didn’t understand. Even now, his profile looked pensive…unhappy. She hoped he found what he was looking for soon.
In the kitchen, she made herself at home. Beck’s housekeeper had obviously found a gourmet grocery store because Raine found all sorts of goodies. She seared him some bacon-wrapped scallops, sautéed vegetables, and whipped up a heap of garlic-parmesan mashed potatoes. He’d left a bottle of sauvignon blanc chilling in the fridge. She brought two glasses and the bottle out to the balcony, along with a corkscrew. She schlepped napkins, forks, and took two full plates next, then set them on the little table.
The day was chilly, the wind blowing. The almost perpetual fog near the coast blanketed the air. Raine hadn’t made any decisions about what to do or how to do it yet, but somehow a new peace outweighed the turmoil that had made her a hot mess yesterday.
Beck took a bite of his scallops. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and he moaned loudly. She’d heard him have quieter orgasms.
Raine giggled. “So you like it?”
“Oh, princess. Forget Liam and Hammer. Come live with me. ”
“I’ll take that as a yes. ” She rolled her eyes.
“Are there seconds? And dessert?”
“No, and I’ll see what I can do. ”
Beck sighed in bliss. Then they fell into a comfortable silence as he poured the wine and they ate.
Thoughts turned over in her head. And over and over. She’d struggled for so long with Hammer, fought Liam’s every attempt to reach her. But Beck asked such a simple question. So what’s in your way? And when she’d admitted that she hadn’t seen her dad in over six years, he hadn’t said a single word about it. But his expression had been clear. She should.
Raine’s first instinct was to run. God, when had she become such a coward? More to the point, could she ever be happy if she kept ducking and dodging everyone who simply wanted to know her?