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Liam leaned over the table, his face turning foreboding. “You refused to tell me about your argument with Hammer just before Thanksgiving. You gave me some cockamamie story that it was about the menu. ”
“We did talk about it,” she offered.
“That wasn’t what we argued about. ” Hammer scowled.
She sighed in defeat. “I know. ”
Liam grabbed her chin and redirected her. “So do I. And instead of being honest, what did you do?”
“I tried to be close to you. And you didn’t want my affection. ” The hurt in her voice was unmistakable. Her lower lip trembled.
Hammer caught Liam’s gaze. His friend looked as confused as he felt.
“No,” Liam corrected. “You tried to end the conversation with sex. Frankly, that’s how you ended a lot of arguments. ”
Fingers wrapped around the edge of the table, Hammer fought for his temper. Juliet had used that tactic on him so often. He’d fallen for it just about every fucking time, and look where that had led. He took in air between his teeth, resisting the urge to rail. But there was no goddamn way he would allow Raine to open her body to avoid doing the same with her heart.
Raine blinked. “You were angry, and I knew it, Liam. I wanted to soothe you. I needed your reassurance. Your touch is one way I could feel your caring. ”
Really? That’s what she thought? Hammer released his grip on the table. He’d seen Juliet use her body to end conversations. But he’d never seen Raine use her wiles in that way. Sure, she’d tried to seduce him once, but he’d been dead asleep. She hadn’t wrapped her lips around his cock to stop a fight. When he’d all but fucked her in the bar, she hadn’t tried to stop the argument. In fact, she’d done her best to walk away. Maybe Liam had assumed that she’d meant to distract him and he’d mistaken her intent?
Maybe. But Hammer intended to make himself very clear either way. “Listen to me, Raine. You will never, ever use your body to sway either of us from asking you questions, prying you open, or digging in your head. If you need reassurance, you will ask for it, not lose your clothes and rub up against us. Is that crystal fucking clear? This is not up for negotiation. ”
Raine stared, blinked, clearly confused. “Okay. I didn’t mean to distract Liam that day, just…” She sighed. “I can argue with you, and I know that no matter how angry you are, since it’s your club, you’re not going to leave. Besides, you like a good argument. Liam isn’t the same. He seemed genuinely upset, and I hated that. ”
Hammer growled. “You think I enjoy arguing with you?”
She looked up at him as if the truth were obvious. “It’s your foreplay, and since we rarely did anything else… I mean, if you hadn’t liked it, you wouldn’t have picked so many fights. ”
“You’re wrong. ” Hammer all but lunged at her. “Picking a fight and pissing you off was the only way you’d stop protecting yourself and give me the truth. ”
“And maybe I picked fights because it was the only way I could get you to pay attention to me. ” She pursed her mouth and sent him a little frown. “I still think you liked arguing with me. It was difficult not to notice you were always hard. ”
“That’s my constant state around you, fight or no. ”
Liam cleared his throat. “So you didn’t mean to distract with sex. All right. But the truth is, you tried everything else to avoid telling me why you argued with Hammer. ”
Then she cast those blue eyes back to Liam. “If I told you about the argument, I would’ve had to tell you how late my period was. ”
“And you thought that if I knew I’d leave you, right?”
“Yes. ”
“Even after I said I wouldn’t run out?”
“But you did,” she argued, tears filling her eyes.
“Am I standing here now?” he challenged. “Have I gone anywhere?”
She sighed. “No. ”
“I uncollared you, love, not because I wanted to leave you, but because you were never truly with me. ”
Raine fought against her bonds, straining to get off the table. Her legs flailed and she lurched up from the surface as much as her ropes allowed.
Hammer thrust a fist in her hair and tugged, jerking her face to his. “Stop. When you fight the ropes, Raine, you’re fighting us. ”
“Don’t do this,” she sobbed.
“Don’t avoid our questions,” Hammer growled. “There’s no right or wrong answer, just the truth. ”
She cut a glance to Liam, looking both accusing and hurt. “I told you. I tried. You expected more than I knew how to give. You scared me to death. ”
Grabbing another length of rope, Hammer attached it to the table and tossed it over her hips, then thrust the other end at Liam. He took it grimly and tied it off at her other hip with a scowl.
“How did I do that?” Liam demanded incredulously, finishing the knot. “Because I loved you and I wanted you to love me back?”
“Yes. ” Her entire body shook as she cried. “I didn’t know how I could be so afraid of something I wanted so badly. The fear paralyzed me. ” She dragged in a jagged breath. “Every time I’d let go a little, I’d be so proud of myself. Then you always seemed angry that it wasn’t more. I felt so out of my element. ”
“You shut down,” Hammer supplied.
Raine nodded.
“You never said any of this,” Liam pointed out softly. “How was I supposed to know?”
“How could I give you what I didn’t know how to give? Love seems so easy for you. The words just pour out. Me?” She shook her head. “What I knew was that if I wanted something too much, it would be taken and destroyed. You were so good. I wanted more. I didn’t dare tell you. ”
“So you destroyed it yourself?”
She closed her eyes as sobs wracked her again. “See, I fuck everything up. ”
Liam caressed her cheek. “Shh. No. Falling in love with you was so easy. From day one, I wanted to protect and guide you. I wanted to reach you. You made me laugh. You made me mad. You twisted me up in knots. But you made me feel alive. My vanity was believing my love was enough for us both. I never meant to make you feel unworthy. ”
“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry I haven’t been honest. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. ” Her lashes fluttered open and her gaze clung to Liam. Everything about her face was a plea for acceptance. “I love you. ”
The air left Hammer’s lungs in a rush. It didn’t surprise him that Raine was in love with his best friend. Deep down, Hammer had known it, but hearing Raine’s sweet words wrapped in such earnest need… Fuck, he wanted to scream, rage, tear the room apart. But he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. Liam had waited for weeks, hoping she’d declare her feelings. Now that she had, Hammer just clenched his jaw, grateful the others were so engrossed in each other they didn’t notice he was quietly coming undone.
“Oh, god. ” He cradled Raine’s face. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear that. Thank you for being brave. And here’s my heart, bound to yours. ” Liam grabbed a stretch of rope and fitted it under her breasts before he handed it to Macen to complete.
Hammer stared at it mutely, seeing the overwhelming love in his friend’s eyes. With numb fingers, he took the silken length and wrapped it around the bolt on his side of the table as Liam bent to Raine and covered her mouth with his, delving deep, mastering her lips. Telling her without a single word that he loved her, too.
As Liam lifted away from Raine’s kiss, Hammer couldn’t do a damn thing except paste on a stoic expression.
Immediately, she looked his way, soft concern on her face. Yeah, she didn’t want to hurt him. Too late.
“How long have you been in love with him?” Hammer whispered.
Raine paused. He could see her thoughts turning, watch her scan memories.
“I think…” She smiled wryly. “When Liam fed me pickles. It was the most tender yet terrible way imaginabl
e to tell me that what I said mattered. ” She turned to Liam. “That night at dinner when you wanted to know about my childhood and finally persuaded me to tell you, do you remember? It was then. ”
“I do. I made dessert out of you after that, love. ” Liam grinned.
Raine blushed prettily, and they shared a memory Hammer knew he’d never precisely understand. It fed every insecurity he possessed. But he forced himself to swallow it down, along with his wounded pride.
“You’re doing so well, precious. He’s waited a long time to hear how you feel. ” Hammer murmured to her.
How the hell could he be happy for his friend and so enraged at the same time?
“It doesn’t change the way I feel about you, Macen. Nothing ever would. ” She glanced up at the ceiling and drew in a deep breath. “And that’s what I really didn’t know how to say, that I love you both. ”
“I knew. I’ve known for a while. That’s hugely honest. You’re doing great,” Hammer choked out.
He grabbed some rope and handed Liam another piece. Together, they bent her knees, then secured the silk around her ankles and tied the lengths off to the table. Hammer checked her circulation along his side.
Liam did the same on the other with a shake of his head. “You might have told me, mate. ”
“I tried, you stubborn fuck. You weren’t listening. ” Hammer turned serious again and pinned her with a stare. “One more thing stumps me, Raine. I understand why you felt you couldn’t talk to Liam after he uncollared you. Why didn’t you come to me?”
“And say what? I couldn’t ask you to fix my boo-boo, Macen. I worried that if I went to see you that we’d…” She closed her eyes, looking tense and uncomfortable. “Fall into bed, and that I wouldn’t have the strength to say no. Then you both would have thought I’d chased you down for revenge sex. It’s even an ugly thought, and I didn’t want that. ”
“I half expected you to,” Liam admitted. “But I’m glad I meant enough to you that you didn’t like the thought of seducing him just to hurt me. ”
“I’ve never wanted to hurt you,” she swore, then sent a pleading stare Hammer’s way. “Or you. The last thing you wanted to hear was me crying about Liam. Besides, I thought that without me there, you two might fix your friendship. I didn’t want to be in the way anymore. ”
Hammer didn’t like it…but he understood her point.
“Look at me. ” He didn’t say another word until she did. “No matter what’s happening in your life, Raine, if you need anything, I always want you to come to me. ”
“But you couldn’t fix it, Sir. No one could. ” She sent a remorseful stare Liam’s way. “It was my doing. ”
“You have no idea what I’m capable of, precious. So don’t imagine that I couldn’t have helped. You didn’t give me a fucking chance. ”
“You really didn’t give me one, either. You just left, even after I told you not to run away,” Liam pointed out. “Did you not believe we’d worry about you?”
“I thought you might,” she confessed softly.
“Might?” Hammer barked.
“That’s why I went to Beck. I told him to let you two know that I was okay. ”
“And you thought Beck should be your messenger boy instead of calling us yourself?” Liam glared her way. “Did you honestly think we wouldn’t be frantic to find you? Bloody hell, we were out of our heads. ”
“I know. ” She grimaced, and Hammer could see the worry on her face again. “I saw you. I was in Beck’s car, and you two were running into the hospital. ”
Hammer’s jaw ticked and he fought like hell not to lose his mind. “And you didn’t make him stop? Turn around and flag us down?”
Liam shot him a fierce scowl, and Hammer figured he must not have done a great job at hiding his anger.
“I needed more time to sort things out. I wasn’t ready to talk to either of you. But I picked up my phone at least a hundred times to call. I missed your voices. ” She sniffled. “I missed you. ”
“Then don’t put any of us through that again,” Liam demanded. “Tell us that you’ll stand and fight and face your problems when things get tough. ”
“Say it. ” Hammer leaned into her face, teeth clenched.
Liam bent to her ear. “We want to hear it, Raine. Promise us you’ll never run again. ”
She hesitated, seeming to wrestle with her thoughts. Fear gripped her expression, then she gathered herself, dug up courage, and nodded. The play of emotions entranced him. His triumph spiked.
“All right,” she whispered. “I won’t run again. I promise. ”