He doesn’t let her get a word in edgeways.
‘We’ve talked and we reached the decision that you can proceed with the remainder of the show. We will allow you to perform in the final.’
He leaves a long pause and Laura looks at him, eyes wide. It hadn’t occurred to her that she might be removed from the show.
He looks as if he’s waiting for something.
‘Thank you,’ she whispers, her throat catching, feeling like she’s been given an extra life that she never even knew she needed.
‘You’re welcome,’ he says sombrely. ‘But you have an uphill struggle. You have a lot of people to convince, a lot of minds to change.’
Laura nods, her head racing.
He stands up and speaks as though his words have been learned, rehearsed, written for him. ‘I recognise that your life has changed immensely. It’s a lot to take on board. StarrQuest has a qualified therapist available to you, if you so wish. I advise you to speak with him. Would you like me to arrange an appointment?’
Laura thinks of sitting down with somebody else from StarrQuest and having to explain herself. It wouldn’t make anything better. It would make her relive it all over again and all she wants to do is forget it happened.
She shakes her head.
‘If you change your mind, you should tell your handler. I suggest you don’t talk to anyone before your performance. No media. And that’s not a suggestion, it’s a direct request on behalf of StarrQuest.’
‘Okay.’ She clears her throat. ‘What about the documentary? Jack was going to speak with—’
‘With Mouth to Mouth productions – yes, your relationship with them has ended.’ He says this with an air of finality.
She feels tears rush to her eyes. It’s confirmed. It’s real. She is truly disconnected from Solomon and that breaks her heart, and she feels her face flush and her eyes become hot with tears. She’s afraid to ask if it’s because Bo and Solomon don’t want her now as a result of Monday night’s behaviour or if it’s Curtis simply getting his way. Despite her loss she’s relieved she can hide from Solomon, she’s too embarrassed to face him now. She had tried to convince herself that he may not have seen the papers but she needs to be realistic, his brother is in the photographs, his family will all see them, his friends, his kind neighbours that she met at his mother’s party. All those people who were so good to her will see what a mess she made of herself.
As Curtis leaves, he stalls, almost as if he’s having second thoughts, a change of heart, if he had one. Laura’s heart hammers as she waits for him to say that it’s okay, she can see Solomon. Or she’s out of the show.
‘This story will run in a few days. I was given a copy in advance that you should see, to give you a chance to respond to it.’
He places a large brown envelope down on the table and he leaves.
She stares at the brown envelope, her heart pounding.
There’s a knock on the door and she turns around. It opens but there’s no one there. Then a face appears at the doorframe, but not a human face. It’s Alan’s ventriloquist doll, Mabel. Alan is nowhere in sight.
Mabel clears her throat.
‘Hi, Mabel.’ Laura smiles.
‘Mabel wants to know if Lyrebird wants a cup of tea. Lyrebird hasn’t eaten since she arrived yesterday I hear. Alan is making one.’
‘Thank you, Mabel,’ Laura smiles. ‘You’re very kind. You can call me Laura though.’
‘Okay, Laura,’ she says shyly, and Laura laughs. Even though Mabel doesn’t blush, she’s so lifelike and Alan is so good at moving her entire face that she seems real.
Alan then sticks his head around the doorframe. Laura likes Alan. He auditioned the same night as her. He’s a nice man. A peculiar man. Forty years old and lives with his parents, he puts all his money into Mabel and his act. He has a kind heart and is hugely talented.
‘Congratulations, Alan. I didn’t know you’d gotten through, I missed the show last night.’ She feels embarrassed for shutting out a night so important to her fellow contestants, her selfishness breaking through again.
‘Thank you. Feeling pretty rough today, Mabel made me stay up and drink a bottle of Jameson to celebrate.’
Laura laughs.
‘Mabel told me she can call you Laura, does that mean I can too?’
‘Of course.’
He steps inside, almost tiptoes, as if he shouldn’t be here. He’s like that everywhere, acts as though he shouldn’t be there, as if he’s in people’s way, but as soon as Mabel is on his arm, he becomes another man, witty, charming, naughty even. He says things as Mabel that Laura doesn’t imagine Alan even thinks. He brings nothing but joy to people.
‘Just wanted to see if you’re okay,’ he says.
Her eyes fill and she looks away.
‘Oh no, you’ve made her cry, you idiot,’ Mabel says.
Laura laughs.
‘And you made her laugh,’ Alan says to Mabel.
‘What would you do without me?’ Mabel says.
Laura wipes her eyes.
Alan sits down beside her.
‘I’m so embarrassed, Alan. I can barely bring myself to look anyone in the eye.’
‘There’s no need to be embarrassed. We’ve all had nights like that.’
Laura looks at him.
‘Well, I haven’t. But Mabel has.’
Mabel gives him a slow look.
Laura laughs again.
‘Look, we’re all in this together. Some of the others …’
‘Alice,’ coughs Mabel.
‘… see this as a competition. Us versus each other. But I don’t. I’m in competition with myself. Always have been. It’s up to me to be as good as I can be.’
‘And me,’ Mabel interrupts.
‘And you, Mabel. It’s life-changing stuff. I was recognised at the pharmacy yesterday. Buying a Ped Egg. Do you know what that is?’
She shakes her head.
‘A file for calluses and dry skin on your feet.’
‘Sexy,’ Mabel says.
‘Indeed,’ Alan agrees. ‘I signed my first autograph over a discussion about a Ped Egg.’
Laura laughs.
‘I’m not getting it anywhere near as much as you and I’m struggling. You’re a target for them. Two hundred million people want to know what you’re going to do next.’ He shrugs. ‘So blow them away.’
‘Thanks. The show’s going to give me another chance.’
Alan looks at her in surprise. ‘That’s what Curtis—’
‘Asshole,’ Mabel interrupts.
‘—was here to talk about?’
She nods.
He leans forward. He drops Mabel on the table and she actually says, ‘Ow.’
‘You do know that they’d be nothing without you. Just a crap Irish entertainment show that no one’s ever heard of, if it wasn’t for you?’
Laura is shocked to hear this.
‘You’ve put them on the map. Because of you they’ve sold the format to twelve more territories and counting. If you dropped out now, they’d be nothing.’
‘Speak for yourself,’ Mabel says from the table, lying on her back staring at the ceiling.
Laura processes this.
‘What’s that?’ He looks at the brown envelope.
‘An article that’s going to be in the paper tomorrow. Curtis gave it to me to read.’
‘Don’t read it,’ Alan says.
‘I should.’
‘No, you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t read any of them ever again,’ he says, not a hint of humour in him now. ‘Don’t poison yourself with that, Laura. You’re the purest, most natural person I’ve ever met. I want you to win.’
She smiles. ‘And I want you to win.’
They hold each other’s look, and Laura appreciates the support so much. When it gets awkward, Mabel pipes up.
‘And what the fuck about me?’
They both start laughing.
‘Right, I’ll get you a cup of
tea. We might as well enjoy the silence before the next act arrives tonight. And I’ll make some lunch. I can’t cook, but ham and cheese sandwich okay?’
‘Perfect, thank you.’
‘I wouldn’t eat it, if I were you,’ Mabel whispers in her ear before they both leave. ‘I think he’s trying to poison me.’
Laura laughs as he leaves her alone in the dining room.
Feeling more confident, she stares at the envelope on the table. He’s right, she needs to rise above it and she’s feeling marginally stronger after their chat, but she still needs to know what people are thinking of her.
She slides the papers out of the envelope.
The opening page is a solicitor’s letter, from the newspaper, stating that they are going to run with this story tomorrow. If there is anything that Laura Button would like to respond to, please do so by end of business.
She removes the letter and starts reading.
LIARBIRD? is the headline and the story is about how a garda in Gougane Barra believed that Laura’s grandmother Hattie Button killed her husband. It was thought by the garda at the time that her fourteen-year-old daughter Isabel, who became Button after her father’s death, was also involved. Garda Liam O’Grady died years ago, but his daughter has done an interview with the newspaper. She tells them how her poor father dedicated his life to trying to bring to justice those he believed responsible for the death of his friend, Sean Murphy. The deceased’s wife was Hattie Button, an Englishwoman, who Sean met while she was minding children for a local family. Sean fell for her and they quickly married and had a daughter, but Hattie was unusual, she didn’t venture to the town much or get involved, was always considered a social outcast. Yes, Sean liked a drink, but he was a hard-working farm labourer and a good man. When asked whether Sean was violent, as bruises and cuts, old and new, were found on his wife after his death, the garda’s daughter says she doesn’t know, and anyway it doesn’t alter the fact that Hattie Button and her daughter killed Laura Button’s grandfather Sean Murphy.
Laura feels sick.
Sean was found face down in a creek on their grounds. He had drowned in shallow water. There was alcohol in his system and a blunt-force trauma to the back of his head. Sheila says her father always believed Hattie was responsible for Sean’s death, but he’d never been able to find proof that Hattie killed him. She took her daughter out of school and they became hermits, their only contact with the community was through the family business of dressmaking and alterations, which they needed to keep going. Garda O’Grady always stayed in Hattie’s life, hoping he would catch her out eventually, but it was not to be. He went to his grave feeling he had failed his friend. Laura’s mother was a simple woman, ‘something not quite right with her’, whatever she thinks about her role in Sean Murphy’s death, the garda’s daughter says it’s shameful what ‘Tom Toolin did to her, taking advantage of a sick woman. No wonder they hid the child.’ Sheila is not surprised to learn of Lyrebird’s violent behaviour in the nightclub. ‘She’s not as sweet as she makes herself out to be. She’s a liarbird, not a lyrebird. A liar like her grandmother and mother.’
Laura can’t breathe. She can’t breathe. She can’t make a sound. She reads it all over again, her precious Gaga and Mam being torn apart when they’re dead and buried. Their secrets spilling out, dirty horrible lies that they tried so hard to contain; none of their spirit captured or known, the joy and the fun, the happiness that embraced that cottage, just these cold, ugly, dark, horrible lies.
It’s Laura’s fault. She brought this on them. She should have stayed hidden in the woods.
32
‘I think she’s in shock,’ Selena, the opera singer, says. There’s a smell of cigarette smoke off her, as she’s just returned from the garden after having her hourly menthol cigarette that she thinks nobody notices her having.
The StarrQuest semi-finals are complete, everybody that has got through to the final is now in the house, the newest arrivals came late last night; Sparks, a nineteen-year-old magician, and Kevin, a young and hunky country and western singer. Despite the fact that only one of them could go through to the final, the votes had been split as the nation had fallen for both young men. Jack, in a moment of weakness, couldn’t bring himself to choose one of them and instead sent them both through. It was a results show of tension and tears. As a consequence of his heartfelt decision there will be six acts in the final next weekend and all have a week living together and to prepare their final performances. Now the five other acts stand around Laura’s bed, watching as she’s curled into a foetal position, staring into space, completely unresponsive.
‘She’s definitely in shock,’ Master Brendan of the Alice and Brendan circus act says. ‘If I’m finding this entire thing weird, imagine how she feels.’
‘I’m loving it!’ Kevin, the country and western singer, pipes up. After famously singing a song to a secret crush, admitting his love for her, he received five hundred thousand hits on YouTube. Heartfelt decisions aside, he was simply too popular an act for Jack to lose from the final. And he had moved the focus of his affections from his one true love to Alice, of Alice and Brendan the circus duo.
‘Can she hear us?’ Alice says loudly. ‘Maybe she’s had a stroke or a nervous breakdown and she can’t hear us.’
‘Of course she can hear us,’ Alan says. ‘She’s choosing not to answer.’
‘You fucking idiot,’ Mabel says.
‘Hey, you need to stop that,’ Kevin defends his crush.
‘And you need to get a sense of humour,’ Ringmaster Brendan snaps at the country and western singer who fancies his contortionist partner who he’s secretly had a crush on for years. They met when she was fourteen and he was twenty-four, and it always seemed wrong for him to tell her how he felt, as he knew her from when she was so young. But now she’s twenty-two and he’s thirty-two and it would be okay, if not for this country and western dimwit who is getting in his way.
‘Have you noticed that she hasn’t said anything?’ Selena asks.
‘I’m not fucking deaf,’ Mabel says.
‘I don’t mean talking,’ the singer says, addressing Mabel. They all see her as the extra member of the team, such is the presence she has in the house, and Alan seems entirely unable to control her. ‘She’s not making any of her sounds. She always makes her noises.’
They watch Laura, huddled in her bed, staring at the wall like she doesn’t have the contestants of a TV show gathered around her. No sounds come from her at all. It is unusual, for her.
Alice is clearly delighted by this. Less competition for her.
‘It’s like a murder mystery,’ Alice giggles. ‘Which one of us stole the Lyrebird’s lore? Well, it wasn’t me.’
‘It was them,’ Alan says, looking at the newspapers surrounding her bed. He picks up the open tabloid with the article about Laura’s mother and grandmother allegedly being responsible for Laura’s grandfather’s death. It had been published yesterday, on the final day of the StarrQuest semi-final, front page of a tabloid, LIARBIRD’S LAIR, and while Laura had been relatively silent since Alan’s arrival four days ago, she had disappeared into this state after reading it. He’s worried. He folds the paper up and tucks it under his arm, the anger building inside of him, intending to destroy it so she can’t set eyes on it again. Another tabloid article reveals the inside story of how the infamous Laura-meets-a-lyrebird photoshoot took place in Melbourne, the superb lyrebird having been shockingly captured for the purpose of promotion. This is accompanied by a large photograph of Laura beside the caged bird which has animal and bird protectors shouting out in outrage.
‘We should tell the producers,’ says Sparks nervously.
‘No,’ Alan says quickly. ‘We don’t tell the producers. They’re the ones who got her in this position. They’ll put her on the show like this if they have to.’
‘What about Bianca? She called by a few days ago to tell Laura to call some guy. She left a number but Laura barely even lo
oked at it.’
‘We only need her to speak to people who will help her,’ Alan says, dismissing that. ‘What about the therapist we’ve been told about?’
‘Larry,’ says Sparks. He got through on his amazing card tricks, but along the way he’s developed a tremble in his fingers that he can’t control. He had a three-hour therapy session with Larry this morning.
‘Is he any good?’ Selena asks.
‘Show us your hands,’ Mabel pipes up and Alan looks scornfully at her for the inappropriate remark.
‘Sorry,’ Alan says to Sparks on Mabel’s behalf.
‘It’s okay,’ Sparks says, forgetting momentarily that Mabel is Alan.
‘You’ll call the therapist for her?’ Alan asks.
‘Yeah.’
‘Good man.’
‘You can count on Sparks,’ Mabel says as soon as Sparks has left the room. ‘Steady as anything, is our Sparks.’
The others smile and shake their heads, not wanting to laugh.
Alan admonishes Mabel again.
Laura hears them. Of course she hears them. She’s grateful that they care, but even more grateful when they finally leave her bedroom. She sits up when they’re gone, feeling panicked. She hadn’t noticed it, but they’re right: she hasn’t felt herself mimicking, or heard herself do it – not that she would always be aware of it, but she’s certain they’re correct. She hasn’t made a sound. She hasn’t been thinking about her past; no happy, sad or any kind of memories. She feels too numb to revisit a single moment of her life aside from the here and now, and now is nothing. Anything else is too painful. Her mind is completely devoid of memories, thoughts and feelings. Just here, now, this, nothing. Then the panic fades and a calm sweeps over her.
If she’s silent, then perhaps the world will be silent with her. And she finds a great freedom in that.
33
Solomon’s frustration is immense. They can’t film the documentary on Lyrebird because of StarrQuest/StarrGaze Entertainment restrictions, which Bo’s high-powered barrister father is working on. All contact is with StarrGaze Entertainment’s team of lawyers, they can’t reach Laura at all. Bo’s father had asked them, do Mouth to Mouth productions wish to issue proceedings against Lyrebird?