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The world went very still around us. I could hear the sound of a distant car passing on the highway; my heart thudded crazily as we stared at each other. Alex hesitated. His head moved a fraction, so that for a wild moment I actually thought he was going to kiss me.
Then a look that I couldn’t read flickered through his eyes. Letting his hand fall from my face, he cleared his throat and smiled. “If, um — you still want to hang out with me, that is. ”
I nodded, my cheeks on fire. “Yeah, I think I can deal with that,” I said, managing to smile through my embarrassment. How could I have imagined, even for a second, that he was about to kiss me?
“So . . . what now?” I said after a pause, trying to sound normal.
Silently, Alex finished packing his first-aid kit. “Come on, let’s get something to drink,” he said.
Standing outside, he fed coins into the vending machine, buying us each a Coke. I hadn’t thought I wanted anything, but it tasted wonderful, like nectar, and I took deep gulps. We were alive. That was the important thing. And we were still going to be together. Warmth filled my chest.
Leaving the porch area, we went back out into the sunshine, heading toward the truck. Alex was frowning, looking down as he walked. “To tell you the truth, I think our options are pretty limited,” he said. “I was counting on Cully to know how to reach the other AKs. ” He sighed. “What we really need is for the CIA to find us, if Project Angel still exists. ”
“Could they?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, in theory . . . if there’s anyone left in Project Angel without angel burn, then they’ve got to be looking for us — they must have spies in the Church of Angels who’ll have heard what’s going on. ”
I thought about this as we reached the truck. I could feel the heat coming off it, just standing next to it. “That doesn’t help us, though, does it? Even if they are looking for us, we don’t have any way to contact them. ”
Alex shook his head as he drained his Coke. “No, we’re on our own. ” He pitched the empty can into a metal garbage can nearby; it made a ringing noise. “Look, I think that just keeping alive is probably a pretty good goal for now. How would you feel about going underground for a while? It’ll give us some breathing room, so we can try to figure out what to do. ”
“Going underground?” I repeated. “You mean — hide out somewhere?”
His eyes met mine. “Yeah, what do you think? I know a place we can go. ”
Remembering the warmth of his hand on my cheek, my heart quickened at the thought of being somewhere alone with him, not on the run or driving all day. “That . . . sounds good,” I got out.
“OK,” he said, nodding. We climbed into the truck. Alex put the first-aid kit back in his bag, then tapped the steering wheel, looking deep in thought. “So, with any luck, those were the only angels in the area. If we get away fast, it might take a while for the others to figure out what’s happened. The place I’m thinking of is up in the mountains, so we should check out whatever Cully’s got in those boxes back there, make sure we have enough food. We need to stop and grab a few things, anyway. ”
I started to smile. “You mean we’re going shopping?”
Alex laughed. “Don’t get too excited; we’re talking sporting goods. ” He started the truck. “OK,” he said. “‘It’s a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. ’”
I felt my mouth quirk at the Blues Brothers quote. And I thought — even if he’s never going to feel the same way that I do, it doesn’t matter. I still want to be with him.
I never wanted to be without him.
“Hit it,” I said.
A few hours later, they had crossed over into Arizona, keeping to minor roads when they could. At a small shopping mall outside of Phoenix, Alex pulled into a space that was half hidden behind a Dumpster. Opening the boxes that held Cully’s supplies, they examined the stacks of canned food. “Do you think it’ll be enough?” asked Willow, craning over her seat.
“I’d better get some more,” said Alex, looking across at the supermarket that sat at one end of the mall. “I want us to be able to hide out for a long time if we need to. ”
Willow glanced at the supermarket, too, her brow furrowed. “Well, I guess I’d better stay in the truck while you get whatever we need. I don’t have a cap anymore, to hide my hair. ”
Alex knew that she was right, but he didn’t like the thought of leaving her alone — not when a description of the truck had probably already been circulated to every Church of Angels member in the country. “I’ll hurry,” he said. “Here — take this, OK?” He reached under his T-shirt and pulled out his gun; her green eyes widened as he held it out to her.
“Alex, you know I don’t —”
“Please,” he said.
Gingerly, she took it, looking as if she expected it to grow teeth and bite her. “I could seriously never use this,” she said.
“Fine, just wave it threateningly at someone if you have to. But I’d feel better if you had it. ” He took out his wallet and glanced inside it, counting his cash.
Willow’s eyebrows rose at the number of bills. She placed the gun carefully in the storage bucket, keeping her fingers well away from the trigger. “Are you sure you’re not really a drug dealer?”
Alex laughed. “No, I just never trusted the CIA much. I always kept some cash on hand in case I needed to take off. ” He eyed the clothes she was wearing. “You’re going to need a few things; it’ll be colder where we’re going. What size do you wear? Shoe size, too, so I can get you some hiking boots. ”
Willow told him, looking apprehensive. “You mean you’re going to do my shopping for me?”
He grinned. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Says the guy who called my favorite skirt a ‘purple skirt thing. ’ Look, only get solid colors, OK? I hate prints. And could you get me a toothbrush?”
“Solid colors, no prints, toothbrush — got it. I’ll be back as soon as I can. ” Alex paused before he got out, concern creasing through him at the thought of her out here on her own. “Look, keep down, all right? Pretend you’re asleep or something. ”
She nodded, her eyes warm on his. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. ”
Alex did the shopping as quickly as he could, loading a shopping cart with everything he thought they might need. At the sporting goods store, he bought them both hiking boots and thermal sleeping bags, a camp stove and canisters of gas. He didn’t start to feel really out of his depth until he checked out a clothing store to get things for Willow. He did the best he could, taking a pile of clothes to the counter.
“Shopping for your girlfriend?” said the girl at the cash register.
“Sort of,” said Alex. As she rang up his purchases, his attention was caught by a display of silver jewelry on the checkout counter. One of the necklaces had a chain so slim it was almost invisible; a faceted crystal teardrop hung from it, catching the light. Lifting the necklace from the display rack, Alex turned the crystal pendant over in his hand. It reminded him of Willow. The crystal was the way her angel had looked, as she hovered in the sky above him.