“Yes, ma’am!” Eva salutes her as we turn to leave with the rest of the girls.
“Demi?” Reeva calls my name, and it feels as if I’ve just stuck a fork in a light socket.
I turn to face her.
“I’m letting you keep the entire cut,” she whispers.
“Really? Thank you.” I lean in and offer a heartfelt hug. “Thank you so much.”
“Wear white.” Her eyes ride up and down my body. “I’ve billed you as a virgin—anyone who’s about to turn their first trick qualifies as one in my book.”
I give a wry smile.
It’s just one night, I tell myself as I follow Eva to the kitchen. But the heft of this “one night” feels as if every guy I’ve ever slept with has been layered on my shoulders. I can’t bear the guilt this night will bring. Cash in exchange for sex. Something like that stays with you, haunts you like a corpse tied to your back until the day you step into eternity. But, on the bright side, it’ll be more than enough money to take Nora and her wicked spawn to court.
One night.
My rules. I’m in control.
I let out a ragged breath. If I’m in control, why am I quivering like a “virgin” on prom night? This isn’t the prom, and I’m no virgin, but the last thing I want to do is cross that line with anyone.
If it were prom, I’d give anything for my date to be Gavin.
Tonight is going to suck, and I have Nora to thank for that.
“Why are we raiding the fridge again?” I ask Eva as she retrieves two spoons and a small jar from the cabinet. She’s wearing a single strand of pearls, and my eyes keep gravitating toward them. She’s worn them before. The beads are small and uneven like tiny little teeth. My mother’s pearls were iridescent cream, each bead as perfectly round as the next. I used to wear them all the time growing up. I didn’t know until later that she died wearing them. Her labor caught her off guard in the middle of a cocktail party, and out I came two hours later, but she was already gone. My father said she held me for a moment, then they plucked me from her arms and tried to save her life. I was afraid to wear the pearls after I found out—afraid they were cursed. I wanted to ask my father if he had to wash blood off them, but then they were probably clean to begin with.
“We’re not raiding the fridge, we’re raiding the cupboard.” Eva holds up a jar of something that looks like peanut butter, but it’s not. It’s called Cookie Butter. “A client introduced me to this in the most interesting way.”
“Stop.” My hands clamp over my ears. “I don’t want to hear it.” Every time Eva details her less-than-nutritious sex encounters, it ruins my appetite for weeks.
“Anyway”—she unscrews the lid as we take a seat at the table—“it’s become my comfort food.”
“Since when do you need comfort?” I take a spoon from her and dig out a scoop.
“Since I discovered Cookie Butter.”
I put the whole thing in my mouth and give a hard moan.
“God.” I groan even louder. “I think I just had a food-gasm.”
“Didn’t I tell you?” She mumbles through a mouthful. “This is better than anything that goes on upstairs.”
“For sure that’s true for me.” As far as the other girls go, I practically do qualify as a virgin.
“We should totally find the guy that invented this and offer him a freebie.”
“It might have been a woman.” And, sadly, Eva’s slightly sexist comment makes me ache for Gavin in the worst way.
“Taken care of. We’ve got Monica upstairs.” Her brows spike into her hairline. “So what about tonight?”
“Tonight is all about the future.” I say the words but don’t believe them. I can’t breathe at the thought of another man touching me. Gavin and I were going to change together, and here I am throwing it all away just like I threw us away. Thanks to Gavin, I no longer have the urge to fight for my place in this world by way of my vagina. He taught me everything I ever needed to know about love, even if I could never truly have it. I miss him. With him it was as if the world were startling awake after a long slumber, color appeared where only black and white existed before, but now I’ve receded, plunged into a dingy hell a thousand times darker than before.
“Tonight is anything you want it to be.” Eva bleeds a sad smile. “But mostly it’s your ticket out of here.”
“I’ve just been buying time.” Still trying to claw my way back up the cliff Nora tossed me off all those years ago. “What about you? Do you want out?”
“Only every other day.”
“You only work every other day.”
“I always knew you were smart.”
“I won’t forget that.”
“That you’re smart or that I finally want out?”
I lean forward and kiss her on the cheek. Eva has been closer than blood to me.
“Both. I’ll remember both.”
“We’d better get going. Your White Knight just might be on his way.”
“Pfft.” With my luck it’s going to be a Warren Senior knock-off save for a few extra chins.
What would I do if it were Gavin?
I shake the thought away. Gavin doesn’t have twenty thousand dollars to spare for a night of sin.
The things I would do if it were Gavin—makes my mouth water just thinking about it.
Gavin
“I need to borrow twenty-thousand dollars.” I’ve just spent the last several minutes outlining why.
“Borrow?” Warren slaps his hand down over his glossy desk. “Like you’ll ever be able to pay it back.”
I glance at Ace. Warren is right. It’ll take a lifetime for me to repay that kind of money.
“I’ll take on half the debt,” Ace offers.
“No deal.” I cut him a look that says back off. “It’s all me, or I’m not doing it.”
“Well, I’m not doing it, so that should settle this playground dispute.” Warren gives his full attention to his laptop as if we were no longer sitting in his uptight office brimming with dick art. I glance around at the bevy of beauties splayed out on oversized canvases. It doesn’t matter if it’s oil or pastel, it’s porn at its finest. The fact that he spends half his nights with my sister makes me want to plunge fistfuls of pencils into my eyes.
“How much do you think that company of yours is worth?” Warren mumbles so low I half wonder if he’s speaking to me.
“My company?”
Ace knocks his knee into mine and shakes his head.
“It’s worth fifty grand,” I lie. But if he plans on offering half, it just might work.
He rubs the scruff on his chin. Since he quit the law firm, he’s grown a goatee. He hasn’t ditched the argyle yet, but if he plans on making it in the lumber industry, he might just have to.
“Twenty and I’ll let you stay on, keep any employees you might have.” He wears his poker face as he says it.
“What about a salary?” Ace thunders it out like a threat. “You’re going to pay him, right?” It’s a small wonder Ace hasn’t killed him by now after what he tried doing to Reese, not to mention the fact Neva has let everyone in Loveless know she’s nursing a broken heart by way of the smoke exuding from her ears.
“I guess he has to eat.” Warren threads his fingers behind his neck and relaxes in his pricey leather chair. “Let me see your tax returns—we’ll figure something out. I’ve been looking for someplace to park my money. I think this might be a good start. Besides, I always knew you’d be working for me.” He gives a greasy smile, and I can tell Ace is ready and willing to beat the shit out of him, but right now I’m just grateful.
“I’ll be needing cash.”
Warren’s forehead glides back, amused. “Bank’s across the street. Let’s take a little walk.”
We head to the door, and Warren shakes his head.
“All this for one night? Dude, she’d better be worth it.”
“She is.”
I hope she thinks I am, too.
Reeva?
??s mansion comes up on the horizon like a dove in flight. The windows are lit up like jewels, and there’s a regal elegance about it as it stamps across the horizon. Ironic. This entire place bleeds irony. My stomach turns because I’m starting to wonder if this was a big mistake. I’m not sure what to expect but, tonight—I’m just hoping Emmy and I can get a chance to talk. All I want is a few answers. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m hoping this is her last day in that hellhole. She tunneled into my heart the moment I saw her. I need her more than the air filling my lungs.
I hop out and turn my key over to the valet. No quick escapes. I guess that’s a bonus security measure. If anyone hurt Emmy—if anyone touched Emmy, I’d want them hung on the nearest tree.
My nerves set themselves on fire from head to foot. I was rattled enough driving down here, and now the idea I might actually see her sets me on edge.
My fingers curve over the long brass handle, and a horrible thought hits me as I open the door. What if it’s not Emmy? What if I gave away everything for a chance to speak with a total stranger, some close second, nothing but a cheap lookalike.
Shit. I cinch the envelope full of cash bundled in my hand. Either way, this is going to hurt.
“You’re back.” The redhead in the wheelchair beams. She’s spruced up for the evening, wearing a glittering black gown and bright pink lipstick.
“Could you look at the picture one more time?” I pull out the photo and iron it out with my hand. “Is this the girl you have working for you?”
“That would be her.” She looks up, the smile gone from her face. “Let’s make one thing clear. Once a cash transaction takes place, there are no refunds. Should this night not meet all of your desires, I suggest you recalibrate your expectations.”
“Recalibrate my expectations.” I pump a dry smile. “That’s what I’ve been doing for the last few months.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
I hand her the cash. She counts it out, twice. The bank gave Warren a hard time for withdrawing so much at once, but he threw in a good tantrum in retribution like only the wealthy can and put them in their blue collar place.
“It’s all here.” Her face lights up as she quickly locks it away in a drawer. I swallow hard at the finality of it all. “I need you to know something.” Her eyes harden over mine. “I’m bending my rules a bit tonight. Emmy will receive the entire lump sum, but you’re not to touch a cent. She needs it to take back what’s rightfully hers.” That last part is muttered under her breath as if it weren’t for my ears.
“What is it that’s rightfully hers?”
“That’s not for me to tell.” She leans forward, drinking me in like I’m her favorite sin. “So are you ready to embark on one of life’s greatest adventures?”
I bet that’s the line she feeds all the morons willing to hand over their life’s savings. Although I’m pretty sure I’m the only fool who’s ever done that. But for Emmy I’d be a fool every day of the year.
“I’m all in.” Emmy can tie me up and pour kerosene over my body. I’d light the match if she asked me to. I’m ready and willing to take on anything she wants to throw my way—and if screaming at me, maiming, or destroying me in general is what she wants, so be it.
“That’s the attitude. Head on upstairs. Apartment twelve. Step inside and close the door. She’ll be out of the dressing room when she’s ready.”
Apartment. Dressing room. It all sounds a little off.
“Got it.” I head for the stairs.
“Oh, and Gavin?”
I turn, startled that she remembered my name.
“She doesn’t know you’re coming.”
Emmy isn’t expecting me.
“Thank you.” Enough adrenaline speeds through me to fuel a locomotive.
Emmy doesn’t know I’m coming. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing.
The air upstairs is cooler, crisper. The carpet is lush and floral, in marbled shades of the same garish color as the lobby. Room, ten, eleven—twelve. Just seeing the small metallic number tacked up on the door stuns me, efficient as a slap.
I let out a breath. My body pulsates and hums like a defunct motor. My chest palpitates like machinegun fire.
Fuck. A knot builds in my throat. I run my fingers through my hair and bounce in my sneakers. I could take off. I could say screw this shit and be back in Loveless by midnight. But I’d regret it. I’d hate myself every day I was alive if I didn’t go through with it.
I fill my lungs with another cool breath just to keep from passing out. Reeva was right. I need to lower my expectations way the heck down. This is simply me asking a few questions. I’m not here to yell, or scream, or cry like a pussy. I’m not here to make love to her for the very first time or beg her to run away with me—although I’m up for all of the above.
My hand rises, and I flatten it over the door a moment.
“Emmy,” I whisper. “I love you so damn much it hurts. Help me take the hurt away.” I give a gentle knock. Reeva said to head in and shut the door. A wave of nerves rides over me as I turn the knob. It’s dim inside with the exception of a sea of candles on the dresser. I step in and close the door behind me. The soft scent of lavender and lilacs infiltrates my senses. That’s the scent, right there. I close my eyes and take in Emmy before she ever sets foot in the room.
“I’ll be right out!” Her sweet voice drifts from the right, and I startle. She’s here. That’s her. I’d recognized that beautiful voice anywhere.
A tall, four-poster bed made up with pristine white bedding, fluffy as whipped cream, sits in the middle of the oversized room. It’s huge in here—half the size of the cabin. There’s a silver vanity off to one side, a plain dresser to my left, and every last inch of this place breaks my heart.
“Sorry to keep you waiting I—” She jumps out from the door to the right, and I stop breathing. Her hair is longer. Her skin glows against the short white lingerie, but it’s her face, her sad eyes, her soul that is heartbreakingly beautiful beyond words.
“Emmy.” Her name expires from my lungs as I take a step forward.
Her eyes glint round and white as flames. Her mouth opens, and she chokes for a moment.
I want to run over, hold her, but my feet have screwed themselves into the floor.
Emmy takes a few careful steps forward until we’re less than a foot away. The candlelight dances off her features like a pulse.
She studies my face as if confirming it’s me.
“Gavin.” She closes her eyes a moment.
I fish in my pocket and pull out the necklace I gave her that last day. I had the chain replaced with something thicker, something impossible to tear away and discard like an old newspaper.
“You forgot something,” I say as I hold it out to her.
Her eyes latch onto mine, and I can’t tell if she’s pissed or elated. Definitely not elated. She doesn’t take the necklace, so I toss it over to the bed. It’s hers. She can flush it if she wants.
“Emmy, I just wanted to—”
She holds up a hand, and I stop speaking.
There’s a fire in her eyes. She’s angry, hurt, and she’s making this entire effort feel like a big mistake. But there’s something desperately broken hiding behind her glassy stare, and I hang onto that because more than anything it spells out hope for the two of us.
“This is business,” she spits the words out. “This is what I do,” she says it stiff as cardboard to drill the point home.
“We don’t need to—”
“No words.” She flashes her palm at me again, and I shut the fuck up.
Tears glitter in her eyes, but she’s seething. If looks could kill she would have already pulled my balls up through my nose.
My jaw tightens. If this is the game she wants to play, I’ll go along for the ride. If I can’t soften her up with words maybe I can do it with my body.
I flick the lip of my jeans. “Do you do this—or should I?”
Emmy and I enter a standof
f. Neither of us flinches.
She lays a finger over my mouth, so cool and soft. I close my eyes and kiss it.
Emmy drops to her knees and unbuckles my belt.
I want to stop her. I don’t want her to stop.
I want to pick her up and tell her I’m just here to talk.
But I don’t.
7
Loving You
Demi
Gavin.
I can’t breathe or think. He’s tracked me down and now he’s here. He came and wanted to speak to me, but I’ve bound his tongue, and now I’m down on my knees doing what I know best. At least that’s what he believes. And it’s what I want him to believe. I’ll make love to him. I want to. I’ve dreamed of it. Wanted it. And now that the opportunity presented itself, I can’t say no. But once we’re through, he needs to leave. He should take the memory of tonight and let it be enough. It’ll have to be. I’m the one who’s cursed his world with darkness. And because of that, I don’t deserve what I’m about to do next.
My fingers fly over his buckle, quick as lightning and just as white. I unbutton his jeans as he grows for me. I can feel him blooming as I give the zipper a tug.
My breathing grows erratic, filling the room with the sound of panting.
Gavin pulls me to my feet until I’m standing in front of him again, my mouth trembling, unsure of which way to go next. His eyes catch mine in the candlelight, so sad, so sorry. He leans in and brushes his lips over mine.
“Do you want this?” he whispers. The words circle around the room like a sparrow.
I give a slight nod. If he didn’t catch it, he can go. I won’t stop him.
His nose touches mine. Gavin’s hands track up and down my arms until his fingers finally dig in. He smells like evergreens and musk, the warmth of his body blazes around me like an inferno. God I want him. I want him more than I want another minute of my own life.
His lips expand a moment. He’s holding that amused smile in his eyes, and I die inside. Gavin lands his mouth over mine with the delicate care you would give to defusing a bomb. His tongue plunges into my mouth, and he’s in me, loving me in a way he hasn’t in so very long. I’ve yearned for his kisses—dreamed of them. But in all my fantasies his mouth has never tasted so good. Gavin is a god with his hot kisses.