I nodded, picking up on his hidden meaning. I scanned the area in front of me, wondering where Chance and I would one day be laid to rest, wondering when that day would be, hoping it wouldn’t be anytime soon, and knowing that no matter when it came, it would still be too soon.
“Still afraid I’m going to wind up here in the near future?” I swallowed, lifting my head toward the patch of open space just beside where my mom had been buried. “Nothing but another grave marker beside the rest?”
“Yes. I’ll always be afraid of that.” His voice was strong, though he was admitting being afraid. Kneeling beside me, Chance’s hand found mine. “But I’m not going to let the fear of losing you be responsible for actually losing you. Because I want you in my life, forever, and I would give mine to preserve yours.” Chance lifted his chin at the graves in front of us. “I’m going to embrace the good, not balk back from the bad.”
My pinkie tangled with his. “Is that why you can’t look me in the eyes?”
Chance exhaled so loudly it got Wolf’s attention, at least for a second. “I’m scared.”
Lowering my head to his shoulder, I nodded. “I’m scared too.” I focused on Jenny’s grave, where Wolf was resting. She and Chase had barely gotten a chance to live and love before she’d been ripped from him. Would I have longer? Would we be the exception to the seeming rule? “But you know what? I’m more scared of not having you in my life.”
“Me too.” Chance shifted closer beside me. “Me too.”
Without knowing we’d be bridging and coming to terms with the one hot topic in our relationship, we’d successfully tackled it in a few sentences. Chance and I were going to do this, and we wouldn’t let anything stop us—the threat of death included. I never imagined I’d face the possibility of my own death with such joy.
“It’s his birthday.” Chance pushed the stems of a few flowers just enough out of the way to read Conn’s birthdate.
“It didn’t seem right to not do something to remember it, you know?”
Chance smiled at our brother’s grave. “I know.” After kissing my temple, he rose and fell back behind me. “Take as long as you want. I’ll be here when you’re finished.”
“To walk me down the mountain?” I looked back as he gave me some space.
Chance shook his head, something inside lighting his eyes. “To be at your side through every walk of life. Down a mountain trail included.”
“Where I go you go?” I guessed, repeating his words.
The corners of his mouth lifted. “Forever.”
I stayed at the mountain graveyard until long after the sun had reached its height in the sky. Chance stayed with me the entire time, never saying a word, just being my companion. I knew that, no matter what, Chance would go wherever I went.
Some of us would live long lives, some of us not so long. Life was a gamble. Love was a gamble. But what I’d figured out during my sixth summer at Red Mountain was that if I let fear of the unknown be the wind in my life’s sail, it would steer me away from everything I cared about and everyone I loved. Letting fear take the steering wheel meant handing over control of my life. Once fear had that control, it wasn’t inclined to hand it back.
I knew the Armstrong superstition that went generations deep might have been valid. I’d accepted that the curse might very well be out there, following my every step, but I wouldn’t live in fear. I wouldn’t reject the man I loved and the place I loved because it might lead to an untimely death. I might not get to decide when and how I died, but I had the power to decide how I lived. Whether that life expired in a day, a month, or a half-century, I’d take with me to the grave the peace that came from knowing I’d lived my life regretting little and loving lots.
If that was my curse, so be it.
Nicole loves to hear from her readers. You can connect with her on,
Facebook: Nicole Williams (Official Author Page)
Twitter: nwilliamsbooks
Blog: nicoleawilliams.blogspot.com
Other Works by Nicole:
CRASH, CLASH, and CRUSH (HarperCollins)
LOST & FOUND, NEAR & FAR, FINDERS KEEPERS
UP IN FLAMES (Simon & Schuster UK)
HARD KNOX , DAMAGED GOODS (The Outsider Chronicles)
GREAT EXPLOITATIONS
THE EDEN TRILOGY
THE PATRICK CHRONICLES
Nicole Williams, Three Brothers
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