Chapter 23
23
EVERY NOW AND THEN, I demand to be treated like the supernatural hero that I am.
I strode back to the house, ignoring Quinn and Mona (especially Mona), and opened the kitchen door, and told Jasmine that Patsy's spirit was definitely gone from the Earth, and that I was spent and that I needed
to sleep in Aunt Queen's bed, no matter what anybody thought about it.
Obstreperous little Jerome jumped up from his tiny table and cried: "But I never got to see her! Mamma, I never got to see her. "
"I'll draw you a picture, sit down!" said Jasmine and, with the incontestable authority of the lady with the keys, she led me across the hall and admitted me to the sacrosanct chamber at once, mumbling that Mona had made a mess of the closets only two hours before, but everything was now put right, and I flung myself theatrically upon the rose satin bed, beneath the rose satin canopy, nuzzled into the rose satin pillows and lay there, drenched in the scent of Chantilly, allowing Jasmine to pull off my dirty boots because it made her happy, and protected the bed, and I closed my eyes.
At once Quinn said in a soft, respectful voice, "Lestat, may Mona and I keep watch with you? We're so grateful for what you did. "
"Out of my sight," I said. "Jasmine, please light all the lamps and then make them get out of here. Patsy is gone, and my soul is weak! I have seen the feathered wings of angels. Don't I deserve to sleep for this little while?"
"You get out of here, Tarquin Blackwood and Mona Mayfair!" Jasmine said. "Thank the Lawd that Patsy's gone! I can feel it. That child was just lost and now she's way up home and no more searching. I'm taking these boots to Allen. Allen's the boot expert on this property. Allen can clean these boots. Now, you two go on, you heard what the man said. His soul is weak. Now let him be. Lestat, I'm getting you a blanket. "
Amen.
I drifted.
Julien was at my ear in heated French: "I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth through all your endeavors until you are ruined in madness! Vanity of vanities, all is vanity. All that you do is vanity, and for your own pride and glory! You think the angels don't know what you do and for whom you do it!"
"Aw, yeah!" I whispered, "you spiteful ghost, you thought you had me between the worlds, didn't you? Is that where you live forever, watching them pass you by? You didn't give a damn for Patsy's soul, did you? And did she not descend from you as surely as Quinn? And Mona? You did the beast with two backs in this very house with Patsy's ancestor too, did you not, you don't know your own descendants when they're not to your taste, you merciless astral panhandler. . . . "
I drifted deeper, brain descending into the sweetness of human exhaustion-far from the ring of the anvil between the worlds, far from the torrent of Heaven. Adieu, my poor doomed Patsy. Yes, and I had done it with a kiss, and yes, with a step, and yes, she had gone up, and wasn't it good? Had I not done good?
Could anybody deny it was good? Yo, Juanito, wasn't it good? Wasn't the exorcism of Goblin good? I sank back into the safety of know-nothing sleep. And round about, the golden lighted room protected me.
What could I do that was good for Mona and Quinn?
Two hours later I was awakened by the chiming of a clock. I didn't know where in the house it was or what it looked like and I didn't care. The room was wholesome and reassuring, as if the purity and generosity of Aunt Queen had totally infused it.
I was refreshed. The evil little cells in my body had done their dirty and inevitable work. And if I'd had any terrible dreams I didn't remember them.
Lestat was Lestat again. As if anyone cared. Do you care?
I sat up.
Julien was sitting at Aunt Queen's little round table, the table at which she had taken her meals, the table between the bed and the closet doors. He wore his fancy dinner jacket. He smoked a little black cigarette. Stella sat on the couch in her pretty white dress. She was playing with one of Aunt Queen's floppy boudoir dolls.
"Bonjour, Lestat," said Stella. "At last you wake, you handsome Endymion. "
"Everything you do," Julien said in French, "you do for your own selfish aims. You want these mortals to love you. You bask in their blind adoration. You devour it like blood. Are you tired of killing and destroying?"
"You're not making sense," I replied. "Being dead, you should know better. The dead should have an edge. You don't have one. You hang out in the alleyways of the other world. I saw you for what you are. "
He smiled a wicked little smile.
"Exactly what is your paltry plan?" he asked in French, "to send me through the cloudy Heavens the way you did Patsy Blackwood?"
"Hmmm. Why should I bother with your salvation?" I asked. "As I told you before, I'm getting used to you. I feel privileged, having these little t¨ºte-¨¤-t¨ºtes, no matter where you come from. And then there's Stella. Stella is a delight always. "
"Oh, you're so sweet," said little Stella. She held the doll up by the arms. "You know, Ducky, you present the most bizarre problem. "
"Do explain," I said. "Nothing delights me more than children who spout philosophy. "
"Don't be sure that I'm capable of a philosophical observation," she replied, frowning and smiling at me at the same time. She let the doll flop in her lap. She lifted her shoulders, then slowly relaxed. "This is what I think about you, Ducky. You have a conscience without a soul to back it up. Quite unique, I should say. "
A dark shiver passed through me. "Where is my soul, Stella?" I asked.
She seemed at a loss, but then she spoke: "Entangled!" she said. "Caught in a web! But your conscience flies free of your soul. It's simply marvelous. "
Julien smiled. "We'll find a way to cut that web," he said.
"Oh, so you mean to save my soul?" I asked.
"I don't care where it goes once it leaves this Earth," Julien replied. "Haven't I told you that? It's the fleshly shell I detest, the evil blood that enlivens it, the appetite that drives it, and the consuming pride that motivated it to take my niece. "
"You're overwrought," I said. "Remember the child. You must have had some purpose in bringing her with you as a witness. Behave decently in her presence. "
The knob on the hall door turned.
They vanished. Such shy retiring individuals.
The doll fell over on the couch, and, having no elbows or knees, looked most bereft as it stared with its big painted eyes at the room around it.
Quinn and Mona entered. Quinn had changed into a big cable knit sweater and simple slacks, for the air- conditioning at Blackwood Farm was a force to be reckoned with, and Mona was still in her gorgeous black dress, her pale face and hands glowing. A cameo was now fixed at her neck, a very large and beautiful one of white and blue sardonyx.
"Can we talk now?" Quinn asked in a very polite tone. He looked at Mona with great concern, then his eyes returned to me.
I realized that Quinn had been quite right in his early description to me of his love for Mona. Mona's unhappiness-indeed Mona herself, whether happy or sad-continued to supplant all Quinn's own woes and griefs in his own heart. She continued to deliver him mercifully, at least for now, from the loss of Aunt
Queen, and the loss of his doppelganger, Goblin. Whatever the little scorpion did to me, his love for her was a blessing.
How else explain the ease with which he accepted me usurping Aunt Queen's magnificent bed in my, how shall we put it, vanity?
I pushed back against the pillows until I was firmly planted in an upright position, with legs comfortably stretched out and ankles crossed, and I nodded.
Seldom did I see my feet in black socks. I knew almost nothing personally about my feet. They looked rather small for the twenty-first century. Bad luck. But six feet was still a good height.
"I want you to know that I adored Aunt Queen," I muttered. "I slept on top of the counterpane. I was shaken. "
"Beloved Boss, you make a picture there," Quinn said kindly. "Make this your place here. You know m
y aunt. She slept all day. Every window's fitted with a black-out blind beneath the fancy velvet. "
These words had an immensely soothing effect. I gave him to know that silently.
He sat on the bench before Aunt Queen's dressing table, with his back to the big round mirror and the soft lamplight. Mona sat on the couch, very near to the doll that the ghost of Stella had just left there.
"Are you rested now?" Mona asked, pretending to be a decently behaved creature.
"Do something useful," I said disdainfully to Mona. "Pick up that boudoir doll and set it down properly, so it doesn't look so lost. "
"Oh, yes, certainly," she said, as if she wasn't a roaring revenant from Hell. She set the doll against the padded arm of the chair, crossed its legs and put its little hands in its lap. It stared at me gratefully.
"What happened to you out there, Lestat?" Quinn asked. His manner was very solicitous.
"Not certain," I replied. "Some force wanting to take me with her, maybe. We were connected as she started to rise. But I managed to get away. Not sure. I see angels sometimes. It's frightening. Can't talk about it. Don't want to relive it. But Patsy is gone on. That's what's important. "
"I saw the Light," said Quinn. "I saw it without mistake, but I never saw the spirit of Patsy. " He had such a sincere manner about him, nothing fanciful.
"I saw it too," said the banshee. "And you were fighting with someone, and you were cursing in French,
and you cried out something about Oncle Julien. "
"Doesn't matter now," I said, eyes on Quinn. "As I said, I'd rather not relive it. "
"Why did you do it?" Quinn asked, respectfully.
"What on Earth do you mean?" I asked. "It had to be done, didn't it?"
"I realize that," said Quinn. "But why you? I'm the one who murdered Patsy. And you went out there alone and drew her spirit to you. You brought the Light down for her. There was a struggle. Why did you do it?"
"For you, I suppose," I said with a shrug. "Maybe I didn't think anybody else could do it. Or I did it for Jasmine, because I'd promised her the ghost wouldn't get her. Or for Patsy. Yes, for Patsy. " I brooded. I said, "You're both so young in the Blood. You've seen so little. I've seen the howling wind of the Earthbound Dead. I've seen their souls in the void between the realms. When Mona said that Patsy didn't know she was dead, that settled it for me. So I went out there and I did it. "
"And then there was the song," said the little harpy, looking at Quinn. "Tommy played the Irish song and it was so mournful. "
"Speaking of her songs, I made good on the promise," said Quinn. "Or at least I've started. I called Patsy's agent, got him out of bed. We're going to reissue all her recordings, do a special publicity release-all that she could ever have wanted. Her agent's so thrilled that she's dead, he could hardly contain himself. "
"What!" said Mona.
"Oh, you know, dead recording stars make plenty of money," Quinn replied with a little shrug. "He'll publicize her tragic demise. Bracket her career. Package it. "
"I knew you would make good on the promise," I said. "And I would have seen to it, if you hadn't-that is, if you had given me leave. Now it's over, isn't it?"
"Her voice was marvelous," Quinn said. "If only I could have murdered her and not her voice. "
"Quinn!" said Mona.
"Well, I think that's what you've done, Little Brother," I remarked.
He laughed softly. "I suppose you're right, Beloved Boss," he said. He smiled at Mona and her innocent shock. "Some night I'll tell you all about her. When I was little, I thought she was made of plastic and
glue. She was always screaming. Enough about her. "
Mona shook her head. She loved him much too much to press. Besides, she had other things on her mind.
"But Lestat, what did you see out there?" she asked me.
"You are not listening to me," I said with exasperation. "I told you, you maddening little miscreant, I won't relive it. It's closed for me. Besides, give me one good reason why I should even speak to you. Why are we in the same room?"
"Lestat," said Quinn, "please give Mona another chance. "
I got furious-not at Mona, I wasn't going to fall into that trap again-but simply furious. They were such beautiful children, these two. And-.
"Very well," I said, thinking as I spoke. "I'm going to lay down the law to you. If I am to remain with you, I am the Master here. And I refuse to prove myself to you. I won't spend my tenure with you being constantly questioned as to the virtue of my authority!"
"I understand," said Mona. "I really, really do!" So seemingly heartfelt.
"Case in point," I said. "Whatever I saw out there, I choose to forget. And you have to forget it too. "
"Yes, Beloved Boss," said Mona eagerly.
Pause.
I wasn't buying it.
Quinn was not looking at her. He was looking attentively at me.
"You know how much I love you," he said.
"I love you too, Little Brother," I said. "I'm sorry that my disagreements with Mona have put a distance between us. "
He turned to Mona. "Say what you have to say," he told her.
Mona looked down. Her hands were folded one on top of the other in her lap and she looked abruptly forlorn and full of warmth, her coloring all the more intense on account of the black dress, her hair quite incidentally magnificent.
(Big deal! So what!)
"I showered you with abuse," she confessed. Her voice was smoother and richer than it had been before now: "I was so very wrong. " She looked up at me. I had never seen her green eyes so placid. "I was wrong to speak of your other fledglings the way I did, to speak of your long-ago tragedies with such coarseness and attempted cruelty. I should have never spoken to anyone with such callousness, let alone to you. It was spiritually and morally crude. And it was not my nature. Please trust me when I say that. It was not my nature. It was downright hateful. "
I shrugged, but I was secretly impressed. Good command of the English language. "So why did you do it?" I asked, feigning detachment.
She appeared to be thinking about it, during which time Quinn looked at her with obvious concern. Then she said:
"You're in love with Rowan. I saw it. It frightened me, really, really frightened me. "
Silence.
Inexpressible pain. No image of Rowan in my heart. Simply an emptiness, an acknowledgement that she was far, far away. Maybe forever. "Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken. "
"Frightened?" I asked. "How so?"
"I wanted you to love me," Mona said. "I wanted you to remain interested in me. I wanted you to be on my side. I . . . I didn't want you to be swept away by her. " She faltered. "I was jealous. I was like a prisoner let out of a solitary confinement cell after two years, and having found riches all around me, I feared losing everything. "
Again I was secretly impressed.
"Nothing was at risk," I responded. "Absolutely nothing. "
"But surely you understand," said Quinn, "what it means for Mona to be deluged with our gifts and unable to modulate her feelings. There we were in that very garden behind the First Street house, the very place where the Taltos bodies had been buried. "
"Yes," Mona said. "We were talking of things which had tortured me for years and I . . . I. . . . "
"Mona, you must trust in me," I said. "You must trust in my principles. That's our paradox. We do not leave behind the Natural Law when we receive the Blood. We are principled creatures. I never stopped
loving you, not for an instant. Whatever I felt for Rowan at the family gathering in no way affected my feelings for you. How could it? I warned you twice to be patient with your family because I knew it was right for you to do so. Then the third time, all right, I went too far with a little mockery. But I was trying to curb your insults, and your abuse of those you loved! But you wouldn't listen to me. "
"I will now, I swear it," she said. Again, the assured voice,
a voice I'd not heard last night or tonight earlier. "Quinn's been instructing me for hours. He's been cautioning me about the way I treat Rowan and Michael and Dolly Jean. He's told me I can't just blithely call them 'human beings' right in front of them. It's ill-mannered for a vampire to do that. "
"Indeed," I said witheringly. (You gotta be kidding. )
"He's explained that we have to be patient with their ways, and I see that now, and I understand why Rowan had to talk as she did. Or that it wasn't my place to interrupt her. I see it. I won't make those blundering remarks anymore. I have to find my . . . my maturity in the Blood. " She paused and then: "A place where serenity and courtesy connect. Yes, that's what it is. And I'm far from it. "
"True," I said. I studied her, the picture she made. I wasn't quite convinced by this perfect Act of Contrition. And how lovely her little wrists looked in the tight black cuffs, and of course the shoes, with their wicked heels and winding snakelike straps. But I liked her words: "A place where serenity and courtesy connect. " I liked them a lot, and I knew they'd come from her. All she had said had come from her, no matter what Quinn had taught her. I could tell by the way that Quinn responded to her.
"And about the sequined dress," she said, startling me out of that line of thought. "I understand now. "
"You do?" I asked soberly.
"Of course," she said with a shrug. "All males are obviously much more stimulated by what they see than females. And why should we people of the night be an exception?" Flash of big green eyes. Rosy mouth. "You didn't want to be distracted anymore by all that skin and cleavage, and you were very honest about it. "
"I should have made my wishes known with more tact and respect," I said in a dull monotone. "I will be gentlemanly in the future. "
"No, no," she said with an honest shake of her red hair. "We all knew the dress was highfalutin trash, it was supposed to be. That's why I wore it to the hotel terrace. It was deliberately seductive. That's why when I walked into this house, I went right to change into something more presentable. Besides, you are the Maker. That's the word that Quinn used. The Maker, or the Master. The Teacher. And you have the authority to say to me, 'Take off that dress,' and I knew what you were talking about.
"But you see-I've been sick for a very crucial part of my life. I never knew as a mortal girl what it was
like to wear a dress like that. I was never a mortal woman, you see. "
A great sadness descended on me.
"I just went from being a kid to being an invalid," she said. "And then this, this range of powers which you've entrusted to me. And what have I done but strike out at you because I thought you . . . thought you loved Rowan. " She stopped, puzzled, looking off. "I suppose I wanted to reveal to you . . . that I was a woman, too, in that dress. . . . " she said dreamily. "Maybe that was it. That I was a woman as much as she was. "
It struck me in the soul, her words. The soul I wasn't supposed to have, the entangled soul.
"Ironic, isn't it?" she said, her voice roughened by emotion, "what womanhood means. The power to mother, the power to seduce, the power to leave behind both, the power to. . . . " She shut her eyes. She whispered: "And that dress, such an outrageous badge of it!"
"Don't battle with it anymore," I said. It was the first warmth I'd shown to her. "You said it the first time around, really. You said it. "
She knew it. She looked up at me.
"Power Slut," she whispered. "That's what you called me, and right you were, I was drunk on the power, I was spinning, I was-. "
"Oh, no, don't-. "
"And we can transcend, we are so blessed, even if it is a dark blessing, we are miracles, we are free in so many marvelous respects-. "
"It's my task," I said, "to guide you, instruct you, remain with you until you're able to exist well on your own, and not to lose my temper as I did. I was in the wrong. I played out the power hand same as you did, baby. I should have had much more patience. "
Quiet. And this sorrow too will lift. It must.
"You do love Rowan, though, don't you?" she asked. "You really really love her. "
"Accept what I'm saying to you," I said. "I am a very mean guy. And I am being nice. "
"Oh, you're not mean at all," she said with a little laugh. She cleared her saddened face with the brightest smile. "I absolutely adore you. "
"No, I am mean," I said. "And I expect to be adored. Remember your own words. I'm the teacher. "
"But why do you love Rowan?"
"Mona, let's not delve into that too much," said Quinn. "I think we've accomplished a great reconciliation here, and Lestat won't leave us now. "
"I was never going to leave," I said under my breath. "I would never abandon either of you. But now that we're gathered together, I think we can move on. There are other matters on my mind. "
Quiet.
"Yes, we should move on," said Mona.
"What other matters?" Quinn asked a little fearfully.
"Last night we talked about a certain quest," I said. "I made a promise. And I mean to keep it. But I want to clarify certain things . . . about the quest and what we hope to gain from it. "
"Yes," said Quinn. "I'm not sure I fully understand everything about the Taltos. "
"There's too much for us to understand," I said. "I'm sure Mona would agree with that. "
I saw the trouble come back into her bright face, the pucker of her eyebrows, the soft lengthening of her mouth. But even in this I saw a new maturity, a new self-confidence.
"I have some questions. . . . " I said.
"Yes," said Mona. "I'll try to answer them. "
I reflected, then plunged: "Are you absolutely certain that you do want to find these creatures?"
"Oh, I have to find Morrigan, you know that! Lestat, how could you, you said you-?"
"Let me phrase it differently," I said, raising my hand. "Never mind whatever you've said in the past. Now that you've had time to think-to become more accustomed to what you are, now that you know that Rowan and Michael weren't lying to you, that you do know everything, and that there's nothing to know- do you want to search out Morrigan simply to know that she's safe and sound, or to reveal yourself to her in a true reunion?"
"Yes, that is the essential question," said Quinn. "Which is it?"
"Well, for a true reunion obviously," she answered without hesitation. "I never thought of any other possibility. " She was bewildered. "I . . . I never considered just finding out if she was all right. I . . . always thought we'd be together. I want so much to put my arms around her, to hold her, to-. " Her face went blank with hurt. She fell silent.
"You do see," I asked as tactfully as I could, "if she wanted that, she would have come back to you a long time ago. "
Surely such thoughts had occurred to her before. They must have. But as I watched her now I wondered. Maybe she had dwelt on fantasies and lies-that Rowan knew the whereabouts of Morrigan and kept it secret. That Rowan had smuggled her the magic milk and it did no good.
Whatever the case, she was shaken now. Badly shaken.
"Maybe she couldn't come to me," she whispered. "Maybe Ash Templeton wouldn't let her. " She shook her head and put her hands to her forehead. "I don't know what kind of creature he is! Of course Michael and Rowan thought Ash was a . . . hero, a great all-knowing, wise observer of the centuries. But what if-. I don't know. I want to see her. I want to talk to her. I want to hear it from her, what she wants, don't you see? Why she didn't come to me all those years, why she didn't even . . . Lasher, he was cruel, but he was an aberrant soul, a. . . . " She covered her mouth with her right hand, her fingers trembling.
Quinn was beside himself. He couldn't bear to see her so unhappy.
"Mona, you can't give her the Blood," I said softly, "no matter what her circumstances. The Blood cannot be passed to this species of creature. It is too unknown for us even to consider such a thing. The Blood very likely can't be passed on to them. But even if it could, we can't make a new
species of Immortal. Believe me when I say there are ancient ones of our kind who would never tolerate such a thing happening. "
"Oh, I know that, I haven't asked for that, I wouldn't-. " She went quiet, obviously unable to speak.
"You want to know she's alive and well," said Quinn in the gentlest manner. "That's paramount, wouldn't you say?"
Mona nodded, looking away. "Yes-that there's a community of them somewhere, and they're happy. " She frowned. She battled her pain. She drew in her breath, cheeks reddening. "It isn't likely, is it?" She looked at me.
"No, it's not," I said. "That's what Rowan and Michael were trying to tell us. "
"Then I have to know what happened to them!" she whispered bitterly. "I have to!"
"I'll find out," I said.
"You really mean that?"
"Yes," I said. "I wouldn't make a promise to you like that unless I meant it. I'll find out, and if they have survived, if they do have a community somewhere, then you can decide whether or not you want to meet with them. But once a meeting occurs, they'll know about you, what you are, everything. That is, if they have the powers that Rowan ascribed to them. "
"Oh, they have those powers," Mona said. "They do. " She closed her eyes. She took a deep painful breath. "It's an awful thing to admit," she said, "but the things Dolly Jean said were all true. I can't deny them. I can't withhold the truth from you and Quinn. I can't. Morrigan was . . . almost unbearable. "
"How so, unbearable?" asked Quinn.
I could see this was a radical admission. She had said things quite to the contrary.
Mona threw back her hair, her eyes searching the ceiling. She was facing something she had always denied.
"Obsessive, incessant, maddening!" she said. "She went on and on about her schemes and plans and dreams and memories, and she did say that Mayfairs would become a family of Taltos, and once she caught the scent of the Taltos male on Rowan and Michael, she was absolutely unendurable. " Mona closed her eyes. "The thought of a community of such creatures is-almost beyond my imagination. This old one, Ash Templeton, the one that Rowan and Michael knew-he had learned to pretend to be a human being, he had learned that centuries ago. That's the thing. These creatures can live indefinitely! They are immortals! The species is utterly incompatible with humans. Morrigan was new and raw. " She looked imploringly at me.
"Take it slowly," I said. I had never seen her suffering so. In all her bouts of tears there had been a generosity and selflessness that made them seem quite challengeable. As for her rage, she'd positively enjoyed it. But now she was truly in torment.
"It's like me, don't you see?" she said. "She was a newborn Taltos. And I'm a newborn Blood Child, or whatever you want to call me. And we share the same faults. She was unruly and crashing into everything around her! And that's the way I've behaved, raving to you as I did about your written confessions, I . . . she . . . presuming, assuming, even rushing to the computer just the way she did, recording my responses the way she did, and going on and on the way she did, but she, she never stopped, she . . . I . . . she . . . I don't know. . . . " Her tears came and she couldn't talk anymore. "Oh, dear God in Heaven, what is the squalid secret behind all this?" she whispered. "What is it? What is it?"
Quinn's face was torn.
"I know the secret," I said. "Mona, you hated her as much as you loved her. How could you not? Accept it. And now you have to know what happened to her. "
She nodded, vigorously, but she couldn't speak. She couldn't look at me.
"And we have to go about this with great care," I said, "this search for the Taltos, but I vow to you again that we will do it. And I will find them or find out what became of them. "
Quiet.
She finally looked at me.
A sorrowful motionlessness settled over her. She wasn't trying to stare me down. I don't think she even realized I was looking back at her. She looked at me for the longest time and her face grew soft and giving and tender.
"I'll never be mean to you again," she said.
"I believe you," I said. "I took you to my heart the first moment I saw you. "
Quinn sat staring with patient eyes, the round mirror behind him like a great halo.
"You really do love me," she said.
"Yes," I said.
"What can I do to prove that I love you?" she asked.
I thought for a long moment, sealed off from her and from Quinn. "You don't have to do anything," I said. "But there is one small favor I might ask. "
"Anything," she answered.
"Never mention my love for Rowan again," I said.
She locked on me, eyes so full of anguish that I could hardly bear it. "Only one more time, to say this," she said. "Rowan walks with God. And Mayfair Medical is her sacred mountain. "
"Yes," I said with a sigh. "You are so very right. And don't ever think that I don't know it. "