Mother had insisted that Elliot let Tubs use his bed for the night. "He doesn't have things as good as you," she told Elliot. "Be nice and let him have the bed."
Tubs could literally have his bed now, Elliot thought. He didn't think he ever wanted it back again.
When Tubs took Elliot's bed, Elliot took his older brother Reed's bed and made Reed sleep on the floor. It had seemed fair at the time, although now Elliot wasn't so sure. Reed didn't stay on the floor for long. He had finally left about an hour ago, saying he was going in to work at the Quack Shack, his fast-food duck burgers job, either on the really late night shift or on the really early morning shift, whichever was closer. Elliot rolled over in Reed's bed and tried to plug his ears with Reed's pillow.
Tubs drew in another breath. It sounded like a train running through Elliot's room.
Elliot threw off his covers and shoved his feet into a pair of slippers beside his bed. They were Reed's, but he'd only borrow them for a minute. Elliot trudged downstairs and into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Maybe he could take some of that water upstairs and throw it on Tubs. That'd get him to stop snoring.
Elliot was halfway through his glass of water when he heard heavy footsteps clomping down the stairs. Tubs must've woken up for a drink too.
"Snoring must make you thirsty," Elliot said, but as Tubs entered the kitchen he didn't answer. He didn't even really seem to be awake.
"Tubs?" Elliot asked.
"Pretty mist," Tubs mumbled, reaching out his hand.
Elliot squinted. The kitchen was dark enough that he hadn't noticed it, but in a beam of moonlight through the window, he did see what appeared to be a silver mist. His first thought was of the Shadow Men, but theirs was a dense, black smoke. This was lighter, and it was pretty in a spooky sort of way.
But what was it?
Elliot flipped on the kitchen light, and the mist sparkled to life, as though it were made of thousands of mirrors. Its shape folded and curved like a fast-moving cloud.
Elliot ran his hand through the mist, then pulled it away when it stung him. "Okay, sorry," he muttered. The mist clearly had touch issues.
It moved toward the back door with Tubs following obediently behind. Elliot grabbed his arm, but he might as well have tried to slow down an elephant for all the good it did him. Tubs put a hand on Elliot's face and shoved him to the ground without breaking his stride.
"Tubs!" Elliot called. "What are you doing?"
"Pretty mist," Tubs said again.
Elliot thought Tubs was sleepwalking, but he couldn't be sure. Tubs said a lot of strange things while he was fully awake too.
Elliot leapt to his feet and tried to block Tubs from opening the door, but Tubs pushed past Elliot as if he were made of feathers. The mist expanded once it reached open air and continued to lure Tubs away.
"Wake up, Tubs!" Elliot cried. He considered running upstairs to get his dad's help, but Tubs would be gone before Elliot could get back. He grabbed a rock and threw it at Tubs's back. It hit with a klunk but bounced off without Tubs reacting.
Elliot was a little relieved about that. If Tubs had reacted, Elliot would have a bloody nose already.
He ran up to Tubs and began punching his arm, yelling at him to stop, and kicking at his legs. In any other situation, Elliot might have considered this a golden opportunity. But the mist was beginning to worry him. It was clearly something magical, but why did it want Tubs?
Elliot decided to appeal directly to the mist. "Hey!" he yelled. He swatted his hand through the mist, even though it felt like he was being bitten each time. "Where are you taking him?"
The mist didn't answer, which wasn't surprising considering that it had no mouth. It led Tubs across Elliot's backyard grass, all the while folding and dancing in the air. It was taking him into the woods behind Elliot's house. Elliot barely liked going there during the day. And as dark as it was out here in Elliot's yard, it was even darker in the woods.
"Wake up, Tubs!" Elliot called again. "Come back to my house. We have candy in there! Remember, you like candy!"
Tubs hesitated, just for a moment, and then continued to follow the mist.
Elliot ran back to his house and grabbed the hose that had been Kyle and Cole's favorite toy for the last several months. He turned it on full blast and shot a stream of water at Tubs, who kept walking as if unaware. So Elliot shot the water toward the mist. It created some sort of barrier that turned the water back on Elliot and soaked him with what felt like an entire lake of water splashing down on his head.
Elliot turned the hose off and sloshed back to Tubs, now at the edge of the woods. Obviously there was nothing he could do to wake Tubs up, but he could speak again to the mist.
"Whatever you are, you don't want him," Elliot yelled. "Trust me, you really don't! Just take me instead. I'll go with you, but leave him out of this!"
"Like, you're totally in the way, human," a girl's voice said.
It didn't come from the mist. Elliot swung around and saw a bright light a little deeper into the woods, like a small star had landed there.
"Who are you?" Elliot walked toward the light. Whoever had spoken was hidden behind a row of fallen trees. He climbed over the trees, now with Tubs only a few steps behind him. In front of him was a...a...a--he didn't know exactly what.
She was a foot high and didn't look any older than he was, but she sounded like one of those teenagers who thought she was cooler than everyone else. She had round wings; long, thin ears; and a bunch of curly, yellow hair. Her dress was bright red, purple, and yellow, and looked like something a little girl would dance around in, just to watch the skirt twirl. Around her neck were several loops of the grass chain that Cami had woven in his backyard earlier that day.
"Are you a Fairy?" he asked.
The girl shot a furious look at him and aimed her wand in his direction. Instantly a tree grabbed Elliot's right leg and yanked him upside down high into the air.
"I so totally don't need to be insulted right now," she said. "If I didn't have more important things to do, I'd just hurl you into space or something."
Okay, she wasn't a Fairy. But how was he supposed to know?
Elliot watched the mist approach her. It swirled in a wide circle and then settled at her feet. Slowly the particles of mist revealed themselves to be other similar creatures, each one bowing to her first. They all wore brightly colored dresses too, like a rainbow had exploded all over them.
Tubs stood in front of them. His eyes were open, but he didn't appear to be seeing anything. "No more pretty mist?" he mumbled.
The not-a-Fairy who had spoken before said to the others with her, "Wow, humans are so lame-brained. Grissel should've told me."
Grissel? Was this the Pixie princess, Fidget Spitfly? He wondered if she liked to spit on flies.
And she talked funny. He knew it wasn't Flibberish, the language of the Underworld, but he didn't know any humans who talked like her either. Not even his sister Wendy's giggly friends.
Fidget stood and fluttered into the air so that she was directly in front of Tubs. "So, dude, it would be totally awesome if you released Grissel from the Brownie jail," she said, tossing her pile of curly blond hair behind her shoulders.
"Sure," Tubs mumbled, clearly still asleep. "He's released."
Above them, Elliot kept silent. Tubs had been sleeping in Elliot's bed, so they must have thought Tubs was king of the Brownies. Elliot hoped the Pixies would think Grissel had been released and would leave long enough for him to get Tubs safely back to the house.
But it didn't happen that way. A Pixie poofed beside Fidget a moment later and whispered something in her ear. Fidget angrily sliced her wand through the air. Responding to her magic, hundreds of fall leaves lifted into the air and began swirling like a tornado around Tubs. The wind it created rushed up into Elliot's face.
"Not awesome!" she said with a shrill, high-pitched voice. "You totally tried to trick me!"
"Totally uncool," Tubs agreed.
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Her voice got even higher and angrier. "You want to keep Grissel in jail? Then I'll keep you in jail!"
The tornado tightened around Tubs until in a flash of light he was gone.
"No!" Elliot cried. "Bring him back!"
Fidget seemed to have forgotten about Elliot until then. She fluttered up beside him, then said, "Human, you totally have to look at me so I can do this little forgetting spell on you. What you saw was just between the Pixies and Brownies. Way not any of your business."
"I'm afraid it is," Elliot said.
Her eyes narrowed. "Like, why?"
"Bring him back, and I'll tell you."
With a wave of her wand, the tree dangled Elliot higher. It had loosened its grip, and Elliot felt sure if he wiggled too much he'd go crashing to the ground. Even if his head was still attached after he fell, he would probably get one monster headache.
"That human has no power to release Grissel," Elliot said. "Only the Brownie king can do that."
Fidget's eyes darted to where Tubs had stood, then back at Elliot. "What's your name?" she asked.
"I'm Elliot Penster, king of the Brownies. I'm the one you want."
"Oh, fruit rot!" Fidget scowled. "You're the king and not him? Okay, so you heard the whole speech before. Are you going to release Grissel or not?"
"Not," Elliot said.
"Whatever." Fidget flicked her wand and the tree released Elliot. Wind blew up at him as the dark ground rushed to greet his fall. The last thing he remembered was the ground about two inches from his face.
Some kids wake up to the sun shining through their bedroom windows. Others wake to an alarm clock on their bedside table. For some kids, their mother sings some annoying good-morning song while bacon sizzles on a pan in the kitchen.
Elliot Penster woke up to Tubs punching his arm.
"What?" he scowled, swatting Tubs away. "Stop that, I'm awake!"
"Where are we?" Tubs asked. "How'd we get here?"
Elliot slowly sat up and absorbed their surroundings. They were deep underground, in the Underworld obviously, and in a small cave with thick tree roots serving as the bars of their jail cell. This must be a Pixie jail.
"When you said I couldn't bully you anymore, I told myself fine, there's plenty of other kids to beat on," Tubs said. "And I haven't touched you for weeks, even when you did something so stupid that I should have beat you up at least a little. But I know that our being here is somehow your fault, Penster, and I'm going to get you for it."
"Will you be quiet?" Elliot hissed. "First we've got to get out of here, then you can beat me up."
"Yeah, but if you save us, then I'll feel bad about beating you up," Tubs said. "I'd rather do it now."
Elliot scratched his foot across the ground toward Tubs, hoping to kick dirt in his face, but he was still wearing Reed's slippers, which were soaking wet, so he only ended up smearing mud across his leg.
"I'm hungry," Tubs said. "And really, really confused."
Elliot crept to the bars, hoping to see more of where they were. The cave that trapped them seemed to be at the top of a tall hill. Far below them was what appeared to be a thick patch of woods. Bass drums beat a soft rhythm somewhere inside them, and colored sparks of light constantly jetted into the air in various places. Those woods were probably the Pixies' home.
He wondered how far away the Brownies' home of Burrowsville was. Did they know he was here? If so, was there anything they could do to get him out?
"Mr. Willimaker," Elliot hissed. "Mr. Willimaker!" There was no other Brownie who Elliot trusted more. If anyone could help, it was Mr. Willimaker.
"What are you doing?" Tubs asked.
Elliot turned back to Tubs, who looked so relaxed leaning against the dirt wall that he might as easily have been sunbathing. "I'm working on getting us out of here," Elliot said.
"Okay, you do that, and I'll work on my thing," Tubs said.
"What's your thing?" Elliot asked.
"Taking a nap. I didn't sleep so well last night."
"That's because you were wandering all over my yard and got us here in the first place!" Elliot said.
"Yeah? Well, you should've tried to stop me," Tubs said.
Elliot scowled and turned back to the bars. "Mr. Willimaker?" he called more loudly.
He jumped away from the bars as a figure poofed in front of him. Not Mr. Willimaker, but Fidget Spitfly. Her hair was in a high ponytail on the side of her head. She had so much hair, he wondered why it didn't make her tip over sideways. She wore a bright purple dress today. Really bright and really purple. Elliot felt a headache coming on just looking at her.
"Do you really think anyone can hear you calling while you're my prisoner?" she asked. "How clueless would I have to be if I made it that easy? As if!"
Elliot lifted his eyebrows. "Where did you learn my language? You talk...different."
"Only on the best human television show ever, Surfer Teen. It's so totally the awesomest show of the whole universe!"
Dear Reader, Surfer Teen so totally is not the awesomest show in the universe. In the first place, awesomest is not even a word, but the actors in Surfer Teen don't seem to know that, since they use the word in almost every sentence. And in the second place, the show was only on for one season, because it so totally was the stupidest show in the history of television, which is quite an accomplishment. But it is Fidget Spitfly's favorite show, and she has watched every episode at least 458 times. She has watched the episode where the awesomest boy first kisses the hottest-to-the-max girl at least 873 times. Totally.
Elliot rolled his eyes. His sister, Wendy, used to watch Surfer Teen. Now he felt like he was talking to one of the characters on the show. "Listen," he said to Fidget, "I'm the one you want. This other human here with me can't do anything for you. Send him home, and then you and I can talk."
"Just wait one minute," Tubs said, getting to his feet. "Let me understand something first. Am I having the weirdest dream ever or not?" Then he punched himself in the eye. "Ow! I hate it when I do that."
"Why did you?" Elliot asked.
Tubs glared at him. "It proved that I'm awake, didn't it?"
"You are awake," Elliot said. "We're being held by the Pixies in the Underworld."
"Oh," Tubs said, as if that sort of thing happened all the time.
Fidget eyed Tubs, who was now busy picking his nose. "I'm just hungry," Tubs muttered. "My parents are out of town anyway, so if you get me something to eat, I don't care if you send me back or not."
Fidget smiled and said to Tubs, "Like, get your friend to release Grissel, and I'll give you anything to eat that you want."
"Anything?" Tubs asked. At the moment, all he had to eat was whatever he'd pulled from his nose, so he seemed to like this idea. "Anything, like a big bowl of hot fudge topping for breakfast?"
"Totally," Fidget whispered.
Tubs grabbed Elliot by the neck and shoved his face into the tree root bars. "Tell her you'll do what she wants, jerk."
Elliot kicked his foot out behind him and sank it into Tubs's chubby stomach. Tubs released him with a gasp, and Elliot fell to the ground. He rubbed his neck, then said to Fidget, "Before I can do anything, I have to talk to Mr. Willimaker. If I can't call him, then will you send someone to let him know I'm here?"
"You can't call him," Fidget said, "but I can."
She flicked her wand, and immediately Mr. Willimaker appeared beside her. Unfortunately, he seemed to be just getting out of his bath. He had a towel around his waist, and his gray hair was still wet and sticking up in all directions. Most Brownies liked the just-stepped-out-of-a-tornado look, but Mr. Willimaker always tried to keep his hair neatly combed.
"Another Pixie?" Tubs asked.
"Brownie," Elliot said.
"He looks like a gopher with hands," Tubs whispered. Luckily, Mr. Willimaker was so confused, Elliot didn't think he heard.
"What--" Mr. Willimaker gasped, then he saw Elliot. "Oh, Your Highness." He tightened the
towel around himself and then turned to Fidget. "Princess Fidget, I demand an explanation."
"Like, chill out," she said. "You release Grissel, and I'll let you have your king back."
"Elliot's a king? But he's such a dork!" Tubs started laughing so hard that tears rolled down his face.
"He happens to be a very good king," Mr. Willimaker said. Then to Fidget, he added, "You know I can't release him without King Elliot's orders."
"Duh! So make him give the order."
"I won't," Elliot said.
"Is there someplace he and I can talk?" Mr. Willimaker asked Fidget. "Somewhere private?"
Fidget waved her wand again. In an instant, Elliot and Mr. Willimaker found themselves perched at the top of a lofty tree. They were so high up that Elliot couldn't see the ground. He only assumed it was somewhere far down below him. He grabbed the branch beneath him and held on tightly. Mr. Willimaker seemed more concerned about keeping his towel wrapped around himself than with falling.
"I'm so sorry, Your Highness," Mr. Willimaker began. "I knew she was talking to Grissel in the prison, but I didn't know they were planning something like this."
"Grissel never said anything?"
"A few days ago Grissel told his guards that the Pixies were forming a plot for his escape. I just didn't know it would be something like this."
Elliot rolled his eyes. "And you didn't think you should've told me about that?"
"Yes, obviously I should have told you. Forgive me."
"It's too late to worry about that now. Can you help me escape?"
"Pixie magic is more powerful than mine. I can't stop her from keeping you here." He twisted his hands together. "What are we going to do?"
Elliot grabbed Mr. Willimaker's hands and untwisted them, then said, "I'll figure a way out of this mess, but I'm not going to release Grissel."
"I think you have to, Your Highness."
"Why?"
Mr. Willimaker looked up at Elliot with a frown. "If you don't, she'll kill you."
Mr. Willimaker finally left Elliot with the agreement that he would speak to Grissel to find out what he knew about the Pixies' plot. As soon as Mr. Willimaker poofed away, Elliot was poofed back into the jail. Princess Fidget wasn't there anymore. In her place was another Pixie girl, also with blond hair but with bright blue eyes.
"Who are you?" Elliot asked.