“A year ago, that was true,” Cole said. “But not anymore.”
“You haven’t changed,” Peter challenged, his voice growing louder. “You would beat me up again if you had the chance.”
Cole shook his head. “I could beat you up right now, but I won’t.”
“You won’t, ’cause you’re scared of Garvey,” Peter said. “And ’cause you’re scared of jail.”
Again Cole shook his head. “It’s because I’ve had a lot of time to think. And besides, if you thought I might beat you up again, why did you tell Garvey you wanted to come alone with me this morning?”
Peter bent down, pretending to tie his boot.
“You have to believe me,” Cole pleaded. “I’ll do anything to help you and make things right. It doesn’t do any good to stay mad.”
Suddenly Peter sprang up, shoving Cole hard, and sending him stumbling to the ground. “Stay away from me! I don’t need your help!” he screamed.
“I’m so sorry,” Cole repeated.
“You’re not sorry for anything!” Peter shouted. He kicked at the ground, pelting Cole with gravel and dirt.
Shielding his face, Cole got to his feet, but Peter stormed forward and shoved him again. “Why don’t you beat me up again? I don’t care anymore!”
Cole quietly stood his ground.
“Maybe you’re scared of me,” Peter said, swinging his fists. He struck Cole squarely in the face. “Go ahead, hit me!” he taunted. “Kill me. I don’t care anymore.”
“You do care,” Cole said, shielding his face. “I’m not ever going to hurt you again. Can’t you see that?”
“Liar!” shouted Peter. He hit Cole hard in the gut. “You’re scared of me.”
When Cole refused to fight back, Peter grew bolder. Again and again he struck Cole with his bare fists. Cole raised his arms to try to ward off the blows, but he didn’t fight back, nor did he run. This only made Peter angrier. He hit harder.
As the blows pummeled him, Cole’s own anger smoldered. He grabbed deep breaths. He would not get angry. Not now. As he tried to back away, he stumbled and fell. Peter was on him instantly, hitting and yelling. All Cole could do was curl his knees up to his chest and try to cover his face.
Then Peter started kicking him. To Cole it felt as if a sledgehammer was striking his chest and arms. He rolled away, but the next kick caught him in the face and slammed his head back. He tasted blood. The world spun in lazy circles. The hammer kept hitting. “Stop!” Cole gasped. “Please stop!”
“Then fight, you coward!” Peter screamed like a madman.
“I’m not going to fight you,” Cole shouted as the next angry kick to his stomach took his breath away. Then the kicking stopped. Cole opened his eyes in time to see Peter sink to his knees next to him, crying. Peter’s body shook with great hiccuping sobs.
“Are you okay?” Cole asked, grimacing from his pain.
“I’m scared,” cried Peter. “I’m so scared. My thinking gets all mixed up, and I feel like the whole world is falling on me.”
Wincing, Cole sat up. “How can I make you believe that you don’t ever have to be scared of me again?”
“You just say that,” Peter sobbed.
“Peter, I’m not a bad person. I got mad at you ’cause I was really mad at myself. I thought my dad beat me because I was worthless.” Cole paused. “The dances, carving the totem, carrying the ancestor rock, touching the Spirit Bear, it was all the same thing—it was finding out who I really was.”
“You’re a jerk,” Peter sobbed. “That’s what you are.”
Cole fought back his own tears. “I’m part of some big circle that I don’t understand. And so are you. Life, death, good and bad, everything is part of that circle. When I hurt you, I hurt myself, too. I don’t think I’ll ever heal from what I did to you, but I’m sorry, Peter. I really am sorry.”
Peter knelt, crying, his body bent forward. Cole, not knowing what else to do, wrapped his arms around Peter’s shoulders. For a long time, Peter let himself be hugged, leaning back into Cole.
And that was when it appeared. Not twenty feet away, it stood watching them: the Spirit Bear.
“Look,” Cole whispered, letting go of Peter.
Peter still sniffled, staring down at the ground.
“Look,” Cole whispered louder, nudging him. “It’s the Spirit Bear.”
Peter raised his head and stared, his mouth opened in amazement. “Will it hurt us?” he whispered.
“No,” Cole whispered back. “We’re not threatening it. You and I have both become invisible.”
Peter looked at Cole, puzzled.
“Never mind, I’ll explain later,” Cole whispered.
For a full minute, the bear stood frozen in place, gazing at them. The chattering of a squirrel nearby echoed like thunder in the silence. Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the Spirit Bear swung its massive head around and ambled away, vanishing ghostlike into the trees.
Peter drew in a deep breath as if waking from a long sleep. “Did we really see what I think we just saw?”
Cole smiled and shrugged. “They say there aren’t any Spirit Bears here.”
“But I saw one,” Peter insisted. “Will anyone believe us?”
“It doesn’t matter what other people think or believe,” Cole said. “It’s what you believe. That’s what’s important.”
That morning, as Cole and Peter soaked, a warm silence blanketed the pond. Afterward, they found a second ancestor rock so both could roll their anger down the slope. When they headed back to camp, Cole’s face was swollen, and he hugged at his sore ribs with an elbow.
“Are you okay?” Peter asked.
Cole licked at his numb and swollen lips, and grimaced. Still, he smiled. “I’d hate to go through that again.”
Peter walked without speaking.
When they arrived back in camp, Cole broke the silence. Standing beside the totems, he explained to Peter that being invisible was being a part of life’s circle and accepting it. “This morning, when we forgave each other, we also forgave ourselves,” he said. “We allowed ourselves to become a part of the big circle. That’s why we saw the Spirit Bear.”
“What makes you think I forgave you?” Peter said.
Cole pulled off the backpack. “I have something I want to give you,” he said. He took out the folded at.óow. “Garvey gave this to me as a symbol of friendship and to show he trusted me.” He handed the at.óow to Peter. “Now I want you to have it.”
“Are you saying you trust me?” Peter asked.
Cole nodded. “I hope someday you’ll trust me.”
Peter stared at the at.óow as he spoke. “I want to help you carve the blank space on your totem, the space you saved for your dance of anger.”
Cole hesitated. “Okay.” He ran to the cabin and returned with the knives.
For the next two hours Cole and Peter carved together. When they finished, Cole hollered for Garvey to come from the cabin and take a look at the nearly perfect circle that now completed the totem.
When Garvey joined the boys, he stared down at the log and at what they had carved. “You carved a perfect circle,” he said, a soft smile tugging at his lips. “Why a circle?”
Cole and Peter glanced nervously at each other, neither wanting to speak.
“Could it be because every part of a circle is both a beginning and an end?” Garvey asked. “And everything is one?”
Peter shrugged awkwardly and grinned at Cole. “A circle is all I could teach him to carve.”
Cole smiled and nodded. “I’m a slow learner. But I’m working on it.”
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Circle Justice has been practiced by native cultures for many centuries. Only recently has the concept been given a chance to work within some modern U.S. judicial systems. It may be argued that a beating victim would never be sent to an island to face his attacker, as is portrayed in this novel. The strength of Circle Justice, however, comes from the creativity of the indi
vidual members within each Healing Circle. I would hope that in real life, any healing path would remain a possibility.
Spirit Bears actually do exist off the coast of British Columbia. I have refrained from describing exactly where they are, in an attempt to preserve their threatened privacy and habitat. During the research for this book, however, a three-hundred-pound male Spirit Bear actually approached to within twenty feet of where I stood. It was indeed a magnificent sight, one worth preserving for future generations.
READER’S GUIDE
TOUCHING SPIRIT BEAR
BEN MIKAELSEN
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why was Cole such an angry person?
2. Cole thinks his parents hate him. How do you think he feels about himself? Why?
3. Edwin tells Cole that “anger keeps you lost.” What does he mean?
4. When Edwin takes Cole to the island for the first time, Cole asks him, “What is there to learn?” What do you think Edwin felt Cole could learn from being alone on the island?
5. When Cole first encounters the Spirit Bear he reacts with malice. What is it that changes Cole’s attitude and makes him wish that the Spirit Bear would reappear?
6. Being mauled by the Spirit Bear and facing death seems to change Cole for the better. Why do you think this horrific experience has such a positive effect on him?
7. Edwin forces Cole to soak in freezing cold water and carry the ancestor rock up the hill. What does Cole learn from doing what Edwin asks of him? Can you think of a time when you benefited from something you did against your will?
8. To most people, Cole seems beyond hope. Why do Edwin and Garvey make such a personal investment in Cole’s future?
9. Cole’s attack leaves Peter with permanent physical damage and deep psychological damage. Do you think Peter should forgive Cole? Why?
10. How does Native American Circle Justice help save Cole’s life?
11. With Circle Justice, everything in life is connected. How do the actions of other characters in the book connect to Cole’s crime and his eventual healing?
12. The Circle Justice system works for Cole and allows him to reach a place of healing, eventually enabling him to help Peter as well. How might the outcome of Cole’s story have been different if he’d gone to prison?
INTERVIEW QUESTIONS
1. What inspired you to write Touching Spirit Bear?
The idea for Touching Spirit Bear came from different directions. My own past was one of being an at-risk student, raised in a foreign country, never schooled in any way until fourth grade. And then I was away at a boarding school with strict English matrons who would strap my hand with leather straps for something done wrong. I’ve also raised a black bear named Buffy, and noticing how Buffy mirrors my own moods gave me the idea for the Spirit Bear mirroring Cole’s attitudes. I even had a real Spirit Bear walk up to within twenty feet of me on a shoreline once. What a magnificent sight. I met a native spiritual leader in British Columbia who taught me how he worked with juveniles in his villages. My research took me up to both British Columbia and Alaska, where real banishments took place. Also, a friend of mine who works as a lawyer with traditional justice in Minneapolis introduced me to Circle Justice, more commonly known as Restorative Justice. All of these ingredients helped to define the final book. The main catalyst for the book though was the morning I turned on the television and watched the tragedy of Columbine play out in front of my eyes.
2. Are any of the characters or events in Touching Spirit Bear based on actual people or your personal experiences?
The characters are both fictitious and real. I came from a very dysfunctional family, which set the stage for Cole having such a family. The characters Peter, Cole, Garvey, and Edwin all mirror who I was at different times in my life. I didn’t have to imagine Cole’s anger or Peter’s feeling of helplessness one bit to portray them. But I also know there were many lessons I learned when I discovered that life could be wonderful if we treat it so. Those lessons I portrayed with Garvey and Edwin.
3. What do you see as the most valuable lesson Cole learns from his experience on the island?
The most valuable lesson Cole learns on the island is that he is a part of life’s circle. And what that means is that everything in his life and everything he does is connected. He can’t hurt anything without hurting himself. When Cole realizes that he has been a fool thinking he controlled his life, that day he surrenders to life and allows himself to be part of the circle. He realizes that controlling life and making good decisions that affect life are two different things. He can make decisions that positively mold his life and at the same time realize that he is a part of a larger current of life that controls all people and all things.
4. Do you think Cole would have had less of a chance to change for the better if he’d gone to jail instead of participating in Circle Justice?
If Cole had been sent to jail, he would most likely have been housed with kids who shared his negative attitude. I can’t imagine what other influence besides isolation could have made him search into his soul the way he did on the island. Jail would have served to simply punish Cole. Perhaps fear of future punishment would have changed his future behavior, but I don’t think it would have changed his heart the way being on the island did.
5. Could you survive a year alone on the island Cole is banished to?
Yes, I truly do think I could undergo such an experience. Many events in my life have served to separate me from society for long periods of introspection. I’ve gone up to boundary waters in Northern Minnesota on a couple of occasions for extended periods alone in the woods. Also, in 1976, I rode a horse across the United States from Northern Minnesota to Oregon. The months I spent, mostly alone, during that ride were times when I struggled with my anger the way Cole did on the island. For the last twenty-five years I have lived in a log home away from people in the mountains of Montana. Seclusion has never been difficult for me. What has been difficult is coming to the realization that I’m a good person, and that if I can get over my anger, life can be the most wonderful experience ever imagined.
6. Edwin introduces some rituals meant to help Cole deal with his anger. Do any of your own strategies for coping with anger resemble Edwin’s?
The rituals Edwin shows to Cole are not magic or something only he could communicate. They are simply devices that allowed Cole to look inward. The cold pond took Cole’s mind off his anger long enough to reflect objectively on that anger. Carrying the ancestor rock was a struggle that made him focus on the rock so that his mind did not wander away from the words Edwin spoke as they climbed. Breaking the sticks of anger, rolling away his anger with the rock, dancing the dances, and carving the totems, these were all devices that allowed Cole to focus inward. In my own life I have found many methods that may not be the same as Cole’s experience, but they have served the same purpose. For me, starting each day with quiet time is important. Taking time whenever I can to walk in the woods and to reflect on how I am a part of all that is around me—I find that very helpful. I love the notion that reality is not what happens around me but how I react to what happens. If a truck drives past me, that is not reality. If I step in front of that truck, I choose to create one reality. If I choose to step out of its way, that creates another reality. All people, especially young people, need to know the power they carry to affect their own reality.
7. When you are developing a character that goes through the kind of grueling emotional ride that Cole experiences, how does it affect you?
For me, developing the character of Cole was to revisit my own past. This was not comfortable. It meant dredging up emotions and feelings that I thought were comfortably settled in my own past. It was very uncomfortable to revisit that anger and fear, but it was necessary to communicate the raw anger that Cole felt at the beginning of Touching Spirit Bear.
8. What do you find to be the most challenging and the most gratifying aspects of being an author?
The most ch
allenging aspect of being an author is that nothing really prepares you for the journey. Each book, each contract, each appearance, is a fresh challenge and uncharted territory. It has been a most wonderful journey that has demanded that I believe totally in myself. Nobody is there to hold your hand at two A.M. when you are on the thirteenth rewrite and a chapter isn’t working. Sometimes, after six months of working on a book, you find yourself doubting the very premise of your novel. At those times, being a successful author demands that you dig way deep inside of yourself and believe in that self. As for the most rewarding aspect, that would have to be seeing the completed book and experiencing how it affects life. To have a child come up and tell you that your book was the first book they ever read and that now they want to read more, what could be more satisfying than that? I am able to travel now to pretty much anywhere I want and meet the most wonderful people I could ever have imagined. Life has become stir-fried, but is so delicious!
9. You obviously have a deep respect for nature and the lessons it can teach us. Where do you think that deep respect comes from?
I would have to say my respect for nature comes from two places. Because I grew up without many friends, I spent most of my time alone. I grew to love animals because they didn’t beat me up or tease me. I learned to love the unconditional love that animals offered. I also came to love nature from my travels. To stand on the great plains of the Maasai Mara in Kenya and to see a herd of elephants in one direction, and to turn your head slowly and see giraffes, hippopotamuses, lions, and zebras as far as the eye can see, that makes me realize how important it is to protect our planet. If the only place we can see these magnificent animals is in a zoo, it is our own humanity that we have caged. My many years of being alone in nature have allowed me to listen to and watch the life cycles evolving around me. We have so much to learn from the earth and her creatures. She is our greatest teacher if we only listen.