He gets to his feet and stretches before approaching the bed and sitting on the side of it. He extends a hand and gently pushes a tendril of my hair off my face. His look of concern is beginning to unnerve me. Why isn’t he saying anything? “Jacey.” God, it’s worse than I thought. He’s calling me by my name instead of Duchess.
I’m beyond frustrated at this point. “Either get to the point or find me some coffee, Moretti. And maybe some Advil. I’m too exhausted for this guessing game you have going on.”
To my surprise, he does as I ask. He returns a few minutes later with a bottle of water and a couple of small pills. I don’t see any coffee, but I decide to let that slide for now. I wince as I sit up in bed and toss the pills in my mouth before downing half the water. He hovers for a moment, then sits on the edge of the chair he’s recently vacated. What is wrong with him? Tony never stays in one spot for very long, so this is completely out of character for him. I set the bottle on the nightstand and run my hand through my hair, attempting to smooth it down. When I make contact with a tender spot in the back, I’m shocked to find a lump there the size of an egg. That explains the headache. I’m still examining it when Tony finally speaks again. “Do you remember Clint bringing you to the compound after work last night?”
“Not really.” I shrug. But there’s something. An elusive memory just out of reach. I shut my eyes as I attempt to concentrate. Yes, it’s there. Clint coming into my office to tell me that Tony wanted me to meet him at the compound. Excitement because it felt like a date. Driving through the gates and waiting while Clint entered the code for the door. Tony talking to some men.
And then it hits.
A bolt of pure agony sears through my head as the rest comes back to me.
Fear, panic, run, need to run.
I’m gasping for breath when the bed shifts and Tony comes down over me. His hands are on my arms, and he’s scared, so very scared. “Duchess, look at me.” He repeats this slowly but firmly until my eyes lock with his. “That’s good, baby. Slow your breathing.” When that doesn’t work, he says, “Hold your breath until I tell you to let it out.” It sounds insane, but he’s my lifeline right now, and I do as he’s instructed. He has me blow it out, then we repeat this several more times until my breathing begins to slow. “Keep looking at me, Duchess. You trust me?” The question is so strange it gets my attention. When I nod, he gives me an approving smile. “Then you know I’d never let anyone or anything hurt you. You are safe here with me. You’ll always be safe. Whatever happened to you in the past is a memory to deal with, but it can no longer hurt you. I won’t allow it.”
He knows. How? My eyes blur, and tears drip down the side of my face as I process his words. I’m filled with shame and self-loathing. I never wanted him to know. But he does. Jeremy was here, and he must have told him. But why? He probably lied to make himself the victim. Tony gently brushes the tears with his thumbs, but they keep coming. I don’t cry. This isn’t me. “I’m sorry,” I croak out as I try to turn my head away. I don’t want him to see me. So ugly. “Never wanted you to find out. You won’t want me anymore. Nothing will ever be the same.”
“Jacey.” He sounds helpless as he once again calls me by my given name.
Things are already different.
I’m so caught up in my misery, so despondent that it takes a moment for me to realize that he’s lifting me from the bed and into his arms. Then he rests against the headboard and arranges me on his chest. He rubs my back in soothing patterns. Instead of calming me, I begin to sob. I had never cried like this in my life, even when my mother died. But it’s as if a dam has burst, and I cannot stop. He rocks me like a small child and murmurs words I don’t understand against the top of my head. I’m faintly aware that someone has come into the room at some point, but I don’t look to see who. I don’t care. I have no idea how long I cry, but Tony’s shirt is soaking wet when the sobs quiet to hiccups, then finally silence. He shifts me in his arms so he can remove his shirt. He uses it to wipe my face before tossing it on the floor. My head is now against his warm muscular chest. How I wish I could stay here forever. It feels like home. “Are you all right, sweetheart?” he asks tenderly. Why does he sound like that? I must be imagining things. Making them the way I want them to be. There is no way he could know and still sound as if he cares about me. No one loves a whore. Then he pulls the rug out from under me again when he says, “I need you to tell me exactly what Jeremy Caulder did to you. I know it was him that you were afraid of yesterday, and I need to know why. I promise I will deal with it, and you’ll never have to fear him again.”
I’m already shaking my head before he finishes speaking. There’s no way. “I…don’t know that name.” I attempt to pull away, but he won’t allow it.
“Jacey.” There’s a hint of exasperation in his voice now, which I’m oddly grateful for. It’s easier to handle than the pity.
“Stop calling me that,” I snap, then ruin the tough act by wiping my face with the back of my hand.
“It is your name.” He sounds confused now, which isn’t surprising. I could probably make a strong case for being bipolar. I don’t care, though, if it distracts him from his questions. But my relief is short-lived because it sounds as if he exhales heavily before saying, “You told me last night that Jeremy was the one. You gave me his name.”
Lie, must lie. “Maybe I recognized him from somewhere.” I’m getting defensive now, which also sparks my anger. I want him to leave it alone. “My past is none of your business, Tony. Have I asked you about all the women in yours? Stop. Let me go.” I sound like such an ungrateful bitch, and I hate it. He’s never been anything but good to me, but he’s backing me into a corner. If I tell him the truth, he’ll be disgusted by me. If I don’t, he’ll be angry, but there is at least a chance he’ll get over it.
He catches me off guard when he shifts me off his lap and moves to the edge before getting to his feet. I’m wary at his apparent capitulation. Too easy. “Normally, I’d agree with everything you said. No good ever comes from oversharing with a romantic partner. But this isn’t a typical past relationship. I have a man working for me who you’re terrified of. Even if I felt nothing for you, I’d still want to know why. When anyone, especially a woman, has such a strong reaction to a man, it needs to be investigated.”
“Then just fire him,” I huff out. “I’m sure you’ve done it before. You don’t need a written report for that. Tell him you don’t require his services any longer.”
“Sure, I’ll do that right now, and while I’m there, I’ll get the truth out of him. In any way necessary.” He turns and heads for the door. “Remember, this is what you wanted,” he tosses over his shoulder.
Wait—what?
Oh my God.
My stomach lurches. He’s not going to let it go. And part of me can’t blame him. I don’t remember everything that happened after I recognized Jeremy, but I recall enough to know that it can’t be explained away easily. My reaction was too extreme. “Tony, stop!” He pauses as if waiting for me to say more. “You win,” I whisper.
He puts his hands in his pockets, then spins around to face me. There is no triumphant smile or smirk there. His expression is solemn. “This was never about winning, and you know that.” He returns to the chair instead of the bed as if needing to keep some distance between us. I could give him some version of the truth that he might find more acceptable, but I’m so tired. I’ve played one game after another for most of my adult life, and I’m spent. A part of me is afraid of what I’ll see on his face when he knows, yet another part doesn’t care anymore. This is the real me. And it’s ugly. He may never want to see me again when I’m finished, but there is an odd sense of peace in letting go. And that’s what I’m doing. One year after I killed my father, I’m finally putting his ghost to bed where it belongs.
* * *
TONY
I feel like the world’s biggest prick. I’m not that much better than Jeremy Caulder at this point. After
all, I’ve bullied a defenseless woman into telling me her secrets. She’s given in. I see the exact moment it happens. There is a sad resignation in her eyes as she pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them. I want to let it go—I wish more than anything I could—but what transpired the previous night stops me. She might believe this is business to me, but I could give a fuck about that. I’ll fire him without a moment’s hesitation. No, this is all about her. What he did to elicit such a strong reaction from her. And I know it’s bad—I can feel it in my gut. But I cannot allow her to live in fear of Jeremy Caulder when it’s within my power to do something about it. The only other option would be to deal with him without fully knowing the truth, but I’m too much like my father to accept that. No, the level of his sins will determine the way retribution is delivered. In this, I am very much a Moretti to my core. “Whenever you’re ready.” An apology is on the tip of my tongue, but it would be meaningless to her at this point. I only hope that in telling me what happened, her heart will be less burdened. God, how I hope for that.
“To tell you about Jeremy, I’ll need to explain my role in my father’s life.” Her voice is neutral when she speaks. There is no emotion there; she is simply blank. “Don’t interrupt me to ask questions or make comments because if I stop, I will not start again.” She appears to take my silence for agreement as she continues after only a slight pause. “My mother was big on family traditions, which is kind of a joke now, considering how fucked up the Wrenns turned out to be. She impressed upon me many times that I was the big sister, and that I was always to take care of Jade as if she were my own. I realize now that it was probably because she wanted to leave us to be with your father. I can only hope she had no idea the type of man our father truly was when she considered abandoning her children to be with him. This didn’t amount to much while she was still alive. I looked out for my sister, but we had a nanny, a cook, and a housekeeper, so it didn’t require much of me. I was a teenager when she died. When he killed her. I stepped in, attempting to comfort Jade and give her what I could as a substitute mother. I came to think of her as mine even though I’m only a few years older. That proved to be a costly mistake because he noticed and found a way to use it against me.” Her voice has gone raspy, and I pick up the bottle of water and hand it to her.
“Jacey,” I begin, noticing how pale she’s become.
She waves my concern away with a flick of her wrist and picks up where she left off.
Where does she get this strength from? How is she so unbelievably resilient?
“When I graduated from college, everything changed. The man I knew as my father was a stranger to me. Oh, he looked the same, but he was not a good man. He called me into his study one evening and told me I would be working for him at Wrenn, and that I would do whatever he asked of me without question or Jade would suffer the consequences. I didn’t believe him. But in the next few weeks, he drove his point home to me. There was a freak accident where Jade supposedly tripped on the stairs and fell. Then one night as I was going into my bedroom, one of Daddy’s flunkies was coming out of Jade’s bedroom. I ran in after him only to find her still asleep and obviously undisturbed. My father was waiting for me in the hallway when I came out of her room. He told me that had been a warning. Next time, it would be real. Another three incidents occurred over the next week, and that’s when I knew I couldn’t protect her. If he really wanted to hurt her, there was little I could do to stop him. When I threatened to go to the police, he let me know in no uncertain terms that they were for sale to the highest bidder. I knew he wasn’t bluffing because the chief of police had been to our home for dinner on more than one occasion. So, I had no choice. The bitch was born. I pushed Jade away from me to protect her. I wanted her to have no reason to hang around the house any more than necessary, which wasn’t easy since my father wouldn’t let her move out until she went to work for Lee. He needed her close to keep me under his thumb.”
A knock on the bedroom door startles us both. I smother a curse before getting to my feet and opening it. Dr. Atwell is standing there giving me a questioning look. “I wanted to check on Jacey before I left.”
I feel like an asshole, but I know if we stop now, this is all I’ll ever know. So, I lower my voice as I say, “Could you possibly stay a bit longer? We’re in the middle of something. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”
Dr. Atwell nods once in agreement. “Of course. Let me know when you’re ready. I have an appointment after lunch, but I’m free until then.”
I thank her, then go back inside, closing the door behind me. “Are you good to continue?”
Again, she doesn’t reply to me directly; she simply starts talking again. “At first, it was fairly simple work, but then as I became more knowledgeable about the business, he started having me play hostess for some of his gatherings. Some that were all right, but he had several associates who were completely unsavory. A few even assumed I was a perk of doing favors for my father. I thought that was insane…until it….”
Fuck. Please let me have misunderstood. Her voice is now so hollow that I wonder if she’s even aware of what she’s revealing. “I was forced to be the whore for my father’s business associates. He said if I didn’t, then it would be Jade.”
“Fucking hell,” I hiss before I can stop myself. That son of a bitch.
“None of them hurt me until that last night. None had any idea I wasn’t with them of my own free will. I had to play the part. They all treated me well until Jeremy… He was different. There was something wrong with him, and I knew that the first time I met him. He had a cruel streak, and unfortunately for me, he was more than happy to join my father in one deal after another, which made him a valuable ally to the old man. He also didn’t buy into my act. He knew I wasn’t with him of my own free will, and it…excited him. He got off on feeling as if he was raping me. He liked it rough. The first couple of times, it was spanking, so hard I couldn’t sit the next day. Then he moved up to choking me. Each time I went to my father, telling him I feared for my life, he waved away my concerns. Told me he would get Jade to take my place.”
I don’t think she’s even aware of the lone tear that trails down her cheek. I’m sick to my stomach. The things he made her do. That monster. I’m not even sure I can handle hearing anymore. There is already enough for me to know that Jeremy Caulder will die. And it will be slow and fucking painful. “Baby, let’s stop now. You don’t have to go on.”
Fuck. She’s not listening to me. I wonder if she’s even aware I’m still in the room. It’s as if now she’s started, there’s no turning back. “The last time, it was bad. He brought friends. And all three of them took turns. Viciously. I…I thought I would die. That they would kill me. The blood seemed to scare Jeremy. He called my father in a panic, and when he arrived, he had a doctor with him. One of his men took me out through a service elevator, and I don’t know what was said, but that was the last time I ever saw him. Until…yesterday. My father stopped doing business with him, mainly because he now had enough of Jeremy’s contacts to cut him out of the deals they’d been involved in together. I didn’t delude myself into thinking it was out of concern for me. I was simply a convenient excuse. No doubt he blackmailed him as well.” Then she absolutely slays me when she adds with forced cheer, “Oh, but don’t worry. Jeremy was paranoid and always used condoms. I’ve been tested yearly, and I have no sexually transmitted diseases. And the doctor assured me that I would have no permanent damage from that…encounter. I had a small hemorrhage and needed some stitches, but I’m perfectly healthy.”
I get up and begin pacing the room like a caged animal. Keep it together just a little longer. “Christ, Jacey, do you think I give a fuck about possible STDs? That’s the furthest thing from my mind, believe me.”
She shrugs in a matter-of-fact way that makes me want to shatter her control. Why am I the only one losing my shit here? “Just thought you should know since we’ve discussed having a child togethe
r. I realize after finding out about all this, you’re probably no longer willing. And I understand. There are no hard feelings. Anyone would feel the same way.”
“Damn it, Duchess, stop with the fucking assumptions. I don’t need you to make my decisions or to do my thinking for me. I’m quite capable of both. And how about canning the ice-princess routine long enough for us actually to talk.”
She appears bewildered when she asks, “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”
Putting my hands on my hips, I snort, then feel like a dick. What do I want from her? Would it make me feel better if she were a sobbing mess? I draw in a deep breath and release it. Then I lower my voice so I’m not shouting at her. “You’ve been talking, and I’ve been listening.”
“But it’s my story to tell,” she points out. “Why would I need input from you since you weren’t there and have no idea what happened?”
Fuck, I’m making a mess of this. I run a hand through my hair and release a ragged laugh. “Hell, I don’t know. I guess it kinda freaks me out the way you talk of everything like it happened to someone else. So coldly clinical when I know you’re anything but. Maybe I could buy it if I hadn’t seen your reaction to Caulder last night.”
She stares at me for a long moment. “I’m scared of him. Yes, he fucking terrifies me. I’ve looked over my shoulder ever since that happened. I had slowly begun to relax, thinking I’d never see him again. So, seeing him standing in this very house talking to you… It was as if I were back there, living that night over again. It was playing on a loop in my head…I needed to run.”