“Okay then.”
“Okay as in I get to live past tonight?”
“Something like that.” This might actually kill me. I clap my hands and let out an overly cute squeal of joy. “Who’s the pretty kitty? Who’s the pretty kitty? Is it Gloom? Is it Gloom? Of course the pretty kitty is Gloom!”
I’m rewarded with an absolute howl of rage for ruining his fierce demeanor.
And then a lot of things happen at once.
Chapter 62
Stupid invisible cats. Seriously, how did it happen that a natural killing machine gets to be invisible as well? Seems exceptionally unfair.
I’m moving before I even finish and it likely saves my life. I dive behind Andeos, interposing him between Gloom and myself. My decision is instantly rewarded with huge puncture wounds erupting fountains of blood from Andeos’ chest as he’s used as a springboard for Gloom’s murderous attempt on my life. The cat’s claws entered deep, but Andeos will live. As Gloom completes the leap, Andeos falls backwards, the crossbow landing off to the side.
I’m searching my pockets for a solution to deal with an enraged kitty but come up empty. “Muel, if you have anything, now is the time to give it up.”
Muel is reaching back for a bag tied to his belt, but he may not be fast enough for what I need. A quick look over and Amber has already turned on Tavos, arms wide and darkening. Things are moving way too quickly for me to control.
“Gloom! I can understand your protectiveness of Amber. She feeds you tasty mice.” I randomly pick left and tumble. The wall right of me shows the impact of a kitty face hitting plaster.
Completing the roll, I hotfoot it right into Amber, taking her out at the knees, sending her tumbling, and scattering the two ravens into the room. With her out of the way I roll right up to Tavos, draw a knife from my boot, and shove it handle first into his hand. “You have about a tenth of a second. You need to act before she gets her bearings.”
I spin, brace and listen. I hear Gloom’s paws rhythmically striking the ground, closing. Muel is still struggling with the bag, his chain gloves interfering with the motor skills required to unhook it. Andeos is still down. Amber is starting to stand up. Tavos is paralyzed with indecision.
It’s all up to me.
I grab one of the large ravens out of the air as it dive-bombs me and chuck it by its head in what I assume is the cat’s direction. Twisting, I bounce over a shattered bench and land on Andeos’ chest, breaking a few of his ribs as I use him as a crash mattress.
I shove my hands into his breeches. Andeos takes objection with a weak “what the hell?” which is more than I thought he would be able to muster as a response.
“Just looking for this!” I cry out in triumph, the charm securely in my hand. For a moment, the entire world slows down and takes on a green hue. Shadows I didn’t notice a moment ago take on life as they move and stretch.
I shake my head, look back and scream. A glass-shattering, completely unmanly, full-out, death-is-upon-me scream.
Charm in hand, I can now see Gloom, death incarnate, moving through the air at my throat. I make the only decision I can. I scream again.
It’s not Gloom that bodily smashes into me, but Muel. His huge frame ensures that I’m flung to the side as he blindly takes my place, opens his arms wide and attempts to intercept a cat he cannot see.
“Merrr-owwwwww!” Gloom hits Muel near dead center of the chain apron, while Muel’s two hands, also in the same thick-gauge sleeves, close in on the surprised kitty.
I spend scarcely a moment to appreciate that I’m still alive before jumping back into action. Sliding over to Muel, I grab the bundle of elven catnip that earlier resisted Muel’s effort to release from his belt and slam it into the ball of fur madly trying to claw its way from the chain clothing.
I look the cat right in the eyes and yell, “Gloom! Bad kitty!” and then shake my outstretched finger at him. “Bad!”
That catches the cat off guard.
“Seriously. You want to take your anger out on me?”
Gloom’s ears droop a bit and he momentarily stops struggling.
“Make your decision. Either I have Muel put your leash back on or you can help me out — the guy who gives you beer, keeps a roof over your head and has accepted your intrusion in his life. What’s it going to be?”
Gloom fights the bear hug he’s locked in for a moment and then stops. “Mawow.”
“Agreed. Take my lead.” I turn, giving my back to Gloom.
In front of me, Amber has recovered. Standing pretty much on top of Tavos, she pulls a dagger from her belt. “Alright, fun is fun. But this distraction is finished.”
“Not quite, Daughter. Tell me, where is Pinty?”
“Doesn’t matter. Don’t care. He won’t stop me. This is the changing of the guard.” She drives the dagger into Tavos’ belly.
Chapter 63
Tavos gives me away as I charge in. Reaching out in his pain, he calls my name. “Pinty.”
Amber releases the knife, leaving it in her father. She turns, scans the room and hesitates. Bingo! The charm works for me as well. I almost get to take full advantage of her confusion, but she’s way smart.
Even as I’m moving forward, Amber raises her arms and addresses the space in front of her. “Oh no, you don’t.” Her arms rapidly blackening to pitch, they explode in a flurry of ravens. They fill the entire room. “That I can see Andeos now is clue enough. Wherever my birds are not, it must be you.”
It’s true. The room is a storm of wings. And within those wings, the two large ravens take limited flight. I’m forced back, away from Amber, as the avian onslaught blindly careens into me from all sides.
I hear, more than see, one of the large ravens die. Even within all the chaos of flapping wings, I can hear as Amber screams out in frustration. Somewhat behind me a playful kitten sound is joined by the distinctive crack of snapping neck bones.
I smile. “Good kitty! Claws free!”
“Meow!” Ravens start falling.
But not all. The second large raven finds me with a random talon. Its foot tangles in my jerkin, rips the leather open and takes long ribbons of flesh from my shoulder along with it. The cotton shirt I wear underneath soaks with blood.
I bash the bird away with one hand as I draw a new knife with the other. I swing, but not quickly enough. Wings batter my face and the giant bird escapes my blade.
That attempt to drive off the bird costs me dearly.
In grabbing the knife I opened my hand, dropping what I had just stolen from Andeos. I no longer hold the charm. It lies somewhere in the pile of debris at my feet. Instantly, Amber and the ravens, each and every one, know exactly where I am.
I take in the renewed onslaught of birds for a half second before making my decision. Already bleeding from what feels like hundreds of claw and beak attacks, I turn and run.
I brush by Muel, careen off the entrance to the stairs, trip, and super-speed hand and foot it up each step. The leather covering my bum provides a little but not enough protection from the ravens. “Get off my ass!”
The unkindness is not affected by my scream. They attack en masse.
I’ve seen a troll fight her ravens and fair very, very poorly. That plays heavily in my continued flight from the basement. I get to the top of the stairs, swing the door shut, and lean my entire frame against it. I might not weigh much, but neither do birds. Point to Pinty.
Scanning for something, anything, to bar the door, I spot Caia binding Prusur’s wounds in the front room. “Caia, I need help now!”
Caia drops Prusur unceremoniously and bounds over to me. “What’s up?” she asks as she also lays into the door, bracing against the surge of ravens from below.
“Uh, same old, same old. You wouldn’t mind holding this closed, would you? I’m late for an appointment.” I add on a smile.
“Really, you want me to face a berserk flock of ravens?” The incessant sound of wings and squawks gives her question some merit.
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“In all honesty, I really do think they’re just after me. Open that door and I’ll bet my last coin that they ignore you completely.”
“Well, Pinty, in that case . . .”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
Now she provides the smile. “Oh, wouldn’t I?”
“Just give me a few minutes, would you?” I stop bracing the door and Caia takes the weight. “I appreciate that.”
“Well, just remember this favor.”
I start hoofing it out the corridor. “Remember what?” And I’m gone past Prusur and out of the house before I can hear her answer, leaving her to face the birds on her own. I’m pretty sure they’ll ignore her. It’s at least fifty-fifty.
Chapter 64
“I owe you beers.”
“Really! How many?”
I look over the regulars and the new faces gathered tonight in the Bottom Up. It’s clear they have enjoyed the live entertainment. I draw a pint and slide the glass across to Prusur, who accepts it with a nod and drinks it down as I continue. “At least two.”
“So, you admit I can play?”
“I admit my drunks have the same standards towards my food as they do for your music.” I hold him on the hook briefly and then deliver the punchline. “Thankfully, we both over-deliver.”
That brings a great smile to his face. “Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. Can I have my second beer now, before you change your mind, cheapskate?”
“Certainly.” I draw another beer for him and set it beside the first. “So, is she coming tonight?”
“Who? Caia?”
“Yeah, to hear you play.”
Prusur gives me a double take and then lets out a huge laugh. “Is that why you hired me? My friend, you didn’t have a single care if I can play well or not when you requested my services. You simply acted on the belief that my performing would bring her out as well!”
“So? She’s been difficult to get a hold of lately.”
That brings another bellow of laughter. “You’re aggravating, exasperating and lovable to the very end.”
Above the din of the common room, I hear loud shouting from the kitchen. I look over, but the door is closed. “Are you going somewhere with that comment or are you just trying to hurt me?”
“The day I can wound you has yet to arrive. Look, you’re lucky you haven’t seen her. You left her with nothing but a few thin planks of wood between her and a couple dozen frenzied birds. Given the chance, I think she would put something sharp, poisonous or both into your body.”
“It’s been weeks. She’s not over that yet?”
“First off, it’s not like she talks about you. Ever. It’s only my assumption she’s harboring a grudge. Second, she’s been busy. Mom’s got her troubleshooting some issues with the business. I haven’t seen her that much myself.”
“Well, give her my best.”
The noise in the kitchen grows and I’m sure that was the sound of cast iron crashing against the wall.
Even Prusur hears it. “You expecting trouble, Pinty?”
I pick up one of the larger steak knives arranged behind the bar. “Not that I’m aware of.” I look for Muel and spot him at the front of house, bouncing another unruly patron out the front. From there he isn’t able to hear the commotion in the kitchen. I look back to the door. “Think I should investigate?”
I don’t have to wait for Prusur’s response. Helena bursts through the kitchen doors, pale as a sheet, and makes a beeline directly towards me. “Mr. Lightbottom, sir! You need to do something about Mavis! She means to kill him and feed ‘em to the bar!”
Chapter 65
“Hey, Mavis.”
She says my name in in time with the beat she’s set, rasping the sharpening steel against the knife held in her hand. “Pinty.” Shreeet.
“Whatcha doing?”
“Prepping dinner.” Shreeet. Shreeet. Shreeet.
“Okay.”
I look round the kitchen. One of Mavis’ favorite pots is still rocking back and forth from where it landed, tossed against the wall. Right beside the cast iron, wedged into a corner of the room, is a boy. I nod my head towards to him. “Hey there.”
He doesn’t make a sound.
“I’m Pinty.”
Shreeet.
I give Mavis a look, but she’s having none of it, so I give up and turn back to the boy. “What’s your name? Come on, now. It’s okay.”
Every time Mavis draws the blade across the steel he flinches. “Linmer.”
“Nice to meet you, Linmer. If you could just do me a favor here and stay quiet and still, that would be much appreciated. I mean, if that’s fine with you, that is.”
“No problem.”
“Good.” I take stock of the kitchen. Prusur has followed me a couple steps in through the door, but not farther. Behind him Helena has stopped right in the doorway, looking downright uncomfortable to even taking one step inside the room. Otherwise the kitchen is how I would expect it to be running for the night: orders in the process of being filled, kitchen implements everywhere and the oversized cauldron bubbling away with some broth.
I address Mavis. “What’s on the menu for tonight?”
Shreeet. “With one exception, same thing since the pantry ran dry after the fire. Lentils. Ground corn. More lentils. More ground corn. And pebble soup, made with real pebbles.”
“Hey, my favorite!”
“Really?”
“Uh, no. Just teasing. No harm meant.” I wait a bit to let her know I’m sincere. The whole city has been on rations since the fire. I can only imagine that Mavis is genuinely frustrated at the very limited availability of ingredients. Then I start again. “So, what’s with the boy?”
“Apparently the guild is hiring young and this boy didn’t realize who we are.” Shreeet.
That’s new information. I turn back to the boy. “Is that true? You’ve hooked up with Amber and her crew?”
He answers, but tentatively. “Yeah.”
“And she told you to hit us up?”
“No! No, no, no, no, no.” He pushes himself into the corner. “No. We were just told to do ‘something demonstrable’ to show value to the guild. Me and some of my friends decided that we would hit up this street.”
I chuckle at his naivety. “You have no idea who Mavis or the Bottom Up are?”
“None! And after I made the demand to her . . .” He stutters on the word “her” while pointing to Mavis, “Well, I thought she wanted to get on our good side, make sure we would treat her well in the future. Maybe bribe us to keep the kickback low.”
“What do you mean?”
“She invited me in for dinner.”
Mavis speaks up. “I said, ‘Aren’t you the cutest thing I’ve seen all day. Alright then, come on in. We’ll have you for dinner.’ And what do you know, he set foot in my kitchen.”
“Mavis . . .” I draw out her name.
“So we’re having him for dinner.”
“Ha! Nice play on words. It’s not like you’ve ever cooked person before! You’re not . . . going . . . to . . .” I come to a rolling stop. Mavis simply has one eyebrow raised in that “Seriously, you doubt me?” look.
Shreeet.
Okay, this is a little more serious than I thought. I pull back one of the kitchen chairs from under the table and hop up. “You really are stressed, aren’t you? What’s bugging you?”
She lets out a big sigh. “It’s proving difficult to do what I love — cooking — with the same ingredients day in and day out for a month now. I’ve been quite good about it, never once complaining until now, seeing that you’re responsible for the dearth of options I have available.”
That grabs the boy’s attention. “You’re the shortkin, the one that burnt down the city?”
I smile. “Yup. Now behave and stay quiet.”
He absolutely behaves.
“That’s what’s really bugging you?”
“That’s it.” Shreeet.
“So, why didn’t you tell me sooner? I’ll go get some of the coin I’ve stashed away and we’ll go shopping, black market style!”
Mavis looks at me, shakes her head no, and holds out her pointer finger. “That won’t work. One, because we’ll never get good prices again from our suppliers. You show up dropping coin on the underground market now and every merchant from here to the capital will overcharge us forever more. We’ll never make a profit on the food again.”
I nod.
“Two,” she raises a second finger. “I’m not eating well when everyone else is eating poor. Don’t think that’s right. Gives one attitude. You get accustomed to it.”
“Okay, I can respect your thoughts on that.”
“Three . . .”
“Which is?”
Mavis adds a third finger and then lowers it. “That’s it. I’m not going to get special treatment when the rest of the city hasn’t recovered.”
“So why go after the boy?”
“Fair game. He’s extorting the Bottom Up and he decided to step foot in my kitchen.”
I look over to Linmer. It has been weeks since the Bottom Up listed meat on the menu. He really would be quite delicious. A tidbit here, a morsel there. A nice, slow-broiled leg turning over the spit . . .
I shake my head to clear it. What am I thinking! Biting a chunk off Tavos seems to have affected me in a much deeper way than I realized. I focus and tell myself I did not enjoy the taste of human flesh. No, I certainly did not. Did. Not.
I address Mavis, but do it for the benefit of everyone else in the room. “I don’t disagree with you often, Mavis, but I think this time I have to speak up. I’ll make you a deal: I go get something to help out with the food situation without buying it or it being too extravagant. You . . . you let the boy go.”
“When?”
“How about right now?” I nod yes, hoping she’ll agree. “I’ll go do it right now.”
Mavis frowns at me a moment, squints and places the knife back into the block. “Reluctantly, I agree.”
I turn back to the boy. “Linmer, go outside and wait for me.”
He bolts.
I turn to the room. “Prusur, if you wouldn’t mind another set?”
He nods and disappears back through the kitchen door with Helena in tow. The room is momentarily quiet except for the bubbles escaping the soup.
“Now that we’re alone, Mavis, seriously, you weren’t really going to