Sarah shifted. “I know. And it’s a huge decision. But what he’s offering—”
“Is Max figuring into the equation? Because, Sarah, I know he’s great, but think about last time. The trade-off you made.”
“I remember.” She’d given up the position she’d accepted to follow Cory to San Francisco because that was where he’d been offered a job. There’d been less discussion than there should have been, most of it revolving around the idea that they wanted kids, a couple of them at least and early. Cory wanted her to stay home, and she’d agreed, so his career needed to be the priority.
That choice had haunted her for years, driving her priorities, her choices. Her commitments.
Even after he’d been out of her life for good, Cory had continued to impact it. Sometimes in a good way—after all, having something to prove had more than paid off for her—but also in not-so-good ways. She’d completely closed herself off from life outside work. From relationships. From anything that felt like there was even the smallest risk to her heart or her plans.
Cory had made her afraid. And she’d lived that way for years. Until Max had shown her how to be brave again, and how good it felt to connect with someone else.
She wanted to tell Piper that Max wasn’t figuring in the equation, but she couldn’t.
When her only response was silence, Piper offered Sarah her last potato chip.
Yeah, that about summed it up.
* * *
Trim work was a bitch, but damn, when those mitered edges lined up just right and all the rough cutouts around the windows and doorway were finished, it transformed the space. Max rocked back on his heels and blew out a low whistle. This room was going to sell the place.
Pulling his phone from his jeans, he walked over to his window seat and looked down at the street below. It was Monday night, and the neighborhood was coming alive with couples walking hand in hand, lights blinking on, and the occasional squeal of some delighted kid seeing a parent come home. This would be a nice house for a family one day.
Sarah answered on the second ring. “I know I said seven, but I just got the Madison numbers and I kind of hate to put it down when I’ve got everything fresh in my head.”
Max chuckled into the phone. “Don’t sweat it. Any idea what you’re looking at for timing?” It was weird calling her like that, when he wasn’t sure he’d ever called a woman trying to gauge how soon he’d get to see her. Wondering if she might make it sooner than that if he talked dirty in her ear. He could try, but Sarah took her job as seriously as he took his, and having her name tied to the projects Sean was giving her was putting a grin on his girl’s face that Max wouldn’t want to see come off. So maybe no dirty talk, at least not now.
A slow breath sounded through the line, and Max stood a little straighter, listened a little closer. “Everything okay?”
“It is,” she answered quickly, only to leave a pause after. “It’s just I don’t know what to tell you for timing. Mind if we take the night off so I can make some more progress with this stuff? I’m getting so much done, and I hate to—”
“Hey, it’s fine. No problem,” he assured her. He could hear the tension in her voice and didn’t want to be the reason behind it. Yeah, he was going to miss her—but hell, it was just one night. And okay, she’d been busy with Piper on Saturday and most of Sunday, but he’d seen her for a few hours the night before. He’d gotten to fall asleep with her in his arms, which was one of his favorite things. And he’d see her the next day. So no big deal. “Have fun, and, baby?”
“Yeah?” she asked softly.
“Don’t work too hard.”
Jesus, who was he with this stuff?
“I won’t,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. “Thanks for understanding.”
“You bet, beautiful.” Max thumbed off the phone and headed downstairs. Dinner for one coming up.
* * *
Traffic in the city was nuts with the rain, and Sarah’s cab had been moving at a snail’s pace for the last five minutes. It was Wednesday night, and the guys—minus Sean, plus Emily—were playing darts. An easy group activity where the deep-eye staring would be at a minimum and the openings for heart-to-heart discussions about the future of her and Max’s relationship would be zero. Darts with the guys would be safe. A relief considering what a complete chicken she’d been the last few days.
Ever since Sean put the offer out there, Sarah had been a wreck. Heck, even before the offer, she’d been losing it. But since this new job opportunity presented itself, Sarah had been straight-up avoiding Max. She couldn’t relax. She had to tell him about the offer.
She would.
She just wanted to figure out her own feelings first. So far, she hadn’t.
But Max wasn’t dumb, and while he’d been willing to let her canceled plans and excuses go for now, he wouldn’t forever.
The cab stopped in front of Belfast, and Sarah paid with her credit card before climbing out into the drizzle. Warm light was spilling out from the entry, the sound of laughter and cheers greeting her when a girl ran in ahead of her. This was ridiculous. She wanted to see Max, wanted to feel his arms around her.
Time to bite the bullet.
Inside, everyone was already gathered at their table. Brody had Molly in some sort of headlock, and she was trying to bite his arm. Jase and Emily were seated across the table, laughing shoulder to shoulder. And Max—her heart did that little tumbling thing, because Max looked up, his eyes locking on hers as that sexy smile spread across his face. She was smiling too as he closed the distance between them with long strides, taking her in his arms and tipping her head back for a kiss that was every kind of happy to see her. This was the kiss she’d fallen in love with. The one that made her knees weak and her heart ache with everything she was feeling.
His mouth still fused with hers, Max lifted her so her toes hung inches off the ground and, with his arms locked around her waist, walked them back to the table. They were greeted by gagging sounds, courtesy of Molly; Brody offering up a cheer that spread like wildfire and had half the bar clapping like Max had just pulled Sarah from a fire; and Jase and Emily getting that look in their eyes that typically preceded them disappearing for a while.
“What?” Max demanded, a giant grin on his face as he pulled her in closer still. “I can’t give my girlfriend a kiss after not seeing her for a few days?”
Girlfriend. Max hadn’t called her that before, and while it wasn’t any profession of love everlasting, the needy part of Sarah’s heart clung to it, snuggling it close just the same.
“A kiss? Sure.” Molly laughed, shaking her head, her eyes all bugged out. “But that? Come on, Max, there are kids around.”
There weren’t any kids around. It was a bar. But still, Max looked duly chagrined, which had Sarah reaching for the front of his button-down and pulling him back for one more quick kiss. “I’ll take a hello like that any day of the week.”
“Yeah?” Max grinned, his brow pressed to hers, deep-eye staring a go.
And it felt so right. Even with Molly muttering an affectionate “Gross” from across the table, and Brody asking Jase and Emily where they were going. Sarah wanted to melt into this moment forever.
They needed to talk.
* * *
Three nights later, she still hadn’t done it.
The mattress dipped as Max returned, sliding under the cool sheet and pulling Sarah into the heat of his naked body. Her heart ached with how right it felt to lie there like that with him, while her belly tensed, thinking about the conversation to come. Maybe. If she decided New York was what she wanted, she didn’t need to tell Max anything. But if she kept thinking about Chicago the way she was—because it was a really, really good offer—they had to talk. And that talk was going to break all their rules.
God, she just wanted this to last. But with her
flight only a week away, time was running out and—
“Hey, what’s that look about?” Max asked, brushing a bit of hair from her brow and tucking it behind her ear in one of those tender caresses that left her feeling beautiful and cared for and all too vulnerable. It was only eight, so there was still light enough from outside for Sarah to read the caring in Max’s eyes. “Talk to me, Sarah. Something’s been going on with you, and it’s killing me that you won’t tell me what it is. Is this about you leaving?”
And like that, her time was up. No more avoidance.
“Remember when I told you I was going to be staying these extra weeks?” she asked, working her hand free so she could stroke the hard line of Max’s jaw.
The corner of his mouth hitched up. “Yeah, I do. Don’t suppose Sean’s found a way to get me another reprieve before you have to go?”
“Would you like that?” she asked quietly, afraid if she spoke any louder, her voice would reveal more than she wanted.
“Another couple of weeks of this?” Max looked at her like she was crazy to even ask. “You know I would. Why? What’s going on?”
She smiled weakly. “When I first brought it up, you seemed…maybe a little wary.”
A beat passed with Max just looking at her. Then propping himself up on one arm, he shook his head. “Sarah, I didn’t know you were still thinking about that. Hell, that you’d been thinking about it at all. Baby, I’m sorry. I guess it just took me by surprise for a minute before I understood what you were talking about. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
He looked so genuine staring down at her, but he’d always cared about her. The affection had never been in question.
“I wasn’t hurt,” she assured him. “At the time, I would have freaked if you’d started asking me about changing my plans or suggesting we try to make a future together.”
He’d heard it. Max was too sharp not to. That tricky qualifier, at the time. “Okay, so why are you bringing it up now?”
Because she loved him. Because she was staring at two paths ahead of her. And even though all she wanted was to spend the next few months going on the way they had—laughing and lazing their free time away together, letting the course of things naturally play out so she didn’t have to push this thing between them—the terms of their mutually agreed upon fling were about to expire. And she owed Sean an answer in two days.
She didn’t want Max to play into the equation, but he was already there. This sexy, six-foot question mark that made her believe in the possibility of something bigger, maybe even more important than her career. Only she couldn’t say any of that, not now. “Because it feels like something’s changed with us. And I’m wondering if it’s just me, or if you feel it too.”
Brows drawn forward, Max licked his bottom lip. “Of course I feel it too. There’s a lot between us. But, baby, that doesn’t change anything except how I’m going to look back on this. You’ve got a plan. A good one. And as good as this has been, I couldn’t live with myself if I let us get in the way of your career.”
The sentiment meant so much to her, but still she couldn’t help wishing that Max wasn’t quite so supportive. That he was maybe just a little conflicted about what to do where they were concerned. That he struggled, in some small way, with the possessive impulse to selfishly hold on to her, no matter what the cost.
She sat up and, tucking her knees beneath her, pulled the edge of the sheet to her breasts. “I appreciate that, because my career is very important to me.” For the longest time, it had been the only priority in her life. Now though… “But what if there were options other than New York?” Holding up her hand, she shook her head and tried again. “No, forget that. What if New York had never been on the table, and I was just here. Would you still want an end date for this thing between us—or would you want to see where things went?”
Max sat, shifting so his back was against the headboard, concern in his eyes. “Without New York, we never would have started this. So why even—”
“But say we did,” she urged, hating the pleading in her voice, but not being able to stop it.
“Sarah, what’s going on? Is there a problem with the job? Do you want me to talk to Sean? They moved you out here, have your things in storage. I can’t believe they’d pull the rug out—”
She cut him off. “The New York position is still available.”
The relief was there in his eyes, as obvious as the nose on her face. But still, she had to tell him what she was thinking. She had to put herself out there one more time. “This thing between us, Max, it feels right to me. Like it could be more than either one of us was thinking.”
“Sarah…” he began with a slow shake of his head.
She knew what was happening. Once again, she was offering Max more than he wanted to take—and suddenly more than anything, she wanted to cover her ears and hum, anything to pretend his next words weren’t coming. But whether she wanted to hear them or not, she needed to. Max wasn’t like Cory. He wouldn’t lie to her or play her or try to snow her into a relationship with rules she didn’t understand.
The muscle in his jaw jumped once, twice. “Being with you is more intense than anything I’ve known in years. But we both went into this knowing it wasn’t going to be forever. It was just going to be the good time we had together during an intermission in your life.”
She nodded, turning to the window so he wouldn’t see what that summary did to her. Blinking against the push of tears that weren’t fair, she nodded.
Smoothing the backs of his fingers over her shoulder and down her arm, he spoke quietly. “Look, I get it. When things are good like this, it’s easy to wonder what it would be like to have more. But Sarah, you’ve got plans. A job you told me yourself you’d been working toward for years. I don’t want to be the guy who gets in the way of that. I just want to be the one making you remember your time in Chicago with a smile. We have a week left, baby. Let’s make the most of it.”
That would be the rational thing. The smart thing. But somehow, Sarah had stopped thinking with her head, and her heart knew what he was suggesting was beyond her.
Throat thick, she peered up at him. “Max, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do that.”
He looked like she’d slapped him, and she felt all the worse for it.
“Of course you can. Why would you even say that?”
She wanted to laugh, because he looked like the idea of missing out on one minute together would break him. Yet he was holding fast to the security of her leaving.
As if sensing a dead end, Max shook his head and then smoothed his features. That flash of concern and urgent tone were gone. A calm he’d probably perfected on the force was now in play. “Okay, Sarah, I get what’s happening. We got in a little deep, but it’s not a big deal. We just—”
“No.” Pushing off the bed, she pulled the sheet around her, leaving Max with the comforter—not that he wanted it. The moment he saw her move, he was up too, sweeping his jeans off the floor and shoving one leg in and then the other, his eyes locked with hers the whole time.
“You’re not even interested in hearing what I have to say?” he challenged.
What could he possibly say? “Max, I’m not just in a little deep. I’m in love with you.”
He straightened, seemingly stunned by the words she couldn’t believe were a surprise to him.
“No.” Running a hand over the top of his head, he stared past her. “You only think you are.”
She ignored that.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen. At first, I didn’t even see it coming. And then when I realized my emotions were becoming invested in a way I hadn’t expected, I tried to pull back. I tried to put some distance—”
His eyes closed, pained lines creasing his brow. “But I didn’t let you. Because I thought, What the hell, she’s leaving, so why not go all in?”
/> He was counting on her leaving. That was why it had felt so free. So safe. So easy. Because the boundaries were built around her flight to New York.
Now she knew. Max was just having fun. The way they’d both agreed to.
“Max, I’m sorry I stepped outside the lines on this. I’ll get over it. But I need some time.”
“You’re leaving in a week. I know things are different than we thought, but Sarah, we could still be together.” He let out a frustrated breath. “I don’t want to give you up.”
“I’m sorry,” she answered, meaning it with all her heart. “But you have to.”
“Why?”
Because she’d learned her lesson, and she wasn’t going to let her feelings for a man cost her another job she truly wanted. She’d asked Max to take New York out of the equation and tell her what he wanted, but it was only when he’d taken himself out of the equation that she’d been able to see the truth of what she wanted.
“I’m not leaving Chicago.”
Chapter 17
There’d been a handful of moments in Max’s life where choosing the right thing meant certain pain. Two of those moments involved Sarah Cole offering him more than he could take. The third was stepping in front of a tweaked-out junkie when he’d had a gun aimed at his own kid. Max had known the guy was going to fire, but there was no way he was going to let him hurt that boy any more than he already had.
The first time with Sarah, he’d been twenty-one, and he’d barely been able to walk away. He’d wanted her so much. He’d been watching those full lips since the first night he’d gotten them to curve for him. And those eyes, he’d been half hard every time she cut him a look that said she thought he was bad…and she liked it, but had sense enough to know better.
He could remember the ache and effort it had cost him for nearly two months—working every excuse he could come up with to see her, while making sure the walls that kept them from becoming more than friends remained sturdy. Because it wouldn’t be just some hookup with Sarah, and that scared the hell out of him. He’d been avoiding relationships as far back as he could remember—through high school when he started seeing signs of the kind of drama he got at home. Flaring tempers. Betrayals. Words turned into weapons. No thanks.