Diary of an Almost Cool Girl
Meet Maddi – Ooops!
B. Campbell
Copyright 2014 by KC Global Enterprises
Hi Almost Cool Girls and Boys,
Some of you might have read Diary of an Almost Cool Girl- My New School.
In this book, you get to meet a slightly younger and less wise Maddi and find out what happened at her old school (before she was asked to leave).
Hope you enjoy it!
Almost Cool Kids Rock!
Where it all began…
The shrill sound of sirens vibrated the frame of the window I’m looking through. Up here on the second level of my school, I have a good view of the science block. Although the smoke haze is still lazily drifting from the windows that were smashed so the firemen could put their hoses in. Within a minute, they called out that the fire was under control.
I personally think the second fire unit and the two ambulances were a bit over the top. Nobody got hurt and the fire was only in the waste paper basket.
I’ve been sitting in the Principal’s office now for about 15 minutes, waiting for my mom to arrive so that the Principal can inform her about, “How Madonna Bull tried to burn the school down.”
They are his words – not mine.
How did I end up in the Principal’s office, you ask. Well let me explain, it’s all in my diary.
Monday
Hi everyone, welcome to my diary. Some people write their diaries as private memories for themselves, me…I’m different, I like to write it for an audience. My name is Madonna Bull, most people call me Maddi.
Some kids call me Mad or even Mad Bull, but I just ignore those types of kids. I’m not one of the “cool” kids and I’m not none of the “brainy” kids…I’m just a normal girl. Sometimes I like to think of myself as an “almost cool girl”. Not in the “cool” group, but I’m not a nerd either.
I’m 12, well nearly 12. Okay, I’m 11 years, six months and 3 days to be exact.
I must confess, I have a bad habit. I like to give people nicknames, but don’t panic, I don’t call anyone by their nicknames, I just use them in my diary. So I guess only you and me know about them.
For example, my mom is an alternative hippy type mom, carefree and always looking on the bright side of things. Like when I dropped two dinner plates and they both broke, Mom just comes out with, “That’s okay, Madonna, it just means less washing up to do.” And that is why her nickname is Mrs. Absolutely Positive. She is positive and enthusiastic about EVERYTHING! Mom also loves exercise, yoga and healthy food. She is really into those yucky green drinks with vegetables in them…gross!
Dad is big with a loud booming voice, so his nickname is Mr. Boom Boom. I wonder what my nickname for you would be if I knew you.
I blame my parents for the “nickname” thing. They give everyone in our neighborhood a nickname. Sometimes it is a bit embarrassing because we don’t remember their real names. Labrador man (yes he walks a Labrador dog) and Bob (not his real name, but he is a builder – like in Bob the Builder) all live close by. So using nicknames is a family tradition that I have inherited.
My parents have given me some shocking nicknames. The first one was Poo Shooter because of my ability to shoot explosive poos across the room…when I was a baby.
When I got a bit older, around 6, they called me Princess Grotty Snotty, due to an unfortunate incident when I was wearing my best princess costume. I had a cold and my nose was full of thick gooey green snot.
Mom had taken me to the shopping center to go to the doctors and on the way out was taking a short cut through the food court. That’s where it all went terribly wrong. Halfway through the eating area, a dear old granny type lady said to my mom, “What a beautiful princess you have there,” – that’s me of course. Granny lady stops eating her lovely looking cake and starts telling me how pretty I look. You know how, when you have a cold, you have no control over when your body decides to sneeze…well my body decided to sneeze just as she finished those kind words and smiled at me. Not just any sneeze, but perhaps the biggest and greatest sneeze in the history of mankind!!!!!!
That stopped granny lady in her tracks. She looked down at her yummy cake and it is covered in two rivers of snot. She claps her hands across her mouth. Making retching sounds she races from her table towards the toilets. Meanwhile, mom grabs my hand and drags me off to the car. Being Mrs. Absolutely Positive she says, “It’s okay, Maddi, better out than in. And besides, that cake was so unhealthy, she would have been much better off eating some nice fresh fruit.” Did I mention that Mom is really into healthy food?
And that is how I collected the lovely nickname of Princess Grotty Snotty.
Anyway, enough diary for today. I need to do my homework and so probably do you.
Tuesday
My best friend Shelby and I walked to school this morning. We have been friends for a long time now, since about halfway through last year. I’m pretty quiet and try to avoid being the center of attention while Shelby is the opposite. She is loud and outgoing and loves being in the spotlight. Mom says we get along so well because we balance each other out. She said something about yin and yang, but I have no idea what she is talking about.
Today when we were in Music class we were sitting together as always. Mr. Canary (not his real name, just a great nickname, loves to sing his instructions to us), asked us to sit on the floor in a circle. Mr. Canary clapped out a rhythmic pattern and we each in turn had to copy his pattern. Of course the pattern changed for each student. Music is not my strong point, even when trying to clap the beat to a song, I’m likely to miss my own hands altogether. Obviously I’m not the only one feeling the pressure…as everyone is absolutely quiet as we await our turns.
There is a pause after each time Mr. Canary demonstrates a clapping pattern and in those few seconds you could hear a pin drop. It’s nearly our turn, I can see Shelby is nervous as she keeps fidgeting. I’m so glad she is before me as it gives me a little more time. If you get the clapping pattern correct, Mr. Canary gives you a treat. So as well as not wanting to embarrass myself, I also really want a treat!
Mr. Canary claps out the rhythm for the girl sitting next to Shelby and the silence before the girl starts her turn seems absolute. Until an eardrum bursting fart noise rips across the room. I can even feel the vibration on the wooden floor and instantly realize that Shelby is the source of the noise. Poor Shelby! I feel embarrassed for her, so I try to think of something to say to ease her embarrassment.
No need – Shelby’s next comment solves the problem. “Oh Maddi, that smells terrible!”
“I’m sorry Sir, Maddi has been suffering diarrhea, I’ll just take her to the toilet and make sure she is okay.” Then Shelby rustles me out of the classroom door as the laughter from the rest of the class drowns out my protests of innocence.
Once outside Shelby breaks into hysterical laughter, humiliating me even more.
But in the end I just give up and join in the laughter. Eventually Shelby says, “Well, Maddi, I may have ruined your image, but at least I got us out of clapping those stupid patterns.”
Thursday
Despite the odd embarrassing moment, I’m lucky to have a good friend like Shelby. Having friends is especially important when you have a Bethany Barker in your class. Bethany is the mean girl of our school, some kids love sport, some love achieving A’s, some love the arts, but Bethany just loves being mean. That’s right folks, a genuine bully in my class.
Generally I don’t have too much trouble with her. Shelby and I are nearly always together and Shelby is simply too loud to pick on. I’ve already told Bethany – whom I secret
ly call MG (short for mean girl) that I don’t really care about her opinion.
One day MG must have been low on her quota of kids to pick on, when she came across Shelby and I in the playground. MG started making negative and nasty comments about my appearance. Like all bullies, MG always seemed to have a little band of followers. Sarah and Sue (who must be very desperate for friends to hand out with MG) were with MG. As usual, MG would make the nasty remarks and her followers, Sarah and Sue, would laugh at her “amazing” wit.
Mom always taught me the best way to deal with bullies is to ignore them or stand-up to them. I decided to try a bit of both. First I just totally ignored MG’s nasty comments and I kept talking to Shelby.
After about 5 minutes of ignoring MG’s little rant, I saw Shelby’s face begin to show her anger at her friend being insulted. I put my hand softly on her shoulder and said, “It’s okay, I’ll handle this.”
I turned to MG and calmly said, “Thanks Bethany, I’m always ready to accept constructive criticism about my appearance from intelligent, fashionable and thoughtful people like yourself.”
Bethany looked confused.
Then I continued in a calm and confident voice, “But hang on, I just realized, you’re definitely not intelligent, nor thoughtful and perhaps not even fashionable, so I really couldn’t care less about your opinion.”
Shelby burst into laughter, even one of MG’s cronies had a little chuckle.
I led Shelby away as MG growled at her friends for laughing.
Friday
Today during the lunch break, MG was picking on Caroline. Caroline is only new to my school and tends to keep to herself. At first we didn’t realize what was happening, but as soon as we did, Shelby and I sat on either side of her.
“Bye Bethany,” says Shelby in her best “I’m not scared of you” tone of voice. Ever since our last run in with Bethany, she has avoided us – which we love! Bethany shrugs her shoulders, pokes her tongue out and stomps off in a huff.
That’s when we see the tears in Caroline’s eyes. She reveals to us that MG has been bullying her almost every day since she arrived at our school. MG has been quietly calling her names in class. So quiet that the teacher and other kids can’t hear. And she has been pushing her books off the table as she walks past Caroline’s desk.
We tell Caroline that she should tell the teacher what is happening, but apparently MG told Caroline that the teachers at our school hate kids who tell on other kids and that the teachers will only tell her to “just deal with it”.
Shelby and I are horrified, I explain to Caroline that bullies often make up stories like this to stop their victims from getting help. “Our teachers are great! If you tell them about Bethany, they’ll do their best to stop her,” I explained.
Monday
In the morning, Caroline told us that she had taken our advice and spoken to her favorite teacher, Miss Jenkins. At about 9:30 the principal came into the classroom and took Caroline away for about an hour.
Then when he returned with Caroline, he took MG away with him. She walked back into the classroom about 40 minutes later. MG’s shoulders were slumped as she quietly returned to her seat. It looked like she had been crying.
At first break, MG kept well away from Caroline. She sat and ate her apple and didn’t strut around looking for victims, like she does every other break.
Caroline told us that the principal (I call him Mr. Sausage Nose – he has a really long nose) wanted to know everything that MG had done. She said he was great and he assured her that he would speak to Bethany and that Caroline should come directly to him if she bothered her anymore. Caroline was so happy and couldn’t stop thanking us for giving her the courage to speak up. Hi-5’s all around.
Bullies 0 – Almost Cool Girls 1!
Tuesday
Mathematics today was so boring! Mr. Wettan or as I like to call him, Mr. Facebook…was at his worst. Unfortunately I have him for both Math and Science, so he is double trouble and doubly bad!
Mr. Facebook (can you guess why?) is only a young teacher. He always has his phone on his desk with Facebook open.
Today he started out with a lesson on fractions and this lesson was starting to look interesting, when his phone made a quiet ding sound. You know the type of noise that lets you know when someone has posted something on your wall. Mid-sentence, Mr. Facebook stops talking and rushes over to his phone. He has a quiet chuckle to himself and suddenly realizes the whole class is sitting there watching him.
He quickly brings up a Math video on the data projector and instructs us to watch it. Then he sits at his desk and taps out messages on his phone for the rest of the lesson.
The video was really boring! The best part was when the principal walked in. Mr. Facebook jumped out of his chair like a startled rabbit! That phone disappeared so fast into his pocket that he may have set a new “hide the phone, speed record”.
I think the principal may have seen it. They had a short conversation and although I couldn’t make out the words, the tone of voice from the principal didn’t sound very happy. When the principal left, the phone stayed in Mr. Facebook’s pocket. It was funny because every couple of minutes we could see it vibrating.
Wednesday
The day I’ve been dreading has finally arrived. I did my best to avoid it! I tried to hide those notes in the bottom of my school bag. I deleted those online school newsletters as soon as I could from our home computer. I even tried to fake being too sick to go to school today, but all that got me was a big spoon of apple cider vinegar, yuck!!!!! Seriously…do normal kids with normal parents have to gulp down that foul tasting vinegar? Uugghh! I’m sure that one day it will turn me into a full-blown zombie!
Sadly, all my best efforts have failed and today Mom is coming to school with me. She is volunteering in the school canteen for a day. Now I love my Mom…it’s just when it comes to food she is VERY alternative. We eat enough salads to feed the vast grazing herds of Africa! Mom’s idea of junk food is dipping your carrot stick into yoghurt. If it wasn’t for Dad, I wouldn’t even know about sugar or chocolate.
Our school canteen sells what they call a balanced menu. That means some healthy foods (by normal standards) and some less healthy foods – the really yummy stuff. So I’m a bit worried about how Mom will cope having to serve up food that goes against her healthy food values.
Once at school, Mom puts on her school canteen apron and bids me goodbye, with a cheery, “Be the best you can be, Madonna.” That’s my Mom, Mrs. Absolutely Positive.
I should have realized something was wrong when I kept getting odd looks as some of my classmates arrived in our room, after putting in their canteen orders.
Lunchtime revealed the full extent of my problem when a group of about ten students approached me as I sat next to Shelby and we began eating our lunch. Tiny (my nickname for David Burrows – the class football hero – who was actually a giant!) stood in front of me. “Maddi, is that your mother in the canteen? The one who is ruining all our lunches!”
“Well,” I mumbled, “my mom is in the canteen, she is quite a good cook, I don’t think she would RUIN anyone’s lunch.”
Then the whole group started yelling out their complaints in a storm of jumbled words.
“She made me have brown bread!”
“My ham and salad roll had NO ham!”
“My hotdog had tofu instead of a sausage!”
“I ordered a bag of chips and I got carrot and celery sticks!”
“She scraped all the icing off my cake and said there was enough sugar in the cake!”
“And I wanted a chocolate milkshake and she gave me a green smoothie, gross!!!! It looked like snot!”
This required some quick thinking! I smiled, “Well the good news is that you are all looking a lot healthier and Mom is only working in the canteen once a week for the rest of the term.”
All the junk and fatty food fans started groaning and Shelby and I quickly made out escape tow
ards the playground.
I didn’t even bother discussing the canteen complaints with mom that night. I know what her response would be and I don’t feel like a food lecture. Besides, I have to eat healthy food every day…it won’t hurt them to have it once a week!
Saturday
What a day! Mom had invited her friend Demi over for lunch. Demi is an artist and while Mom is a bit of a hippy, Demi is an extreme “free spirit” type of person. Her daughter’s name is Star and she is a year older than me. Star doesn’t go to school, she is home-schooled. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against home schooling, in fact I actually think home schooling would be great, but I think Star’s education would be very different to my school. Math would probably involve a visit to the local hippy store and adding up the prices of all the weirdo hats. History would probably be watching an old movie. And Science would be gazing at the stars when night falls. Actually, it sounds pretty good!
Anyway I discovered Demi and mom talking in the kitchen as they prepared lunch. Demi greeted me with a cheery, “Hi Maddi, wow, your aura is looking so bright and happy.” Then without touching me, she ran her hands around my body, “Your energy levels are magnificent, but I will have to talk to your mom about getting some crystal jewelry to protect you from bad energy.”