“It took some adjustment on my part, but it can be cool.”
“Blake Saunders came up to me at the restaurant while you were in the bathroom.”
Liam did not seem annoyed by this, only curious. “Really? What did he want?”
“To apologize for helping Tiffany get the jump on me. He said he was trying to protect you, not hurt you.”
“Yeah, I actually believe him.”
“You do?”
“Blake is not your typical bully jock, Mikki. He’s actually a nice guy. Okay, he runs around with Tiffany too much, but I’ve never had a problem with him. In school he’s been cool with me. We even hang out and stuff sometimes.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah.”
It started to rain, and they ran toward an old lifeguard shack and took cover under the roof overhang.
“Your mom is really cool, Liam.”
“I don’t even remember my dad. He was gone right after I was born.”
“That must’ve been hard.”
“I guess it could’ve been. But my mom loves me enough for two parents,” Liam said firmly.
“I really miss my mom.”
Liam put an arm around her. “That’s completely normal, Mikki. You should miss her. She was your mom. She helped raise you. She loved you, and you loved her.”
“Pretty sensitive stuff coming from a guy.”
He smiled. “I’m a musician. It’s in our blood.”
He put his arms around her, and they kissed as the rain and wind picked up and the breakers started to roll and crash with more intensity.
Mikki said, “Your mom talked to me the other day about my dad. It made me really start to think about things.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t handle things really well when my dad was sick. In fact, I pretty much screwed it up.”
“How?”
“When people are in trouble and they reach out, you can either reach out to them or pull back. I pulled back. I was a bitch to my mom. I was no help to my dad. In fact, I avoided him. I was rebellious, pushed the envelope, did all sorts of crap that made things harder for them.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “And do you know why I did all that?”
Liam looked at her. “Because you were scared?”
She stared back. “I was terrified watching my dad die. And instead of trying to make the time he had left pleasant, I just ran the other way. I couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t want to lose him, and a part of me hated him for leaving us. For leaving me.” She let out a sob. “And it’s just killing me now that my mom died and all I can think is that I made her life miserable at the end. Just miserable.”
As she started to cry, Liam held her and then undid his cuff button and held his sleeve out for her to use as a handkerchief. When she finally stopped crying, she rubbed her eyes with his sleeve. “Thanks.”
“It’s okay, Mikki. This stuff is hard. No easy answers. It’s not like music. The notes are all there. You just play, have a good time. Families are really hard.”
“Your mom said I needed to talk to him.”
“I think she’s right. You do.”
The rain began to let up, and they made a run for the car. Liam drove her home. As she got out of the car, she said, “Thanks for a great sixteenth birthday.”
“Hey, you made it easy.”
“Right, crying on your shoulder, real easy.”
“I always thought that was part of being a friend.”
She leaned back in and kissed him. “It is. And you are.”
51
Jack lay on his back in the room of the lighthouse that contained the lighting machinery. His hands were greasy, he was hot and sweaty, there was dust in his throat, and he was not making much progress. He’d followed the schematic detailing of the electrical and operational guts of the machinery to the letter, but still something was off. He angled his work light into a narrow gap between two metal plates.
“Dad?”
He jerked up and hit his head on a piece of metal. Rubbing the injured spot, he pulled himself out from the confined space and looked over at the opening to the area below. Mikki, her hair plastered back on her head, was staring back up at him.
“Mik, are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Dad.”
He scrutinized her. “You’re wet.”
“It’s raining.”
He looked out the window. “Oh. I guess I came out here before it started.”
“Can I come up?”
He gave her a hand and pulled her into the small space.
As she drew closer, he said, “It looks like you’ve been crying. Liam didn’t—”
“No, Dad. It has nothing to do with him. Liam was great. We had an awesome date. I… I really like him. A lot.”
Jack relaxed. “Okay, but then why…?”
She took her dad’s hand and drew him over to a narrow ledge that ran the length of the room under the window. They sat.
“We need to talk.”
“What about?” he said warily.
“What happened with Mom, you, me. Everything, basically.”
“Now?”
“I think so, yeah.”
Jack wiped his hands with a rag and tossed it down.
“Look, I know you guys think it’s crazy what I’m doing out here. And hell, maybe it is.”
She put a hand on his arm to forestall him. “No, Dad, I don’t think it’s crazy.” She paused. “Jenna talked to me about some things.”
“What things?” Jack said abruptly.
“Like how you’ve basically been through hell and we all need to cut you some slack and that everybody grieves in their own way.”
“Oh.” Jack looked over at the lighting apparatus and then back at her. “I’m trying to get through this, Mikki; I really am. It’s just not easy. Some days I feel okay; some days I feel completely lost.”
Mikki’s face crumpled, and she began to sob as she poured her heart out. “Dad, I was just so scared when you were sick. I didn’t know how to handle it. So I just thought if I ran away from it all, I wouldn’t have to deal with it. It was selfish. I’m so sorry.”
He put his arm around her heaving shoulders and let her cry. When she was done, he handed her a clean rag to wipe her eyes.
“Mikki, you are one smart kid, but you’re also only sixteen. You’re not supposed to have all the answers. I’m thirty-five and I don’t have all the answers either. I think people need to cut you some slack too.”
“But I still should have known,” she said, another sob hiccuping out of her.
He stroked her hair. “Let me tell you something. When my dad was dying, I did pretty much the same thing. At first I was sad, and then I was scared. I would go to bed at night scared and wake up scared. I would see him walking around in his pajamas in the middle of the day. He was just waiting to die. No hope. And this was a big strong guy I’d always looked up to. And now he was all weak and helpless. And I didn’t want to remember my dad like that. So I just pushed everything inside. And I tuned everyone out. Even him. I was selfish too. I was a coward. Maybe that’s why I went into the military. To prove that I actually had some courage.”
She looked at him with wide, dry eyes. “You did, honest?”
“Yeah.”
“Life really sucks sometimes,” Mikki said, as she sat back and wiped her nose.
“Yeah, sometimes it really does. But then sometimes it’s wonderful and you forget all about the bad stuff.”
She looked down, nervously twisting her fingers.
“Mik, is there something else you need to tell me?”
“Will you promise not to get mad?”
Jack sighed. “Is that a condition of you telling me?”
“I guess not, but I was only hoping.”
“You can tell me anything.”
She turned to face him and drew a long breath. “I was the one who talked to that gossip paper.”
Jack gaped at her. “You??
??
Fresh tears spilled down Mikki’s cheeks. “I know it was so stupid. And it got completely out of hand. Most of the junk he wrote he just made up.”
“But how did you know about any of it?”
“I overheard you and Mom talking the night she died. And I saw what that jerk Bill Miller did.”
“But why would you talk to a tabloid? You know what those papers do. It made your mom look…”
“I know. I’m so sorry, Dad. It was so totally stupid. I… I don’t know why I did it. I was confused and angry. And I know you probably hate me. And I don’t blame you. I hate myself for doing it.” All of this came out in a rush that left her so out of breath she nearly gagged.
Jack put his arms around her and drew her to him. “Just calm down. It doesn’t matter anymore. You messed up. And you admitted to it. That took a lot of courage.”
Mikki was shaking. “I don’t feel brave. I feel like a shit. I know you hate me. Don’t you?”
“It’s actually against the law for a dad to hate his daughter.”
“I’m just really, really sorry, Dad. Now that my head’s on right about things, it just seems so stupid what I did.”
“I don’t think either of us was thinking too clearly for a while.”
“Will you ever be able to forgive me? To trust me again?”
“I do, on both counts.”
“Just like that?”
He touched her cheek. “Just like that.”
“Why?”
“Something called unconditional love, honey.”
52
Jenna looked up from the counter at the Little Bit to see Jack standing there.
She smiled. “I heard the kids had a fabulous time.”
“Yeah, Mikki’s still gushing about it.”
“You want something to eat? Steak sandwich is the special.”
“No, I’m good. Look, I was wondering if you had time tonight for some dinner.”
Jenna came from behind the counter to stand next to him.
“Dinner? Sure. What did you have in mind? Not here. Even I get sick of the menu.” She smiled and then turned serious. “Hey, I can cook for you.”
“I don’t want you to have to do that.”
“I love to cook. It’s actually therapeutic. But you’ll have to be my sous chef.”
“What does that mean?”
“Slicing and dicing mostly.”
“I can do that. But can you get away from this place?”
“For one night, yes. Practically runs itself these days, and my number one son will be here, along with your daughter. I don’t think they even need me anymore. Say around seven thirty?”
“Okay, great.”
“Anything in particular you want to talk about?”
“A lot of things.”
When Jack got to Jenna’s house that night, music was on, wine was poured, and scented candles were lit.
“Don’t be freaked out by any of this,” she said as she ushered him in. “I just like to be comfortable. I’m not going all Sex and the City on you.” She eyed him. “You look nice.”
He looked down at his new pair of jeans, his pressed white collared shirt, and a pair of pristine loafers that were pinching his feet. Then he looked at her. She had on a yellow sundress with a scalloped front and was barefoot.
“Not as nice as you,” he replied. “And can I go barefoot too? These new shoes are killing me.”
When he looked at her feet, she smiled. “You go for it. When I was a kid, my mom had to force me to wear shoes. Loved the feel of the grass on my feet. I think one reason I moved to the Deep South is because not many people wear shoes down here.”
She led him into the kitchen and pointed to a cutting board and a pile of vegetables and tomatoes next to it. “Your work awaits.”
Jack chopped and sliced while Jenna moved around the kitchen preparing the rest of the meal.
“So you like to cook?”
“I actually wanted to do it professionally.”
“But you became a lawyer instead?”
“Yep, it was one of those crazy zigzags that life takes. When Liam was older, I took culinary classes. Then when I was thinking about changing careers, running a restaurant seemed a nice fit. The Little Bit’s menu is limited, but I’ve made every dish on it.” She slid a pan of chicken into the oven. “And at home is where I really get to impress people.”
“I’m looking forward to being impressed, then.”
An hour later they sat down to eat. After a few bites, Jack raised his glass of wine in tribute to her skills in the kitchen. “I’m not exactly an expert, but this is great.”
She clinked her glass against his. “I’m sure it was all due to how you sliced and diced the veggies.”
“Yeah, right.”
She put her glass down and eyed him. “Okay, do we talk about things now or with dessert and coffee?”
“How about after dessert and coffee?”
“Why?”
He looked sheepish. “Because I’m having a great time.”
“And you think what you want to say will spoil that?” she said with a bit of alarm.
“No, nothing like that. But it will change it.”
They walked on the beach after the cake and coffee were consumed. Jack ambled slowly, and Jenna matched his stride.
“Mikki said you and she talked.”
“She’s a really smart kid. She gets it, Jack. She really does.”
“We talked after she came back from her date. She said you had basically told her to see things from my perspective.”
“I thought that was important.”
“I can understand why she was upset.” He stopped and kicked at the wet sand. “After I got the kids back, I fell into my old routine. And Mikki jumped on that.”