And he hadn’t even kissed me yet!
“What are your reasons?” I asked through a haze of lust and tingling skin.
He kissed my ear, slowly, sweetly. His tongue flicked out and dragged up the shell of my ear and then back down so that he could nibble on my lobe. Just when I thought I would die from the heat of it, he kissed the sensitive place right behind my ear and made me squirm on his lap. His lips trailed down the column of my throat and then back up until he placed a chaste kiss on my chin.
“That’s one reason.” His voice was low and raspy and it only turned me on more.
“Knock it off, Hendrix, or I’m going to shoot you in the foot,” Nelson threatened quietly, sounding dead serious. Although we all knew he didn’t currently have a gun.
“That’s another reason,” Hendrix sighed.
He let me crawl off his lap and slide back down next to him. “If it makes you feel any better,” I admitted. “I would like to hear your other reasons sometime.”
His head snapped to the side and I felt him settle his intense gaze on me. I couldn’t see through the darkness but I knew his eyes would be a sharp blue and his features hard with concentration. That was just how he was- always intense, always such a force to be reckoned with.
It was part of the reason I was falling so hard for him.
“It does make me feel better,” he growled sincerely. I heard the cocky smirk in his voice.
“Did you think I wouldn’t want to be alone with you?” I asked, trying to be as quiet as I could so that Nelson didn’t have to hear this.
Hendrix was silent for a few moments before admitting, “I’m trying to take it slow with you Reagan.” He paused and grabbed for my hand again. This time he just held it in his, intertwining our fingers gently. “I’m trying, but it’s not easy.”
“Well, we’re in kind of a unique situation,” I agreed. “I mean we’re together nonstop. I’m sure it’s normal to move faster when we’re logging quality time hours like we are.”
He stilled next to me, became so still I had to look over at him to make sure he was still breathing. The sun was rising fast enough now that the blackness of night had turned to a subtle gray and I could see his face this close. And just like I predicted his expression was intent with emotions I didn’t understand and his eyes- that seemed black in this light- blazing with secrets I wasn’t sure if I was ready for.
“Reagan my feelings for you have nothing to do with our circumstances. This would have been my struggle no matter what kind of world we live in.”
Oh.
Oh.
I wanted to ask him exactly what he meant and what that meant for us, but I couldn’t seem to form words or remember how to breathe, or shut my mouth.
“This is so awkward! I want you guys to have alone time just so I don’t have to listen to this nonsense. Hendrix, dude, work on your game. You’re obviously scaring the hell out of her!” Nelson groaned from across the way. Then he jumped to his feet and rubbed at his face before I could say anything to defuse the weirdness. But he beat me to it, “It’s morning. Or close enough. This isn’t a gift, this is leverage. I want some time with Haley later and you two are going to make it happen.”
And then he was gone.
And Hendrix and I were alone.
Alone-ish.
As alone as we had been since our first kiss.
Hendrix didn’t wait- not one moment. I was back on his lap and his lips were crushed against mine. He pressed one hand against my lower back to coax me against him and the other tangled in my hair. His mouth was fierce at first, desperate and hungry. I kissed him back with the same intensity, tasting his tongue, nibbling his bottom lip, just enjoying this connection with him that all of a sudden seemed vital to my survival.
He was becoming this integral part of my existence and I didn’t even think I knew how deep I was in this thing. I wanted to go slow, I wanted to make sure I was choosing this and it wasn’t choosing me. But it was impossible to tell when my entire body became alive at his touch and my mouth made refusals to ever leave his again.
I was humming, vibrating with feelings from him- with what he did to me, with how he made me feel. It was like I was dead before Hendrix. Like I had become the same as the desolate wasteland of the once thriving civilization I lived in but Hendrix was the cure- he was my vibrancy again, my safe-haven. He was my utopia in a world where nothing good remained.
I was lost to him.
And his passionate kisses.
He groaned against my mouth. I felt the vibrations from his chest against my own. His hand left my hair to hold my waist again and he tugged me impossibly closer to him. I was molded against his body. He was radiating heat, he smelled a little bit like dirt, sweat and something so intrinsically male I knew I would never understand it completely. He tasted like minty toothpaste and his beard scratched at my face in the most delicious way possible.
Just when I thought articles of clothing were about to disappear, he slowed down the kiss until it was achingly sweet. He tasted me, savored me. His lips were loving and tender, his hands softened but not in a way that felt like he was letting go- more like he was lightening his touch because he knew he could. He didn’t have to hold onto me anymore. I wasn’t going anywhere.
I was his whether I wanted to fully admit it or not.
And in the same way, I supposed he was mine.
“This is exactly why there are rules in place!” Vaughan all but roared across the room. “You’re supposed to care about her Hendrix! What the hell are you doing?”
Obviously we had stopped kissing at this point and I dropped my forehead to Hendrix’s shoulder. I was ashamed to have been caught by Vaughan, but even more so of the path my thoughts were headed on.
I didn’t even love Hendrix and I was already handing over whatever was left of my future.
“I have this handled, brother,” Hendrix snarled- a little out of breath.
“Looks like it,” Vaughan snapped right back. And then the steel door slammed, which I assumed was because Vaughan had slammed it behind him.
I looked up and it was almost fully morning. Light was seeping in through the cracks in the boards and around the edges of the doorway. I glanced at Hendrix and he was watching me closely.
Feeling a little embarrassed, I said, “Probably not the most responsible way to spend my watch.”
Hendrix’s eyes narrowed a bit suspiciously and he said, “It’s just Vaughan.”
“That’s not what I meant.” I scooted back and then climbed off his lap for the second time. “Are we all heading into the city today?”
His eyes didn’t soften in their intensity, instead he seemed to only deepen his observation. “We’re not splitting up again, Reagan. That’s not a risk we’re willing to take.”
“No, I agree,” I said quickly.
“Were you wanting to split up?” he asked but the question felt more like a test than curiosity.
“No?” I stood up and peeked through a knot in the wood the previous shop owner used to reinforce the glass front. A year ago I would have played a game with myself where I imagined what could have happened to the shop owner. Usually that game ended with me deciding they escaped the Zombie infestation and were living on the beach somewhere, drinking margaritas and getting a nice tan, then inevitably I would stumble over a dead body or be forced to shoot a Zombie in the face that was wearing the monogrammed polo of whatever place of business we were staying in and I would get really sad. It was a depressing game so I tried to stop playing it.
But I couldn’t help but hope every shop owner a happy Bahamian lifestyle and cheers them in my head.
“Reagan, if you want to split up, just say so,” Hendrix pushed. He was still sitting on the floor, but he’d drawn one knee up to his chest so he could rest one of his long arms on it. He was looking up at me from under his thick lashes and that look was still there.
“I didn’t take you for the insecure type, Parker,” I taunted him. But re
ally, I hadn’t taken him for the insecure kind. He basically claimed me before I even like him. What was this about?
He laughed and it was hard to tell if I was way off base or right on the money. “I’m not the insecure type.”
Ok, so that gave nothing away. I took a leap, “So what’s this about?” I pointed back and forth between us and subconsciously took a step back.
“You tell me, Reagan,” he shot up to his feet and followed me. “You’re into me, I’m into you. But you’re pulling away. Why?”
Damn it, he was too perceptive for his own good.
This whole family was too freaking perceptive. Every last one of them, from Vaughan to Page. It wasn’t enough that every single person present and accounted for knew me inside out when I didn’t get enough sleep to when I started my period. Now I couldn’t even have secret doubts and anxiety without being forced to discuss them?
Grrr.
“I’m not pulling away. What just happened,” I waved at the floor where I had been straddling him and eating his face- in the non-Zombie way. “That was not me pulling away, Hendrix. What’s with the anxiety?”
He ran two hands through his long-ish hair and hit me with a fierce gaze. “Vaughan walked in and you shut down. That happened. I did not imagine that. I wasn’t good at playing games before there were Zombies. I really don’t have any patience for them now, Reagan. Just be honest.”
I thought over that for a moment and was irrationally bummed out. I never got to play games. Quarterback Chris spent all of two weeks chasing me and doing the fun flirting thing. And now I was with Hendrix the Grouch. He wasn’t exactly the fun, flirty type.
Like I said, irrational. I liked that about him. I liked that he knew what he wanted. I liked that he pursued me so single-mindedly. I liked him.
And that was kind of what was freaking me out the most- the intensity of my feelings for him. I’d only known him for a month and a half- hardly long enough to fall in love with someone.
“That had nothing to do with Vaughan,” I said sincerely. And it was the truth. Whatever weirdness I was feeling with Tyler last night must have disappeared, because Vaughan hadn’t affected my feelings for Hendrix at all. Except maybe I felt a little guilty that he walked in on us and I had abandoned my post so easily.
“Then what?” Hendrix asked quietly. And oh, lord, he was vulnerable.
This wasn’t good. I thought Hendrix was irresistible when he was the bad ass Zombie assassin with blue eyes I wanted to get lost in and muscles I wanted to lick from top to bottom.
Vulnerable was so, so, so, so much worse.
Those feelings I was desperately holding at bay took a nose dive into enemy territory and totally betrayed me.
“I’m scared,” I heard myself whisper even while I refused to be that honest.
He took another step toward me. “Of me?”
“Of us.”
Another step and my back was to the boards and he was directly in front of me. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I’m not even scared of that,” I laughed humorlessly. “It’s fast though, isn’t it?”
“You and me?” He dipped his head so we were at eye level and a lock of his hair fell across his forehead. The early morning sun filtered over his face and made his eyes glitter. His lips were still swollen from our make-out and his beard was just a pinch longer than it was yesterday.
Good grief, I was a goner.
“Yeah,” I breathed- or struggled to breathe.
Finally, an impish smile broke out across his beautiful mouth and I licked my suddenly dry lips. “I didn’t take you for the coward type,” he threw my words back at me.
“I’m not a coward.”
“You’re running,” he pointed a stern finger at me. “You’re afraid.”
I rolled my eyes and then turned my face away. “I’m not afraid. I’m just concerned. We don’t work out, then what? It’s not like we can go our separate ways and stay Facebook friends. I just think…. This isn’t going very slow.”
“Yeah, maybe we don’t work out and then spend the rest of our lives- probably very short lives- hating each other,” he shrugged casually and then tipped my chin with his pointer finger so I was forced to look at him again. “Or maybe if we don’t work out, we decide to be adults about it and go on with our regularly scheduled lives. I’m not our ex-boyfriend, Reagan. You’re not going to have to run me over because I don’t know a good thing when I see it.”
My eyes widened and I could hardly believe he was so candid. Geez, Hendrix, why don’t you just lay it all out there and make me feel like a giant idiot.
His tone softened and he gently said, “You know there’s another option.”
“Let’s hear it,” I rasped.
“We don’t break up at all. We work out. We fall in love. We find out how deep this thing goes, how perfect we are for each other. You find out how badly I want to taste every inch of you and listen to every single one of your secrets. And I find out how much you like to spoon and how you hate it when I want to discuss philosophy and ethics, but you humor me anyway.”
“Philosophy and ethics?” I mouthed.
“Philosophy and ethics,” he confirmed on a smirk.
“Is that supposed to turn me on?”
“Oh yes,” he murmured.
“You’re talking me off the ledge,” I pointed out. I narrowed my eyes at him, not sure if I was excited he could see through me so easily or even more afraid.
“Every single day if I have to.” He was serious. His blue eyes held mine and his arms moved to trap me against the wall.
“I might not be worth all this.”
“The first night we were together? I knew then how much you were worth,” he promised in a low voice. I nodded because I knew where this was going. “You stay by me.”
“I stay by you.” I tipped up on my toes and kissed him sweetly on the lips. “This won’t be the last time we have this conversation.”
“I know that.” He leaned his forehead down on mine. “You try not to run and I’ll try not to be so insecure.”
“I would agree to that, but I have a feeling it was a onetime thing. Possibly a rift in the time-space continuum.”
He laughed and I felt the sound all the way down in my toes, “More like an issue with losing the girl of my dreams to my older brother.”
The girl of his dreams.
He really needed to stop saying things like that. I didn’t stand a chance if he was planning on keeping this up.
“Are you worried about that?” I couldn’t really believe that he was concerned about a little competition. He was always so cocky, always so sure of himself and about me.
“Don’t make me suffer,” he pleaded and there was that damn boyish vulnerability again.
“No, Hendrix, you don’t have anything to worry about.”
“You’re mine?”
I bit down on my bottom lip while I thought over how to respond to that. Was I his?
“We’re taking this slow,” I reminded him. He pulled back and looked down at me with honest eyes.
“We’re taking this slow,” he confirmed but he didn’t exactly look happy about it.
The thing was, I knew he didn’t want to take this slow- and it had nothing to do with being physical because at this point that was kind of a joke. No, Hendrix didn’t want to go slow in the commitment department. It was just…. I had issue with the whole “till death do us part” thing when death could literally be tomorrow, or this afternoon.
And what about the “till Zombie do us part” clause? It wasn’t like we had a living will in case one of us got the bite. Pull the plug, Hendrix. If I get bitten, take me off life support and pull the freaking plug.
But that was probably for a different day.
“It’s only you, Hendrix. It’s probably always been only you. For at least as long as I’ve known you.”
He frowned. Obviously that was not what he wanted to hear. But he stood up to his full height and
took my hand. “I’m willing to work with you on this.”
I smiled because I couldn’t help myself. “You are?”
“But only because I know how persuasive I can be.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes, really. I can be very persuasive.” He was being sincere but his eyes were twinkling and his lips twitching.
“I’m kind of nervous actually.”
“You should be,” he smirked. “I’ve already got you half way in love with me. It’s only a matter of time before you fall completely.”
“Oh, my gosh,” I shook my head at his audacity. “You’re so full of yourself!”
Instead of answering, he captured my lips with his, backing me all the way into the wall and taking my mouth slowly and completely. He kissed me until my fingers were tingling and my chest was swelling with a feeling I did not understand but was a little concerned he would recognize. He was proving a point and I was all too willing to let him.
“We’ll figure this out, Reagan,” he promised. His hot breath fanned over my lips and I could feel his beard as he talked against my skin. “I get that you’re afraid of the risk, but it’s not something you aren’t used to. This life we live is risk and with it reward. Risk me and I promise you’ll have your greatest reward yet.”
I nodded because at this point I was incapable of speech. He was right. I knew he was right. But it was also something I had to process.
“Alright, enough with the heavy,” he smiled lightly and I took a deep breath. “We have some Zombies to kill today.”
“Yeah, because that’s so much lighter.”
“Aren’t you just a little bit excited about the possibility of real weaponry?” he tugged on my hand and pulled me toward the back offices.
“Ok, yes, I am,” I admitted. Every job needed variation- except killing Zombies. When killing Zombies, it was really nice to maintain the mundane and routine. I would take the same gun every single day over getting “creative” with killing methods. I was an ex-cheerleader, not a serial killer. I couldn’t just pick up anything off the street and imagine twenty ways for it to end a life.