By the time he returned, the scent of vanilla filled the room, and Julia was curled up like a cat on the bed. Her chest rose and fell in a gentle rhythm, her long dark hair spread out across the sage green duvet. She was still wearing her purple robe and her kitten heeled slippers.
Gabriel watched her sleep for a moment and felt a wave of emotion wash over him. As he tried to sort out his feelings, it occurred to him that the development of their relationship was not being held back solely by the university. It was being held back by him, by his secrets.
And also by hers.
He’d determined that he would not make love to her until he revealed everything. Although it pained him to think of it, he knew that it would be best if he waited until she did the same. That meant that Julianne would have to feel comfortable and safe enough to finally tell him what happened with Simon. Otherwise, he would only ever know part of her and not the whole. And they needed to know all of each other.
It was important to him that they not break the letter of the non-fraternization policy, even though they were breaking it in spirit. On top of that, although he’d fantasized about moving their physical relationship forward, the nature of Simon’s threats had put an end to those fantasies.
He knew based upon her receptivity that she would be willing to participate in manual or oral contact before the end of the semester. It would certainly stave off his cravings and satisfy some of his desires, temporarily. But after hearing that Simon might have videotaped a particularly intimate encounter, there was no possibility of Gabriel persuading her to perform that act. He was determined to treat her gently and respectfully, and not speed things along for his own gratification. Although he would not have used this word, Gabriel craved intimacy along with sexual contact, and because of what he surmised had happened in Julia’s past, he was unwilling to allow anything other than sexual intercourse to be their first connection.
He knew that in making this decision, as in deciding not to make love to her without first revealing his secrets, he was making it less and less likely that such intimacy would ever occur. But he wanted more with her and not less, and certainly not just what her ex-boyfriend had taken from her, a fumble in the dark meant to mimic the true connection one found in sex. Fumbles which had always left Gabriel somehow wanting.
Julianne deserved a man who was willing to give all, in a manner that was tender and patient and focused on union, and not simply to use her to satisfy his physical desires. She deserved to be adored and even worshipped, especially her first time. Gabriel would be damned if he would give her anything less.
He sighed deeply and looked at his watch. It was almost two o’clock in the morning. They both needed sleep. He gently removed her slippers and, picking her up in his arms, tried to pull back the bed covers. Her robe fell open, exposing her elegant neck, collarbone, and one of her breasts. It was perfect. A rosy nipple budded against creamy white skin. So delicate. So round.
Absolutely not what he needed to see at that moment.
Gabriel struggled to place her underneath the sheets while keeping her from being further exposed, then he lightly tugged at her robe until she was covered, completely resisting the urge to take her rosy tip between his fingers. Or his lips. That was one sight he would never forget. Julianne was stunning in clothes, but Julianne without clothes was like Botticelli’s Venus.
He walked over to the windows that looked out over Logan Circle and began rummaging through the fruit basket. He poured himself a glass of Perrier and ate an apple, and when he was satisfied that he could control himself, he changed into a T-shirt and pajama bottoms and quietly slipped into bed.
She sighed at the movement and instinctively turned to face him. This one small, simple act made his heart swell. Even in her sleep, she recognized him and wanted him. He pulled her, all covered, into his arms and kissed her goodnight.
As he fell asleep, he thanked God that the end of the semester was only a week away.
***
When they arrived in Selinsgrove the following afternoon, they drove immediately to Richard’s house. Julia called her father as soon as they pulled into the driveway.
“Jules! Welcome home. How was the flight?”
“It was fine. We had to leave really early, but it’s good to be back.”
Tom breathed heavily into the phone. “About that, Jules. I already told Richard that I can’t join you all. Deb was a little put out that I was bailing on her, and so I said I’d have dinner with her and her kids tonight. Rachel suggested you stay with her so you aren’t home alone.”
“Oh.” Julia looked over at Gabriel, feeling conflicted.
“Deb said you’re more than welcome to join us and she’d love to have you there.”
“Absolutely not.”
Tom sighed. “Then maybe we can meet at Kinfolks restaurant for breakfast tomorrow.”
Julia fidgeted with her fingernails, wondering why she always came second or third in her father’s life.
“Okay. I’ll ask Rachel to drive me. Around nine?”
“Sounds good. Oh, and Jules, give my best to Rachel and Aaron. And stay away from Gabriel.”
She flushed furiously. “Bye, Dad.”
She disconnected her call and glanced over at Gabriel. “You heard that, didn’t you?”
“I did.” He took her hand in his and stroked her palm with the pad of his thumb. “We have a few minutes before someone notices we’re here. Can I ask how Tom reacted when you told him about Simon? You wouldn’t tell me before.”
Julia looked down at their conjoined hands and watched as Gabriel touched her.
“Julianne?”
“Sorry. Um, he said he wouldn’t give out my number.”
Gabriel looked grim. “Did you mention the video?”
“No, and I’m not going to, either.”
“He’s your father, Julianne. Shouldn’t he know what’s going on so he can protect you?”
Julia shrugged and looked out the window. “What can he do? It’s my word against his.”
Gabriel stopped stroking her palm. “Is that what your father said?”
“Not exactly.”
“Is he going to take this seriously?”
“Simon has him fooled, just like he fools everyone. Dad thinks it’s just a misunderstanding.”
“Why in God’s name would he think this is a misunderstanding? You’re his daughter, for Christ’s sake!”
“Dad really liked him. And he knows next to nothing about what happened between us.”
“Why didn’t you tell him?”
Julia turned to Gabriel with a desperate look in her eyes. “Because I don’t want him to know. He wouldn’t believe me anyway, and I can’t lose another parent.”
“Julia, there is no way your father would disown you because you broke up with your boyfriend.”
“He’s been watching me my whole life to see if I was going to turn out like my mother. I don’t want him looking that way at me. He’s the only family I have.”
Gabriel closed his eyes and rested his head back against the car seat. “If that boy made you do things you didn’t want to do, if he assaulted you or took advantage of you, then you need to tell your dad. He needs to know.”
Julia exhaled slowly. “It’s too late.”
Opening his eyes, Gabriel looked at her and cupped her face in both hands. “Julia, listen to me. Some day you are going to have to tell somebody.”
She blinked back tears. “I know that.”
“I’d like that person to be me.”
She nodded as if she understood, but made no promises.
He leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. “Come on. Everyone will be waiting.”
As soon as they walked through the front door, Julia felt—odd. The furniture was arranged as it always had been. The décor was the same, minus the fresh flowers Grace loved to display in a large vase on one of the side tables. But the instant Julia exited the foyer and gazed around, she realized that
the house felt empty, cold, lonesome, even though it was filled with people. Grace had been the heart of the household, and now everyone could feel her absence.
Julia shivered unconsciously, and without warning, Gabriel’s right hand flew to the small of her back—a gentle pressure, a reassuring warmth, then it was gone. They hadn’t even exchanged glances. She felt his comfort leave her body, and she wondered what it all meant.
“Julia!” Rachel fairly ran from the kitchen. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
The two friends embraced, and then Rachel hugged Gabriel. Scott, Aaron, and Richard rose from their chairs to take turns greeting the new arrivals.
Julia nervously tried to find the words to tell Richard how sorry she was that she’d missed the funeral, but Rachel interrupted her. “Let’s get rid of your coat. I’m making Flirtinis. Gabriel, help yourself. The beer is in the refrigerator.”
Julia mumbled something Gabriel didn’t catch, and the two women disappeared into the kitchen, leaving the men to return to the football game.
“I hope Gabriel was polite to you during the trip,” said Rachel, as she began pouring a number of ingredients into a martini shaker.
“He was. I’m lucky he agreed to drive me, or I’d be hitchhiking. Dad decided to spend the evening with Deb and her kids. I guess I’m staying here tonight.” Julia rolled her eyes, still feeling disappointed that her father had chosen his girlfriend over her.
Rachel smiled sympathetically and handed her a Flirtini. “You need a drink. And you can stay the whole weekend, if you want. Why be home alone when you can be here drinking cocktails with me?”
Julia giggled and sipped her drink a little too eagerly while she and Rachel caught up with one another. By the time they were working on their second round of Flirtinis and beginning to get a little naughty in their discussion, the football game ended, thus emancipating the men from the large, flat-screened plasma television in the living room. Grace had banished the unsightly thing to the basement. Richard had since paroled it.
The men joined the ladies in the kitchen, passing around snacks and bottles of beer and giving Rachel absolutely unsolicited advice about her free-range organic turkey.
“You’ve cooked it too long. It’s going to be dry, like that turkey on National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” Scott winked at Julia behind Rachel’s back.
“Scott, knock it off, or I’m going to cut you.” Rachel opened the door to the Viking range and began basting the turkey, peering anxiously at the meat thermometer.
“It looks beautiful, honey.” Aaron pressed a kiss to her cheek as he took the baster out of her hand, slightly worried that she was going to use it to stab her annoying brother.
Scott was the oldest of Grace and Richard’s biological children, and thus five years older than Rachel. He was funny, light-hearted, and frequently bawdy. At six foot three, he was an inch taller than Gabriel and somewhat heavier. Like Rachel, he had his father’s hair and eyes and a very big heart, except when it came to his adopted brother.
“Julia, it’s good to see you again. Rachel tells me that you’ve been doing well in graduate school.” Richard moved to occupy an empty stool next to her.
Julia smiled. Richard was classically handsome, with light-colored hair that had begun to gray and kind eyes. He was a professor of biology at Susquehanna University, and he specialized in human anatomy, more specifically, the neurons of the human brain. Despite his intelligence and charm, he was often the last to speak; his silence had been complemented by Grace’s chattiness. Without her, he seemed…adrift. Julia could feel his loneliness and see it in the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes. He looked thinner and older.
“I’m really glad to be back, Richard. I’m sorry I wasn’t here in September.” She gave him a guilty look, and he patted her hand. “My courses are good. I like them.”
Julia tried hard not to fidget, especially when she felt a pair of intense blue eyes latch onto her.
“Gabriel tells me you’re in his class.”
“Yeah, how’s that going?” asked Scott. “Can you understand a word he says? Or do you need a translator?”
Scott was only joking, and Julia knew that, but she saw Gabriel flinch out of the corner of her eye.
“It’s my favorite class,” she said softly. “Professor Emerson’s graduate seminar is considered the best of its kind at the university. He gave a lecture in October that had over a hundred people in attendance. They put his picture in the university newspaper.”
Rachel’s brows went up, and her eyes narrowed as they traveled from Julia to Gabriel and back again.
“Professor Emerson? That must be quite a turn on, Gabe. Do your women call you that too? Must be really hot in the bedroom.” Scott laughed uproariously.
“In the first place, Scott, I do not have women. And no, the extraordinary lady I am seeing does not call me that.” Gabriel’s voice was cold and unfriendly as he swept out of the room.
“Scott, I asked you to behave yourself.” Richard’s voice was low but reproving.
“Dad, I was only kidding. He takes himself so seriously—somebody needs to loosen him up. And he’s always been a player. So what’s the big deal?”
“It sounds like Gabriel has a girlfriend. Let him be happy.” Aaron’s voice was quiet and surprisingly compassionate.
Richard’s face wore a peculiar expression.
“Look you all, this holiday is hard enough without the passive-aggressive bullshit.” Rachel’s voice was raised over the rest as she stood, hands on hips, scowling at Scott. “Sorry about the language, Dad.”
“Why does everything have to revolve around him? Last time I checked, he was only one out of four.” Scott was no longer joking.
“Because he’s trying! Which is more than I can say about you. Now come over here and drain these goddamned potatoes, so you can start mashing them. Aaron will take the turkey out of the oven, and Julia, would you go and get Gabriel? I’d like him to look through the wine cellar and choose a couple of bottles.”
“I can do that,” Richard protested. “Maybe we should give him a minute.”
“He’s had his minute. As long as Scott agrees to behave.” She glared at him until he nodded. “Besides, Dad, you need to carve the turkey. Julia.”
Rachel angled her head toward the upstairs, and Julia nodded, slipping out of the kitchen. She quickly ascended the staircase and walked down the hall, pausing in front of the half-opened door to Gabriel’s old bedroom. She knocked softly.
“Come in.” He sounded cross.
Gabriel’s room had not been redecorated since his seventeenth birthday, with the exception of the removal of his old band posters and pictures of scantily clad women. A double bed stood in the center of the room, underneath the large picture window that faced the woods. A large antique armoire stood against one of the walls, and three massive bookshelves and an old stereo covered the opposite wall. Almost all the decor was a masculine shade of dark blue, including the area rug.
Julia watched as Gabriel unpacked his suitcase, methodically placing the folded clothes on top of the bed. When he saw her, he straightened up and smiled.
“Now do you see why I prefer to stay at a hotel?”
“I’m sorry, Gabriel. I should have done something. Said something.”
“You need to do what I normally do—just keep quiet and take it.” He dropped what he was holding and was at her side in a moment. “It’s a good thing we agreed to keep our relationship secret. Scott doesn’t think very highly of me, and your reputation would be tarnished by association.”
“I don’t mind. Let him tarnish me.”
He smiled and caressed her cheek. “I mind. I mind a great deal.” He cleared his throat. “Tonight, after everyone has gone to bed, I’d like to take you for a walk.”
“I’d love to.”
“At least that will give me something to look forward to.” Gabriel pulled her into a heated embrace. His tongue entered her mouth immediately, his hands res
ting on her backside, squeezing it without shame.
Julia allowed herself to forget she was in his father’s house for a minute before she struggled to back away. “We—can’t.”
Gabriel had a wild look in his eye. “But I need you.” He grabbed her and wound his hands in her hair. “I need you, Julianne. Right now.”
Julia’s insides liquefied in reaction to the desperation in his words. He drew his lips down the curve of her neck, nuzzling at the opening of her shirt so that he could nibble her collarbone. He closed his bedroom door with his foot, and quickly unfastened two buttons of her blouse, pushing the fabric aside to expose the perfect skin just above her bra. Squeezing the curves of her backside, he lifted her and pressed her back against the door, pulling her legs flush around his hips. Julia gasped at the closeness, at the direct contact between them.
He floated his lips across her upper chest, pausing to dip the tip of his tongue just under the pale pink lace. Julia threw her head back and groaned as her hands sought his hair, urging him forward. He responded by tracing a long finger around the perimeter of her demi-cup, allowing his hand to gently slip inside, while his other hand held the back of her right thigh.
Her eyes popped open as his warm palm cupped her naked breast, his mouth latched onto the skin at the base of her throat, sucking slightly. Much as it pained her to do so, she pulled his hand away and shifted so that he was forced to release his hold on her neck.
“Gabriel, I’m sorry. We can’t.” She quickly adjusted her bra. She wriggled slightly, but he did not set her down. Flushing furiously, she avoided the blazing color of his eyes. “I know you’re upset. And I’d like to comfort you, but they’re all waiting downstairs. Rachel wants you to choose the wine for dinner.”
Gabriel gazed at her with new eyes and carefully put her down. She quickly buttoned her blouse and tried to straighten her trousers.
“You think too highly of me.”
Julia ran the pointed toe of her ankle boot along the edge of the area rug. “I very much doubt that.”
“What I just did was not appropriate or nice. I’m sorry.” He traced a finger over the red mark that had bloomed where his mouth had tasted her and pulled her blouse closed, fastening the top button. Now she looked like a Mennonite.