“I’m not. ” Finn’s expression softened, looking pained and confused. “I…” He lowered his gaze to the floor. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you. ”
“Why would you think that ignoring me would be the best way to go?” I asked, and to my own surprise, tears brimmed in my eyes.
“This is why I didn’t want to be here. ” He shook his head. “I begged the Queen to let me go—”
“You begged her?” I asked, and that was too much.
Finn did not beg. He had too much pride and honor to beg for anything. And yet he’d wanted to be away from me so badly, he’d resorted to begging.
“Yes!” He gestured to me. “Look at you! Look at what I’m doing to you!”
“So you know that you’re doing it?” I asked. “You know and you’re doing it anyway?”
“I have so few options, Wendy!” Finn shouted. “What do you want me to do? Tell me what it is you think I should do. ”
“I don’t want anything from you anymore,” I admitted, and I walked away.
“Wendy!” Finn called after me, but I shook my head and kept going.
“I’m too tired for this, Finn,” I muttered and went into my room.
As soon as I closed the door, I leaned against it and started to cry. I don’t even really know why, though. It wasn’t that I missed Finn. It was as if I couldn’t control my emotions. They just poured out of me in epic sobs.
I collapsed in bed and decided the only cure for this was sleeping.
EIGHTEEN
secrets
It took Duncan twenty minutes to wake me up the next morning, or so he told me later. He tried knocking first, but I didn’t hear that at all. When he moved on to shaking me, it still didn’t wake me. He’d been convinced I was dead until Tove showed up and splashed cold water in my face.
“What the hell?” I shouted, sitting up.
Water dripped down my face, and I blinked it away to see both Tove and Duncan holding their heads. My heart pounded in my chest, and I pushed my hair out of my eyes.
“You did it again, Princess,” Tove said, rubbing his temple.
“What?” I asked. “What’s going on?”
“That brain-slap thing you do. ” Tove grimaced, but Duncan had already dropped his hand. “We scared you into waking up, so you lashed out in your sleep. But it’s fading now. ”
“Sorry. ” I got out of bed in my drenched pajamas. “That doesn’t explain the water, though. ”
“You wouldn’t wake up. ” Duncan explained what had happened with wide, nervous eyes. “I was afraid you were dead. ”
“I told you she wasn’t dead. ” Tove cast a pointed look at him and stretched his jaw wide, working out the aches from the slap I’d accidentally given him.
“Are you okay?” Duncan moved closer to me, inspecting for injuries.
“Yeah, I’m fine. ” I nodded. “Other than being wet. And I’m still tired. ”
“We’ll skip training today,” Tove informed me.
“What?” I turned sharply to him. “Why? I’m just starting to get stuff down. ”
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“I know, but it’s too draining,” Tove said. “You’ll pull a muscle or something. We can practice more tomorrow. ”
I tried to protest, but it was only halfhearted, and Tove wouldn’t hear of it anyway. Even after a good night’s sleep, I still felt drained and exhausted. One whole side of my head felt strangely numb, like half of my brain had fallen asleep. That wasn’t true, obviously, since I wasn’t having a stroke, but I did need a break.
Tove left to do whatever it was that Tove did with his free time, and Duncan promised me a relaxing day, whether I liked it or not.
First order of business was changing out of my wet clothes and taking a shower. After I came out of the bathroom, I found Duncan planted on my unmade bed. He started listing all the low-key, quiet things we could do that day, but none of them sounded like fun.
“Would you say talking with friends is relaxing?” I asked, running a towel over my wet curls. Since my head hurt, I wanted to leave my hair down for a change.
“Yeah,” Duncan said hesitantly.
“Great. Then I know what I can do. ” I tossed the towel on a nearby chair, and Duncan moved to the edge of the bed.
“What?” Duncan narrowed his eyes at me. I hadn’t sounded excited about any of his ideas, so he clearly didn’t trust whatever I wanted to do.
“I’m going to talk to a friend,” I said.
“What friend?” Duncan got off the bed and followed close behind me as I opened my bedroom door.
“Just a friend. ” I shrugged and went out into the hall.
“You don’t have that many friends,” Duncan pointed out, and I pretended to be offended. “Sorry. ”
“It’s okay. It’s true,” I said as we walked past Rhys’s and Matt’s rooms.
“Oh, no. ” Duncan shook his head as he caught on. “Princess, you’re supposed to be relaxing. And that Vittra Markis is certainly not a friend. ”
“He’s not exactly an enemy either, and I only want to talk to him. ”
“Princess. ” He sighed. “This is a bad idea. ”
“Your concerns have been noted, Duncan. And I don’t mean to pull rank on you here, but I am the Princess. You can’t really stop me. ”
“You’re not supposed to be talking to him at all, you know,” Duncan said, falling in step behind me. “The Queen talked to the guards after your last visit. ”
“If you don’t approve, you don’t have to come with,” I pointed out.
“Of course I’m going to come with. ” He bristled and quickened his pace. “I’m not about to let you talk to him alone. ”
“Thanks for your concern, but I’ll be all right. ” I looked over at him. “I don’t want to get you in any trouble or anything. If you need to stay, that’s okay. ”
“No, it’s not okay. ” He gave me a hard look. “It is my job to protect you, Princess. Not the other way around. You need to stop getting so caught up in my safety. ”
We reached the staircase at the same time a booming knock came from the front door. Nobody ever knocked. They always rang the doorbell, which sounded like very loud wind chimes.
Stranger still, Elora came into the rotunda and walked toward the door, the long black train of her dress dragging on the marble floor behind her.
We were still on the second floor, and Elora was directly below us. I ducked down behind the banister before she saw me, and Duncan did the same. Through the wooden lattice, I saw Elora clearly.
She was by herself, and before she opened the front door, she paused and glanced behind her. Her face was smoother and younger than when I had seen her the other day, but her hair had two additional streaks of bright white running through it.
“Why is she answering the door?” Duncan whispered. “And she’s without a guard. ”
“Shh!” I waved a hand to shush him.
With the coast appearing clear, Elora opened the front door. A gust of icy wind blew inside the hall, and Elora had to grip the door tightly to keep it from slamming back.
A woman slid inside as Elora pushed the door back, fighting it with as much grace as she could muster. A dark green cloak hung over the woman’s head, shielding her face from us. Her burgundy dress appeared to be satin, and the hem pooled around her feet, looking tattered and wet from the elements.
“So good of you to make it in this weather. ” Elora gave her a smile, the tight condescending one.
She smoothed her hair, making it lie so it covered up the white streaks better. The woman said nothing, and Elora gestured to the second floor, which didn’t make sense. The south wing on the main floor was where all business was conducted. Elora was directing the guest to her private quarters.
“Come,” Elora said as she and the woman started walking. “We have much to discuss. ”
I grabbed Duncan?
??s arm and dashed across the hall before Elora began ascending the stairs. The only thing at the top of the stairs was a small broom closet, and I opened the door as silently as it would let me.
Once inside, I shut the door almost all the way, leaving a small gap for me to peer through. Duncan was pressed against my back, trying to peek out the crack too, and I elbowed him in the stomach so I could have some room to breathe.
“Ouch!” Duncan winced.
Quiet! I snapped.
“You don’t need to shout,” Duncan whispered.
“I di—” I was about to tell him I hadn’t shouted when I realized I hadn’t said anything at all. I’d merely thought it, and he’d heard me. I’d done the mind-speak trick that Elora always did.
Duncan, can you hear me? I asked in my head, trying it out, but he didn’t say anything. He just stood on his tiptoes and looked over my head.
I would’ve tried again but I heard Elora reaching the top of the stairs, and I turned my attention to her. Elora stood between her guest and the broom closet, so I couldn’t see the other woman’s face. Besides that, she still had that green cloak up.
I waited a few beats after they passed before pushing the door open. I leaned out, looking down the hall at their diminishing figures. They walked past the tracker standing watch outside of Loki’s cell, but that was the only guard on the second floor.
The main floor was crawling with guards. I usually had one or two in my vicinity, but otherwise, the second floor was empty.
“Why would Elora bring someone up here?” Duncan asked, stepping out from behind me to watch them.
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“I don’t know. ” I shook my head. “Do you know where they’re going?”
“No, the Queen doesn’t invite me into her personal space,” Duncan said.
“Yeah, me neither. ”
I decided that I needed to trail the Queen and find out why she was being so secretive. I slunk along the wall, staying as close to it as I could. Duncan came with, and we looked like a couple of Looney Tunes characters trying to hide behind skinny trees and small rocks.
Elora pushed open the massive doors at the end of the hall, and I froze. That was her bedroom, or at least that’s what I’d been told. I’d never actually been there before. I pressed myself as flat as I could against the wall, and when Elora turned to shut the doors behind her, she didn’t look up.
“What the hell is she doing?” I asked.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Loki said, catching me off guard.
His room was only a few doors down from where Duncan and I attempted to hide. Loki leaned on the doorframe, as far out as he dared go anymore, and his guard glared at him when Loki spoke to me.
With all my attention on Elora, I’d forgotten Loki was up here. I stepped away from the wall and stood up straighter, smoothing out my damp curls as best I could.
“That’s really none of your concern. ” I walked closer to him slowly and with purpose, and he smirked at me.
“It’s all the same to me, but you and your friend there”—Loki nodded to Duncan—“look like a couple of Acme Spy School dropouts. ”
“I’m glad it’s all the same to you. ” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“But I am curious. ” Loki’s forehead crinkled with genuine interest. “Why are you stalking your own mother?”
“Princess, you needn’t answer his questions,” the guard said, giving Loki a sidelong glance. “I can shut the door, and you can be on your way. ”
“No, I’m quite all right. ” I gave him a polite smile before turning a severe gaze on Loki. “Did you see who my mother was with?”
“No. ” Loki’s smile grew broader. “And I’m guessing neither did you. ”
“Princess, this really doesn’t seem all that relaxing,” Duncan interjected.
“Duncan, I’m fine. ”
“But Princess—”
Duncan! My mind-speak kicked in again, surprising me, and I hurried to use it while I still could. I turned to face him. I’m fine. Now please escort this guard somewhere else.
“Fine. ” Duncan sighed. He turned to the guard. “The Princess needs a moment alone. ”
“But I have strict orders—”
“She’s the Princess,” Duncan said. “Do you really wanna argue with her?”
Both Duncan and the guard seemed reluctant to go. As they walked away, Duncan stared at me, and the guard continued to sputter about how much trouble he’d be in if the Queen found out.
“I see you learned a new trick. ” Loki grinned at me.
“I’ve got more tricks than you’ll ever know,” I said, and Loki arched an approving eyebrow.
“If you want to show me a few tricks, my door is always open. ” He gestured to his room and moved to the side, in case I wanted to step in.
I don’t know exactly what I was thinking, but I took him up on the offer. I went inside his room, narrowly brushing past him as I did. I sat down on his bed, since he didn’t have any chairs, but I sat up as straight as possible. I didn’t want to look comfortable or give him the wrong impression.
“Make yourself at home, Princess,” Loki teased.
“I am at home,” I reminded him. “This is my house. ”
“For now,” Loki agreed and sat down on the bed. He made sure to sit close to me, and I scooted away, leaving two feet of space between us. “I see how it is. ”
“Tove told me about you,” I said. “I know how powerful you are. ”
“And yet you come into my room, alone?” Loki asked. He leaned back, propping himself up with his arms and watching me.
“You know how powerful I am,” I countered.
“Touché. ”
“The King assigned you to guard me because of how strong you are,” I said. “You let me go. ”
“Is that a question?” Loki looked away and picked a piece of lint off his black shirt.
“No. I know that you did. ” I kept looking at him, hoping it would make him give something away, but his expression only grew sullen and bored. “I want to know why you let me go. ”
“Princess, when you came into my room, I thought you wanted to play, not talk politics. ” He pouted and rolled onto his side, so he could stare up at me despondently.
“Loki, I’m being serious,” I scoffed.
“So am I. ” Loki sat up straight again, using the opportunity to move closer to me. One of his hands rested right behind me, so his arm brushed against my back.
“Why won’t you tell me why you let me go?” I asked, forcing my voice to stay even as I looked into his eyes.
“Why do you want to know so badly?” he asked, his voice deep and serious.
“Because. ” I swallowed. “I need to know if you’re playing some kind of game. ”
“And what if I am?” He kept his eyes locked on mine, but he raised his chin, defiant. “Will you have them kill me?”
“No, of course not,” I said.
He tilted his head, examining me, then realization dawned. “You’re actually appalled by the idea. ”
“Yes, I am. Now will you tell me why you let me go?”
“Probably for the same reason you don’t want to kill me. ”
“I don’t understand. ”
I wanted to shake my head, but I was too afraid to break eye contact with him. I wasn’t using persuasion on him or anything, but I was keeping his attention, and if I lost that, he might stop talking.
“I think you do, Princess. ” He swallowed hard and took a deep breath before speaking again. “I know what it’s like to be a prisoner, and I thought it would be nice to see somebody escape for a change. ”
“I believe that,” I admitted. “But why come after me again? Why let me go just to track me down?”
“I already told you. King’s orders. ”
“He sent you here alone?”
“Not exactly. ” Lo
ki shrugged, but never looked away from me. His eyes were almost piercing through me. “I asked to go alone. I told him you trusted me, and I could get you to leave with me. ”
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My heart skipped a beat, and I knew I should be nervous or upset with him, but I wasn’t. “Do you really believe that?”
“I don’t know. But I hadn’t planned on trying. I just knew that if Oren sent others along with me, they wouldn’t stop until they got you, and that didn’t seem fair. ”
“So you’re not going to try to drag me back to Ondarike?” I asked.
He narrowed his eyes a little, as if really considering it. “No. It’d be far too much trouble. ”
“Too much trouble?” I said doubtfully. “Couldn’t you just knock me out again and throw me over your shoulder? Or at least you could’ve when you first got here, before you let yourself become a prisoner. ”
“I didn’t let myself. ” He laughed. “Sure, I didn’t fight as hard as I could, but there wasn’t a point. I didn’t really want to take you away. I just wanted it to look like I did, so the King wouldn’t have any reason to kill me. ”
I tilted my head, studying him. “So you’re only here to save your own neck?”
“It seems that way, doesn’t it?”
“Have you done something to me?” I asked.
I felt a little light-headed, and my pulse was racing. His caramel eyes almost seemed to hypnotize me, and my stomach fluttered. The only time I’d felt something like this before had been around Finn, and I didn’t want to believe that I might feel something like that for Loki, that I might be attracted to him. So I hoped that Loki had put me under some kind of spell, maybe the same way that he’d rendered me unconscious before.
“Like what?” Loki raised a curious eyebrow.
“I don’t know. Like that knockout trick you did on me before. ”
“No, I haven’t. ” He let out a long sigh, almost sounding regretful. “And I doubt that I ever will again. ”
“Why not?” I asked.
The corner of one side of his mouth curled a bit, and he leaned in closer to me. For a moment I was afraid he might kiss me, and as my heart hammered in my chest, I realized that I was more afraid that he wouldn’t.
His eyes were still locked on mine, but I pulled my gaze away, searching his face. His tanned skin was smooth and flawless, his jaw strong and yet somehow delicate. Loki was quite stunning in his own right, and I think I’d been trying to ignore that since I met him.
Just before his lips touched mine, he stopped short. I could actually feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek.
“I want to know that when you’re with me, you’re here because you want to be, not because you’re forced. ” He paused. “And right now you’re not moving. ”
“I—I—” I tried to stutter out some kind of response, and I looked away and jumped up off the bed.
“Now who’s the one playing games?” Loki sighed. He leaned back on the bed and watched me.
I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Wendy!” Duncan shouted from down the hall, and I turned to see Finn standing in the doorway, glowering at both Loki and me.
“Princess, you need to leave his room immediately,” Finn said. His voice sounded even, but I could hear the rage seething beneath.