He leaned in, kissing me. His mouth pressed hungrily to mine. An intense quivering started in my heart but radiated out all over me, so my whole body shuddered. His stubble scraped against my skin as he kissed me desperately.
His lips traveled to my neck, and I moaned, burying my fingers in his hair. His weight sent us crashing against the shelves, and books tumbled out around us. We went with them, collapsing in a pile.
“Finn!” Thomas’s voice boomed, interrupting us.
Finn stopped kissing me, but he remained on top of me. His breath came out in ragged gasps, and he continued to stare down at me. Passion smoldered in his eyes, but behind that, I saw terror. He realized that he’d done something terrible and didn’t know how to undo it.
“Finn!” Thomas yelled again. “Get off her before someone sees you!”
“Yes, sir. ” Finn clambered off me, tripping over books as he got to his feet. I pulled down my dress, and got up much more slowly than him.
“Get out of here!” Thomas barked at him. “Get yourself cleaned up!”
“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. ” Finn kept his eyes on the ground. He tried to cast a fleeting glance back at me, but he was too ashamed and simply darted out of the room.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, unsure of what else to say. I could still taste Finn on my lips, feel his stubble on my cheek.
“You don’t need to apologize to me,” Thomas said, and the expression he gave me was much softer than the one he’d given his son. “You need to protect yourself, Princess. Go to your room, forget this ever happened, and pray that nobody ever finds out. ”
“Yes, of course. ” I nodded quickly and stepped carefully over the books. I’d almost made it out when Thomas stopped me.
“My son doesn’t tell me much about his life,” Thomas said, and I paused at the doorway, looking over my shoulder at him. “We’ve never been close. This job is a hard one. It keeps you isolated, and that is something that you and I have in common. ”
“I don’t feel that isolated,” I said. “I’m always surrounded. ”
“You’ve been fortunate, but it won’t always be that way. ” He licked his lips and paused. “Sometimes you have to choose between love and duty. It’s a hard choice, the hardest you’ll ever make, but there is only one right answer. ”
“And you’re saying that it’s duty?” I asked.
“I’m saying duty was the right answer for me,” Thomas explained carefully. “And duty will always be the right answer for Finn. ”
“Yes. ” I nodded, lowering my eyes. “That I know all too well. ”
“Trackers are often looked down upon. ” He held up his hand to silence me before I could argue. “Not by everyone, but by many. We’re pitied. But it’s an honorable life, living in service of people. Knowing that we are essential to creating a better world for the kingdom.
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“The Queen lives in service as much as a tracker, maybe even more so. Your mother’s whole life has been given to the people here. There is no greater honor than that. No greater deed. That is going to be your honor, Princess. ”
“I know,” I said, feeling even more overwhelmed by the prospect.
“In the end, you find that with sacrifice, you receive more than you give,” he said. “I’ve enjoyed talking with you, Princess, but I will let you get to your room. ”
“Yes, of course,” I said.
Thomas bowed before me, and I turned away. I ran all the way up to my room, lifting my dress so I wouldn’t trip on my hem. My hair had come loose so it fell around my face, and I was grateful for it. I didn’t need anyone to see the shame in my expression or the tears that stained my cheeks.
TWENTY-EIGHT
honor
“You look amazing,” Willa assured my reflection for the hundredth time.
I stood in front of the mirror. Willa was at my back. I was sure I appeared as if I were admiring my white gown, but I barely even recognized myself.
Only days before my engagement party, I’d kissed two different guys. It was odd because, of the two kisses, I found myself replaying Loki’s more often. His kiss felt oddly refreshing, breathing new life into my soul. Even though Finn’s had felt amazing at the time, once it was over, it only seemed to drain me of the energy I had. Loki had asked me to marry him, and Finn had pushed me away, the way he always did. The way he always would.
After everything that happened, I’d wanted to cry, but in the end, the way I felt about either Loki or Finn didn’t matter. Not anymore. I was a Princess, with a duty to her kingdom and her fiancé. Tove and Förening deserved more, so I had to be more. I had to become what they needed.
“Come on, Wendy. ” Willa grabbed my arm, pulling me away. “The party is about to start. We don’t have time for you to keep staring at yourself. ”
I nodded and followed her, thinking I’d have time to compose myself, but as soon as I stepped out of my room, I found Tove waiting by the door.
“Sorry,” he said when he saw my expression. “I didn’t mean to startle you. ”
“No, it’s okay. ” My mouth felt numb, and it was hard to speak.
“I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone. ” Willa winked at me as she walked away.
“I hope it’s not bad luck to see you before the engagement party. ” He dug in his pocket. “I’m not sure what the protocol is, but I had to give you something. I thought it’d be better to do it before the party. ”
“You didn’t need to get me anything. ”
“Yeah, I did. ” Tove pulled a ring box out of his pocket. “It’s kinda my job. I should’ve given it to you when I proposed, but that was kind of a lame proposal. ”
“I liked it. ” I smiled at him. “It was sweet. ”
“Well, I hope you like the ring. ” He held it out to me, the velvet lid still closed. “My mom hates it. ”
“I’m sure I’ll love it, then,” I said, and he laughed.
I took the box from him, and with trembling hands, I opened the lid. It was a thick platinum band, designed to look like ivy wrapped around the giant emerald inlaid in the center. A few small diamonds were dotted around the band.
“Oh, Tove, it’s beautiful. ” As I slid it on my finger, I was actually getting choked up. It was a lovely ring, and such a lovely gesture.
Even though he hadn’t told me, and I didn’t plan on calling him out on it, I knew Finn was right. Tove was gay. We would never be in love with each other, but we were friends, and we could find some kind of happiness together. Hopefully.
“Yeah?” Tove had a relieved lopsided grin and ran a hand through his hair. “Good. I was really worried. I had no idea what you would think. ”
“No, it’s absolutely perfect. ” I smiled up at him with tears in my eyes.
“Good. ” He bit his lip. “You look really beautiful today. ”
“Thank you. You look really good yourself. ” I motioned to his nice suit pants and vest. “You clean up good, Markis. ”
“Thank you, Princess. ” He held out his arm so I could take it. “Shall we head down to our engagement party?”
“We shall,” I said and looped my arm through his. We walked toward the ballroom to become the leaders the Trylle needed.
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