Because Calvin will play in the pit, Robert won’t be able to keep his audition a secret. Brian and whoever has come early from the orchestra will also be there, in the shadows, listening.
At dinner last night, Robert and I strategized: I wanted Robert to simply offer Calvin the role if he performs as well as we expect him to. Robert is the composer, he’s the musical director. Can’t he pull rank?
But Robert disagreed. “Theater politics are delicate.”
He would bring in Calvin without giving the others much information about him. A young guitarist, he would say. Someone Holland had heard play, and who transfixed him as well.
He would tell Michael that he wanted to brainstorm ways to incorporate the juxtaposition of Calvin’s polish and scrape. He would see how Calvin performed in front of such an intimidating audience. And then he would wait for it to be someone else’s idea that Calvin take over Seth’s solos.
“Not mine,” he said, and looked at me, “not yours. Trust me on this, Buttercup. It has to be Michael’s idea.”
But no matter what we say to anyone else, Robert, Jeff, and I know that the idea was mine.
I’m nearly desperate for it; the craving is so powerful I’m buzzy. If Michael agrees we can bring a guitarist in to take over the part Seth once played, I will have contributed something irreplaceable to this production. I’ll no longer be on the sidelines, useless.
I will have silently earned my place.
Robert meets me outside the theater at 11:45. Calvin is coming at noon.
My uncle catches my eye and grins before we turn, heading in the side door. It isn’t crowded backstage, but it’s not dead, either. Most of the cast start showing up around three for makeup and lighting, but the principals in the orchestra often come in earlier on Tuesdays, after a day off, to have lunch together, tune their instruments at a leisurely pace, meet with Robert.
At first, everyone is joking with one another; no one else feels the weight of this. It’s not uncommon for Robert to bring in musicians to audition when one or another of our orchestra leaves. However, there aren’t currently any guitarists in the ensemble. When word circulates that a guitarist is coming in to play, interest spikes: Seth is gone. Luis is leaving. And now we’re auditioning a guitarist? I see people bending over their phones, texting. Soon the theater is full of cast, crew, and orchestra.
Brian is in a quiet tizzy, asking everyone within earshot who invited this new musician, what’s happening, why didn’t anyone update him sooner?
Robert doesn’t get nervous—at least, not about things outside his control, like this. He was smart not to overpromise. And now he stands near the head of the pit, talking to Michael, both men feigning obliviousness while energy buzzes around them. The doors to the lobby open at twelve sharp, and Calvin walks in, his guitar case in his left hand, right hand tucked easily in the pocket of his jeans. A hush falls over the group, and it seems an eternity passes while we all watch him walk from the top of the aisle down to the pit.
Robert doesn’t bother introducing him to everyone; Calvin is here for him, Michael, Don, and Richard. Anyone else is a bystander and it’s up to them to listen in if they choose. From where I sit at the edge of the curtain, I can only barely make out Calvin’s face. Even so, I can tell he feels the weight of eyes on him. He’s a little hunched, smiling and nodding a lot. He pulls out his ChapStick twice.
I want to know how he got here, to this moment. How does one go from Ireland, to Juilliard, to busking and cover bands? People camp out in front of the theater for single tickets to Possessed; they pay insane prices on resale sites. How connected is he that he managed it seven times?
He shakes hands with Michael and Robert before turning to greet the quieter, more observant Don and Richard, and then is invited to sit down in a folding chair that has been placed right up front.
Calvin sits and then pulls his guitar out, quietly tuning the instrument. His smile is easy and infectious. Inside my chest, my heart jackhammers.
Looking up at Robert, he asks, “What would you like to hear?”
Robert pretends to think. I don’t know what he’s going to say right now, but I know him well enough to bet my life that he has an entire playlist already strategized.
“ ‘Malagueña.’ ”
Smart. It’s bright, and catchy—reminiscent of the energetic opening number of Possessed without being too on-the-nose. It also perfectly showcases Calvin’s training, because it’s a piece that requires precision, speed, and several changes in tempo.
With a little nod, Calvin bends, eyes closed, and strums the first, brilliant note.
I feel the collective intake of breath, the way bodies behind me in the shadows shift forward now to see, not only hear. I see the way Michael’s eyebrows seem pinned high on his forehead, the way sullen Richard has released his arms from their omnipresent cross and tucked his hands more easily in his pockets, rocking back on his heels.
I see Calvin impress the entire fucking theater, and clap a hand over my mouth. Is it weird that in this second I see my street musician, Jack, up there and want to scream? Is it weird that I sense how much this means to him, even if I don’t know anything else about him in the world?
I want to dance across the stage, I am so proud.
In all, Calvin plays three and a half pieces for Robert and the other show executives. The half comes into play when, mid-“Blackbird,” Michael stands and claps twice, saying, “I think we’ve heard enough.”
No one responds as if this is at all abrupt—not even Calvin. I’m sure nearly everyone here was amazed he got to play as much as he did.
Calvin stands, gathering his guitar and case, shaking hands again, and leaving without a look back.
“Let’s head upstairs to the room,” Michael says, referring to the small boardroom-type space we have on the second floor, with a large round table and a random assortment of enormous and tiny chairs—some of which are so high they’re nearly thrones, and some of which are so low, the people seated in them invariably feel like they need booster seats.
Robert turns, leading Don and Richard backstage. Brian follows. Michael greets a few cast members and then rounds out the back of the group, but pauses when he gets near me.
“You coming?” he asks.
I glance back over my shoulder on instinct.
“You.” He leans in, blue eyes twinkling. “Holland.”
He knows my name?
“I can, if you need photos?”
“Robert says you brought him to see Calvin play. I’d like to hear why you thought to mention him.”
He gestures for me to follow, and my blood vibrates right up against my skin.
I take a seat on the far end of the table in one of the thrones. I was actually hoping for one of the kid chairs—would have felt more at home there in this crowd—but instead I sat before really thinking. And Brian, who clearly wanted to be seated between Robert and Richard, ended up with the shortest of straws and looks like a scowling toddler across the table from me.
“Holland,” he whisper-yells, looking around incredulously and then back to me. “Why on earth are you in here?”
“I invited her,” Michael says breezily, waving away any concern. “So, Holland. Let’s hear it. Who is this guy?”
“Um, well.” My voice wavers a little and I sense Brian vibrating with irritation across the table. “He plays a few mornings a week at the Fiftieth Street station—”
“He’s a subway musician?” Brian cuts in.
“Brian,” Robert cautions, his voice low. “Just let her explain.”
“I saw him one morning when I was headed to a doctor’s appointment uptown,” I say, “and even though I don’t need to commute because I only live a few blocks—”
Robert clears his throat, an unspoken Get to the point, Holland.
“So,” I say, cheeks heating, “I listen to him all the time. Everyone at the station watches him while they wait. He’s so good, and I told Robert about him and,
um.” I press my hand to my forehead. I feel overheated under the pressure of their eyes on me. “I wanted Robert to hear him. Turns out he’s Juilliard trained.” I see Robert nod in my peripheral vision, encouraging. “He’s amazing. Anyone can see that.”
“He is amazing,” Don says, “and I’m glad we were here for it. It’s always good to keep an eye out for talent, for whatever comes next.”
Inside, I deflate because they don’t seem to have clued in to the unspoken suggestion that we bring Calvin into Possessed, but I nod to Don—as if my agreement carries any weight. I don’t meet Robert’s eyes. I don’t want to see my disappointment mirrored there.
Now that my bit has come and gone, the attention is turned away from me and back toward Robert and Brian.
Robert tells Don about the circumstances of Seth’s departure, and Brian confirms the spectacle of it. Brian updates the Law brothers on the new set pieces that have been constructed to replace two that cracked in rehearsal a month ago. But through all of it, Michael is staring at the table, tracing his finger around a swirl in the wood over and over.
Questions are thrown out and answered, and I try to shrink as low as I can in my seat. I’m a lowly T-shirt seller, the unnecessary archivist; I’m not needed here. But because I chose a seat in the back of the room, it would be more disruptive to stand and leave than it would be to just sit here on my raised platform, listening in. Besides, no one seems all that concerned—or aware—of my continued presence.
Except Brian, who thinks it’s a great time to text me.
I don’t need to remind u that u should not repeat any of there conversation outside of this room
Honestly, his grammar. I type a quick reply—Of course—before putting my phone facedown on the table.
“Do you think . . .” Michael begins during a lull in the conversation, and then laughs, shaking his head. “I think Holland might have had a smart instinct bringing him here today.” He holds up his hands, and my breathing halts. “Hear me out: listening to you speak about Seth leaving, and given my concerns—which I know you share, Bob—about Lisa as a replacement . . .”
There is thunder in my chest. I look up and briefly catch Robert’s eye.
“I think we should consider the guitarist to accompany Ramón in Possessed solo sections,” Michael continues. “I’ll be the first to admit it feels like a big departure, and of course I defer to you here, Bob, but it feels like it might be the perfect change.”
I bite my lips to keep them from bowing upward, and blink down at the table.
At the other end of the room, Robert hums thoughtfully. “It’s certainly an interesting idea.”
“I do like him,” Don agrees. “I’m not the musical strategist here, but do you think the soundtrack couldn’t lend itself to a more rustic feel?”
“It would be unexpected,” Michael says, grinning.
Richard nods, smiling. “I think it’s a wild, wonderful suggestion. The music is sexy. That kid was blindingly sexy.”
Every head turns to Robert.
“Bob,” Michael says, leaning forward. “Does this ruin your vision? Would you consider it?”
A tiny grin—so brief I’m sure no one else would name it anything other than a wince—jumps across Robert’s face, and then he reaches up, rubbing his hand over his mouth. “Guitar,” he says, as if mulling it over. “A guitar . . .”
Robert looks at Michael, but his smile is only for me. “Holland does have good instincts. I think Calvin and Ramón could be brilliant.”
Don raps the tabletop with his knuckles. “Let’s give him a quick call.”
At this, I stand to leave, but Robert gestures for me to sit back down. I can’t tell whether he agrees that my leaving would be disruptive or he wants me to be able to enjoy this moment, but it’s clearly only awkward for me at this point. I don’t even have a notebook to pretend like I’m here writing down meeting minutes.
Robert reads out Calvin’s cell phone number, and Michael types it into the phone sitting in the middle of the table. It rings twice, and my heart is absolutely lodged in my throat.
His voice comes through—scratchy and deep—as if he’s been sleeping. “ ’lo?”
“Calvin, hi. Michael Asteroff. I’m here with Robert Okai and the Law brothers.”
“Oh. Hi.” There’s some shuffling in the background, and although he left here only an hour ago, my pervy brain imagines him shirtless, sitting up in bed, the sheets falling to his hips.
Hopefully he’s alone.
“Great work today,” Michael says. “Truly superb.”
Calvin pauses, and when he speaks, his voice shakes. “Thank you, sir.”
“Look,” Michael begins, “we’re wondering what your schedule looks like for the next several months.”
“My schedule?”
“More specifically, we’re wondering whether we could interest you in a place in the orchestra here. With It Possessed Him.”
The question is met with blistering silence.
Robert leans in toward the speakerphone. “We’d like you to take over Seth’s parts.”
“Honestly?”
Everyone but me laughs at this.
“Yeah.” Michael grins. “Honestly.”
“Aye, I’m flattered. I . . .” A pause. “I’m dyin’ to say yes.”
“So say yes!” Richard sings.
On the other end of the line, Calvin growls. “It’s just that, ah . . .”
And, in this instant, I know.
I know.
I know.
I know why he’s hesitating, because it’s got to be the same reason he didn’t want to get too involved with the police the night of my accident.
“I’m not exactly here legally, y’see.”
The table falls silent. Michael and Robert look at each other, and Robert blows out a slow breath.
“I was here on a student visa, and ah, it expired, yeah? I couldn’t find it in me to leave. This here, what you’re offerin’, it’s my dream.”
“How long ago did it expire?” Michael asks, nodding at Robert like this might work. “Can we work on an extension, using this as an internship?”
Calvin pauses again, and I think I hear a dry laugh through the line. “It’d be four years now.”
Robert groans, leaning back in his chair. It’s not uncommon for foreigners to join the cast—it happens all the time. And artist visas are a dime a dozen in New York. But Jeff’s best friend from grade school works in immigration, and I know from overhearing Jeff and Robert discuss other artists in the past that getting leniency for people who’ve been here for six months illegally is hard . . . so four years?
When no one replies, another laugh—this one decidedly sad—comes through the line. “But I sure do appreciate the offer.”
seven
Michael hits the disconnect button and leans back, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Well, that’s all right. We didn’t even know about him until this morning. We should continue with violin auditions immediately.”
The words are met with silence, and the Law brothers exchange a dubious look. I can tell that Robert and I aren’t the only ones who are already invested in Calvin.
“There’s got to be a way around this,” Don says. “Some string to be pulled.”
“Four years is a long time.” Robert’s voice is quiet and he meets my eyes, grimacing. “I’m not sure even with the connections we have that we can work around that.”
“Jesus Christ.” Brian bursts from his tiny chair, dropping his fists onto the table. “The answer is obvious, isn’t it? Just have Holland marry the guy. They’ve been dating for months in her head, anyway. Two birds, one stone.”
I let out a garbled sound of shock and immediately feel the way everyone turns to look at me.
Everyone except Robert, who slowly lowers his glasses down his nose, fixing a dark gaze on my boss. “Brian. If you’re not going to be helpful, please feel free to step out.”
Brian leans
back in his seat, grinning snidely at me before looking to Robert. “If this is as dire as you say, if”—he sweeps his hands dramatically—“you are unable to find a suitable musician in all of New York City, then let us consider how every department can step up to help you hire your subway busker. I think we should hear what Holland thinks about the idea.”
Robert doesn’t give me a chance to reply—not that I’d have the faintest idea what to say. “Your tone is quickly passing insulting and moving into shocking territory.” The room has gone still, each set of eyes following the conversation as if it is a tennis match. “I am not only the composer and musical director of this production, but I am also Holland’s uncle. I’ll suggest you tread carefully here.”
Brian is an angry, splotchy red. Robert’s lips have practically disappeared, they are so tight. Meanwhile, my head is spinning. I am far from Brian’s favorite person, but does he really think that’s a viable solution here?
“It was just a suggestion,” he says, scrambling to triage the situation. “Everyone here knows you’re the out-of-the-box thinker, Robert. I was trying to come up with an out-of-the-box solution.”
Michael speaks up. “It’s a bit more than out-of-the-box, Brian. It’s also illegal.”
If possible, the color of Brian’s face deepens and he swings his gaze in my direction. Brian is petty, and at times completely unreasonable, but he hasn’t always been wrong in his criticism of me. I don’t belong here. Someone more deserving and qualified should have this job. My stomach turns over, sour.
Done with the conversation, Robert slips his glasses back on and looks at the others around the table. “Brian, you can head downstairs. The rest of us need to get back to finding a realistic solution. We’re running out of time.”