What was she going to do?
Chapter Twelve
“I fucked up,” Slade muttered and downed another shot provided by the mechanoid bartender. “Fucked up big time and there’s no fixing it.” He was sitting in a bar not far from the Docking Bay after his latest shift, trying to drown his troubles in Borathian Fire Ale. So far it wasn’t working very well.
“What’s that you said, Brother?” A Beast Kindred with golden eyes and wild black hair sat down beside him. “Say, aren’t you that hybrid prisoner Dr. Lathe brought back with him from BleakHall?” he asked, motioning to the mechanoid for a drink.
“Yeah, that’s me—why the fuck should you care?” Slade snarled, glaring at the other male.
“Hey, take it easy.” The Beast Kindred raised his hands. “I just wanted to meet you. I’m Baird—my brother Sylvan told me about you when Dr. Lathe brought you aboard the Mother Ship.”
“Oh, sorry.” Slade recognized the name. The Beast Kindred was actually in charge of the entire Mother Ship fleet. Better be fucking polite, he told himself morosely.
“Look, if you don’t feel like talking I’ll leave you alone,” Baird remarked. “But I heard rumors that you had some, uh, trouble at the Puppet House and you look like you could use an ear.”
“Trouble? That’s a Goddess-damned understatement.” Slade laughed harshly. “I got bonded by accident to a human female who was pretending to be a Pairing Puppet—that’s more than a ‘little trouble.’”
“Agreed, Brother.” Baird nodded sympathetically and gestured for the mechanoid bartender to bring them two more drinks. “So what happened? You got bonded to her and found you couldn’t care for her?”
“No, the exact opposite.” Slade downed the fresh drink and nodded his thanks. “I got bonded to her and then I let myself fall in love with her. Only I didn’t realize that until it was too late—until I’d lost her for good.”
“Too late?” Baird frowned. “I don’t understand—how could it be too late?” His voice dropped to a hushed whisper. “She didn’t…die did she?”
“No, thank the Goddess for small favors.” Slade sighed. “She didn’t die, she just…found out about my past. In fact, she somehow saw a memory of mine through our link. And now she thinks I’m a crazy murdering felon on the run from the law and ready to kill anyone who looks at me the wrong way.”
“Well, is she wrong?” Baird asked reasonably.
Slade glared at him. “If I wasn’t so drunk I’d pound you for that—head of the Fleet or not.”
“I’m just asking because I know Sylvan looked into your history before allowing you to stay aboard,” Baird said evenly. “He weighed your past deeds carefully and decided you weren’t a risk or a threat. Was he wrong?”
“No, he wasn’t Goddess-damned wrong!” Slade slammed his empty glass on the bar counter, knowing he wasn’t making the best impression but not really caring anymore.
“Tell me then,” Baird urged. “The whole story. Go on—get it out.”
Slade wanted to punch the other male…but somehow he found himself talking instead.
“I was a fighter on the Blood Circuit for years—a slave but happy nonetheless. Happy because I had a female I loved—another slave called Cinda. We were never able to bond which didn’t surprise me. I’m a hybrid—we usually can’t.” He shook his head. “Don’t know what the fuck happened at the Puppet House and how I formed a bond with Brandi but whatever…Anyway, I was happy with Cinda—until our master sold her and her new master raped and killed her.”
Baird sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry, Brother. That’s fucking horrible.”
“I went a little crazy,” Slade admitted. “I killed my master and burned down his house. Then I took the same revenge on Cinda’s master. After that, I was caught and slated to be killed myself, but I was bought—bought by a mistress who liked the idea of fucking a dangerous slave.”
“Sounds like one of those crazy females on Yonnie Six,” Baird remarked.
“She was from Yonnie Six—she’d just moved to my home planet for business,” Slade explained. “Anyway, she wanted me to fuck her but I’d made a vow after Cinda died that I’d never be with a female again. My mistress didn’t like that very much. After injecting me with a lust-enhancer, she shipped me off to prison because I still wouldn’t give her what she wanted.”
“Yup, sounds like a female from Yonnie Six, all right.” Baird nodded. “Then what?”
“I spent about five years in CellStone prison—not as bad as BleakHall but almost,” Slade told him. “That was where I got my nickname—The Beast.”
Baird raised his eyebrows. “Do I wanna know how you got that name?”
Slade shrugged. “I twisted a male’s head off in a fight. Unfortunately, that was the memory that Brandi somehow picked out of my brain.” He shook his head. “Of all the things she could have seen. I mean, I had some bloody battles in the arena too. But for sheer rage and aggression…”
“So she was actually able to see your memory?” Baird looked surprised. “I’ve never heard of a bond-link that strong before. I mean, sometimes I can send my mate, Olivia, images and we can feel each other’s emotions or catch stray thoughts from time to time but—”
“I know—it’s fucking bizarre,” Slade growled. “I’m a hybrid—I’m not supposed to be able to bond at all. But now I have the strongest bond I’ve ever heard of with this little human female who wants nothing to do with me. And I know, because I can hear her thinking exactly that half the time. The other half she’s just feeling bad and upset she let me into her life at all.”
“What, all the way from Earth? She is still on Earth, right?” Baird asked.
Slade nodded. “And that’s where she’s going to stay. She sure as hell doesn’t want to come up to the Mother Ship and be anywhere near me.”
“You need to get her to give you a second chance,” Baird said, frowning. “If she was able to see one memory, she should be able to see others. Don’t you have any good ones to show her?”
The idea caught Slade off-guard.
“Hey…” He frowned and nodded. “You know, that’s not a bad idea, Brother.”
“I’ve been known to have a few decent ideas from time to time—according to my mate.” Baird grinned.
“The problem is, getting Brandi to see me and look into my memories in the first place.” Slade ran both hands through his hair. “She fucking hates me now. Well, not hates exactly—it’s more like she’s afraid of me and she fears for her young one too.”
“Oh, she’s a mother, is she?” Baird shook his head sympathetically. “That does complicate things.”
“You’re telling me,” Slade growled. “Her little girl adores me but her mother is sure I’ll hurt her.” He took another drink and squeezed his hands into fists on the bar. “I would never hurt a female—especially not a child. That little one is the sweetest little thing—she calls me ‘Daddy-man.’” He sighed. “Wish I could live up to the name but Brandi isn’t having it.”
“You know, there was a time, during our Claiming period, when my mate, Olivia hated my guts,” Baird remarked. “I mean, she couldn’t fucking stand me.”
“Really?” Slade was intrigued. Most Kindred were able to call a mate without too many problems. It was unusual to hear of a bonding where one mate hated the other—which was one reason he felt so isolated and alone.
“Oh yeah.” Baird nodded matter-of-factly. “But the Goddess brought her around. It took a pretty traumatic event to do it but, well…” He shrugged. “Here we are, years later and I love her more today than I did at the beginning. Everything worked out.”
“Somehow I doubt that everything is going to work out for me,” Slade growled. “Since Brandi doesn’t ever want to see me again.”
“I admit it seems tough.” Baird clapped him on the shoulder. “But the Goddess can work anything out. My Olivia was deported from the Mother Ship for breaking communications protocol and then captured by the Scourge. Your female
is safe down on Earth, right?”
“Yes she is. But it sounds like you’ve got a story to tell yourself,” Slade remarked.
“The story of how I Claimed Olivia is too long to get into now. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone,” Baird told him. “Don’t give up, Brother. If the Goddess put you two together, she’ll find a way to bring you back in line.”
“But that’s the thing—she didn’t,” Slade protested. “I told you—we were bonded by accident.”
“Oh? And were you dreaming of her before?” Baird demanded.
“Well…yes.” Slade frowned. “But I thought she was a Pairing Puppet.”
“Doesn’t matter what you thought when you woke up—all that counts is that you were Dream-Sharing before you met,” Baird pointed out. “And she dreamed of you, too?”
“She did.” Slade nodded. “I saw it in her mind. She projects her thoughts and feelings like a fucking signal beaming into my head.” He sighed. “That’s how I know she still wants nothing to do with me.”
“The fact that you were Dream-Sharing means the Goddess put her stamp of approval on the two of you, even if it doesn’t seem like it,” Baird told him. “Which further means you shouldn’t give up hope. Maybe just give your female a little cooling off time.”
“I’ve already given her a whole solar month,” Slade pointed out. “I feel a lot of regret from her that she got herself involved with the ‘wrong’ kind of male again and she’s sorry I turned out to be that kind of male, because she was starting to care for me. But…” He sighed. “She’s very firm in her decision never to see me again. She thinks she’d be a bad mother if she exposed her young one to me.”
“Parenting guilt—how well I fucking know it.” Baird sighed. “That’s tough to overcome, I admit. But I still think you have to give her a little more time.”
Slade shrugged. “Nothing else I can do. I’m not going to force myself on her—that would only reinforce this image she’s got of me in her head.”
“Sometimes waiting is harder than anything else,” Baird told him. “Keep your chin up, Brother. You’re an honorable male. I believe the Goddess is going to work this out in time.” He rose to go and clapped Slade on the shoulder again as he motioned to the mechanoid bartender. “Another drink for this male on my tab. He can use it.”
“Thanks for the ear,” Slade said. Strangely, being able to talk about his past and present troubles really had lightened the load. He was still separated from the female he wanted—the female he loved, if he was honest with himself—but the gulf that divided them didn’t seem quite so wide after talking to Baird and hearing the troubles he had endured trying to win his own mate.
“Any time, Brother.” Baird nodded at him. “I have to get home now but you know where I am if you want to talk. My office isn’t far from the Docking Bay.” He started to go and then turned back. “Oh, and I’ll offer a prayer to the Goddess on your behalf. I still believe she’s going to bring you through this time and you and your mate will be together at the end of it.”
“Wish I could believe it myself,” Slade muttered. “But thanks again.”
He watched Baird leave and then downed another drink before paying his tab for the night. It occurred to him that the other male had been checking him out for Commander Sylvan—making sure that he really was fit to be aboard the Mother Ship. But regardless of his motive, it was kind of the Beast Kindred to take the time to talk. The people here aboard the Mother Ship really were genuine and caring and for the first time in his life he wasn’t a prisoner or a slave. It occurred to Slade that he could really love living here…if only he wasn’t living alone.
Oh, Brandi, he thought, being careful to shield his thought and not send it through their incredibly sensitive link, I’m so fucking sorry you saw what you did. But I’m not the male you think I am. I would never hurt you—I just want to protect you and Emmie and keep you from harm.
But there was no way to make her believe it—no way to even tell her since he could hear through the link that she still wanted to keep distance between them. Maybe Baird was right—maybe all he could do was pray.
Slade hadn’t done that in years—he wasn’t exactly the most devout male, given his bloody and troubled past. But what the hell—he might as well give it a try.
“Goddess,” he muttered, looking down at the sticky bar counter and keeping his voice low. “Maybe you sent Brandi to me or maybe it’s all a mistake—I don’t know. All I know is that I love her now—her and her little girl. I want to take care of them—to provide for them and for the baby, if Brandi is pregnant. I want to do what’s right. Please, that’s all I ask—just help me do what’s right.”
He heard no answer but a warm feeling of peace suddenly settled on him, as though someone had put a comforting arm around his shoulders. He remembered Baird’s words about being patient and told himself to hang on—for just a little longer.
It was all he could do.
Chapter Thirteen
“For the last time, Emmie, the Daddy-man is not coming back!” Brandi tried to keep her voice even but she could hear the tension and stress in her tone. She shouldn’t be irritable with her daughter but Emmie kept asking about Slade and she would not let up!
“Never?” Emmie’s big brown eyes filled with tears.
“You saw him once,” Brandi reminded her. “Just once, remember?”
“That’s not true!” Emmie cried harder. “I see him every night in my dreams, Mommy. And he’s sad without us—really, really sad.”
Emmie shook her head. How could her daughter be dreaming of the big Kindred? She herself no longer was, although maybe that was because the bond between them had already been established. She could feel his emotions sometimes though—anger, regret, longing…they tore at her but she tried to block them out. After what she had seen in his mind, she would be a terrible mother if she let a man who was capable of such violence near her child! For her own sake—and for Emmie’s sake too—she had to try to forget him.
But Emmie certainly didn’t make it easy.
“Mommy,” she whispered, tears running down her cheeks. “I want the Daddy-man. He loves us! He wants to protect us—can’t you feel it? He wants to protect my new little brother too.”
“Little brother?” Brandi frowned. “What do you mean? You don’t have a brother—unless you’re talking about Mr. Bear?” Mr. Bear was Emmie’s favorite stuffed animal she slept with every night.
“No, not Mr. Bear!” Emmie stamped her foot. “The little brother you have in your tummy!”
“What?” For a moment Brandi felt faint. “Wh-what are you talking about, sweetpea?” she asked, her voice trembling. “I don’t have a baby in my tummy. Who told you that?” She had yet to have “the talk” with Emmie. Had someone been talking about the facts of life in Emmie’s school?
“The nice pretty Goddess-lady,” Emmie said promptly. “The one who sends me the dreams of Daddy-man. She says you’re going to have a little brother for me in about a year.”
“Well, that sounds like an interesting dream but that’s all it is—just a dream,” Brandi said carefully.
“It’s not a dream!” Emmie stamped her little foot again. “She’s real! As real as you and me. And she says you and Daddy-man belong together.”
Brandi sighed deeply. God, would her daughter’s obsession with the big Kindred ever end?
“Emmie-bear…” She got down on her knees and held her daughter’s shoulders, looking earnestly into the little girl’s eyes. “I know it’s really hard to understand but sometimes people come into your life for a little while and then they leave.”
“Like my other Daddy? Daddy-man got sent down the river for doing bad things?” Emmie wanted to know.
“Yes, kind of like that,” Brandi acknowledged. God, she’d tried so hard to shield her daughter from the ugly reality of prison and somehow she’d still managed to get involved with not one but two cons. What was wrong with her?
“I miss
him,” Emmie whispered. “Mommy, if he went down the river, can’t we find him? I think I know where it is, now.”
“No, honey, we can’t.” Brandi tried to make her voice firm but inside her heart was breaking. If she was honest with herself, she missed Slade too. What she’d seen in his memories had been shocking and frightening but after calming down a bit, she’d understood that he wasn’t killing for the fun of it—he was defending himself. If she was on her own, she might have been willing to give him a second chance. But knowing he had that kind of violence inside him was frightening and the fact that she had Emmie to think of changed the equation. Her daughter came first with Brandi and she always would.
“Come on,” she told Emmie. “It’s time for bed.”
“But Grandma Ivy isn’t home yet,” Emmie protested. “I like it when she tucks me in.”
“Grandma Ivy-Mae is busy right now so you’ll have to settle for me or Grandpa Bud,” Brandi told her. In all probability, her mother was in a bar somewhere getting drunk and flirting with men who were half her age but there was no need for Emmie to know that.
Emmie sighed. “Okay Mommy—I choose Grandpa Bud. I wish I could have Daddy-man, though.”
“I know you do, sweetpea. But we can’t always get what we want.” Brandi tried to keep her voice even but she wished—so damn much—that Emmie would stop talking about Slade. Hearing her daughter harp on the big Kindred only made being separated from him harder.
She called her stepfather in—Bud was a quiet, patient man with a gray beard and kind eyes who had put up with her mother’s messing around for years.
“Hey, Emmie-bear,” he said, when Emmie announced that he would get the honor of tucking her in for the night. “I’m so glad you picked me because I have just the right story to read to you tonight!”