Finish joining this piece of copper wire around my waist. And a bit of this curtain for the scarf that's in it. Just cut it off. Cut Cut. Cut Fold. Like that Hide a few of the ragged edges. Little comb of the hair. See how my teeth are. Spread the lips. Look rusty. But I have fine flared nostrils on a fine straight nose. An aristocrat wherever I flee. And my eyes are curious, big ones. They all say I have very fine eyes.
Sebastian entering the morning room. Guilty look at the destroyed desk. Miss Frost putting a great platter of sausages on the table encircled with mahogany. There was a tablecloth, back rashers. Bowl of milk and pile of neatly cut bread. Sugar. Plates clean and sparkling, a knife on one side, fork on the other.
Miss Frost sat down, her hand reaching and pulling at the end of her skirt in modesty and lurking sensuality. Danger-field hesitant Must let the boarder always make the first move towards the food.
"This is certainly very good of you, although I don't think it's really fair to let you do it, Miss Frost"
"It's nothing, really, Mr. Dangerfield. I enjoy having something to do like cooking."
"But after a hard day. I think it's asking too much"
"O no."
Miss Frost smiled with rather large, well shaped teeth. Something like my own. And no lipstick. Pleasant to look at her mouth. Sitting sedately across, passing me everything going. That platter there.
Sebastian took four sausages. leaving five. Meant only to take three but some uncontrollable instinct made me take four. And pass the bread to Miss Frost. Must show that I'm not all absorbed by the sausages. Marion perhaps was at her, telling a lot of lies about me. Miss Frost will find out for herself that I'm all right. If there were more people like Miss Frost, people with kindness and consideration. Her gray hair is most becoming.
"These sausages are delicious. I don't believe I've had them before, Miss Frost."
"I get them on Pembroke Road. A shop just past the bridge. Homemade."
"It just goes to show, doesn't it, Miss Frost, that there's no beating the homemade."
"I do agree, so much, Mr. Dangerfield."
"Well, how was work, Miss Frost?"
"It's always the same, I'm afraid. When I'm put working in the shop, I enjoy it because I see a lot of different people."
"And how is business?"
"It tapers off around this time. Early potatoes are being ordered now and I think it's a good time to plant fruit trees."
"Do you? This is fascinating."
"O, I think, Mr. Dangerfield, were you to do it for awhile, I think you would get very bored."
"So jolly interesting."
"It bores me."
"Bores?"
"A little. I'm tired of working for other people. I'd like to work for myself, Mr. Dangerfield. But it's so hard to get started."
"Yes, Miss Frost, things are a little difficult these days. Not what they used to be, of course"
"It's so true, Mr. Dangerfield. All sorts of people are keeping gardens these days. Yesterday I had a little man come in to me for petunia seeds. .By goom' type. I assumed he was someone's gardener. Then I discovered he was a very wealthy man and keeps a big account with us. It's so hard to tell, these days."
"Extraordinary. Quite extraordinary."
Sebastian filled Miss Frost's cup with tea, reached for a piece of bread. Miss Frost had three sausages. Must show her I have no interest in the remaining two. Bide my time. Let her make the first move. Patience was the thing. Suppress these animal desires.
"Have those two sausages, Mr. Dangerfield, before they get cold."
"O I couldn't, Miss Frost, I've had much more than my share. Indeed. Won't you?"
"I've had a sufficiency."
"But I do insist that you have at least one of them, Miss Frost."
"No, really. Here, let me help you."
"Well. Must say, I am a little hungry. I'm usually very careful about my diet. Tell me, Miss Frost, do you like Ireland?"
Miss Frost chuckled softly. A gentle, sweet sound. She's very nice.
"Well, Mr. Dangerfield, it's my home, but I can't honestly say that I haven't thought of living elsewhere. I like it well enough. The people are good."
"I should say, the Erse are a very fine race. Now Wexford is your county. Would you say Wexford had a better class of people?"
Miss Frost gurgled tiny laughter.
"O I don't know, Mr. Dangerfield, but they are industrious."
"And a great characteristic."
"Work?"
"A very necessary thing for most people, Miss Frost Now, Miss Frost, I don't want to be personal, but if you had your choice, what would you do in this world?"
"I guess, just to own my own business. What would you like, Mr. Dangerfield?"
"Well, Miss Frost, to be quite frank with you, I would like nothing better than to be an underwriter to Lloyd's or inherit a large fortune."
"Ha, ha, we would all like that, Mr. Dangerfield"
"Ha, ha, quite."
"But that isn't easy, ha, ha, ha."
"Hey, heh. No I'm afraid it isn't, Miss Frost To be sure. Ha, ha."
"Ha, ha."
"Miss Frost, come out and have a drink with me?"
"Well."
"Come along now, you've had a hard day. And I think you deserve something after this extremely pleasant meal. Do you good to have a little walk. I know a very interesting house, The Three Eyes."
"But I don't want to give the wrong impression, Mr. Dangerfield—you know the way people talk. I know there's no harm in it. O it makes me so upset."
"Be all right. It's dark and rainy, won't see a soul."
"All right, then."
"O, just a little thing. I wonder, Miss Frost, could you do me just one little favor. I wonder could you let me have this week's rent, I'm a little short."
"I've already paid it to Mrs. Dangerfield."
"O I see, that's a little difficult Now I don't want to inconvenience you any, Miss Frost This is entirely up to you and I don't want you to feel obliged in any way. Could you let me have a pound of next week's rent in advance? Now don't feel any obligation whatever. I certainly would never dare think of asking such a thing save for the circumstances. You understand."
"No, I understand, but Mrs. Dangerfield took all next month's rent. In advance"
"Why that dirty bitch. I beg your pardon, Miss Frost I do beg your pardon. I get so confused sometimes"
"That's all right, Mr. Dangerfield."
Miss Frost went to her bag on the window sill. She took a pound from her purse. Sebastian distracting his attention by bending, grunting, and tying his shoelace.
"Miss Frost, this is, indeed, most kind of you"
"It's nothing at all"
"I do hate so making these requests, Miss Frost, but could you ever lend me a scarf? I'm afraid the one I have is most unsatisfactory"
"Yes, certainly, do go and choose one. They are in the top left drawer of the dresser"
Sebastian in her room. There was a yellow one. Bright and soft
"May I wear this one, Miss Frost?"
"Yes, certainly."
"Handsome. I like a bit of color. I think you will like The Three Eyes very much. Miss Frost. Ah, I feel quite refreshed. Sporting, in fact. Give me the facts, Miss Frost, and to hell with the fiction. I want the facts"
"Ha, ha."
They stepped down the little front porch. Sebastian offering his arm. The soft million drops coming down. She held his arm lightly. And through the middle class streets and in these windows there were comforts. Dry chairs. Sebastian whistled a tune.
On a back street, through vacant lots, lanes of the poor and whitewashed walls, folding roofs, slates shining everywhere up these black twisted streets. Chickens making noise.
The Three Eyes was small and warm. They went into the snug, sat on the hard, narrow bench. A ring of the buzzer. A head. Good evening, sir. And the drinks. Miss Frost had a glass of port.
"What made you come to Dublin?"
To be
a nurse"
"To abuse poor unfortunates"
"I gave it up"
"Why?"
"I didn't like it much and I didn't get along with the other girls. And the pay was bad"
"What did you do then?"
"I went to work for the Dublin Assurance Company, but I didn't like it there either. I went to England then. There was a man in the office whom I didn't fancy very much. We didn't get along"
"Why?"
"He thought a great deal of himself. He was my boss"
"I see"
"And I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction."
"You did right, Miss Frost Now, tell me, Miss Frost, how old are you?"
"O, Mr. Dangerfield, I can't tell you that"
"O yes you can, Miss Frost."
"O I couldn't tell you. I just couldn't"
"Miss Frost. I'm your friend. Remember that Friend. You can tell me anything, anything at all. Least of all, your age. Now how old are you ? "
Sebastian reached over and covered Miss Frost's hand in her lap. Comfort in a moment of distress.
"O dear, Mr. Dangerfield, I'm thirty four"
"Excellent age. Best"
"How do you know?"
"Miss Frost, sometimes I feel fifty three. Seldom, but at times, I feel twenty. Like the days. Ever feel a Saturday on a Tuesday? Or a week of one Friday after another? Recently I've been seventy. But I remember thirty four as a fine age. Do you mind, Miss Frost, if I have another, quickly?"
"O,no. Do."
"Now, Miss Frost, let's get down to business. What do you want ? What do you want out of life, anyway?"
"Dear me, what a question."
"Answer me, now. Truthfully, Miss Frost"
"Well, your question covers so much ground. There are a great number of things I want out of life. Of course, as I've said, my own shop"
"Ah, you want money, Miss Frost Money is what you're after"
"I'd hardly put it that way"
"But that's what you'd like, isn't it?"
"Doesn't one work towards saving one's soul, too, Mr. Dangerfield?"
"People ingratiate with God. Think he can do something for them. O.K., Miss Frost, now what do you think of when you first get up in the morning ? "
Miss Frost was twisting her glass and watching it
"O just getting ready for work."
Miss Frost chuckled, a high throated one. And said she'd better go back because she had to be up early. Sebastian bought a Baby Powers. Whipped it into his pocket Banged the door for the bartender for a quick one for the road. He put his hand in the small of Miss Frost's back, guiding her, my dear ship, out the door. Don't foul the rudder, darling.
Back at the house.
"Mr. Dangerfield, would you like me to make you some coffee. I bought some today."
"Miss Frost, do you know, you would make someone a very fine wife."
"O Mr. Dangerfield."
"You would."
"O,ha,ha. O."
Miss Frost into the kitchen. Sebastian in the supine chair, bringing it up a few notches. Poured himself a drink. Cruelty's not the word, Marion. I made every effort I could to start our little family. Things weren't ideal, but I was willing to make the best of them. I want to get out and enjoy things too. I'm human. But Miss Frost has been very good to me. The way she moves around that stove. The flex of her rump isn't bad and a good strong developed leg coming out of her brown boot. A heavy hand but that's all right Heavy hands are sadness. Miss Frost has a rather good physique. Kind and youthful. See all the turns, cups and pits, fingers. Yum yum yummy. O aye, grip, fasten and feel. Go ahead. Good for you. I need help and a polite period of rest, of sleep, of peace, to eke out these few more weeks till I'm absolutely rotten rich.
"Miss Frost, let me pour you a little drink"
"Miss Frost, let "Just a little."
"Do you know, Miss Frost, it's a great comfort to have you here."
The blood was gorging her head. Miss Frost turned away.
"I really mean that, Miss Frost."
"I really mean that, Miss "I like being here."
"I must apologize for subjecting you to all this upset."
"I don't mind."
"I'd hate you to be unhappy here."
"I'm quite happy. I really am, Mr. Dangerfield. I think this is the nicest house I've been in yet. It's so free and easy."
"It's that, Miss Frost—it's certainly that."
"I like things to be free and easy."
"I agree, a good way. Free and easy. Easy and free—it's the way things ought to be, and I like things that way, Miss Frost. None of these binding things."
"Yes, I think so too."
Miss Frost brought out the pot of coffee with a plate of biscuits. They smiled across the table,
"Things crop up all the time, don't they, Miss Frost? Unpleasant things. But we'll see better days. Every cloud, you know, lined with lead. I like you, Miss Frost."
"I like you too."
The biscuits were passed to Sebastian. He took four. Miss Frost stirring in the sugar. They preoccupied their eyes. O the eyes.
Yes eyes.
No eyes.
What things
They see.
Some say happiness
Others
Misery.
O the eyes.
Oaye,
The eyes.
"Miss Frost?"
"Yes?"
"I'm going to be quite honest, as I know I can be with you, without being misunderstood"
"Yes, Mr. Dangerfield?"
"Miss Frost, may I sleep in your bedroom?"
There was a pause. Miss Frost's face was touched with a bit of redness. Her eyes gone down to the coffee. Sebastian continuing in the voice of good fellowship, a businesslike sound.
"I don't want you to misunderstand me, Miss Frost. I'll put my mattress on your floor. It's a rather peculiar thing with me. Having had so much upset I don't think I could bear to sleep alone. Would you mind awfully? I know it must seem a bit irregular, but dash it all, I may as well be honest."
"O no, Mr. Dangerfield, it isn't irregular at all. I know how you must feel. I don't mind. I understand what you mean."
"It's really very kind of you, Miss Frost. To take it like this."
"But are you sure you won't be uncomfortable? I don't mind sleeping on the floor, I'm used to it. I did a lot of it in the land army."
"Heh, heh, not a bit. The mattress is absolutely perfect It's just that I hope I'm not imposing."
"You're not imposing, Mr. Dangerfield."
"I'm enjoying your coffee. Very good."
"I'm glad. I make it in a jug."
"Proper way."
"Yes."
"This has been a most pleasant evening for me, Miss frost"
"I enjoyed it too."
"I'm glad you did"
"So many people look down on a woman who goes into a public house."
"Old fashioned, Miss Frost"
"I agree."
Miss Frost cleared away. Ran water. Hear the sound of cleanliness in there. Nothing like not facing grease slimed dishes of a morning. I'm in here getting my mattress. It's gray, striped, and a wet mass. Gently now, on the floor. I've got to have a blanket Can't let Miss frost see these dirty sheets—it wouldn't do. Let's go, through the door, get this chair out of the way before I let it have it Give it the treatment Like Skully's genuine antiques. Put back Miss frost's scarf. Fold my trousers. Must have everything neat My underwear is a little tattered. Whether to sleep naked or have the modesty of these torn undergarments? Modesty at all costs. These are the things that make the marriage happy. Meals on time, sugar, butter, and salt on the table. Socks darned and go to the drawer and find a dean shirt. Miss frost was right in there with those dishes. No fuss. No excuses. Fine person. Am I smelling ? Sniff a pit Little musty. Can't have everything.
Get this blanket around now, cover up any sign of scruffiness. Miss Frost's room has some soul. Personality. Call it lived in. Perhaps
I ought to appear asleep? No. None of these sneaky pretences. Lie here, forthright, honest and awake.
Miss frost came into the room.
"Are you sure you're comfortable there, Mr. Danger-field?"
"Quite sure. Surprisingly comfortable."
"I'll just get some of my things."
Miss Frost took her dressing gown from behind the door and a green, cellophane bag from the dresser. She went to the bathroom. Running water. Door shuts. I face a fateful week. Week of constant Mondays. I think I will set sail of a Friday. And I must play this game of not being seen, perfectly.
Miss Frost comes back.
"I'll turn off the light, Mr. Dangerfield. I hope you're all right there"
"Blissful. I know this is a dreadful inconvenience for you, Miss Frost I want you to know I really appreciate it. I have till now counted my friends on a hand of amputated fingers."
"O Mr. Dangerfield."
Light went off. She stood at the foot of her bed, taking off her robe. I shouldn't be straining my eyes to see as much as I can. I wouldn't want her to notice. Got on green pajamas. From what I can see, they suit her. She's climbing up from the bottom of the bed. This thing, lust. Get away. Carnal appetite or overture to the orifice. Climb into her brain. She's settled in her bed. Limbs pushing around between the sheets. I'm careful to listen to those things. O there isn't much that I overlook. And Miss Frost, lying there as you are in your little bed and me here, prostrate, on the floor because everything is so tiny in the world. Over the edge, through gloom and whatnot, I see your two big toes sticking up under the covers. And if I lift my head a little I can see the rest of you. I'm so lonely and you're lonely too. Hearts clicking. Remember that Just so many times and dick, we go away in this roofless world.
"Miss Frost?"
"Yes?"
"May I hold your hand?"
Miss Frost moved her arm towards the voice and curved her wrist over the edge of the bed. And his fingers closed around her hand. I was a little boy and wet the bed because I thought I was out with a lot of other kids playing in a swamp and could piss anywhere. To touch Miss Frost seems safe and sad. Because I guess I pull her into my own pit For company or the bones in her hand. Fingernails and knuckles. But I can tell she's tightening her grip. Her muscles tugging at my bones. Now I'm on my knees. And elbows on her bed. Her head trembling. Hair splayed gray and dark. Sighs of her mouth. Feel her sad hands around my back. Let me get in under these covers. Got her tongue touching my ear. Juice. Open the buttons, warm my cold chest with hers. Miss Frost. O Miss Frost