LETTER XXXII
MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE
I am glad my papers are safe in your hands. I will make it my endeavourto deserve your good opinion, that I may not at once disgrace yourjudgment, and my own heart.
I have another letter from Mr. Lovelace. He is extremely apprehensive ofthe meeting I am to have with Mr. Solmes to-morrow. He says, 'that theairs that wretch gives himself on the occasion add to his concern; andit is with infinite difficulty that he prevails upon himself not to makehim a visit to let him know what he may expect, if compulsion be usedtowards me in his favour. He assures me, that Solmes has actually talkedwith tradesmen of new equipages, and names the people in town with whomhe has treated: that he has even' [Was there ever such a horrid wretch!]'allotted this and that apartment in his house, for a nursery, and otheroffices.'
How shall I bear to hear such a creature talk of love to me? I shall beout of all patience with him. Besides, I thought that he did not dareto make or talk of these impudent preparations.--So inconsistent as suchare with my brother's views--but I fly the subject.
Upon this confidence of Solmes, you will less wonder at that ofLovelace, 'in pressing me in the name of all his family, to escapefrom so determined a violence as is intended to be offered to me at myuncle's: that the forward contriver should propose Lord M.'s chariot andsix to be at the stile that leads up to the lonely coppice adjoining toour paddock. You will see how audaciously he mentions settlements readydrawn; horsemen ready to mount; and one of his cousins Montague to bein the chariot, or at the George in the neighbouring village, waitingto accompany me to Lord M.'s, or to Lady Betty's or Lady Sarah's, or totown, as I please; and upon such orders, or conditions, and under suchrestrictions, as to himself, as I shall prescribe.'
You will see how he threatens, 'To watch and waylay them, and to rescueme as he calls it, by an armed force of friends and servants, if theyattempt to carry me against my will to my uncle's; and this, whether Igive my consent to the enterprise, or not:--since he shall have no hopesif I am once there.'
O my dear friend! Who can think of these things, and not be extremelymiserable in her apprehensions!
This mischievous sex! What had I to do with any of them; or theywith me?--I had deserved this, were it by my own seeking, by my owngiddiness, that I had brought myself into this situation--I wish withall my heart--but how foolish we are apt to wish when we find ourselvesunhappy, and know not how to help ourselves!
On your mother's goodness, however, is my reliance. If I can but avoidbeing precipitated on either hand, till my cousin Morden arrives, areconciliation must follow; and all will be happy.
I have deposited a letter for Mr. Lovelace; in which 'I charge him, ashe would not disoblige me for ever, to avoid any rash step, any visit toMr. Solmes, which may be followed by acts of violence.'
I re-assure him, 'That I will sooner die than be that man's wife.
'Whatever be my usage, whatever shall be the result of the apprehendedinterview, I insist upon it that he presume not to offer violence toany of my friends: and express myself highly displeased, that he shouldpresume upon such an interest in my esteem, as to think himself entitledto dispute my father's authority in my removal to my uncle's; although Itell him, that I will omit neither prayers nor contrivance, even to themaking myself ill, to avoid going.'
To-morrow is Tuesday! How soon comes upon us the day we dread!--Oh thata deep sleep of twenty four hours would seize my faculties!--But thenthe next day would be Tuesday, as to all the effects and purposes forwhich I so much dread it. If this reach you before the event of the somuch apprehended interview can be known, pray for
Your CLARISSA HARLOWE.