Ch. 7
For the hundredth time this week, I thanked my lucky stars for my lack of a roommate as I looked again to make sure that my door was locked and curtains drawn. I felt like a total ass, but was hopeful something good would come of my endeavors.
Jenkins’ book devoted a number of pages to blocking oneself from outside energies, something he referred to as shielding. I was trying like mad to put what I was reading into practice, only I had a slight complication. I didn’t have a willing participant to test my skills with. So, ever the improviser, I thought of a way to practice in secret.
My room was halfway down the hall on the rather busy twelfth floor. Normally, I had pretty steady foot traffic passing by; usually there was someone at least every half an hour. However, this was Sunday and it was too early for much pedestrian traffic. Those who had stayed at campus for the weekend were sleeping one off, whether from too much alcohol or just too many hours studying and philosophizing with friends. The others who had gone home were not yet coming back to settle in for the week ahead.
So I found myself sitting on the floor, cross-legged and trying to relax, yet remain alert enough to feel anyone who might happen to come down the hallway. The thought was that I would feel them and then try to shield from them without them knowing what I was doing. It was not going well. So far, I had only had two participants and I was so busy trying to remember the process that I didn’t focus on them until they were pretty well gone.
Frustrated, I was about to give up when I felt one of the girls come down the hallway. It was probably Lindsey. She was the stereotypical cheerleader who came from a small town in Wisconsin and was, and I quote, “super excited to be here.” I had the impression that she was always “super excited” no matter what she was doing.
Before I could lose my chance, I refocused on her and tried to open up to it so that I would really feel her. It worked. She was giddy about a guy who had just kissed her, at least kissed her, if the sexual feeling behind it was at all indicative. Now I tried to picture a door closing between Lindsey and me. It took tremendous focus but I saw the door and was mentally closing it. The giddiness started to fade.
“Oh!” I gasped, jumping a little as my eyes flew open. Oh my gosh! It was amazing. It was possible to block off someone else’s feelings! The possibilities were mind-boggling. Depending how good I got at this there was a possibility I could lead a relatively normal life, although touching was probably still out but even so, that was better than I had been thinking. It was with overwhelming gratitude that I thought of Stephen. Because of him I might gain some control over myself and my life, and for that I owed him.