Ch. 39
When we got back to our room, I took off my shoes, threw my wrap over the back of the chair in the corner and flopped down backward on the bed. “Ow!” I forgot about my hair clip. Taking it out, I heard him snort from the edge of the bed.
James had lost his coat and loosened his tie, undoing the first button on his shirt as he made himself comfortable. Walking straight through the room he opened the balcony doors a crack for some fresh air. On his way back he sat down on the edge of the bed and situated himself beside me, stroking my hair back from my forehead. “They worry about you. You are lucky to have such good parents.”
Startled, I turned to him. “Did you…?”
“No, I didn’t have to use anything other than my eyes and ears to figure it out.”
“James, you know before you I’d never, um.”
“I know.” He watched me, his expression untroubled.
“Well, um. Could it be possible that my mom could have reason to worry about us not using protection? I mean, I didn’t really think about it. It was stupid, wasn’t it?” I couldn’t believe my thoughtlessness. My life had finally gotten to where I could manage it, enjoy it even and now I might have gone and thrown that all away. “That would explain my symptoms lately.”
James had gotten up, pacing as I spoke, and came back to lean his knees on the edge of the bed. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he blinked down at me. Still not saying anything, he sighed and lowered himself to lie on his stomach beside me so that by turning his head we could see each other’s faces.
When at last he spoke, my anxiety had reached critical.
“Despite the legends, vampires cannot have children.”
At first I couldn’t speak. The relief I would have expected at that news wasn’t without a touch of sadness. “Really? Never? I heard there were situations where they did.”
“Claire, think about it. I don’t breathe for need, but out of habit. My heart does not beat. How can my body make living sperm? That would take a creation that an undead being is not capable of.”
I found myself blushing at his mentioning the mechanics of the process and chastised myself for acting like a kid. I tried to get the nerve to ask him what I had been thinking about all night. “James.”
He turned his head toward me, hair falling to the side and his eyes were grey blue. It was good to see him so relaxed, laying here with me. “Yes, Love?”
I couldn’t look at him I was so dreading his answer. Avoiding his eyes, I watched my hands fidget with the clip I’d taken from my hair. “James, have you ever been married?”
He answered softly. “No, I have not.”
My eyes sought his to gauge his reaction. “Have you ever wanted to be?”
I saw him struggle with himself and I wasn’t sure he was going to answer me. He got up, hands in his pockets again, and walked up to the balcony doors to watch the boats on the bay. The lights at night were beautiful reflected on the water; I could see them from my perch on the bed. It was a long time before James finally answered me, and when he did, he spoke to the water, his voice drifted inside to me.
“Love, have you ever lost someone close to you?”
With a conscious effort, I dropped my shields and tried to reach out to him to find what he was feeling. They were so second nature to me, it took work to lower them all the way. “Yes, I’ve lost an uncle and my mom’s parents.” I felt nothing from him. He was blocking me.
“I have lost everyone I have ever known and loved. Henry is the only one in this world I call friend.” His voice dropped to a whisper and I had to strain to hear it. “Do you know what that is like?”
Coming up behind him, I reached around his back to put my hands on his chest and lay my head against his back. His hands stayed in his pockets. “I couldn’t know what that’s like although I do know what it’s like to be alone. I have to say, a month ago, I never would have even thought about sharing my life with someone. But now, I can’t imagine not sharing every minute with you.” I had said more than I meant to, realizing I wasn’t sorry to have put it out there.
He shifted under my hands and turned, wrapping his arms around my waist. My head naturally fell into his chest and his chin rested on my head. I waited for him to respond, nervous he might find my neediness too much. After a minute I felt his hands start to rub my back and his lips slid down to run along my neck under my ear. I gave up on the discussion of long-term commitments tonight. I had said my piece and he knew my position on it; that was more than a lot of people could say for honesty in their relationships. The ball was now firmly in his court.