you've always belonged."
Back to where I always belonged? Was she kidding? She was the one who had always told me that
I belonged here. She was the one who had insisted that Billings House needed me. How could she
possibly look me in the eye and say that?
Noelle started by me, brushing my shoulder with hers. Indignant anger flared beneath my shock,
and I heard myself speak.
"I don't think so."
Everyone in the room sucked in a breath. I wasn't even sure that I still wanted to live there,
knowing they had all turned against me. But I wasn't about to give Noelle the satisfaction of seeing
me go down without a fight. Not a chance.
"Excuse me?" Noelle said incredulously, swinging around to face me.
14
"That whole 'Billings decides who lives in Billings' rule doesn't apply anymore, remember?" I said,
summoning all my courage to square off with her. "Not since Headmaster Cromwell overruled it at
the beginning of the year. I'm not going anywhere."
Noelle's eyes cut through me like tiny little knives. She didn't even have to speak for me to know
she'd already found a way around this.
"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" she said, looking down her nose at me. "But when I
single-handedly delivered the Crom a check for more than five million dollars to use as he pleases,
he pretty much intimated that I can do whatever I want around here."
Single-handedly? As if I hadn't worked my ass off on that fundraiser.
"And what I want is you out," she finished, her lips curving into a smirk. "Don't make it worse by
getting all pathetic and whiny about it."
My face burned like I'd been in the sun for four days straight. She was loving every minute of this.
Loved humiliating me in front of everyone. Loved seeing me suffer. I hated her so much in that
moment, I wanted to tear her hair out. And yet, I still wanted her to change her mind. Still wanted
her to put her arm around me and tell me everything was going to be fine. I still wanted her
approval. The fact that I had potentially lost it forever might have been the most devastating
realization of all.
"Come on, ladies," Noelle said to the room. "I brought back some gifties from the city."
15
Just like that, everyone was out of their seats, happily bustling for the door. They all slipped
around me as if I were a muddy puddle they were trying to avoid. I just stood there. I couldn't
have moved if I wanted to. And after what they had done to me, I wasn't about to get out of their
way. It was a small defiance, but it was all I had.
"Noelle, please don't do this," I said under my breath, stepping up to her once the room was all
but empty. I didn't want to beg. I didn't want to explain myself while my blood was still hot with
anger. But I sensed this could be my last chance. "I was drunk. I thought you guys were broken up.
I am so, so sorry."
For a split second I saw the depth of the hurt Noelle was feeling reflected in her eyes and it
stopped my heart. I had destroyed her. My best friend. The person who had been there for me
through some of the worst moments of my life. I had hurt her beyond all repair. All of this, this
huge scene, was just her way of protecting herself. Her way of saving face. My guilt compounded
exponentially. I deserved her punishment. I did. But did it have to be this?
Suddenly, she turned her head to the side and blinked. When she looked at me again, the
imperious stare was back.
"It doesn't matter what you thought," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Dash was and is
mine. And even if we had been broken up, you don't go there. Not with a friend's ex."
I blinked and Noelle smirked.
"Yes, Reed. I know you're dying for an update, so here it is. Dash
16
and I are still together and we're always going to be together," she said. "One moment of
weakness on his part is not going to change that. Especially when you so clearly threw yourself at
him."
That was beyond untrue. Dash had been the one to invite me to one of the secluded tents on the
roof at the Legacy. Dash had been the one to initiate things once I got there. But clearly either he
or Noelle had decided to rewrite history so they could move on with their life together. Somehow,
all the blame was being laid squarely on my shoulders.
"But don't worry. Fair is fair," she told me, lifting her chin. "You're not the only one being
punished. He will be groveling for a long, long time."
"Noelle, I'm sorry for what happened," I said, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans. "You're right. I
stepped over the line. And I'll do anything to make it up to you. But Noelle, come on. This is
between you and me. You didn't have to drag the whole dorm into it."
A smile slowly twisted its way across Noelle's face. "I didn't. The vote wasn't even my idea."
I blinked, stunned. "What?"
"Have you forgotten everything, Reed? This is what Billings is all about. We take care of each
other," she said lightly. "Even when it means deciding between two sisters and turning our backs
on the one in the wrong."
My heart felt sick. Sick and black and sour. How many times had she told me this in the past? That
she would always take care of me, always watch out for me, because that was what Billings was all
about.
17
But now I no longer had a right to that privilege. Now she was taking that all away.
"One hour," Noelle said, tapping her gold watch once. Her tone was so final it weakened my
knees. "The clock's ticking."
Then she turned her back on me and was gone.
18
PUSH BACK
Packing. I was packing up my room. I was no longer welcome in Billings, the only place I had ever
really wanted to live. As I shakily removed my clothes from the dresser and placed them in my
larger suitcase, I realized my heart had never felt this heavy. It might as well have been made out
of lead."We tried to talk them out of it, but they wouldn't hear of it," Astrid said in her thick British
accent. She was slowly, reluctantly, folding up my bedding and stashing it in a large green garbage
bag someone had fished out of a supply closet. This was how low I had sunk. Garbage bags as
luggage. "It's a bunch of bollocks if you ask me. Everyone trips up now and again, right? We're only
human."
"I think a lot of the girls wanted to vote for you to stay, but everyone's afraid of Noelle," Constance
added. Hovering by the closet, she tugged on a lock of her red hair over and over and over again,
eyeing me nervously like I might be on the verge of a breakdown. At least
19
Constance was speaking to me again. After the fund-raiser she hadn't even been able to look at
me, unable to believe I had backstabbed Noelle. Apparently the thought of me getting booted for
it, however, had seemed unfair punishment to her. Neither she nor Sabine had done anything to
speed along the process of moving me out. Clearly they were still having as hard a time with this
as I was.
"Is there anything we can do?" Sabine asked, sitting on the end of her bed, her green eyes probing
mine.
Anything they could do. Like what? Plead my case to Noelle for me? Tie her down and make her
listen? Build me a time machine so I could go back to the Legacy an
d not hook up with Dash?
"Help me pack?" I suggested with a sad smile.
Sabine and Constance looked at each other and seemed to come to a grim agreement. Constance
turned toward the closet and Sabine got up to help her take the sweaters off the top shelf.
"God, I hate Noelle," Sabine said. "Someone should really give her a nice kick in the--"
At that moment the door to our room swung open and Noelle strode in. Sabine's mouth snapped
shut and we all froze. Had she heard what Sabine had been saying? If so, she showed no sign. Her
attention was focused on me.
"I want all your Billings things back," she said, her arms crossed over her chest.
I blinked. "Billings things? What Billings things?"
Noelle rolled her eyes. "The Chloe bag, to start. And any other gifts the alumni stashed inside of it.
What did they give you? Cash? A credit
20
card? Whatever it is, I'll take it now." She held out a hand and flicked her fingers, like I was just
going to drop it all in her palm.
This was a test. I could feel it. Noelle was trying to see just how far she could push me. I knew from
experience that I had to push right back.
"No," I said, lifting my chin defiantly.
"Excuse me?" Noelle replied, her eyes narrowing.
"No. I'm not giving you the bag or anything else," I told her. I couldn't give in to her. Couldn't show
weakness. Not if I ever hoped to win back her respect. "Those gifts were given to me. They're
mine."
"They were gifts given to you when you were president of Billings," Noelle said, taking a menacing
step toward me. "You no longer live here. You have no right to--"
"Sorry, but I think I have every right to keep the things that were given to me as gifts," I said, trying
to be blithe even as my heart pounded in my temples. "They didn't come with a disclaimer."
To punctuate my point, I picked up the gorgeous leather Chloe bag and dumped it into Astrid's
garbage bag along with my bedding. Noelle glared at me for a long moment, then sighed, like I was
just so juvenile.
"Fine. But I will be taking back the disc," she said. "That cannot remain in the possession of a
nonresident."
My face prickled with heat. No one else in the room knew about the disc.
"Disc? What disc?" Sabine asked, her green eyes suddenly curious.
"Noelle," I said through my teeth. "I haven't told anyone about the--"
21
"It's this disc that was given to Reed by the alums," Noelle said loudly, addressing Sabine. "It's
chock-full of inside info on all of us--on anyone who has ever lived in Billings. She's had it all
semester, Sabine. I'm surprised she didn't share it with you, of all people."
Bitch. Total bitch. It wasn't enough she was throwing me out. Now she was trying to drive a wedge
between me and Sabine.
"Inside info?" Astrid asked tentatively. "What kind of inside info?"
"Like stuff about our families and stuff?" Constance said, wide-eyed.
"Like stuff about our past?" Sabine added.
The tension in the room was palpable. All three of them were completely freaked by the idea that I
might know their secrets. Noelle, meanwhile, smiled like the Cheshire cat.
"I haven't read any of your files," I said, looking around at Sabine, Constance, and Astrid. "I
wouldn't do that." Then I paused and glanced at Noelle. "To you guys, at least," I added in a
leading way.
I had never looked at Noelle's file, either, but why not let her think I had? She deserved a touch of
paranoia considering what she was putting me through. But of course her smile didn't falter.
"The disc, Reed," she said. "You know you have no right to it now."
There was no point in arguing this. I could tell she wasn't about to give up. And now more than
anything I just wanted to get her out of my room. I turned around and grabbed my portable CD
case, then flipped to the John Mayer CD in the back. From behind it, I extracted the Billings disc,
which I'd placed there after looking at my own file
22
last month. As I turned around, Sabine, Constance, and Astrid all stared at the disc as if it were a
nuclear bomb. I looked down at it. This tiny thing held so much power. Did I really want to give it
to Noelle right in front of them? Was I really going to sell out the only people who had been
faithful to me in this whole mess?
Answer? No.
I placed the disc along the edge of my desk and lifted my fist.
Noelle stepped forward. "What are you--"
But she was too late. I brought my hand down on the side that was hanging over the edge of the
desk. The thing split right in half with a satisfying crack.
"Huh. I can't believe that worked," I said. I turned and Frisbeed the two halves at Noelle's feet.
"There you go. There's your precious disc."
Everyone just stared down at the broken pieces.
"That's fine," Noelle said finally. "They'll send me a new one." She checked her watch. "Reed, you
have thirty-three minutes."
She slammed the door on her way out, and everyone let out a breath. Astrid dropped to the
ground to pick up the pieces of the disc.
"How bad was it, really?" she asked me, her dark eyes nervous as she held up the remnants.
"I really only looked at mine, but it was bad," I told her. "It listed my parents' income, how much I
made last summer, all my exes.... There was even stuff on my brother on there."
"Scary," Astrid said, launching the pieces into Sabine's plastic garbage can.
23
"Do you really think she can just get another one?" Sabine asked.
"Probably," I said with a shrug. "But you guys are all pretty normal," I joked. "You have nothing to
worry about, right?"
"Right," they all chorused, looking at one another in a snagged way.
Then we all cracked up laughing. I couldn't imagine that the secrets in their files were anything all
that awful. Maybe to them they were, but considering some of the secrets people like Ariana and
Cheyenne had kept, how bad could they be?
"Come on. You heard her," I said flatly. "We only have thirty-three minutes."
"I can't believe this is really happening," Sabine said, getting back to work. She shook her long
black hair back from her shoulders and her ever-present shell earrings clicked and swung. "Maybe
I can put in for a transfer!" she said excitedly. "We can room together in Pemberly."
I was touched at the offer. Clearly Sabine cared more about me than Billings, which was
unprecedented. But I couldn't do that to her.
"You heard what Noelle said. It's a single," I told her. "There's no way we'd ever fit. But thanks for
the offer."
Sabine's face fell. "Well, then, we should just talk to everyone. Get them to vote again..."
"No. I don't want to be all 'pathetic and whiny about it,'" I said, quoting Noelle.
"You're right," Astrid said, shoving a throw pillow into the now bulging garbage bag. "Chin up.
Screw her. That's the only way to deal with this."
24
"Maybe if you just go and live in Pemberly for a while she'll cool down," Constance suggested,
chewing on her bottom lip. "Maybe... I don't know... maybe they'll all come around."
Pemberly. The very thought of the old, gray dorm with its tiny little windows, paint-chipped door,
and ancient, abused furniture made my skin crawl. I wasn't meant
for Pemberly. I was meant for
Billings.
But I couldn't argue with Constance's logic. I might be better off trying to fix this thing from afar.
"This is so unfair," Sabine said. "You are Billings."
The words hung in the air like a funeral dirge. They all looked at me mournfully and I felt as if my
heart was breaking. From my angle I could still see the two halves of the broken disc shining in the
garbage can.
"Not anymore," I said.
25
NEIGHBORS
The Pemberly single was one of the most depressing things I'd ever seen. The old wood floors
were scratched and gouged, and a crusty stain seeped out from beneath the single bed. All the
old, dingy furniture was shoved up against the walls--bed to my left, desk straight across, dresser
to my right--leaving just enough space in the center of the room to walk through. Above the bed
was one tall, skinny window with peeling paint all around the pane, and the whole thing looked
like it might fall off if I tried to open it. I turned to check out the closet right next to the door. It
was one-tenth the size of the one in Billings and closed over by a folding accordion door in faux
wood.Compared to my room in Billings, this was a prison cell--a really, really cold prison cell.
Maybe the Crom should use some of that five mil to renovate Pemberly. These girls' parents were
paying ridiculous amounts of money for them to live like inmates.
I shoved open the closet's accordion door, which instantly came
26
off its top runner, and threw my bags inside on the floor. A dust bunny skittered across the room
and I felt tears well up in my eyes. How had this happened? I had made one mistake. One big
mistake, but still. That meant my whole life was over?
Okay. No crying. No crying allowed. I will not let Noelle get the better of me.I sat down on the bed,
which creaked loudly beneath my weight, and pulled my coat closer to me, wondering if the
heater was working at all or if I'd have to complain to maintenance tomorrow. Through the open
door I could hear laughter and music and voices from down the hall. Unfamiliar sounds. Unfamiliar
people. And suddenly I was overcome with grief.
I missed my room. I missed the space and the cleanliness and the private, connected bathroom. I
missed my view and my closet and the frosted lights in the ceiling and the warmth. And I missed
Sabine. I missed everyone, actually. Even though they had turned on me--maybe because they had
turned on me--I missed them so much it hurt. Couldn't they have at least given me a chance to
explain? Couldn't they have given me a chance to win them back?
I pulled my knees up under my chin and was about to give in to tears when I stopped myself and
stood up.
"No. I am not going to cry," I said under my breath, splaying my fingers out at my sides. "No crying
allowed."
Instead, I turned and snatched up the pink sheet of paper that was propped up on something in
the center of the desk. The words PEMBERLY HALL RULES AND REGULATIONS were printed at the
top above a list
27
of ten items. Rules and regulations. Yes. I could distract myself with this for about ten seconds. I