Over the next few months I never let my children out of my sight. I stopped taking them to family meals and fed them in my bedroom. I told my mother that I had found bruises on Patrick’s body and that I didn’t feel my children were safe in Merril’s family. She began sending food home with me that I could keep in my bedroom.
Warren Jeffs was now living in his father’s house in Hildale with his family. He decided to start a religious school and picked a few “elite” families to participate. Our family was one of them, which meant that Betty and Arthur were yanked out of public schools in the fourth and fifth grades in the middle of the academic year.
I was upset and worried because they were both doing well and getting a solid education in the public schools. I knew that in the private school Warren ran in Salt Lake, science, health, and social studies weren’t taught. I shuddered to think how far behind Betty and Arthur would now begin to fall.
Barbara was beginning to notice that she had lost power over me and my children. She rarely saw us on weekends when she came home with Merril. I was deliberately doing nothing to provoke conflict. She had lost control over me, and that was intolerable to her.
So I was not surprised when she asked to see the records of my business. Merril insisted that I report to Barbara and explain what I was doing with the small Web site design business I had started. Barbara was a master manipulator, but she was utterly clueless when it came to business. I told Merril I’d be happy to oblige and copied all my files onto a disk and brought it home to be downloaded into another computer.
I knew that Barbara would not be able even to turn on the computer, let alone download something to her hard drive or navigate the financial programs. Merril said I had to provide handwritten records. I told him that was impossible and offered to show Barbara how to operate the computer, knowing she’d be incapable.
I wasn’t selling enough over the Internet to do more than clear my operating costs. I thought I could do more if I had some help, so I talked to my cousin Jeremy about joining me. Merril offered to pay him, knowing that if he did, he could use Jeremy to keep tabs on what I was doing with my business.
Jeremy and I began putting in long hours together. After a few weeks, Merril decided he wanted more bang for his buck with Jeremy and decided that we should go to Caliente, Nevada, and manage a motel that he owned. He said we could work on Web sites at night when we weren’t cleaning rooms or managing the motel by day.
Merril’s motel was in financial trouble and he was afraid he’d lose it if he didn’t take drastic action. I wasn’t sure Jeremy would be willing to make the move to Caliente; this was more than he’d bargained for when he agreed to work on the Web site business. I told him exactly what Merril’s motivations were, and to my surprise Jeremy agreed to work with me there.
I had an ulterior motive: if I ran the motel in Caliente, my children and I would be out of the house for substantial periods of time. I knew Merril and Barbara were thinking that if I went there it would get me away from my children. But I’d never agree to that. They thought I’d never take my children with me. But they were wrong.
The first week that I went I packed up everything for my four youngest. Betty was refusing to come, but I knew no one would touch her if I left her at home because she was clearly her father’s favorite. Arthur was going to be working on a farm during that summer of 1998, so I knew he’d be safe. I drove out there with Patrick, Andrew, LuAnne, and Merrilee.
I hadn’t been there for two hours when Merril called and scolded me for taking the children without checking with him. “Having your children there is unnecessary,” he said. “If you are interested in what your husband wants, you won’t do this.” I didn’t argue with him, nor did I agree. The conversation ended.
Three weeks later, he came to see me and size up the progress we were making with the motel. He came with several other children and three of his wives. The next morning he announced that he was taking my children home with him. I told Merril I couldn’t send my nursing baby and that I needed LuAnne to help me watch her when I worked. Andrew was one of Merril’s favorites and would be safe. I worried about Patrick.
I had to figure out how to outsmart Merril again. If he ordered the children to go with him, they’d be in rebellion if they stayed with me. I let the boys go. The moment Merril left, I began telling Jeremy that he had been working so hard he needed a break that weekend.
Jeremy had left his family in Colorado City and was eager to comply. I told him he didn’t need to come back until Tuesday. I knew Merril would have left for Page by then. I asked Jeremy to bring Patrick and Andrew with him, which he did.
Merril was furious when he found out, and called to scream at me. He came back to Caliente ten days later and said my children were going home. Again, I kept the baby, Merrilee. LuAnne was bored and wanted to go home. So I kept Patrick with me and let LuAnne and Andrew go back.
I didn’t have many cards left to play. I couldn’t have Jeremy bring my two children back to me. That had already been tried once. I began calling my friends to see if I could find someone who’d make the three-hour drive out with LuAnne and Andrew. I offered a night at the motel and said we could also hang out in the mineral springs. Two days later, LuAnne and Andrew returned.
Merril was livid. He told me that there would be consequences for my behavior. “Carolyn, if you are going to insist on doing things the way you want, then you’re not someone I can have confidence in. You’re throwing your future away only to satisfy yourself.”
I tried to be calming and told Merril I was so sorry and had no idea he would be so upset. But secretly I was pleased because I had outmaneuvered him to keep my children safe.
Jeremy and I worked nonstop on cleaning up the motel, which was infested with roaches and scorpions. The linens were filthy and the rooms needed repainting, but I didn’t care. We were safe and out of Colorado City.
After two months, I think Merril began to notice that I wasn’t begging him for time off and didn’t act as though I missed being at home. Merril ordered me to start coming home every other weekend, which I did.
Betty missed us and—with Merril and Barbara’s approval—came to spend a week at the motel. I think they encouraged her to report back to them about me. It was an awful time. Betty was nine and came with her two half sisters. All three of them were deliberately rude and refused to clean up any of their messes.
I had no control over Betty because whenever there was a conflict between us she went running to her father and used him to sabotage me. Warren Jeffs had strictly forbidden television and movies once he took over. Betty told Merril that I let the younger kids watch TV, which was true. It was the only way I could keep them occupied while I was cleaning rooms. I would turn it on, and when Betty came into the room she turned it off and the kids would get into trouble because they then had nothing else to do. It was madness. She was out to sabotage me whenever she had the chance
Arthur was eleven and came to see us during the summer. He was tanned and getting taller. I was proud of the way he was developing. Arthur was the classic type-A personality who always did well in school and prided himself on being a hard worker. Like many first-born children, he was highly motivated and very determined to do whatever was necessary to reach his goal. He had a quiet but steadfast ability to persevere. I always marveled at him because even as a little boy he’d known which way he was headed.
But Arthur got into trouble with his father because he watched Scooby-Doo on TV when he stayed with us. I was always tense when Merril came to see us because I feared one of my kids would talk about watching cartoons on TV. I warned them not to but was always nervous until Merril and Barbara left.
Merril and Barbara were coming more frequently. I had them over a barrel. The motel was running well. Jeremy and I had worked really hard and made it a financial success. Barbara absolutely hated our success—no one was supposed to be happy outside their orbit, and I had made a life independent of them.
My newfound freed
om energized and stabilized me. I felt happy in a way I had never been since I married Merril. I was alone with my children, or four of them at least, and we were making it. I was exhausted, but I was not under Merril and Barbara’s domination and control.
Both of them did things to make my job even harder. Barbara stopped paying the motel’s phone bills. Then she stopped paying utilities and the gas got turned off. Jeremy and I scrounged up the money to pay the bills. This angered Merril. Why hadn’t we asked Barbara to deal with this?
I was not going to tell Merril the real reason. Jeremy and I kept coming up with end runs around whatever obstacle they would put in our path. We were running a business and running it well. Merril tried to turn Jeremy against me. But that backfired. Jeremy saw through his tactics and refused to be intimidated by him.
Both of us knew the enemy was Merril Jessop.
Turning Point
Jeremy and I were an outrageous success in running the motel. We started there in April 1998, and by the end of that summer there was a net profit of $60,000 that enabled Merril to pay off past-due bills. The motel was shining, the tourists were happy, and it was clear that the momentum we’d generated for the business was going strong.
It was a joy for me to wake up happy every day. I knew my children were safe and I was in control of my day-to-day destiny. Now that Jeremy and I had the motel up and running, we were going to focus on our Web site business. That would be impossible for Merril or Barbara to sabotage. It would truly be our own.
As summer ended, Jeremy left for a two-week break and my sisters came to stay with me. We were going to clean the motel from top to bottom in preparation for the slower fall and winter season.
I was cleaning the north buildings when a man walked over to me. I didn’t like the looks of Jason the moment I saw him. There was something creepy about him. He told me he needed a place to stay on a long-term basis. I said we hadn’t anything available.
Jason told me his girlfriend had kicked him out and he was desperate. He was tall and muscular and willing to work in exchange for any kind of lodging. I sent him away.
He was back the next day and asked to speak to the owner. His eyes were shifty and his manner abrasive. I told him the owner was out of town. But Jason kept hanging around, driving back and forth past the motel. It seemed like he was sizing things up. I didn’t trust him.
When he saw Merril’s truck outside three days later and saw Merril talking to me, he put two and two together and decided Merril must be the owner. He asked to speak with him.
Jason had a real sob story. He told Merril he’d been sleeping on a bench in town but got so dehydrated that he ended up in the hospital. He was willing to do anything if Merril would give him a chance. Merril found a broken lawn mower and asked Jason to fix it.
He did—and then went on to mow the lawn around the motel. Merril was pleased, hired him, and told me to give Jason a room. I protested. I told Merril I didn’t like his looks and didn’t want to be alone with him at the motel. That was a mistake—and it was the kind I usually didn’t make with Merril because it was like throwing blood in the water for sharks.
Merril now had something that made me uncomfortable. He reveled in it. He told Jason to call him each day and discuss with him the jobs he was going to do.
I was pregnant with my seventh child and wretchedly sick again with morning sickness. I knew Merril cared little about me, but seemingly he cared nothing about his unborn child.
A local police officer showed up at the motel the day Jason was hired and asked to speak to Merril. His voice sounded urgent. He had seen Jason at the motel and told me he needed to speak to Merril about him. They talked for a few hours.
When it was over, I asked Merril what it was about. Merril acted nonchalant. “Oh, he’s concerned that Jason is working here because Jason is a criminal and is bad news.” My suspicions about Jason were confirmed. He was dangerous.
But it made no difference. The next morning, Merril was walking around the property with Jason discussing the various projects he wanted him to tackle.
Jason began to act like a stalker. He was always looking for me. He wanted to have supper with me and my sisters. I refused and brought a plate of food outside for him. There was always a reason, in his mind, that he had to get into our house. I rebuffed him.
When Jeremy returned from his break, I left for the weekend. He let Jason go into the laundry room to do his wash. This created problems because it gave him access to our house. Things started disappearing right and left, like towels. I had fought hard to keep the motel well-stocked with towels and when large numbers started to disappear I was suspicious. I called Merril and told him my suspicions.
Merril said I should not blame an innocent person. He said we were short on towels because of my laziness and accused me of using Jason as a cover-up. I slammed the phone down.
Jason started making incessant demands on my time. He would come into the motel nearly every ten minutes with a question or a complaint about the job he was working on. He’d always have an excuse for why he couldn’t start or finish a project until Merril got back.
Again, I turned to Merril and asked him to deal with Jason. He made light of the problem but said he’d talk to Jason.
Nothing changed, except that Jason’s advances became bolder. Once when he came into the lobby on some pretext he grabbed my hand as I was handing him an item.
“I don’t know what to do with my girlfriend,” he said. “She’s jealous because I spend all my time with you.”
“Well, why don’t you spend more time with her?” I asked. The minute the words were out of my mouth I knew I’d regret them.
“I don’t like being around her because she isn’t nice like you,” he said.
The next weekend it got so bad I called Merril. Jason was harassing me at every turn. If I was scrubbing the bathroom, I’d look up and see him standing behind me. He’d follow me to the laundry room and watch me move clothes from the washer to the dryer. I told Merril that I was as sick as I’d ever been during a pregnancy and that I had all I could do to get through the day. Jason was making a bad situation intolerable.
Merril told me the only reason Jason was following me around was that I was encouraging him. If he was abusing me, it was because I asked for it. He accused me of using my pregnancy to try and get his sympathy.
I was infuriated. Merril had let a criminal into our midst and put our lives and business in jeopardy. Again I knew what I had always known: Merril would never protect me. I would have to defend myself and my children.
I told Jason he could talk to me only once a day, at 6 P.M. We would make arrangements then for any supplies he needed for his various jobs. I locked myself into the lobby and locked all the doors to the house. He would stand outside and ring the bell relentlessly. I disconnected the bell.
When Jeremy came back from a weekend away I told him what was happening and asked him to keep a log of Jason’s behavior for a few hours. I told him to write down every time he banged on the window or knocked on the door. When the phone rang and it was Jason, I nodded to Jeremy and he wrote it down.
Within three hours, Jeremy logged thirty interruptions.
The next time Merril came to Caliente, Jeremy told Merril that Jason was out of control and that the situation was unsafe. He showed Merril the log he’d made of Jason’s actions. Merril scanned the report. When he looked up he said, “Well, you have to realize that Jason has burned his brains out on drugs and is a little bit daffy.”
I could not believe what I was hearing. I hadn’t thought Merril still had the capacity to shock me, but I was wrong. Not only did he know of Jason’s criminal past, he knew that he was dangerous because he’d fried his brain on drugs.
Jason had been on the premises for about six weeks when his foul-looking friend showed up. Even though it was cold he was wearing only ripped brown shorts, a chain around his neck, and earrings in his nose and earlobes. The stench that emanated from him filled the
lobby.
He asked for Jason and then sized me up with a frightening glint in his eye. The two of them went off. The next time I saw Jason he stank with that same nauseating odor.
I told Merril I couldn’t stay at the motel with Jason and a man who acted like his drug dealer. Merril ridiculed me. “Carolyn, I finally get a man who can get a little bit done and you’re insisting I get rid of him!”
Word was out around town that Jason was living at the motel. He had a reputation as a lowlife and we heard that people were starting to stay away. No one felt he was safe to be around, least of all James.
James lived in a trailer on the property. The previous managers had hired him for security. Now in his seventies, James claimed he had been a member of the Mafia in his younger days and had stories about killing people and burying them in the desert.
James did twenty years in prison because of a plea bargain. He kept rattlesnakes as pets and stuck to himself.
I liked James and I liked the fact that if I hit a button on the front desk he’d be in the lobby in minutes. James knew how to handle a gun. No one wanted to mess with him.
James never complained. But after several weeks, he came to me because Jason was harassing him. He warned me to stay away from him because the police had told James that Jason had raped several women in the area. None of the rapes had ever been prosecuted because the women were too terrified to press charges.
No one in my life had ever worried about me until James did. “I have talked to Merril several times about this and have told him you should not be out here alone with Jason on the property.” I nodded in agreement. He was exactly right.
“Why are the men from Colorado City so abusive to their wives?” James said, his face red, his speech quickened. “You’re in danger and your husband knows it. The police have told him and so have I.”
This tough guy we called “Rattlesnake Man” touched my heart. He was strange in some of his ways, but he was far kinder and more concerned about me than Merril Jessop had ever been.