Raven
Standing by a window in my studio with Felipe and Jessie close by, I gazed out over the deck. A mottling of fog hugged the Clackamas. A river of white water, treacherous undercurrents and many summer drownings, it was also one of tranquility surrounded by forested hillsides and vigilant wildlife. Raccoon, beaver, otter, deer and heron all came calling in my backyard. Upriver, cougar, bear and elk were sometimes spotted though I had never seen them.
I loved the river. It belonged to me the way the ocean belonged to the seagull, though in winter and early spring I worried about flooding. In the autumn I welcomed the parade of birds stopping for sustenance on their journey to more temperate climates. All were part of my soul, my solace, as I healed from my losses, my inspiration while I painted and while I wrote.
Leaning against a worktable in the center of the room Jessie opened the large manila envelope and pulled out a stack of photographs.
"Do you know why Zak didn't show me all of the plates when I was down there?" I said, perching myself on the edge of my desk. "He did get them out of the vault. I wondered about it at the time. Wouldn't the real thing be better than a photograph?"
"I never have been able to figure out how he thinks," Jessie said, "and I've known him a long time."
He exuded shades of sensuality, as did Felipe who was standing at the end of the desk. My lips still held the impression of Felipe's kiss. I wondered what I would have done if Jessie had kissed me the same way.
"That doesn't help much," I said.
Jessie said, "Be that as it may, it's the best I got."
Felipe sipped coffee and looked as though he had volumes to say, things he was not ready to share.
"So why didn't Zak stay and explain this himself?" I asked, anxious to get to it, to see the pictures, to write what I had to write and be done with it. I still wasn't convinced I could access anything from another life, or if reincarnation was actually true. My beliefs vacillated.
"He told me he had other pressing business," Jessie said. "Maya and Simeon are busy surrounding you in cosmic energy."
"Terrific," I said, skeptically. "Do you think that works? All that stuff seems like B.S.."
Felipe shrugged. "I figure it can't hurt."
Jessie handed me the first picture. The scene was of a small body of placid water surrounded by trees. One tree extended a long arm out over the water. A man lay in the grass back from it. A woman with long dark hair, wearing a tunic, applied a poultice to his chest. Next to her another man in similar attire had touches of mud on his hands.
"This is the scene we painted at the conference," I said, amazed. "The details are almost identical."
"Exactly," Jessie said. "I'm curious what you'll think of the next one."
The second photograph revealed a group of attached homes surrounding a common courtyard. Tucked beneath an archway was an entrance to one of the homes. On the door was the carving of a white rose. Next to it, with her hand reaching toward the handle, stood a woman with waist-length hair. She appeared to be the same woman as in the previous painting.
Surprised, I said, "Except for the woman, this is what I saw in Melissa's class. You knew that, somehow, didn't you?"
Kindly, Jessie said, "How are your doubts coming along?"
"I know I keep saying I believe it, but you've got to admit it sounds like a bunch of...." I searched for a socially acceptable word.
"Horse shit?" Felipe said.
"Yep," I said.
"This stuff blew me away when I first saw it, too. Especially the next scene," Jessie said, his voice somewhat quiet.
A group of people were gathered in a courtyard, the same courtyard as in the previous picture. Tables along one side held food. A gathering of people, including a man in priestly robes, formed a circle around two couples.
"It's a wedding," I said, somewhat giddy. "Both couples just got married. I was one of the brides. I was one of the brides! And Zak, our Zak, was the priest."
"Yes," Jessie said.
"I'm this person," I said, pointing to one of the brides. "That means I have to be the woman in the first two paintings as well."
"You got it," Felipe said, appearing to relax a little.
"My name was.... Gees, it's there. It is there. What the heck was my name? I know it. I know it. Good grief, this is weird.
"The woman beside me is Maria," I said. "And on the other side of me is John. I married John, the one they called the Prophet. The guy on the other side of Maria is Yeshua. She married Yeshua. Yeshua was what we called Jesus back then."
Seeming pleased with themselves, both Felipe and Jessie gave impish grins. There had to be something else I wasn't seeing.
Felipe took out a small pipe. In moments a sweet familiar scent undulated through the room. He held it toward me. I considered for a moment. It had been a while, since before Demmy's death.
"Thanks no," I said. "How is this possible? From everything I've read, from all the things I was taught in Sunday school, this can't be true. Neither Jesus nor John was supposed to be married. Zak was John's dad. That's it. Zak was John's dad. Interesting that his name is the same this time," I said. "That means he was my father-in-law."
"Bingo," Felipe said and took another toke.
My brain buzzed. "Are all the scenes this startling?"
"They were for me," Felipe said.
"And me," Jessie said.
"Do the scrolls have anything to do with these scenes?" I asked.
"Maya and Simeon refused to say. Zak knows, but he's refusing to talk about it yet. However, there are thirteen plates and thirteen scrolls," Jessie said.
"There's that number again," I said.
"So it would seem," Jessie said.
"I'd like to see the next one, please," I said.
"Okay, brace yourself," Jessie said.
"I already have," I said, sighing. My nerves were on hype. It was both tiring and exhilarating.
"No, I mean really brace yourself. What you're about to see is life changing."
On the fourth plate a group of men and women were in a temple, kneeling together in a semicircle at the base of steps below a large door. On the far wall a torch blazed through shadows. A middle-aged couple stood before the group.
"Those are my parents," I said, pointing to the middle-aged couple. "I'm this woman over here."
I counted the people on their knees. There were twenty-six.
"This is what started it," I said, "the whole bloody mess."
"Yes," Jessie said, watching me intently.
"Are either of you in this picture? I can't tell who anyone is except me, Mom and Dad. I mean, if I lived during that time, and Zak was my father-in-law, you two must have been part of it, or he wouldn't have found you this time around. Am I right?"
"That's a reasonable assumption," Jessie said.
Felipe said, "I died earlier."
"And you were John, right? The picture you showed me with the head on the platter, that was yours, wasn't it?" I shuddered.
"Oh yes," Felipe said. "It was my least favorite part of that life. Funny, even now I can't stand to wear anything tight around my neck."
"How awful," I said. "So you and I were married. We were married. Gees, I must have been devastated."
"We could hardly console you," Jessie said. "It was one of the things that drove you to do what you did, in the end."
"And what was that?" I asked.
"It's up to you to remember," Jessie said. "I was no longer around by then."
"But you know about it," I said.
"Yes," Jessie said. He ran a gentle finger along my temple, sending tingles down my body, unnerving me.
"So who were you back then, Jessie?" I knew the answer. I knew it, like I knew my name. It just wouldn't come.
He smiled.
"Would you stop doing that?" I said. "It's driving me nuts."
"It'll come," Jessie said. "You need to examine each pla
te and write down what you see."
"What if I get it wrong?" I said. "Memory can suck. A person can know they remember something correctly and still get it all wrong. There've been studies about things like that."
"Don't sweat it. Once you're done, Maya and Simeon will compare your memories to the scrolls," Felipe said.
"So, I'm competing with myself."
"That's the way it always is," Jessie said, "although competition isn't the right word."
"It's all about the journey," Felipe said. "The journey begins. The journey ends where it started. Or there is no beginning or end, just a spiral trailing off into infinity, however you want to look at it. It's an ongoing saga of redundancy, unless we decide to learn something."
"Yep," Jessie said. "So now, we're going to let you get to it. We'll be around, but it's best we don't interfere."
"What if I can't remember a thing?"
"You will," Jessie said.
"What will you guys be doing while I'm stuck up here?"
"Watching out for you." Felipe said.
"As in guarding me?"
"Oh yeah. And this time I won't let you down. I've always felt bad about leaving you the way I did," Felipe said. "If I had listened, if I had only listened to you."
"Does anyone else know about this?" I asked.
"Several loyal employees who are still with Zak and one other that we know of," Jessie said. "He was with Zak at the find. He's a devout Christian. What he saw enraged him. He tried to destroy it all. They foiled his attempt, but he vowed to stop the release of the information at all costs. Anyway, have at it."
Felipe and Jessie headed into the hall and padded down the stairs.
Damn. Now it was up to me. To me.
Carefully I examined the rest of the photos. One was of Jesus being taken down from the cross, and one was inside a tomb with three women tending a person reclining on a shelf. In the next painting a group of people were gathered in front of a home at the end of a box canyon. Yet another photo showed two men lifting an injured man from a coach next to a dock. Beyond it was a sailing vessel. The following plate revealed a bunch of women in a circle, each cupping a hand over the others on top of a staff. In another, the woman who had married John was seated on a beach with a different man. In the next scene people on a hillside were attacking a man. Following that was a scene of a woman kneeling on the floor of a cave writing on a scroll. The final picture startled me. In it the woman, who had been me, was dressed in a robe and leather sandals. Beside her stood a woman who looked the way I did now, complete with jeans, tee shirt and leather sandals.
My mind, my entire body broke into a buzz. I turned on the computer, opened a word processing program to a blank page and typed in "Chapter One."
For hours I stared at the computer screen, walked about the room and out onto the deck and back. By dinnertime I was still agitated. Frustrated, I joined the guys downstairs.
"How'd it go?" Felipe said, as he set dinner on the table in the small dining room. We sat down to the meal.
This time it was Jessie who looked restless. He watched every set of lights that went by, intensifying his focus when they slowed to go around the curve at the river bend.
"I seem to be blocked," I said.
"Maybe you need a spiritual laxative," Felipe said, grinning.
"Oh really," I said.
Jessie took my hand and sought out my eyes, touching one of my fingers to his lips.
Felipe grasped my other hand. "We are one. As in the beginning so it is now. Those who love always love. There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the now, and the now knows of our love each for the other."
"Yes," Jessie said, "so it is."
"Yes, but..."
"Just let it be," Felipe said.
The touch of each man was electric. They attracted me in ways I could not sort out. I had to remember what had happened two thousand years earlier. If I could figure out what my relationship with Jessie had been during that lifetime, I might be able to figure out what was happening now.
"What say we go out to the deck?" Jessie said when dinner was over. He grabbed a bottle of wine and goblets.
The three of us found lounge chairs and settled back with wine. A crescent moon hung in the western sky. Felipe took out his pipe, loaded it and took a toke.
"Would you like a little?" he said.
"I don't want anything to get in the way of what I need to remember," I said.
"It won't do that any more than wine does," Felipe said. "It's a matter of moderation and timing."
"That's what Demmy always claimed," I said. "Grandma Duval said that alcohol was the devil's brew. The thing is, she took tranquilizers, off and on, over the years. I never saw the difference."
"Nor do I," Jessie said. "Way too many people get hung up on distinctions like that, where there really are none. Our lives are about finding out what works for us. Who says we have to sing with harps and angels? Life is an exploration of the variables."
"Actually, I'm better able to see angels and harps when I smoke a little," I said.
"Then try it," Felipe said, handing me the pipe.
"I just don't want what comes to me to be hallucinations," I said, drew in a toke and held it.
"It won't be," Jessie said. "Allow it to relax and open you to the world beyond. When the affect wears off you can see more clearly into the next dimension because some of the barriers have dissolved."
"I don't want to open the abyss like Avery did that time," I said. "The creatures I saw scared me."
"Pray protection around yourself. Ask for it from the highest light," Jessie said.
"Or do it yourself," Felipe said. "You just need activate it. You don't need some high being to do it for you."
Jessie took a toke, leaned back in the cushioned lounge chair and stared up at the sky. "Sometimes I see infinity staring back at me," he said. "It's astounding."
"What do you see in infinity?" I asked, sounding a little spacey.
"It's a Zen moment," Jessie said. "There are no words for things like that. Words destroy the simplicity."
After an extended period of philosophizing we went to bed. The effects of the wine and weed had worn off. I readied for bed and climbed in wearing nothing but a tee shirt. I was about to turn out the light when I saw Felipe hesitating in the doorway.
"Yes?"
"Raven, may I come in?"
"Sure." I patted the bed beside me.
He took a seat. "I, uhm, there's something I'd like to give you."
"Oh?"
He leaned forward and kissed me, softly, sensuously.
When he pulled away I glanced at the doorway.
"He's asleep."
The other bedrooms were downstairs.
"Oh, well, I..."
He kissed me again. "I thought you might like a kiss to dream on."
He returned to the hall and headed down the stairs.
My thoughts and emotions a jumble, it was after two by the time I managed to sleep. In the wee hours I finally slipped into a dream state. It connected me to an ancient world of people dressed in robes and tunics.
Chapter 14