Rusty disentangled herself from her arms and slid onto the wide chair so that she faced Zoe, and her legs were angled away. Tears were streaming down Rusty’s cheeks as well as the two stared wordlessly at each other. Finally, Rusty broke her silence.
“I have to go,” she choked out. “I can’t be here right now. Maybe in time. But right now it just hurts too damn much. I’ve got to move on with my life. Prove something to myself if to no one else.”
Zoe gripped her hand, squeezing as she struggled for breath around the huge knot forming in her throat.
“Where will you go?” she asked.
Rusty shrugged. “For now? Away. Wherever the road takes me. Who knows? Maybe I’ll find myself out there.” She touched Zoe’s hair, stroking one long strand and then tucking it behind her ear. “Give Joe a chance, Zoe. I know you’re scared. I know you think you’re not good enough, but that’s so fucked up that I don’t even know where to begin. Promise me you’ll allow yourself to be happy for once. You deserve that much.”
“And you don’t?” Zoe challenged, lifting her chin defiantly.
Rusty’s eyes went bleak. “That’s why I’m going. Because I’m never going to find what I’m looking for here, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life staring at what I wanted but could never have.”
Zoe leaned her forehead into Rusty’s until they touched, tears running silently down both women’s cheeks.
“I’ll never be able to repay everything you did for me,” Zoe whispered.
Rusty’s hand tightened, reversing Zoe’s hold on her hand so that she now held Zoe’s.
“You can repay me by being happy and making my brother happy.”
Zoe swallowed and then swallowed again, her nose and throat aching from the weight of so much heartache and tears.
“I love you, Rusty. You’ll always be the sister of my heart no matter where life takes us.”
Rusty smiled as her tears splashed onto Zoe’s knee and then she closed her eyes, her forehead still touching Zoe’s.
“And you’re the sister I never had but always wanted. I once wished for brothers with all my heart, and that wish was granted. Then I realized how much I’d missed out on by not having a sister. Now I’m missing nothing,” she said softly.
“You’ll call?” Zoe asked in a strangled voice. “You’ll keep in touch?”
“You know it,” she said. Then she pulled Zoe into a hug, her arms wrapped firmly around her neck. “Be happy, Zoe. Don’t do it for me or anyone else. Do it for you. You’re only who you want to be, not what others say or think. Never let anyone make you believe any different. That’s a lesson I learned the hard way but one I won’t ever forget.”
Zoe bit into her lip as Rusty pulled away and then rose from the chair. The two women stared at each other for a long moment before Rusty finally smiled.
“I’ll call you soon. Promise.”
Zoe pulled the quilt tighter around her, needing to clutch something so she didn’t hang on to Rusty as she tried to leave. Rusty was the first friend she had ever had, the first person she’d trusted and who had trusted her, and in no way would she betray her now if leaving was what she felt she had to do.
As soon as Rusty closed the door softly behind her, Zoe buried her face in the quilt so her sobs wouldn’t be heard.
• • •
RUSTY snuck out the back door and down the winding, shaded path to the rocky edge of the bluff overlooking the lake. It was her favorite spot to come when she wanted to be alone, because no one had ever discovered it but her. A grove of trees offered a barrier between the large, smooth boulders that jutted outward and the back of Frank and Marlene’s house, so she didn’t have to worry about being detected. She eased down into the hollowed-out crevice formed by two huge stones that anchored the cliff’s edge, an awesome place to sit, relax and watch the sun go down and reflect.
She let out a sigh. All her reflection had been done and her decisions made. So why did it hurt so damn much, and why did it feel like she was bleeding to death on the inside? Tears obscured her vision and she wiped defiantly at her cheeks with the back of one hand.
Her cell phone rang, and she glanced down, prepared to ignore the call, but she hesitated when she saw Joe’s name appear. Sucking in a steadying breath, she picked up the phone and hit the accept button.
“How’re you doing?” she asked quietly with no preamble, taking charge of the conversation before he could start asking questions about her or how she was doing.
“Fucking miserable. I’m about to lose my goddamn mind. You have to help me, Rusty. What the hell can I do? How can I talk to her when she doesn’t leave her room, much less the house?”
Grief was thick in his voice and Rusty’s own voice matched the ache in his. “I can do you one better,” she said, after a brief battle to force herself to sound normal. “If she won’t leave her room, then I suggest you do a little B and E and meet her on her own turf.”
There was a long pause. There was a hitch in his voice and she couldn’t tell if it was the sound of excitement, disbelief, fear or doubt.
“You’re giving her up to me?” he asked doubtfully.
“You make her sound like a chew toy,” Rusty said dryly. “And I’m not betraying her by wanting her to have some fucking happiness for once. I want her to be happy more than anything in the world,” she added in a sad whisper.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked sharply. “Where are you anyway? I just talked to Ma, and she said she wasn’t sure where you were, but you haven’t left the house for the entire week either.”
“Around. But if you’re going to stage a B and E, then I’ll need to be elsewhere tomorrow night,” she drawled, hoping to diffuse his concern.
“You seriously think I should break into my own parents’ house?” he asked skeptically.
Rusty rolled her eyes. “Duh? Let’s see, I have a big-ass window, a good-sized tree that happens to reside just outside this big-ass window, but if you have issues with climbing trees, there’s always a ladder. The window will be unlocked. You’re welcome, by the way.”
“Smart-ass,” he said with no heat. Then his tone grew serious. “I hope you know I was never angry with you, Rusty. I’m grateful Zoe had you and even more grateful for all you did to protect her. I love you, and you better damn well wear a dress to my wedding.”
Rusty smiled through a wash of tears and then she had to turn the phone downward so the receiver didn’t pick up the sound of her crying. She sucked air in through her nostrils and tried like hell to be cool and keep Joe’s mind occupied with what it should be on: Zoe. And making her happy.
“If you get her to marry you, I’ll even wear heels,” she said lightly.
“I’m gonna remember that,” he said gleefully. “And thanks, Rusty. Love you, girl.”
She leaned back, resting her head against the rock, focusing on the shimmering surface of the water as tears carved harsh lines down the sides of her face.
“Love you too,” she choked out. “Gotta go. Be happy, Joe.”
CHAPTER 29
MARLENE was up at her usual hour to shower before waking Frank and leaving him to use the bathroom while she prepared breakfast. She sighed as she made her way into the kitchen. The house all but groaned under the weight of so much pain and sadness. Her girls were hurting, and it broke Marlene’s heart that she couldn’t fix things and make everything all right.
She walked by the counter to open the fridge when she saw an envelope with her name on it. Frowning, she retraced her steps and picked it up, feeling that it was fairly thin. She studied the handwriting, noting that it was awfully similar to Rusty’s. But why would Rusty leave an envelope for her?
With shaking hands, she tore open the seal and pulled a single folded sheet of paper out. As she read the first few lines, her vision blurred with tears and she sank heavily down onto one of the stools.
Dear Mom,
I have so much to thank you for that it would take an entire ream of paper a
nd an entire day to list everything, so I’ll thank you for the single most important thing you and Dad ever gave me. Love. I never knew what love was, what it felt like, and I never loved anyone until you let me into your lives. You gave a young, vulnerable, teenaged girl something more valuable than all the money in the world. You gave me a sense of value. Of self-worth. The knowledge that I could have and deserved better. You believed in me when nobody else did. I’ll never forget that. You saved my life. I hope you know that. I wouldn’t be who I am and what I am today if it weren’t for you.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am that I lied to you and Dad and deceived the family and brought danger to you all. I wouldn’t hurt any of you for the world. Y’all are my world. I have to go away for a while. I need to figure out my place in the world, what I want out of life, what kind of life I want to have. I have a degree and job opportunities, and it’s time I took advantage of them. Please don’t worry about me. I’ll stay in touch and I’ll call you as often as I can. And please don’t be angry over my decision or that I didn’t say good-bye. It was hard enough to write this letter. I would have never been able to tell you all of this in person.
I’m young, and as a result, I did something foolish, and now I have to suffer the consequences, but it’s also time to close that chapter of my life and move on and try to forget. I know I don’t have the right to ask anything of you, but I would ask that you not let the others know where I am or what I’m doing. Just know that I’ll be just fine. You and Dad taught me how to be the kind of person I can be proud of and that y’all can be proud of.
I’ll be in touch as soon as I’m able. Tell Dad that I could have never asked for a better father. The second greatest gift you both gave to me was the Kelly name, and I’ll do my best to do that name proud.
Love you,
Rusty
Marlene clasped the paper to her chest as sobs welled in her throat. Then she leaned over, folding her arms on the counter, and buried her face against them as grief overwhelmed her.
• • •
SEAN pulled into the compound in his personal vehicle, his hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel. He could feel sweat forming at his nape and trickling down his back. Jesus, he was as nervous and as jittery as a rookie participating in his first big bust. He hadn’t been this unsettled when he had been a rookie and had gotten shot in his first year as a deputy.
That was what she did to him, though. She had him so twisted up in knots that he never knew if he was coming or going, and as a result, everything that came out of his mouth came out horribly wrong.
As he pulled to a stop in front of Frank and Marlene’s house, he briefly closed his eyes, regret consuming him. He’d hurt her. He’d done more than hurt her. He’d fucking devastated her. Had ripped her to shreds, said shit he didn’t even mean, all because of the thought of what could have happened to her, what he had no way of protecting her from because he had no clue what she’d done.
Well, he finally knew exactly what he wanted to say, damn it. Figures that he finally got it worked out and she hadn’t so much as stuck her head out of her damn house in a week. He refused to wait a minute longer. Refused to allow her to think the absolute worst a minute longer. He’d make her listen to him, and this time, he’d get his fucking mouth and tongue to work in unison so he could say everything he wanted to say.
He trudged up the steps and rang the doorbell, his stomach tightening with dread. He’d treated her horribly. She probably hated him now. What if she wouldn’t listen to him? No. He wasn’t taking no for an answer. If it meant handcuffing the little hellion and hauling her out of the house over his shoulder and over to his, where he’d secure her to one of his chairs, he’d make her listen.
The door opened and Marlene stood there, deep lines of sadness in her face, her cheeks blotchy, nose and eyes swollen. What the fuck? His stomach bottomed out as concern for a woman he considered his adopted mother pushed to the forefront.
“Marlene, is everything all right?” he asked sharply.
Her lips tightened but she didn’t reply. Instead she quietly asked, “What can I do for you, Sean?”
It wasn’t like Marlene to be so . . . private . . . but maybe it was a personal matter and he needed to butt out. Besides, he’d just drag it out of Rusty after he got everything else off his chest.
“I’d like to talk to Rusty,” he said in a grim tone. “I won’t take no for an answer either. She can come downstairs or I can go up, but either way, she’s going to talk to me.”
Marlene wiped hastily at her eyes. “She’s gone,” she said tearfully.
Sean flinched, feeling as though he’d suffered a vicious body blow. For several long seconds, he couldn’t breathe.
“What do you mean, she’s gone?” he asked hoarsely.
“She was so upset and feels she let everyone down,” Marlene said in a grief-stricken voice. “Donovan apologized and even offered her a job heading up the foundation. She impressed him greatly with all she managed to do creating such an elaborate, foolproof background for Zoe, but she told him she had other job offers and that she was just home for the summer before deciding which job to take.”
She pulled a tissue from the pocket of her skirt and dabbed at her eyes and nose.
“She blames herself for what happened, and she was so hurt by how her brothers reacted. I believe she feels as though she failed them—us, me—and now she needs time to regroup and prove herself worthy. God, Sean, of what? Of whom? She is so very loved, and I couldn’t be more proud of her if she was of my own blood.”
Sean put a hand to the back of his neck, sick to his very soul. He was the reason Rusty had left, not her family. He was the one who’d ripped her to shreds, rejected her and humiliated her. Not her family. And he’d been too damn angry and scared out of his mind at the time over what could have happened to her to make her understand why he’d been so furious.
Oh God, she’d never forgive him. How could she when he’d never be able to forgive himself?
“When will she be home?” he choked out.
Marlene gave him a look so sad that it ripped his heart right out of his chest.
“I don’t think she’s coming back this time,” she whispered.
She covered her mouth with her hand and briefly looked away before directing her gaze back at Sean.
“I’m sorry. I have to go now. Zoe is so upset and she needs me. I’ve already failed Rusty. I’m not going to fail Zoe now.”
She quietly shut the door, leaving Sean standing there, utterly sick at heart.
Dear God, what had he done?
He closed his eyes against the sudden stinging in his eyelids, remembering coming home to find her naked. In his bed. Just like he’d always dreamed of. Fantasized about. How much courage must it have taken her to put her heart on the line like that when for so long she’d been convinced he hated her and he’d given her no reason to believe otherwise?
You fucking coward.
He hadn’t even been able to get his shit together enough to simply tell her, to admit to her everything that was in his heart. She scared him shitless. She always had. How could anyone expect to hold on to her? To capture her when she was a free spirit, larger than life, with more courage and heart than anyone he’d ever known?
And now she was out of reach. As elusive as trying to catch a shooting star. What if she didn’t come back?
His jaw became hard and he was seized by rigid determination. He refused to give up. Not when she’d done so much to reach out to him. She deserved far better than he could ever give her, but he’d be damned if he ever let her go again.
He’d give her time, but he wasn’t waiting. Not anymore. He’d only give her so long before he dragged her back, kicking and screaming the entire way if he had to.
CHAPTER 30
JOE stood in the shadow cast by the tree against the moonlight and stared up at the window to the bedroom where Zoe was sleeping. His fingers curled and uncurled as nervousness assai
led him. Grief was a heavy blanket over the Kelly family. They’d lost Rusty. The possibility that he could lose Zoe as well was unbearable.
With Rusty now gone, it was very possible that Zoe would no longer feel comfortable remaining in his parents’ house. She already blamed herself for what had been done to her and considered herself a burden. God, a burden!
She was the most precious gift he could have ever hoped to have been given. A burden? No fucking way, and he wasn’t going to let her go on thinking that bullshit a second longer.
Nothing had ever been this important in his life. Nothing ever would be. This was his life, or rather the future of it. He wiped his hand over his suddenly dry mouth and swallowed back the paralyzing fear of losing her. Of not spending the rest of his life with her. Of her not loving him back. Of her not wanting him as desperately as he wanted her.
He sucked in a steadying breath and then stared at the window with renewed purpose.
“Here I come, Zoe,” he murmured. “I guess I’ll have to be the prince to your Rapunzel.”
He hastily scaled the lower trunk until he was able to get a foothold on branches strong enough to support his weight. Gaining speed, he went higher until he was within reaching distance of the windowsill.
Not wanting to scare her to death, he slowly and very quietly slid the window upward, holding his breath in fear of a sudden creak or groan, but the night remained cloaked in silence.
He ducked inside, his gaze immediately seeking her out. He softened all over as he saw her lying on the bed on her side facing the window, her small hand tucked beneath her cheek and the pillow. He swallowed back his fury as he took in the bruises that, while fading, were still evident even when only illuminated by moonlight.
Wanting—needing—to touch her, to just be near her, he crossed the distance and slid onto the bed so his back rested against the headboard, his hip just a few inches from her face. He reached down to run his fingers through stray strands of hair that rested over her forehead and exposed cheek, and then he followed his hand down with his mouth, pressing his lips to her temple.
She stirred beneath him and opened her eyes just as he drew away and flipped the lamp on so she’d know who he was. Her eyes widened in recognition and then in panic.
“It kills me that you look at me with such fear,” Joe choked out, no longer able to contain the tidal wave of suppressed emotion. So much emotion. “Don’t you know how much I love you? That I’ll always love you? That I’d do anything in the damn world for you? That I want forever with you?”
He was pleading with her, for all practical purposes on his hands and knees begging for his future. Her love.
Zoe sat up, moisture rimming her eyelids, her hand fluttering in a helpless motion toward her throat as if she were suddenly incapable of speaking. At the moment, so was he. He was too busy soaking up the sight of her. Hoping . . . praying . . . for a miracle. She was his miracle.
“How can you want forever with someone like me?” she asked in a husky voice laced with shame.
Her gaze wouldn’t even meet his. She was looking everywhere except his face. He reached out and cupped her chin, gently tipping it upward until he knew she was finally looking at him.
“You mean someone as beautiful, compassionate, brave, sweet, loving and loyal as you?” he said in a tender voice.
She closed her eyes as tears sloshed over the rims, colliding with his fingers as he swept them from her skin.
“You know who and what my father is,” she choked out. “My own mother left him—me—before I was even able to remember much about her. Is that the kind of person you want? Someone who is the antithesis of every single thing you believe in and fight for?”
Joe leaned down, still cupping her face in his palm, and silenced her with a kiss. He infused the wealth of his love for her, holding her with the most tender of touches, as though she were the most precious person in the world. In his world, she was. Absolutely. He’d never been more certain of anything in his life.
“You keep referring to the kind of people I am and the kind of people you are,” he said gently. “Let me ask you something, baby. What do you think of Sam’s wife, Sophie?”
Zoe’s brow furrowed in obvious confusion. “She’s wonderful and so nice and beautiful. Why would you ask such a question?”
“What about Garrett’s wife, Sarah?”
“Joe, why are you asking me if I like your sisters-in-law? They’re good. They’re everything I’m not.”
“And Eve, Donovan’s wife?” he persisted.
She shook her head in confusion. Unable to contain himself a second longer, he pulled her into his arms, feeling the rapid beat of her pulse against his own.
“I think there are some things you need to know about some of my brothers’ wives. Then maybe you’ll finally get what I’m trying to make you understand.”
She frowned again as she waited for what it was he had to say.