He raised one eyebrow. "Do you even have to ask?" He watched me settle into my seat, and then sighed. "I thought I should tell you. Claire called. Ryan should be released soon."
"Can I see him, yet?" I said, a bit more enthusiastic than was appropriate.
Jared tried to hide his disappointment at my words. "He hasn't told anyone he's here. How would you explain your visit?"
The tightness around his eyes gave him away. He was still worried. Now that Ryan had been wounded, and was home after such a long time away, I imagined his concern was at a new level.
"Ryan and I are different people, now. Everything has changed," I said, touching Jared's cheek with my fingertips.
"As long as Ryan is in love with you, I will always have reason to worry."
I leaned in to to kiss him. "How can I convince you?"
Jared pulled away from me, shifting uncomfortably.
"What is it?" I said, frowning.
"Don't get mad...," he began.
I crossed my arms. "A disclaimer? This should be good."
He took a deep breath. "Until we find the book, and figure out a way to keep you one-hundred percent safe, I think the intimacy should be kept to a minimum."
"Oh, for the love of God, not this again," I said, rolling my eyes.
"It happens all the time, Nina. We can't risk it," he said, covering my hand with his.
I smirked. "You can't use your Abra Cadabra to figure it out?" I leaned in to kiss his neck. "Haven't you heard of the rhythm method? We'll put our own spin on it."
"I would consider myself an intelligent person, but no, can't say I've heard of it."
"You just figure out when I'm ovulating, and we abstain for those few days. Voila! Birth control. We have the Hybrid edge."
Jared's nose wrinkled in disdain. "That doesn't seem like a solution to me." He leaned away from my kisses, and I crossed my arms in a pout.
"It's better than your proposal," I frowned. "Are you saying you can't do it?"
"What makes you think I can?"
My eyes narrowed. "Eli said once we were intimate, your senses would change. You've never once mentioned how, or even if they have."
"That discussion is better left alone," he said, maneuvering out of my embrace. He faced forward, clearly unwilling to elaborate.
"Tell me I'm wrong," I said, lifting my chin in defiance.
Jared quickly commandeered the drivers seat, shoved the gear shift into drive, and pulled into the street. "Nina, I shouldn't have to tell you this, but I will: I love you more than anything on this earth; more than anything in the universe. I love you more than life, more than my family, and I love you more than I love being with you in that way. Your safety is, and will always be my first priority. This isn't the kind of risk I took sitting beside you on that bench the night we met, or telling you what I am. Making a mistake concerning an accidental pregnancy will mean an all out war, because that is exactly what will have to happen to keep you alive."
The smile or wink I was hoping for never came. He had always been careful to protect me from the truth without telling a lie, but the seriousness of the situation warranted a bluntness Jared usually avoided.
It took a long time for me to reply. My initial reaction was to complain, but Eli's words echoed in my mind. He had told me it was time to break away from being the victim. He was very clear that my time to feel sorry for myself was over.
That gave me an idea.
I attempted a small smile. "I understand you know better than me what will happen. You know exactly what consequences to expect when a choice is made--especially if it's the wrong one. I'm human, Jared. But that doesn't make me frail. You have to give me more credit than that. It's time you teach me some of what you know."
"Like what?" Jared said, dubious.
"How to shoot a gun, for instance...and basic self-defense wouldn't hurt."
Jared pinched the bridge of his nose. "A gun isn't going to help you in this particular situation, Sweetheart, much less a solid knee to the groin."
"You don't think I can do it."
"Why would you need to when you have me?"
"What if you're busy?"
He raised an eyebrow. "You mean too busy to do my job? The one that includes protecting the love of my life from certain death?"
He was trying to scare me, but I stood my ground, determined to prove my case. "Do I have to remind you of the night at the restaurant? Claire stayed behind while you took care of business?"
"That's different. I would've never left you if Claire hadn't been there."
"If I had known how to shoot a gun I could have helped. That's all I'm saying."
"Teaching you just enough to make you dangerous is not helping. It gives you the impression that you're capable of more than you actually are."
My mouth fell open. "Now that's just insulting. Do you really see me as helpless?"
Jared laughed once, amused. "No. Definitely not, but we're not dealing with Graham, anymore, Nina. Others are an enemy you don't want to piss off by shooting at."
"Fine," I said, a fake smile tightening my face. "I'll have Bex or Claire teach me. She's offered before."
Jared clenched his teeth. "Neither of them will do it without my explicit permission, and if they do, you're going to start something you can't take back."
"That's not fair!" I said, fully recognizing the whine in my tone. I waited until my voice could sound calmer, and then spoke again, "I happen to know there's a gun club in Cranston."
"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Jared said, slowing as he pulled into the drive.
"Probably not, no," I said. Jared huffed in frustration. "It's just that I...it's suffocating being in your shadow. According to you, my life is constantly in danger, and I have to wait for you to save me. It would be nice to know if for whatever reason I'm alone, I can do something to protect myself."
Jared's eyes met mine, and then he nodded once. "Okay. We'll start Saturday."
Chapter Eleven
Favor
Jared lessons were not easy. Where I caught a break from him, Bex pushed me further. When I wasn't at school or Titan, the three of us were in the field by the Oak Tree, aiming, punching, blocking, ducking, attacking and subduing. It was mentioned more than once that I was a fast learner, and Bex said that I was a natural with any gun they put in my hand.
Jared didn't agree. He thought I was clumsy, slow, and impatient.
Sleep came more easily than ever. Every night, I fell into bed, my muscles screaming for rest. Dreams of Jack were replaced with calculated moves and steps I would take to get the upper hand in hand-to-hand combat. Jared would tend to my sore spots. Regardless of his efforts, the area would inevitably be a series of purple splotches in the morning.
The weeks passed, and once the trees shed their leaves, Winter wasted no time covering the debris of Fall with a blanket of white. Ignoring Cynthia's protests, the boys moved the furniture in the Great Room to transform it to a sparring ring.
The target practice, weight training, and sparring was nearly a daily ritual. Jared and Bex were always present. Once Claire caught wind of our new hobby, she came when she could. I always looked forward to the days she would join us.
Claire was more than capable to do everything her brothers could, but I related to her with the knowledge that she had to work that much harder to prove herself. I would never be as fast or as strong as the Hybrids, but I earned their respect with my stubborn refusal to quit or rest. Claire understood my resolve, and when she looked at me, she assumed strength when the boys assumed weakness.
The mirror was proof of not only my mistakes from the bruises, but my hard work. My arms weren't nearly as tight as Claire's, but they were taking on a toned look that I was proud of.
The day before Thanksgiving, Jared finally offered his first word of encouragement.
"Better," he said with an emotionless nod.
That single word gave me the determination to continue. I was only hum
an, but if I could keep up with Jared, Claire, and Bex, I could hold my own with Donovan, or Shax's other human minions. At least I could try.
Thanksgiving Day arrived. Cynthia attended the Macy's Day parade in New York with some of her charity chums, and I helped Claire and Lillian in the kitchen while the boys set the table and kept the dishes washed.
Every one of my favorite spices and herbs permeated the air. Laughter was the background music to the busy atmosphere. Lillian noticed a difference in me right away, and wanted to discuss my training. She took a keen interest in it, wishing she had thought of it as well.
Bex set the turkey on the table, and sat beside his mother. Claire grabbed one of my hands, Jared took the other.
"Our Lord in Heaven," Lillian began. "Thank you for our many blessings. The wonderful food on the table, the health and safety of our family, and that we are all sitting together on this day of thanks."
"Amen," Jared said, nodding.
"Aye Men!" Bex said, digging into the various dishes on the table.
Part-way through dinner, I noticed Claire was quiet, thoughtfully chewing and smiling at the appropriate times in conversation. Jared of course noticed when I did, and he watched his sister.
"Claire?"
She met his eyes, but didn't speak.
Lillian smiled. "She's fine. Let her be."
"This is good ladies," Bex said, his mouth full of food.
"Thank you, Son," Lillian said. "Jared? Would it be a good time to ask how much longer you'll be engaged?"
"No," Jared said, shaking his head with a smile. "I just got her to agree to set a date, Mom. Don't ruin my hard work."
I laughed. "She has a point."
"She does?" Jared said, surprised.
I patted his knee. "My parents' anniversary is on a Saturday this year."
Lillian's eyes brightened. "Oh, it is! How wonderful! June first, then?"
Jared turned to me, cautious. "June first?"
"It's an easy date to remember," I shrugged.
"Of this year?" Jared asked, cautiously hopeful.
Lillian and I shared the same boisterous laugh. "Yes, Honey. Seven months from now."
The smile that crept across Jared's face was slow, but it spanned from one side to the other. "June first."
The conversation was monopolized by wedding plans after that, and the afternoon was filled with excitement and anticipation.
We said our goodbyes with kisses and hugs to Bex, Claire and Lillian, and then Jared led me to the Escalade by the hand. Once inside, he leaned over the console, took my face gingerly in his hands, and pressed his lips against mine.
When he finally pulled away, I felt a bit dizzy. A small twinge of guilt settled in. It was so easy to make him happy, and I had grossly procrastinated something so simple.
Jared drove slowly to the house, brushing my hand with his thumb as he held it. A storm had rolled in, and it fed into the new energy that almost crackled in the air between us, as if he couldn't wait to get home. He intertwined his fingers in mine, kissing each of my fingers. "I feel like you said yes all over again."
"I told you I would set a date."
"You did," he said. His mouth widened to a broad grin. "Man! I feel like I want to stand on a rooftop and scream! This is one of the best days of my life!"
I giggled, nearly manic from the emanation of Jared's mood. Just as the moment peaked, it fizzled.
"What are you doing?" I said. He slowed the Escalade to a stop. "You're not really going climb onto a rooftop, are you?"
"No," he said, his smile fading fast. "I spoke to soon."
It was then that I noticed the blue and red lights dancing all around us. "We're being pulled over? But, you weren't speeding."
"That's not what he wants."
I grabbed Jared's hand, seeing the dark silhouette of the police officer. The windshield wipers knocked back and forth as we waited for his approach. He knocked on Jared's window with the butt of his flashlight.
"Officer," Jared said, pressing the button for the window. The dark glass buzzed as it lowered and then disappeared, revealing a face I had longed to see again.
"Ryan!" I yelped. My mouth fell open in utter shock.
"Good evening, Nina. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the vehicle."
"Don't be an ass. It's raining," Jared said.
Ryan nodded. "Just accompany me to the cruiser, Ma'am," he said, sounding very professional and detached.
I nodded, looking to Jared. "It's okay. I'll be right back." I kissed him, and then scrambled to open the door. I tried to be calm, to preserve Jared's feelings, but Ryan was just a few feet away. I had been so desperate to see him, and waited so long, any false composure at that moment was impossible.
"Nina," Jared called after me, but the tires sloshing through the wet pavement as cars passed by drowned out the following words.
It was wrong, but in my haste to speak to Ryan again, I ignored Jared and ran to the cruiser at full speed, paying no attention to the rain.
The air was biting, and the rain instantly dampened my clothes. I yanked open the passenger-side door, assuming it would be as cozy as the Escalade.
It wasn't.
"Cheese and rice!" I said, crossing my arms and bending at the waist. "You could hang meat in here!"
"Sorry," Ryan said, turning up the heat. "I keep it cool so I can wear my coat. Can't really waste time putting it on before I make a stop."
I laughed once. "A cop?"
"Yeah." He smiled and looked down. "Yeah."
"I guess this means you're not coming back to Brown."
"Looks that way," he said without humor.
He was thicker than I remembered, but his face was thin. Lean was probably a better word. A hardened expression replaced his sweet smile. He appeared older; a long, weary line of disappointment and horrendous experiences no man should ever have to encounter reflected in his once bright, green eyes.
By his hesitation alone, I could tell the effort to pull me over wasn't due to the anticipation of a happy reunion.
"You stopped writing."
"I did," he admitted. "I used to sit on a dune and watch the sun set, thinking about you...writing half of what I wanted. That was my nightly routine for a long time."
"My postman has some explaining to do."
"I only sent a few of them. I was in love with you for a long time, Nina."
"I'm sorry," I said, trying the swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. It was pointless to apologize after what I had done to him, but the words fell out of my mouth.
"Why? I'm not the first guy to go war after my heart got broken. Half of my buddies wrote home to girls that didn't love them back. Some of them had girls that quit waiting. I was one of the lucky ones, even though your smile haunted me for a long time."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I said, wrinkling my nose.
"No," he said, matter-of-factly. "After leaving, going half-way across the world, I still missed you. I didn't think it would ever go away. But something changed, Nina."
"Oh?"
Ryan smiled. "I quit loving you."
I nodded, my feelings conflicted. A small part of me was hurt, and maybe a bit jealous that he had finally gotten over me. The rest of me was overjoyed. "That's...good? I guess?"
"No, that's wrong. I still love you. I will always love you as my friend. But I'm in love with someone else."
A grin streaked across my face for a fleeting moment. "That's exciting. Do I know her?"
"Actually...I think you do. And I need your help."
"Anything. I sort of owe you, don't I?"
Ryan sighed, nodding. "That's where I was going with this." He paused for a moment. "You ever get the feeling you're never alone? I mean, even when you are."
His words spoke to every moment of my life, but I remained quiet.
Ryan ignored my silence. "Do you remember the night Jared came into the bar? And the last night we were together?"
r /> My heart began to pound. I didn't know what direction the conversation had taken, but I felt instantly uncomfortable. "What about it?"
"I remember three things about both of those nights: Jared's sister, how strong she was, and those crazy blue eyes. Everyone else says I'm crazy, Nina...but you...you I know will understand."
"Don't be so sure," I said, feigning bewilderment.
Ryan huffed, frustrated. "The night in your father's office. You said I couldn't tell anyone about our plan because Jared would find out. I thought he was in the F.B.I. or something, but it's bigger than that, isn't it?"
I touched his arm. "You're seeing someone professional, right? About what happened to you over there?" The words had to be said to protect those I loved, but the guilt was overwhelming. Ryan didn't deserve that from me--he had come to me for a reason: because he trusted me to believe him. If the consequences were different, I would have been the friend he'd always been to me, but my choice was clear.
He paused. Anger made the skin around his eye twitch. "What makes you think anything happened to me over there?"
"I uh...," I swallowed. "I really should be going," I said, reaching for the door handle.
Ryan grabbed my arm. "I saw her eyes. The day she saved my life, I saw her. No one has eyes like her, and no woman that size could have carried me out of there. Tell me where Claire is, Nina."
My door flew open, and Jared pulled me to my feet. Ryan scrambled out of his cruiser, desperate. "I just want to talk to her," he yelled over the rain. "I don't need to know how she did it. I just...need to see her again."
Jared glanced at me, and then back to Ryan. "Unless you're charging us with something, we're leaving. Good to see you again, Ryan."
"I'm not crazy!" Ryan said, desperate. The rain was more of a downpour, but he was unfazed.
My steps were small and quick, trying to keep up with Jared as he led me by the arm to the Escalade. Once inside, I turned around, holding the seat with both hands as I watched the stand off between the two men I loved in such opposite ways. Ryan, in his puffy, standard-issue policeman's coat simply watched Jared glower at him. It was a new side of him, as I half-expected a nasty exchange of words.
Jared slammed the car door behind him before shoving the shifter into gear. The speedometer passed the point of speeding before we were out of Ryan's radar range, as if Jared dared him to stop us again.
"Okay. Jared? Jared!" I said, fumbling with my seat belt.