The truck that Hope was in started to pull away.
Years he’d waited, and his patience was starting to wear thin. She thought she could bring other men into their little game? “Perhaps he’s come back for that woman.”
“Hope?” Polly laughed. “Oh, that girl never dates. She’s practically a nun. I’m surprised she’s staying out at the G. James is a bit of a ladies’ man. Maybe he’s thinking about settling down now that his brother is back. He’s not getting any younger and that ranch needs a mistress. They could do worse than Hope. She’s a sweet little thing. I wish she’d let me do something about that hair. I would love to put some highlights in it.”
Christian remembered the way her hair would hang in waves down her back. He liked the fact that she was living like a nun. She’d been so pure and innocent. It was the thing he’d loved most about her. She’d been a virgin when she’d come to him. She’d been his sweet child bride and the best cover of his life. No one would suspect the quiet preacher with the soft, submissive wife was doing anything criminal. He needed that again. Everything had gone right when Hope had been at his side.
As for her nearly killing him, what marriage didn’t have a few problems? He took a deep breath and smiled at Polly. “Lead on, ma’am. I’m just happy to find such a nice salon in a small town.”
“And I find it nice to have such a gentleman for a customer. What is it you do?”
Christian sat down. “I’m a preacher, ma’am.”
And he wasn’t going to let any man come between him and his god-given wife.
Chapter Eight
Hope stared at the menu, but her mind was somewhere else. Back in Georgia. She could smell gardenias, and it was starting to upset her stomach.
How could that one flower ruin her whole day? She’d felt better than she had in weeks. She’d felt so close to James after seeing how talking about his dads had made him feel. When he’d put his arms around her, she’d seriously thought about whether something could work between them.
And Noah. Noah with his sad eyes and gorgeous face just called to her. If he’d handled Roger differently, she might have been able to keep her distance, but he’d been gentle and kind to the man. And he’d been kind to her.
So why did Christian have to invade her brain and ruin everything?
When she smelled gardenias, she could feel his soft hands on her. She could hear him telling her how sweet and pure she was. She could hear him apologize for what he had to do, but it was a husband’s duty, after all.
Christian had been very gentle when he’d had sex with her—the few times he’d done it. She’d been a virgin and completely ignorant, but she’d known something was wrong. She’d just thought her love could conquer all.
She’d been an idiot.
“Do you know what you want, hon?” Stella asked, her eyes looking down from under a very gaudy pair of rhinestone colored glasses. Stella must have seen some question in her eyes. “Sebastian made me get glasses. That old man is going to drive me crazy. He’s on me like honey on a bear, I tell you.”
“He’s making up for lost time, Miss Stella,” James said, handing her his menu. “You know that man loves you. And the glasses make you look very intellectual.”
Stella beamed. “I think they do, too. Maybe the men of this town will see me as more than just a beauty queen now. Hope?”
If she didn’t eat, her two self-appointed keepers were going to throw a hissy fit. “I’ll have the soup and salad. Thank you.”
“I would like a burger, medium with all the fixings, please. And some fries. Definitely fries.” Noah sighed as though he could already taste the burger.
Stella frowned his way. “I’d like to not have to drive fifty miles to get my cat vaccinated. I suppose we can’t all get what we want now, can we?”
James laughed, but Noah seemed to understand this was serious.
“I will make house calls, Miss Stella,” Noah offered, tripping over the words.
Stella humphed. “See that you do. She needs her yearly next week.” She turned on her boots and walked off.
“I have to admit, it is fun watching you trying to get out of the dog house. I think Stella was willing to feed Butch there before she fed you,” James needled his brother.
“This job gets harder and harder.” Noah’s frown was so adorable she wanted to kiss him right between his eyebrows.
And then she thought about that damn flower. Had it been Serena or someone else? Was she going crazy? She’d even wondered about Cade and Jesse. They had shown up in town right around the time she’d started to see signs of Christian. Christian always had a few attractive male followers. She hadn’t thought about it before, but now she could see that those men were most likely in on Christian’s criminal activities. The men who surrounded Christian were always strong and good at bringing in dumb, unsuspecting females. The new mechanics fit the bill. It would have been easy for one of them to slip out the door and leave the flower.
She shook her head. But how would they know? Christian was dead. If one of his followers wanted revenge on her, they wouldn’t do it by reminding her of the intimate moments of her marriage.
“Hope, you with us?” James asked.
She forced herself to focus. “Of course. I was just thinking about how we’re going to rehab Noah’s image without giving away his income for the next twenty years.”
Noah practically pouted. “I could run through town and let everyone throw shit at me.”
“Or you could take a booth at the festival and offer free vaccinations.” Hope warmed to the idea. “It would give everyone a chance to talk to you again in a professional way. Oh, and I can bake homemade dog treats.”
Noah shuddered. “You want me to work Woo Woo Fest? Damn, Hope, you drive a hard bargain.”
“I want you to work the Festival of Spiritual Renewal. And you know I’m right. We’ll print up some business cards, and Butch can be our mascot. I’ll help out.” She’d never worked with animals before. It sounded like fun. She’d lived in an apartment throughout her childhood, and her mother hadn’t wanted to pay a pet deposit. Christian hadn’t liked animals. He preferred a pristinely clean environment, and dog hair was on his “no” list.
There he was again.
“I’ll do it.” Noah gave in with a little frown. “But I draw the line at trying to psychically speak to dogs. I’ve been to Woo Woo Fest before, and some of those people think they can talk to their pets. One year a woman tried to convince me her dog was the reincarnated spirit of Marie Antoinette and that was why she had to be fed cake. That woman understood neither history nor the dietary requirements of a Maltese. I swear, Jamie, if I catch you laughing at me, we’re going to have a knock-down, drag-out.”
“Get ready then because I intend to laugh my ass off,” James promised.
They continued to talk, but she was lost in dark thoughts.
She could hear Christian telling her how fragile she was, how pure and innocent. She could smell the incense he would burn at his gatherings when he would talk about God and how man had been cut off from the divine by all his technology.
She’d been an idiot. Barely seventeen and she’d thought she’d understood everything. She’d joined Christian’s little commune because it seemed happy and safe, and Christian Grady had been the kindest, most spiritual man she’d ever met. She’d been over the moon when he’d looked her way. How could a man who was so smart, so beautiful and wise, ever want her?
She wanted a drink. It would be so easy to walk over to Trio and order a vodka and cranberry juice. No one knew she had a problem. She’d kept it hidden. Trev was the only person besides the Wright-Hollister clan who knew, and he was back at the ranch. Zane wasn’t working at Trio. He was at home with his babies. Alexei would be tending bar, and he would merely garble some English as he passed her whatever she wanted. She could get up and walk out of Stella’s, and Noah and James would probably follow her and join her. They wouldn’t question it. They would just enjoy
the party. She could maybe have both of them if they had enough alcohol to overcome all the obstacles.
She could forget for a little while. The liquor would turn off the images and voices in her head.
She clenched her fists. She couldn’t even go to a meeting now. She didn’t have a car. Her sponsor was gone. She could call Trev, but that seemed like a very bad idea now. He was James’s partner. He was too close to her real life.
Real life? Hah. She didn’t have one. She had a bunch of crap she’d made up because she didn’t want all these nice people to know the real her.
“Hope, snap out of it.” Noah’s voice broke through her inner monologue. He was using that same deep voice he’d used when he’d found her crying on the side of the road.
“What?” She forced herself to focus on him.
Noah’s fingers drummed impatiently along the tabletop. “I’ve asked you the same question three times now.”
“I’m sorry. What did you ask?” How long had she been sitting here thinking about a drink?
“I no longer care about whether you’ve seen the movie that’s on at the motel. I now care about what’s bothering you. You didn’t even notice when Jamie got up and left the table.”
James was gone? She hadn’t even noticed when James had slid out of the booth. “Where did he go?”
“He caught sight of the preacher from the Feed Store Church. He wanted to ask him about how he can get organic alfalfa and just how many sermons he’s going to have to sit through to get a ten percent discount.” Noah leaned forward. “Now start talking, Hope.”
It was too much. The flower. Seeing someone who looked like Christian. The phone calls. It was too much. The walls were closing in on her.
“I’m still just a bit tired. Maybe I should go and see Caleb again.” Anything to get out from under Noah’s suspicious eyes. She could already feel her skin flush with heat. She would start to sweat soon. Her heart rate was speeding up as she felt the walls closing in. Anxiety attack. She hadn’t had one in almost a year, but it was creeping up on her now.
She couldn’t do this here. She couldn’t freak out. She needed to get someplace quiet where she could ride it out.
She stood up abruptly, her knees hitting the table with a painful thud. “I’ll be back.”
She wouldn’t. She would find someplace else to stay. She couldn’t handle them. She could stay with Lucy. Lucy wouldn’t ask too many questions. Lucy would just be happy for the company. Lucy wouldn’t push and probe and try to figure her out. She wouldn’t watch her every minute of the day. Yes, she would call Lucy.
Hope pushed out of the doors of Stella’s and walked past Butch, who was sitting on the sidewalk waiting patiently for his master. Tears blurred her eyes. She liked the dog. She liked his master. She’d loved the way it had felt to sleep between Noah and James, but she couldn’t do it again. She’d felt safe, and she wasn’t. She wasn’t safe because she didn’t deserve safety. Not after the things she’d done.
Without really thinking about where she was going, she found the stairs that led to her small efficiency. She pulled her keys out of her purse, ignoring the smell of smoke. It wasn’t that bad, she decided. Maybe she could just stay here. It wasn’t much. The furniture had been here when she’d moved in. Jennifer Waters had left everything behind, including the dishes and cookware, when she’d left for Dallas. When she’d returned to Bliss, she’d married Stefan Talbot and had no interest in her former apartment.
All she really had were her clothes, some books, and a framed picture of her and Nate and Logan taken a year before.
She had nothing. She was twenty-seven years old, and she had nothing. And she never would.
“Hope.”
She should have locked the door. Noah stood in the doorway, his big body blocking out the sun. “Go away, Noah.”
“That is not going to happen. You’re going to talk, and you’re going to do it now.”
“I am not talking to you. I want to be alone.” Tears coursed down her face, but she was filled with anger. At herself. At Christian. At Noah for standing there and looking so perfect.
His jaw squared, and he walked into her tiny room. “I’m not going to do that, Hope. I’m done playing around. You can hate me later, but you’re coming with me now. We’re going to walk back downstairs and pick up our lunch, and then you and me and Jamie are all going back to the ranch. You’re not leaving the house again until you explain to us what’s wrong.”
“You can’t force me to go with you.”
“Sure, I can. I’m bigger and stronger and quite frankly, I think I’m meaner than you.”
“I’ll call the sheriff.”
“I’m sure you will if you can get to a phone. I think you might find that hard to do after I tie you up.”
“You think you can kidnap me and make me talk? What if there isn’t anything to talk about, Noah? What if I just don’t like you? What if I just don’t want to be around you?”
She’d struck a direct hit. She could see that plainly in the way his eyes flared. He wasn’t as confident as he seemed, but he simply crossed his arms over his chest and continued. “I don’t think so. You might not like me, but I sure as hell feel something for you. And I know you’re in trouble. So yes, I will do whatever it takes to get through all this stubborn crap and make sure you’re safe. If I end up in jail, then at least I’ll know I did what I had to do.”
“Get out of my house.”
He looked around. “This isn’t much of a house. It’s more of a hole in the wall that it looks like you’re hiding in. And it reeks of smoke. You can’t stay here.”
He wasn’t going to let it go. He wasn’t going to leave her alone. How did she get him to drop it? “So you’re going to fix me? You? You can’t fix yourself, Noah. Everyone in this town hates you. You’re the last person who can help me.”
It was horrible, and she wanted to call back the words the minute they left her mouth. Had she really sunk this low that she’d become cruel to the people who tried to help her? At least when she was drinking she was just horrible to herself. She was just about to ask for forgiveness when he moved into her space. She was forced to look up, and there wasn’t a bit of forgiveness in his eyes. His lips were turned up in a cruel little smirk that was so far from his normal sweet grin that Hope wondered if she hadn’t truly woken a beast inside Noah Bennett.
“Is that what I am? The most hated man in Bliss County? Well, then I guess it won’t matter than that one more person hates me.” He practically spat the words from his mouth, and he gripped her shoulders. “You know, Hope, I lived for years with a woman who really knew how to cut me down to size. You’ve got nothing on her. Why don’t you tell me how useless I am? How bad I am in bed? How perverse I am? Do you want to know why I’m perverted in my ex-wife’s eyes? Let me tell you. I made the mistake of telling her some of my fantasies because I thought it could save our marriage. I told her I wanted to tie her up and spank her ass. I wanted to bend her to my will in the bedroom. I wanted to fuck her in some fairly kinky ways. You know something, Hope, I never wanted to do the things to her that I want to do to you. A little over twenty-four hours and I want to shove my cock up your ass while you’re trussed up like a sacrifice to my pleasure. So if you want to hurt me, you tell me how pathetic I am for wanting those things. That’s what will get to me. Don’t give me some crap about how everyone hates me. They couldn’t hate me any more than I hate myself.”
“I’m sorry.” She whispered the words because she couldn’t speak them out loud. She really saw into Noah Bennett, and she understood him. He might not have earned his self-loathing the way she had, but it was there, mirroring her own. He didn’t deserve it.
“Goddamn it, girl, don’t you cry. Don’t you cry.” His hands moved from her shoulders to her face, cupping her cheeks and turning her chin up. “Don’t cry, Hope.”
He leaned in and brushed his lips to hers, and it was like a wildfire went through Hope. This was what she needed. She
needed him. She needed to lose herself in Noah. She went on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around him. She touched her tongue to those plump, sensual lips of his, and he went wild.
His fingers moved up, tangling in her hair, holding her still as he pillaged her mouth. His tongue surged in, dominating her own. She softened, ceding control. How long had she wanted this? A man who could take control. A man with whom she could relax and let him pleasure her, show her how to pleasure him. She’d found plenty of men who would take from her, but none who would give back. She thought it would be different with this man.
She rode the wave, holding on to Noah as he pushed her against the wall, pinning her there with his body. She was caught between the wall and his solid chest as he kissed her until she was breathless.
“I want to do nasty things to you, Hope. I really meant it. You should run from me.”
But she was deeply interested in all those nasty things he wanted to do. “I’m not running, Noah.”
She might later, but she needed him now. Now, all the dark thoughts were replaced with desire. She wanted to get to her knees and take him in her mouth. She wanted his hands in her hair, pulling as he worked his cock in and out of her pussy. She wanted him to lube up her ass and make her feel the burn.
She would be his for a while. She would belong if only for a few moments.
“Take off that shirt, Hope. I want to see your breasts.”
He kept close, giving her very little room. He stared down at her, his eyes warm again, that terrible darkness banished. She was nervous, but Noah needed this, too. His ex-wife had obviously done a number on him, making him feel like a freak. But she wanted what he could give her. She craved it.
With shaking hands, she undid the top button on her shirt. It was bulky and cheap, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t care about the shirt. He wanted to see what was under it. That was what she was really nervous about. She’d put on a few pounds. She wasn’t seventeen anymore.