Cindered Photograph
As I search within myself, I question "who have I become?"
An image of lies, conflicted by things I have done
To the left and to my right there's only failure to come
I am simply hanging by a thread like the prodigal son
Words of love and trust are like bane to my ears
Sometimes I don't comprehend my existence and want to disappear
I have no faith in my heart, only a mind set on fear
Don't confuse me for an atheist, I've just tired of the tears
I am trying to live my life, I am trying to find the strength
I am trying to find the courage to say that this is me
I am trying to find myself, I am trying to find the strength
I am trying to say enough and just set myself free
I just don't know what it is missing deep within me
The figments of my past, the fear just won't leave
I am faced by opposition, inner demons chained to me
A great shadow falls over and it's impossible to breathe
Every step I take forth only leads me to the past
To the fading scars on my sleeve; happiness just won't last
My inner child surfaces pleading I smile and I laugh
But my life's no laughing matter, just a cindered photograph
I am trying to live my life, I am trying to find the strength
I am trying to find the courage to say that this is me
I am trying to find myself, I am trying to find the strength
I am trying to say enough and just set myself free
I’m tired of walking forth blinded
Through the shadows of my mind and
I’m tired of breathing in this shame
Circulating throughout my veins
Asking who is it I am to become
Will I ever rise to see the sun
Searching for answers no one holds
Alone out in the blistering cold
Cos I’m afraid and can’t let go
As I Watched You Grow
I know you need a hero and you need someone who understands
But all I can do to offer comfort is sing you this little track
Cos’ I know that you’re feeling lost ever since Juniors Death
But you need to find the courage before there is no turning back
Cos’ no one will ever understand you the way you know yourself
That doesn’t mean it’s over or that you should just call it quits
Cos’ you were brought up to stand tall no matter what life threw
It pulses through your heart and the smile on your face to over come it
As I watched you grow it was like a show
Letting me know the path you’d go
But through the years after so many tears
You fell in fear and your heart’s unclear
Despite the differences we each hold we share the same love for you
We just want you to be happy but these days it’s like you’re fading away
Cos’ you’re lost in your pain and the past is dragging you down
Hold your head up and remember Junior’s only one prayer away
Grab hold of yourself and consider that as you fall we each fall through
Cos’ even when we are miles apart it never means that we are separated
Don’t linger on the silence or the echoes of your mind as it starts to retract
Instead stick to your ambitions and keep to your hearts convictions instead
Illusions
As my mind is conveyed with a series of endless questions
I can’t seem to find the answers and I’m growing frustrated
There’s too much to contemplate and in the end no resolutions
I just can’t stand here knowing that it’s always going to be complicated
No one will ever understand the emotions within my heart which shout
Nor the reason why I need to go away and figure my life out
Should I stay or should I go, runaway or continue holding on to the illusions
What would they say or do if I broke their hearts and created an array of confusion
If I runaway would they remember me as I was, or the coward I’d become
But if I stay I will never be the person I sense within and I’ll fade to stone
Every time I close my eyes I am faced with hazy visions
A whisper of infantile fear’s draining me and I’m derailed
I can’t find myself through the fog so I fade to lost devotions
And there’s nothing I can do but question until I’ve resolved
Should I stay or should I go, runaway or continue holding on to the illusions
What would they say or do if I broke their hearts and created an array of confusion
If I runaway would they remember me as I was, or the coward I’d become
But if I stay I will never be the person I sense within and fade to stone
Or perhaps this alone is nothing more than another illusion I conceived
If I Die Tomorrow
Every passing moment in my life I find myself questioning why
I broke the only heart which loved me; I chased away my soul and can’t breathe
You threw the lifeline and I passed it by, now I’m drifting away further out to sea
You’ve become an echo, then a silent goodbye. Yet, there’s no one to blame but me
I pray that this is all one big dream, and I won’t wake to find darkness
Wipe me of my sins; please, be a dream. Because without you, I’m lifeless
If I die tomorrow will you still recall the time
I held you in my arms and we left all the pain behind
Will you cherish every moment and stand by my side
Will you cradle me in memory or blame me for the lies
Will your last words to me be your first and last goodbye
Will you forgive me or will you leave me here to die
If so, don’t look as I take a bullet to my head
Because the moment you’re gone I’m already dead
Every passing moment of my life I find myself questioning why
I deceived your trust and fell through; I chose to walk away and hurt you
You were my lifeline and I passed you by, now I’m sinking to the bottom of the sea
You’ve become an echo, then a silent goodbye. Yet, there’s no one to blame but me
I prayed this was all one big dream, and I wouldn’t wake to find darkness
I’d wipe my hands of sins; but it’s no dream. Now I’m without you and lifeless
If I die tomorrow will you still recall the time
I held you in my arms and we left all the pain behind
Will you cherish every moment and stand by my side
Will you cradle me in memory or blame me for the lies
Will your last words to me be your first and last goodbye
Will you forgive me or will you leave me here to die
If so, don’t look as I take a bullet to my head
Because the moment you’re gone I’m already dead
Every second spent with you felt like a lifetime of clarity
But I was walking blind, I was a fool, I did not see
And now I’m plagued by this mistake I can’t forget
Because of myself I walk forth alone in regret
In the end all I had was you…
Friendship
Through the good and the bad times I will always have your back
When you feel you’re falling behind I will guide you back on track
Through the laughter and the tears I will take you by my side
When you feel the world’s against you I will help you free your mind
And even though you won’t admit it I will never break you down
Despite the times we grew apart, from now on I’ll always be around
I’ll be your shadow
, be your conscience, I’ll be anything you need
I’ll be your shooting star and help you along the way as you succeed
And when your conscience speaks against you I will rise and see you through
I’ll embrace you in my arms and bring out the true beauty in you
Because the unseen future’s greater then the portraits of your past
Take my hand and understand you’re number one and not last
I’ve seen your sorrow, seen your scars, but most of all I’ve seen your heart
It’s time that we overcome these shadows always tearing you apart
Yeah, I stood there in the silence until you showed me what it means to survive
You’re my reason and conviction to step forth and never turn from a starless sky
The Memory
I held it close for so long,
I kept it sealed and it was wrong.
I should've shouted, called for guidance,
Instead of hiding in the silence.
It passed four years and was close to five,
and the memory was still alive.
The pain pulsed through me like a tide,
Till I could no longer take the ride.
The words spun in circles in my head,
So long did I wish I were dead.
But I broke the barrier, I let it out,
And it felt so good to scream and shout.
Though They Try
Though they try to say we don’t belong
Though they try to break our bonds so strong
Though they try to shake and break us down
Though they try we will not strain and frown
Though they try to blind us from the light
Though they try we dreamers all unite
And we’ll rise to prove our strength
Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers
And we’ll rise above the brink
Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers
Though they try to draw us from ourselves
Though they try to put us all through hell
Though they try to silence our voices
Though they try we know we’re innocent
Though they try to take our hopes and dreams
Though they try our dreams like stars will gleam
And we’ll rise to prove our strength
Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers
And we’ll rise above the brink
Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers
We all have a dream, a passion and a flame
Yet, there is always something in our way
But it’s time to raise your voice with pride
Yeah, it’s time to raise your voice with pride
And we’ll rise to prove our strength
Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers
And we’ll rise above the brink
Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers
Were You Still Here (Were I Gone)
It’s hard not to wonder what it would be like
To have you stand in my place and I in your grave
Would you feel as lost and alone and uncertain as I
Or would you take after mom and be brave
Would you run as I do overwhelmed by every choice
And every word that you’ve yet to say
Would you remain the joy of their lives or fall as I
Victim to the pain and from those around stray
Would you continue your dream to be a rapper
Or pull yourself down when you’re closest to victory
Would you fear to sleep, unknowing, if your nights
Dream be a nightmare of the night you lost me
Would you still spread your smile and love as before
Or would you reframe and dwell in sorrow
Were you still here and I gone, would you feel as I
And feel no strength or hope for a better tomorrow
Would our family be strong and united by your guidance
Or still be broken by sickness and abuse
Would there be any difference in your life, were you still here
And I gone, or would these same questions infuse
My Loss Alone
In the late hours of the night I found myself breaking
Back to the days when you and I were still standing
Side by side, nothing to break our hearts, nothing to break our love
Until I bled myself out with fragments of lies and secrets of
All of my heartaches and all of my scars beneath every breath
All of the reapers of my past came flowing through my tongue
And with all my fears I failed to open and shout “enough”
And with their lips of bane upon my wrist my death was sprung
Forth from the shadows I bellowed in terror and defeat
Struggling to catch my breath, let alone, speak
Values
Only you and yourself can determine what’s of more importance in life
Whether shadows are your friends or just figments of your own mind
Only you and yourself can determine who’s values are the most sincere
Whether the path you’re upon is meant to guide you forth or nowhere
Open your heart and look within your soul, deep down you know the truth
Pay them no mind; rise above and accept yourself
Open your mind and realize you don’t have to fight to show your strength
Pay them no mind; rise above and that says enough
Only you and yourself can determine which life you’ll forever embrace
Whether or not the choice was easy or far too hard to face
Only you and yourself can determine the time and place to leave your past
Whether or not the mistakes were of your own doing, simply laugh
Open your heart and look within your soul, deep down you know the truth
Pay them no mind; rise above and accept yourself
Open your mind and realize you don’t have to fight to show your strength
Pay them no mind; rise above and that says enough
There is no greater value then that of self-worth, no greater strength then that of your soul
There is no greater power than that of true love, no greater knowledge then what you know
Just be proud of yourself and what you shall become; resilient, brilliant men and women
Just become what you sense down in your core and share the true value of love to your children
Cracks In The Sidewalk
I thought I let it go, but here we are again
I thought I let it go, but it won’t seem to end
All these cracks in the sidewalk have me following the pain
I thought was lost in the memories of burning frames
Yet, here I stand searching through the silence for a friend
For a pastor or a saint, hoping this will all end
Cos’ the shadows still remain and they’re echoing a chain
Of past sorrows and regrets each calling out my name
Draining me from the light and everything I thought right
I guess I just lost sight and simply gave up on the fight
Holding On
I’ve been trying to find my place
Trying to find a familiar face
I’ve been walking forth alone
Searching for someone to hold
Someone who understands
Someone to take me by the hand
Cos’ my life is one big mess
And I’m too weak to handle this
Too weak to face the stress
Too weak to take those first steps
Cos’ I’m fading from the light
Fading like both day and night
Fading from all that is right
Fading from myself; out of sight
I’ve been pushed so far out to sea
So far out the only echo is me
The only echo
is the sound of my plea
The only echo is “come set me free”
Right then the fear began to cast
And drew my mind towards the past
Towards the hopes I once dreamt
Towards my rise and descent
Cos’ I can’t face all of this pain
And I can’t chase after the rain
I can’t turn back from this lane
I can’t but must or sin will remain
Cos’ this is my life and my time
My time to escape enemy lines
My time to take back what was mine
My time to let fates hands align
Cos’ someone has the key to my heart
The key to break all the shadows apart
The key to shine me away from the dark
The key to show chance; just a spark
I’ve been trying to find my place
Trying to find a familiar face
I know there is someone out there
But the sky of life is unclear
It’s like I’m chasing a ghost
It’s like my shadows the host
Cos’ I’m on the search for my soul
And I’m trying to let the past go
I’m trying to rise from the flow
I’m trying to break this echo
Cos’ I’m losing myself in this game
Losing my heart through the shame
Losing to a forgotten name
Losing myself in the wind like I’m grain
I’ve only got one chance to live
To be myself and to give
To escape the sins I relive
To look within myself and forgive
Right here and right now is the place
But I need a hand to help me replace
The wrongs in which I can’t unlace
Someone come set me free from disgrace
Cos’ I can’t face all of this pain
And I can’t chase after the rain
I can’t turn back from this lane
I can’t but must or sin will remain
Cos’ this is my life and my time
My time to escape enemy lines
My time to take back what was mine
My time to let fates hand align
Cos’ someone has the key to my heart
The key to break all the shadows apart
The key to shine me away from the dark
The key to show a chance; just a spark
My Life (Enough)
I used to take my life for granted cause no one knew how bad I had it
I used to break and slit my flesh thinking that everyone could care less
I used to cry and numb myself because I never searched or cried help
I was blinded by my fears until I finally reached twenty-one years
The world could take me as I am, if not I'm still going to be my own man
Cause we're only stronger than our flaws when we give freedom a call
I will not let my past hold me down; watch as I leave that pathetic clown
Cause I am tired of being ashamed, no longer will I be afraid
I finally realized that my weakness would soon become my strength in this
I listened to the voice in my heart and walked a new path as one fell apart
I finally had enough of the shame so I went forth with a whole new name
I came to believe in my dreams instead of wishing on a dead stars gleam
Cause no one dream will ever come true if you don't accept you for you
No, only you can prove the world wrong if you prove to yourself you are strong
Cause no one dream will ever come true if you don't accept you for you
No, only you can prove the world wrong if you prove to yourself you are strong
I was committed to the insanity and the pressure of all humanity
I was kept in the company of my shadow but It's time my family and friends know
I won't be drawn from my aspiration because this is my true life confession
I was bound inside by my past but it's time to make my happiness last
The world could take me as I am, if not I'm still going to be my own man
Cause we're only stronger than our flaws when we give freedom a call
I will not let my past hold me down; watch as I leave that pathetic clown
Cause I am tired of being ashamed, no longer will I be afraid
I finally realized that my weakness would soon become my strength in this
I listened to the voice in my heart and walked a new path as one fell apart
I finally had enough of the shame so I went forth with a whole new name
I came to believe in my dreams instead of wishing on a dead stars gleam
Cause no one dream will ever come true if you don't accept you for you
No, only you can prove the world wrong if you prove to yourself you are strong
Cause no one dream will ever come true if you don't accept you for you
No, only you can prove the world wrong if you prove to yourself you are strong
I guess this is where it gets real. I've shared