shouting. I first thought. at Mr. Kotes.
"Why did you do this? How can you be this
cruel? These children need a father. especially Noble.
What you couldn't provide, he could have provided.
You could have warned me. You could have. Arthur!" Arthur? She's talking to Daddy, I thought, and
hurried down the hallway.
I found her sitting on the chintz sofa, looking
out the window. She had her legs drawn up and under
her. Dressed only in her robe and slippers, she was
dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief. I quickly
looked about the room. but I didn't see Daddy's spirit
anywhere. Mommy turned slowly and looked at me.
She wasn't upset that I had gotten out of bed and come
down. She just stared at me and then shook her head
and looked out the window again. It was pitch-dark
outside. What was she looking at? I wondered and
drew closer.
"Why were you shouting. Mommy?" I asked. She sighed deeply and nodded her head. Then
she took a deep breath and turned to me.
"There has been a terrible, terrible accident,"
she said. "On his way home from here tonight. Mr.
Kotes was hit head-on by a pickup truck driven by
drunken teenage boys. Nothing much happened to
them. They were too drunk to even realize what they
did," she added.
"Mr. Kotes?" I said.
"Yes. He's dead. That was his sister who called.
She was hysterical. She blamed it on me because he
was here, because he was with me. She called me all
sorts of terrible names."
"He's dead?"
"He's dead!" she screamed. "Are you deaf?
Dead!" She paused and then took a deep breath.
"Maybe it really is my fault. I don't know..,'
"Why, Mommy?"
"I shouldn't have encouraged him," she said
softly. "I should have known they wouldn't like it. It's
why they stayed away." She stared at the floor and
then she looked at inc. "Go on back to bed. Celeste." "Did you see Daddy? Was that who you were
yelling at?" I asked.
"Go back to bed!" she said. "Just go back to
bed."
She turned away from me and scrunched up on
the chintz sofa. She suddenly looked so small, as if
she was a little girl herself. I wanted to go to her and
put my arms around her. but I was afraid. The house
was so dark and silent, but her screams still echoed in
my ears.
Mr. Kotes was dead?
But he was just here. We were all singing and
playing together!
I walked up the stairs slowly. Tired and groggy.
I returned to bed, and after looking over at Noble,
who was still in a deep sleep. I closed my eyes. The
last thing I thought about was Mr. Kotes's face when
he was singing "Happy Birthday" to us.
I woke in the morning when Noble did. He was
moving quickly and making lots of noise because he
was anxious to get up and dressed and back to his
electric train.
"When Mr. Kotes comes back, he might bring
more cars and bridges and little people and houses. He
thinks we could build a whole city," he told me
excitedly.
I rubbed my eyes and sat up. He already had his
hair brushed and was buttoning his shirt on the way
out.
"Mr. Kotes isn't coming back. Noble," I told
him. "He's never coming back.'"
"Why not?" he asked from the doorway. "He was in a terrible accident last night, and he
was killed." I reported. Mommy hadn't told me not to
tell him.
"What? You're lying," he spit at me. "You're a
big, fat, stupid liar!"
"No. I'm not. Noble."
He stood there a moment, and then he went out
and slammed the door. I heard him charging down the
stairway. Mommy's voice was muffled, but the tone
was not hard to feel. I rose, washed, and dressed.
When I descended the stairs. I found Noble at the
table, sulking over his bowl of oatmeal. Mommy was
standing by the window, looking out, her back to us.
She was in the same black dress she had worn for
Daddy's funeral.
Noble raised his eyes slowly and looked at me,
but he didn't say anything. He looked very angry, "It's not my fault." I muttered.
Mommy turned slowly and looked at me a moment and then back out the window. I poured myself some juice, put a piece of bread in the toaster, and stirred some oatmeal into a bowl for myself. When I returned to the table. Noble was sitting back, his arms so tightly embracing himself that he looked
like he was pushing all his blood into his face. "Mommy won't let me play with my trains," he
complained. "She wants me to take it all apart and put
it back into the box."
"You help him. Celeste," Mommy added, still
looking out the window.
I didn't say anything. but I. too, wondered why
we had to do that. Noble just glared ahead.
"I'm not," he said finally.
Mommy turned slowly.
If you don't. I will scoop it all up and throw it
all into the garbage," she threatened.
"Why do I have to?" he whined.
"Because I told you to," she said. "That should
be enough reason. This is a house in mourning. We
don't simply go on as though nothing terrible has
happened."
"Something terrible is always happening,"
Noble muttered. He rose from his seat and ran out of
the room. We heard the front door opening and
closing,
"Noble!" Mommy screamed after him. I froze,
afraid to eat another bite.
"Go after him." she ordered. "See that he
doesn't do anything stupid. I don't want him too far
from the house today. And don't you dare go into to
the woods. Celeste."
She looked out the window again.
"They're hovering out there like mosquitoes
against the windowpane."
"Who. Mommy?"
She shook her head slowly.
"The spirits," she whispered. "Evil spirits." When I stood up. I felt my whole body
trembling. How close were the spirits? Would I be
able to see them?
"Go on," she said. "Quickly."
I walked to the door, hesitated, and then went
outside. I couldn't see Noble anywhere, and that
frightened me for a moment. What if he had already
run into the woods? What if the evil spirits had
already gotten him?
"Noble." I shouted, "Where are you?" I went around the house, looked up at the old
graves, and then walked to the barn. All during the time I was searching for him, he was sitting up in his favorite tree, the old maple off to the right, just watching me grow more and more frantic. When I
finally saw him. I screamed at him.
"Why didn't you answer me! Mommy wants
you to stay close to the house. She won't want you up
there. Come down this minute. Noble!"
"No," he said defiantly. "I'm not coming down
until she lets me play with my trains."
"Noble, come down."
To demonstrate his firmness, he climbed a little
higher and sat on a thinner branch. All I could think
was, an evil spirit would swoop down and push him
off. My heart thumped.
"Please come down," I begged, tears filling my
eyes. play anything else you want to play. I'll obey the
moat. We'll fight dragons, anything?"
"No. I want to play with my trains," he insisted.
"Ill never come down until she lets me."
"Noble! Please."
He turned away from me.
"I'm telling Mommy," I said and ran back to the
house.
Mommy was in the kitchen, cleaning up the
breakfast dishes and pouring out the rest of the oatmeal. I had forgotten my piece of toast. It was burned. She looked at me and threw it into the
garbage.
"Where's your brother? Didn't I tell you to stay
with him?"
"He climbed up in his tree, and he says he's not
coming down until you let him play with his trains." I
rattled off quickly. "He's even climbed higher than
ever."
Mommy's eyes widened.. She dropped what
was in her hands and rushed past me to the front door.
I followed her out of the house.
"Noble Atwell, you come right down here."
Mommy screamed up at him. "This instant." "Will you let me play with my trains?" "You will not play with those trains today. You
will not play with them ever again if you don't come
down this instant," she added.
Even I was surprised at how defiant Noble
could be. Instead of obeying, he turned and reached
for a higher branch.
"Noble Atwell!" Mommy shouted.
He grabbed the branch and started to pull
himself up, but the branch snapped. For an instant it
was as if the whole world had gone into stop-action, been put on pause. The realization that he was without any support and had lost his balance flashed on
Noble's face in bright astonishment.
Mommy screamed.
He flailed about as if he thought he might be
able to fly his way out of danger, and then he fell from
the tree in a swift, graceful drop like someone who
had concluded there was nothing else to do but relax
and face the music. He was high enough up so that
when his left foot hit first, it twisted sharply. He hit
next on his buttocks and then rolled head over heels to
stop on his stomach.
When he hit the ground. I was sure I felt the
thump in my own body as well. Almost immediately,
he let out a wail of pain that sent birds loitering on
nearby trees shooting into the air. Mommy caught her
breath and then ran to him. He was crying hard. His
forehead was bleeding where he had scraped it rolling
over, but his leg was twisted in a strange angle.
Mommy fell quickly to her knees beside him and
gently turned him onto his back.
I couldn't move. My heart seemed to have
fallen into my stomach. It took me a few moments to
realize I was sobbing profusely. The thick tears were
already dripping off my chin. Noble was screaming in pain with such effort, his face was bright red and his screams rose to a shrillness that made them inaudible.
It was as if I was watching it all in a silent movie. Mommy carefully rolled up his pants. and I saw
the way his lower leg bone was pressing against his
skin, threatening to tear it open any moment. Without
hesitation, remaining remarkably cool. Mommy
pressed on the leg bone and put it back into place.
Noble was in such pain at that moment, his eyes went
back in his head and he passed out.
I thought he had died.
My own heart stopped.
"Is he dead. Mommy?" I somehow managed
when she rose to her feet.
She looked at me. and I saw there wasn't even a
tear in her eyes.
"Nay she said. "He's better off for the moment.
Don't let him move until I get back," she ordered,
"Come here!" she screamed at me when I hadn't
walked a step toward Noble. "Sit next to him and
don't let him move this leg if he wakes up before I
return. Celeste."
I hurried to his side.
"Keep him calm," she ordered. I had no idea
how, but I took his hand into mine and sat while she went off toward the barn. Noble was just starting to groan and move his head from side to side when she returned with two pieces of wood slabs. I saw she also
had some tape.
"Mommy." Noble muttered.
"Just stay still, Noble, completely still. You've
broken your leg," she said.
He looked up at her. dazed.
"Someone pushed me," he said, and she stopped
working. "I could feel it," he muttered and closed his
eyes. "Someone pushed me."
Mommy looked at me for a moment, the
expression on her face confusing. She looked like she
wanted me to explain. I bit down softly on my lower
lips and shook my head. I didn't know what he was
talking about. I hadn't seen anything.
"Go into the house and get the antiseptic I use
on your cuts and bruises. Celeste. I want a wet cloth
with soap. too. Go on," she ordered. and I jumped up
quickly and ran into the house.
By the time I returned, she had the splint on
Noble's leg firmly put together. She took the cloth and
soap and washed off his forehead scrape, and then she
applied the antiseptic. Noble continued to cry, his
whole body shaking with sobs. Mommy slipped her arms under him and then, with great effort, lifted him as she stood. He let his head roll against her breast and closed his eyes as she carried him toward the
house.
"Will he be all right?" I asked, following. "Get the door for me." she said in return. I
hurried ahead and opened it.
I stood back and watched her carry him up the
stairs to our room. She told me to pull his blanket
back, and she set him softly onto his bed. After she
began to undress him, she sent me for a pair of
scissors and used them to cut his pants leg so that she
could slip his pants off. After that she put pillows
under his broken leg.
Im going to let an ice pack and something for
him to take so he can sleep for a while," she said.
"Stay with him and just keep him calm and still," she
told me.
Noble groaned. His face was streaked with
charcoal channels his tears had drawn over his cheeks
and down his chin. I took the washcloth and very
lightly wiped them away.
He kept his eyes on me. I thought he looked
half asleep already,. Before I spoke. I looked back at
the doorway to be sure Mommy hadn't returned. "You didn't really feel someone push you up in
the tree, did you. Noble?"
"Yes." he said.
Mommy returned with the ice pack. a glass of
water, and one of her herbal drinks. She gave it him
and made swallow it.
"I want you to sleep for a while. Noble." "It hurts." he complained.
"I know it hurts, and it will hurt for quite a
while. Celeste will stay with you and keep this ice
pack on your leg. She will get you what you need,"
she added.
She put my hand around the ice pack. "Keep it an as long as you can. When he
compl
ains it's getting too cold, take it off for a while
and then put it back on. understand?"
I nodded.
"Doesn't he have to go to the hospital.
Mommy?" I asked her when she stood up and started
for the door.
She turned to me slowly.
"No," she said. "They won't do anything mare
than what I have done and will do."
Will he be all right?"
"I don't know. Will he?" she shot back at me. I
couldn't understand why.
I scrunched my eyebrows. Why did she think I
knew the answer?
She stared at me a moment, and then she
walked out of our room. Noble groaned.
"It hurts. Celeste. It hurts so much," he said.
"More than splinters or cuts, more than anything." I looked at the empty doorway, and then I
returned to him and held the ice pack on his leg. I
stroked his arm softly.
"I know it hurts. I'm sorry it hurts. Noble." "Why doesn't Mommy stop it from hurting?" he
asked me.
She did. She gave you something. This ice pack
will help. too. It will all help you soon." I said. He closed his eyes and whimpered. I looked at
his lea. It was black and blue around where the bone
had protruded. I thought it looked horrible. He should
be in a hospital. I concluded. Maybe Mommy will
realize it soon and take him.
"I. . . want... to play with... my trains." Noble
whispered, and then he fell asleep.
The ice pack melted. and I grew stiff sitting
there and hardly moving. I kept wondering where
Mommy had gone. Why wasn't she coming back quickly to see how Noble was? Suddenly, I heard a loud engine sound and rose slowly to look out the window. I didn't see anything, but the sound became louder. I thought for a moment. A memory returned of
Daddy in the woods getting us firewood.
Curious now. I headed downstairs and went to
the front door. The moment I stepped out. I stopped. It
was such a shocking thing to see. Mommy had
Daddy's chain saw, and she was cutting at the tree
from which Noble had fallen. It was a good-size
maple tree and a beautiful tree. I didn't understand
why she was doing it, but even more difficult to
understand was how she was able to hold that saw and
work like a man.
She didn't see me standing nearby, and she
couldn't hear me calling to her above the chain saw
engine. Finally, she caught sight of me when she
stopped to rest a moment.
"Why are you out here?"
"I heard the noise and wanted to see what you
were doing, Mommy. Noble's fast asleep and the ice