She looked up at us, the anger in her face so strong, it thinned her lips and put small dots of white in the corners.
"I have to bring you to the school," she said. "for a meeting with the superintendent and for you two to take a test. Even though I am a certified New York State teacher, the superintendent again insists on one of his staff administering the test. I won't be objective or honest, I suppose," she added through the side of her mouth.
"Are we going to go to school from now on?" Noble asked, even more excited.
"No," she said firmly. "but we have to follow the regulations of the New York State Commissioner of Education." she said, making it sound like regulations issued by the devil. She picked up the letter and read. " to comply with section 100.10.' I just love the way they try to fit everyone into a little box that they desire.'' she added.
She stood up. holding the letter almost at arm's length as if it could somehow contaminate her.
" 'Dear Mrs. Atwell,' " she read. " 'Perhaps it has been an oversight on your part, but the
superintendent wishes to inform you that you are required to provide written notice to the
superintendent by July First of each school year of your intention to educate your children at home. As of this date, we do not have any such notice on record, nor do we have your required IHIP, your
individualized home instruction plan for your two children.'
"I just love the way they make sure to include things really meant to be threats, to intimidate people." She continued, wagging her head after each sentence she read. " 'Be aware that students instructed at home are not awarded a high school diploma. A high school diploma may only be awarded to a student enrolled in a registered secondary school who has completed all the programs required by the Regents, the school, or the district.'
"Little boxes," she spit.
She continued to read as I set out the bowls for our cereal and Noble got the cereal from the panty, both of us moving as quietly as mice in the shadow of her anger.
" 'Home-instructed students are not eligible to participate in interscholastic sports. Districts are not required to loan textbooks to home-instructed students,'
" Primary responsibility for determining compliance with Section 100.10 rests with the superintendent of schools of the school district.' As if he really cares about you two," she added and crumpled the letter in her hands.
Noble's face was full of confusion. I could see he was disappointed, too.
"I want to go to school," he dared say. "I want to play baseball."
"You're not ready," Mommy said. "and you can play baseball here with Celeste,"
"She can't play baseball, and you need more people," he insisted.
"Noble!"
Mommy leaned over and slapped her palm on the table, and we both felt our insides jump.
"I have enough to do without your whining today. I want you both to eat your breakfast and then go back upstairs and put on your Sunday clothes."
She called our nice clothes that even though we never went to church. It was what her mother and her mother before her had called their best clothing.
"I'll be up to brush your hair properly, Noble," she added.
Noble hated Sunday clothes because he couldn't get them dirty, and he always complained that his Sunday shirt collars irritated his neck.
"Eat, get dressed, and well go." she concluded. "I have some forms to fill out quickly," she added and left us.
"I want to go to school," Noble muttered after he began to eat his cereal.
"We'll go when Mommy tells us to go," I told him. He glared at me.
"You don't want to go, so you don't care. Celeste."
"That's not true. I do."
"No, you don't," he said with eyes narrowed in accusation. "You're happy with your spirits. I want friends."
I shook my head.
"No. Noble, you're wrong."
He grimaced and continued to tat, still mumbling complaints about putting on his Sunday clothes. Afterward, he was at least happy about going for a ride. Mommy let him sit up front, and he sat with his face against the window, looking at everything.
"Stop gaping at people," Mommy ordered. "It's not polite, and you look like a refugee."
"-What's a ref --"
"Never mind what it is. Stop gaping!" she yelled, and he sat back unhappily. Neither of us could remember seeing her so upset about taking us somewhere.
I was quiet in the rear. It wasn't that I was uninterested in everything. I was probably as excited inside as Noble was about going for a ride and seeing other houses, stores, traffic, and people. but I knew how much Mommy wanted us to love our home and our world.
What really surprised me, however, was seeing Mr. Kotes waiting for us at the school parking lot when we pulled up. We didn't actually see him until we were parked. Both Noble and I were fascinated by the sight of dozens of children our age or a little older out in the play area. Their screams and laughter were like music we never heard. Even I was pressing my face to the window now.
Mommy stopped the car and turned off the engine. Mr. Kotes approached us quickly.
"I've already put in a call for you. Sarah. I don't expect you'll have any great difficulty. but I thought I'd come around just in case you needed something."
"Thank you. Taylor," she said, getting out of the car. She opened the rear door for me. Noble had already hopped out and was looking at the children. He looked poised to run to the play area if someone would just beckon. "Noble," Mommy snapped. "Come on."
He looked back longingly at the children and then joined us. Mr. Kotes walked with us into the building.
"It's down left" he said. nodding.
"Yes. I remember," Mommy told him. She held my hand and Noble's and marched us to the superintendent's office. Mr. Kotes remained with us. I looked back at him, and he smiled. but I didn't understand why he was with us.
The superintendent's secretary put the phone down just as we entered the office and turned our way.
"Mrs. Atwell?" she said. smiling.
"Yes," Mommy said. She glanced at Taylor. "Hello, Mr. Kotes."
He simply nodded and looked stern.
"I'll let Dr. Camfield know you're here," the secretary said and buzzed the superintendent.
Noble's eyes were everywhere. He couldn't drink in machines, plaques, and other personnel fast enough.
"Stop gawking at everything," Mommy muttered, shaking his hand and his arm hard. He quickly lowered his eyes.
"Please go right in. Mrs. Atwell," the secretary said. She smiled at me. but I didn't smile back. I sensed that for Mommy this was not friendly ground, and therefore I was on guard against everything and everyone.
Mr. Kotes did not follow us in. Mommy glanced back at him, and he whispered that he'd be waiting if she needed him. We entered the office. It was darkly paneled with a very big dark wood desk. Mr. Camfield stood up and came around his desk to shake Mommy's hand and greet her.
He was a tall man, as tall as Mr. Kotes, with hair that was as ebony as Daddy's. He wore a light brown suit and was a handsome man with a strong, firm mouth, firm jaw, and two very dark brown eyes. He smiled at Noble and me and stood back as if to admire us from a distance.
"Good-looking children," he said.
"I got your letter. Dr. Camfield. You might have been told that I lost my husband just a little less than a year ago and that I."
"Yes, yes, please, sit," he said, indicating the sofa to the side. There was a chair across from it with arms made of the same wood as the desk.
Mommy tugged us both to the sofa and sat.
"I must admit I didn't know about your personal problems. Mrs. Atwell. It's difficult enough for me to know about the family matters concerning the students who actually attend the school," he began.
Mommy didn't look like she cared. She reached into her soft briefcase and pulled out a folder.
"These are the IHIP's you demand."
"I don't demand them. Mrs. Atwell.
The state demands them," he said softly, holding that smile around his eyes.
"Yes, well, here they are," she said and dropped them on the coffee table.
He glanced at them and nodded.
"Fine. Ill look them over and get right back to you," he said.
"And here is my letter of notification. As I said. I was concerned with many, many other matters this year, and this just slipped past me."
"I understand fully, Mrs. Atwell, Please accept my belated condolences as to that." he added.
That? I thought. Was that supposed to be Daddy's death?
"I'd like to get the testing done as quickly as possible." Mommy responded without saying thankyou.
"I have everything set up for the children. Mr. Katzman is waiting for you in Room 32. My secretary, Mrs. Donald, will show you and the children to the room."
"I could have just as easily administered the tests at home," Mommy muttered.
"Oh. I know, but this way we alleviate any possible conflicts of interest and avoid anything unpleasant," he said.
He was being so nice. I had to wonder why Mommy had come with such an angry face. Despite his smile and his soft, understanding voice, she still didn't relax or smile.
"If that's all, then, well go right to Room 32," she told him.
"Well. I don't want to seem like a salesman or anything," Dr. Camfield said, not making any attempt to rise. "but while the children are being tested. I could arrange for you to meet some of our teaching personnel so you could see for yourself what sort of instruction they would be getting here, and you might even consider applying for a position yourself. Were always looking for excellent teachers. and--"
"You have all the required information in that folder," Mommy snapped at him. "I don't need any tours of any schools. and I have no interest in returning to public school teaching," she added. making "public" sound dirty.
His smile hardened, but he held onto it like someone who knew it was slipping away quickly. He rose. and Mommy stood up and urged us to stand as well.
"Thank you for coming by, then," Dr. Camfield said.
Mommy marched us out. and Dr. Camfield followed to the doorway.
"Mrs. Donald, if you would please escort Mrs. Atwell and her children to Room 32."
"Yes, of course," she said rising, "Right this way. Mrs. Atwell,"
"Good luck. children," Dr. Camfield called to us. Mommy spun on him.
"Luck? It's a matter of good instruction, dedication to the priorities, not luck," she said. "In public school these days, its all luck."
He finally lost his smile.
Mr. Kotes quickly came down the hallway when we left the office.
"Well?" he asked Mommy.
"It s fine," she said. "Thank you. Taylor." She reached for his hand, and he smiled.
"I'll wait for you outside and take you for coffee while they take the test," he offered.
"Thank you," she said, and we continued down the hallway behind Mrs. Donald.
My mind was reeling,
"Why did you thank Mr. Kotes, Mommy?" I asked her. She leaned down as we walked,
"He's on the board of education for the school. He's Dr. Camfield's boss," she said and stood up, smiling triumphantly.
My heart thumped.
It was the first time Mommy was so happy about another man beside Daddy doing something for us.
More important, it was the first time she needed another man, the first time the spirits weren't enough.
All I could think was Daddy wouldn't be very happy about it, and maybe, maybe he wouldn't come around again.
5
A Magnifying Glass
.
The tests weren't difficult for us. Even Noble,
who hated sitting that long, didn't struggle with anything. He loved being at a real school desk, and every once in a while he looked up and around the room, studying the charts and posters and pictures on the bulletin boards. He smiled at me. His face was full of excitement and happiness. I was just as excited and as happy, but I was afraid to show it.
While we were taking the test, a bell rang and students came pouring into the building from outside and hurrying down the hallway. Even with the door to our room closed, we could hear their charged-up voices, their laughter and footsteps.
There was a small window next to the door so we could see them passing. Another bell rang and it grew quiet once again.
Noble flashed me a look of disappointment, and then he returned to his test paper. I did the same. Mommy appeared at the doorway to the room just a little while after we were finished.
"Right on time," Mr. Katzman said and collected our test booklets. "We should have the results for you tomorrow," he added. Mommy said nothing. She didn't even thank him. She gathered us up and led us out of the room. She marched us through the school very quickly, practically dragging Noble along because he slowed down to look at everything. It wasn't until we were outside that she asked about the exams. Although she asked us both, she looked to me for the answer.
"It was easy. I knew everything on it." I said. "Me, too." Noble said. "Does that mean we can go to this school soon?"
"Soon." Mommy said, but not with any real assurance. Even Noble heard the hollowness in her voice and looked away with disappointment.
As we drove out, he stared at the school grounds like someone who wanted to remember it until the day he died. When it was gone from sight, sadness draped over his face like a shadow. For the first time in a long time. I actually felt sorrier for him than I did for myself. He needed to be here more than I did, I thought, although a secret part of me wished Mommy had given in and had decided to let us attend the school. I even wished she had gone back to being a teacher.
"We're having a guest for dinner tonight," she said when we were almost home.
"Who?" Noble asked quickly.
"Mr. Kotes," she replied.
"Why?"
"He did me a favor today," she said and looked into the rearview mirror quickly to see my expression. I couldn't help showing surprise. We hadn't had a guest for dinner for well over a year, one of Daddy's business associates whom Noble and I found boring. But this was going to be different. I recognized. This was going to be a lot different.
As always when Mr. Kotes came to our house, he brought gifts. He brought Mommy flowers, a bouquet of blazing red roses that put a blush into her cheeks that I hadn't seen there since Daddy had died.
"I understand you're quite the little reader. Celeste," he told me and handed me a book. "I thought you might like that."
I turned it around in my hands and read the title. Alice in Wonderland. Immediately I looked up at Mommy to see if she approved or disapproved.
"That's fine," she said. "Celeste should know what fantasy is and what it isn't. Perhaps well read it to Noble as well," she added pointedly.
"I hope you don't mind me bringing the children more things," Mr. Kotes continued, and gave Noble something wrapped in brown paper. He took it very gingerly, his eyes more on Mommy. She gave a slight nod, and then he practically seized it, tearing off the paper to reveal a box that contained a large magnifying glass. Noble's eyes brightened,
"I know you like looking at insects." Mr. Kotes said. "That will help you see them better."
It wasn't hard to tell that Noble was just itching to get outside and try it out.
We have a little time before dinner." Mommy said. "You can go see how it works." she told him. "You go. too. Celeste."
"But don't you need help with the dinner. Mommy?" I asked. I always felt closer to her when I worked beside her in the kitchen.
"No. Im fine. Go on." she ordered. We started for the door.
"You two should say thank you to Mr. Kotes, don't you think?" she called to us.
"Thank you. Mr. Kotes." we recited
simultaneously. He laughed.
"They're sure a pair of twins," he remarked. "A perfect pair."
Mommy nodded.
"Yes, they are," she said. "G
o on. I'll call you," she said when I lingered in the doorway, Although Noble was intrigued with his gift and the possibilities it presented. I couldn't help but wonder what made these presents different from all the others people had given us, even the ones Mr. Kotes had given us. What made it all right to accept them now? Was it just the passing of time?
Noble rushed out, heading for his precious anthill. I hovered about the front windows, Was Daddy in there. too? I wondered. Would Mommy tell Mr. Kotes if he were? How much did he know about the spirits? Did he believe in them? Could he see any or hear any?
"Come here. Celeste," Noble called, "Look at this. It's terrific. You can see their eves better. Come on."
I plodded up to him and looked through his magnifying glass.
"We probably look like monsters to them through this glass." I remarked.
"Really?" The idea intrigued him. He turned it on me and pretended to be frightened. Then he turned and looked out at the meadow through the magnifying glass,
"What are you doing?" I asked him. You can't see anything better that way.''
"I wondered if I could see spirits with it," he said.
"Don't you listen to what Mommy and I have told you? You can't see them until they want you to see them or until you do what you have to do to focus on them. A magnifying glass won't help. Don't be stupid."
"You're stupid," he countered. Then he looked at the magnifying glass and looked at the house.
"He better not sit in Daddy's chair," he said an oily.
I looked at the house. too. Funny how such a possibility occurred to Noble, but not to me. I thought. Both of us stood there, side by side. and I thought Mommy was right. I do feel the way Noble feels when he feels something very strongly. I have the same rage burning in me. I wasn't sure why, but it was there, at least for the moment.
He threw down the magnifying glass. Then he ran toward his favorite tree.
"You better not get dirty," I called to him. "Mommy's calling us to go in for dinner any minute."
He pulled himself up on a branch and sat in his tree, glaring at the house. I returned to the porch and hovered about the window. I could hear their muffled voices within, and then I heard a sound I hadn't heard for a very long time.
It was the sound of Mommy's laughter. It was so strange to my ears. I thought it might be someone else for a moment. Mr. Kotes laughed, too. Mommy put on some music, and they laughed again. When I looked through the opening in the curtain. I could see that he had his arm around her waist, and he was showing her some dance step. Mommy threw her hands up in despair after a few tries, but he seized her arm and brought her back to him to try again.