He grinned in amusement, making his eyes light up. “Stubborn as ever. ”
“Back at ya. Becca’s coming too. ”
He nodded. “Wait. Do you want to start getting ready?” He looked at his watch, and I knew what was coming. “There’s only five hours until we need to leave,” he teased.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t take that long and you know it. ”
“I’m so proud of you. ” What? Where did that come from? Complete change of subject. “You’re dealing with all this so well. Better than any of us. ” Do I have another choice? I didn’t want to let him ruin my life. Deep down, I knew I was dealing with it too well. I had the number of a good therapist on a leaflet sent home with me from hospital. I was just enjoying being okay right now.
“I think I’m gonna have a bath before tonight. ”
Lewis frowned. “Okay. Everything all right?”
“Yes, Lewis. ” If I had a pound for every time someone asked me if I was fine, I would be a billionaire right now.
He reluctantly nodded and unwound his arms from around me. I looked back at him as I walked out. He looked worried, as usual. I still couldn’t believe he spent every day looking for me.
While I was down there, he had been in the house. I wished I had known that at the time, just to know I was so close to him again. That didn’t matter anymore because we were together now and I was back to normal—whatever normal was going to be.
I locked the bathroom door and looked in the mirror. I felt like two people. Lily was the one that was hurt and abused; Summer was the person I went back to. Clover had done that at least, made me disconnect from what happened by giving me a false name. How long would it be before Summer and Lily collided?
Clover was now locked up in a secure psychiatric unit. I wondered how he felt being locked up, if he felt scared and suffocated the way I had. I hoped so. At least he would get whatever help he needed to sort out his screwed-up head. At first I was pissed off that he wasn’t going to stand trial—because he’s not mentally stable to stand trial, no shock there—but as long as he was locked away and couldn’t hurt anyone else, I could accept it.
***
Lewis squeezed my hand as we drove past the park toward Ethan’s. My stomach tightened as I glanced over to where Clover had kidnapped me from. My blood ran cold as I remembered him calling me Lily for the first time and dragging me to his van. I squeezed my eyes closed. Don’t think about it.
“Are you sure about this?” Lewis asked and pulled the car into Ethan’s driveway.
“Yep. Let’s go. ” I was sure, but I was also nervous about seeing everyone again. Henry followed behind with Becca. He kept close to her and she seemed to be happy.
Kerri sprinted out of the house and ripped open my door. “Summer!” she gasped and yanked me toward her. I smiled and hugged her back as I was pulled into one of her tight, lung-crushing bear hugs. I had really missed those bone-crushing Kerri cuddles.
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“Hi,” I said, gasping for breath.
She pushed me away at arm’s length and grinned. “I’m so glad you came. I wasn’t sure if you were going to. ” Kerri and I had spoken twice since I got back, but we’d texted almost every day.
“I wasn’t sure until a few hours ago. Is Rachel here?”
“Yeah, she’s inside. You’re not mad at her, are you?”
“No. You know I’m not. ” Why couldn’t people believe that I really wasn’t angry with anyone but Clover? No one had a crystal ball and saw what was coming. “Let’s go in. It’s freezing. ”
I walked in the house after Kerri. Lewis trailed behind me as usual. I held my breath as Ethan, Beth, Rachel, and Jack looked up at me. “Hi,” I muttered nervously.
Ethan held a bottle of Malibu up. “Thirsty?” And just like that, I had my friends back.
***
“Think we can talk?” I asked Rachel. We had been sitting in the living room drinking and eating junk for half an hour, and I really wanted to sort things out with Rach. She had been quiet, rarely making eye contact with me.
“Okay,” she replied. “Kitchen?”
We walked next to each other awkwardly. I bit my lip and sat down at the breakfast bar. “Summer, I am so sorry—”
I held my hand up. “Rachel, stop. I don’t want you to apologize. ” I didn’t want anyone to. “It wasn’t your fault, so please, please don’t say you’re sorry. I just want us be okay. ” God, I felt like a parrot, repeating the same thing over and over.
Her mouth dropped open. “But how? After what happened to you, what he did to you… If it wasn’t for me, you would have never been there…”
“There are too many what-ifs. It happened, and it was all him. Okay?” Tears welled up in her eyes and I felt my heart squeeze. Great, we were going to cry! “Don’t cry ’cause I will too. ”
She wiped her eyes. “I can’t help it. Are you okay, though?”
Yes and no. “I will be. ”
“Are you seeing anyone about what happened?”
“No, but I think I will soon. ”
She nodded. “I think that would be a good idea. ”
“Deep down, so do I, but I want a little bit longer living in denial. ”
“Denial is popular. ”
I smiled and leaned over the breakfast bar. “Totally get why. Shall we go back in there?” Becca had Henry, and they were in their own little world, chatting to each other, but I didn’t want to leave her alone too long. For me as well as her.
“Sure. We’re fine, right?”
I nodded and slipped off the stool. “Totally fine,” I replied and gave her a sideways hug as we walked back to the living room.
Sunday, April 10th (Present)
I walked downstairs when I heard Lewis’s voice. He had barely left my side since I got back, but last night I made him stay at his house. I was a big girl, and although I didn’t like sleeping on my own, I had to. Things were a little more normal. Well, on the outside anyway. Everyone still stepped on eggshells around me, but it wasn’t as bad now. I managed to get a minute to pee in peace before someone came looking for me.
Lewis beamed as he saw me and my heart skipped a beat. I still felt the same for him, but something had changed. Me. I had changed and I was no longer the girl he fell for. He told me that didn’t matter to him; he loved me just as much now as he did before, more even, apparently. We were trying, and as long as he was in, so was I.
“Hi,” he said and wrapped his arms around my back, burying his face in my hair. He kissed the side of my neck. It was more intimate than usual, and although he said he’d wait as long as I needed and even be celibate for the rest of our lives—which was ridiculous because what guy would do that—I felt guilty for not wanting to be with him.
“Hi. See? I made it,” I teased. I didn’t know what he thought was going to happen to me in the night if he wasn’t there. I slept—that was it.
He cocked his head to the side and his light eyes danced with humor. “Glad to hear it. You didn’t miss me, then?”
“Did I miss someone’s elbow digging in my side, you mean? Hmm, no I bloody didn’t. ”
“Thanks. I feel so special,” he replied sarcastically.
I grinned. This was so normal—how we used to act around each other. “Anyway, outside. ”
He frowned, bemused. “You wanna fight?”
“No, idiot. Bar-be-cue,” I said slowly.
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“In April?”
I shrugged. “It’s warm, and Dad has a lot of steak. ” Did you even need a reason to barbecue anyway? I liked being outside after being trapped underground for seven and a half months. At first it almost hurt; my eyes stung and I felt too exposed, but now I couldn’t get enough of the freedom—although I didn’t ever want to be alone and outside.
“Fair enough. ”
“I spoke to Michae
l today. ”
Lewis stilled, frowning. “What did he say? Was it about that fucker?”
That fucker was all Lewis would call Clover or Colin, whatever you wanted to call the freak. “Yes,” I whispered and continued, ignoring his less than amused expression, “apparently he’s responding well to treatment. ”
“Hmm. ” It was almost a growl. “You believe that?”
“I believe his doctors believe that. ” Clover was intelligent and a master at acting normal. I had no doubt that he could pull the wool over his doctors’ eyes. It wouldn’t help him much, though; he wasn’t ever going to be released.
“You okay? You know no matter what happens, he’ll never get near you again, right?”
“Of course,” I replied, lying.
I smiled and turned to walk outside. Lewis followed, gripping my hand tight as if he wasn’t sure if anyone would be able to help me if Clover got out. I had no doubt that if he managed to escape or was released, he would want us back. To him, we were family, and he proved every time he kidnapped or killed just how far he would go for his family.
For now I wasn’t going to worry, though. For now I was going to eat steak with the people I loved and enjoy the warm April afternoon, and for a while, I wouldn’t have to pretend to be okay.
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